Musings (and other mind games)
Yes, this used to be my humor page. I found out I'm not that funny!
Instead I am using this as a forum to pass on whatever comes to mind. Part diary, part diatribe, part damn foolishness. I hope you find this interesting.
Did you ever see something over and over and then one day you finally find it funny? This morning I was driving to work when I spotted the following bumper sticker in the back window of a black truck.
"I just got a gun for my wife...and I think it's a pretty good trade!"
I thought to myself - Well, at least the fool knows when the gun is going to go off!
Speaking of bumper stickers - do people even look before they put a new one on?
These were actually spotted on vehicles roaming our great land:
- My son beat up your honor student and Give peace a chance
- Pro Choice and Don't blame me...I didn't vote
Isn't bad pun redundant!?
What's with one way signs? How many ways do they expect you to be going?
What kind of an accent would a jewish redneck have?
19Feb99: The vet's happy. All three pets got inoculated this week. Suede's over 15 lbs. and still growing, Bela's still got an attitude, and Camille is still slightly overweight but healthy. Suede thinks he's Marmaduke and has claimed the loveseat as her territory. We'll see how far that goes! At least I won a hangman on "moviething.com" this morning. Life is good.
21Feb99: Well - added a guestbook to the web page today. If you missed it, you didn't go far enough down the page. We went over to Uncle Dick's last night for his 64th birthday. Lauretta made sub sandwiches which were delicious. Fun time but today is what I'm looking forward to...i get to watch my first NASCAR race of the season in it's entirety.
25Feb99: BillyBobisms.
"Honey I sure like your hair that way. It almost completely hides your birth defect."
"Sure Earlene ain't much in high heels but put her in a pair of jump boots and she'll make you forget the Marine Corps!!"
2MAR99: Busy couple of days. Had a job interview yesterday. Went well from my point of view but who knows? Maybe I'll actually get this one and be able to take the death watch off one of the Novas. Sure would be nice to be in a baby truck again. I like the Ford Ranger and the Toyota Tacoma. Hope I can find one that's not all tricked up.
Amanda and Gabriel both competed last weekend in music festivals.
Amanda's singing the Manhattan Transfer's "Java Jive". Gabe's going to be in town this weekend competing for both a place in Capitol University's School of Music and a scholarship. I sure am proud of both kids.
Did some genealogy searching tonight, submitted a few poems for publishing, and worked on the taxes. Looks like I'm paying again!
I think I need to add more poetry to "Ravings" but haven't had any feedback so don't know which way to go. Maybe some cute verses would work.
19MAR99:I CAN'T FIT INTO MY BLUES
(THE RETIRED SAILOR'S SONG)
(Sung to the tune "Can't Even Get the Blues")
Chorus
I can't get into my blues no more.
They just don't fit me like it did before.
My 28 is now a 44...
...so what am I supposed to do?
I'm eating carrots and I'm running laps.
I miss my malteds and my afternoon naps.
Between my shirt and pants are definite gaps...
...can't fit into my blues.
8JUL99: Here is the preface I wrote to my poetry manuscript some years ago. Hope you enjoy it!
RAVINGS OF A SANE MAN
I
In preface to this collection of disjointed phrases and misconstructed sentences which will someday, inevitably, mature into a voluminous congregation of bastardized observations on life and such other things as might fall prey to my, shall we say, slanted imagination, I feel that it is important that I assure you, the reader, that I, the writer, am a sane man - at least by definition.
I have no aberrant social behavior patterns and do not go about shouting and/or ranting except for in those situations wherein those practices are not only accepted, but have indeed become so much a requirement within the act as to be likened to a flying camel maneuver in a figure skater's routine. It's presence, unless breathtakenly executed, may not be appreciated but it's absence is quickly, and sorely, noticed.
Having now expounded such a sage observation of life and, of course, myself it would seem that I should now attempt to go forth on a verbal, if not ideological, path toward the purpose of this lengthy correspondence. I am however afraid, no more toward disheartened, by the fact that I can not do precisely that as I have no real, nor unreal, conception of what destination may lay at the end of this oratorical rainbow. However, I feel I must go onward without trepidation.
The cliche'- the true American language. All things acclimated, or integrated, into American life become, part and parcel, cliche'. Our speech, our dress, even our most intimate relationships with one another, quickly become cliche's for our antecedents to accept, reject, satirize, and above all remember.
II
I would like, before my demise, to write a book. Not just any book but one whose plot is of such magnitude; whose characters have such variety and depth, and whose phrasing is so precise and powerful that it would allow me to write sequel after sequel. And still my sons and daughters could carry on the tale passing it on from generation to generation each one adding its own without losing the original essence.
How could I even dream of such of thing. Have I a hero whose exploits I can recant? Or a villain whose deeds I can deride? Can I tell the good from the bad - or are they both the same. Is a man a hero just because the situation leads him to heroic acts? Or can it be that a hero is just the lesser of two evils - sugar coated!
21JUL99: Well my new Ranger now has a chipped windshield. Some dump truck driver, who hadn't the time to finish dumping his load, decided to spray it on the I-71 South ramp from 104. And now I'm dealing with State Farm and Harmon Glass to return to the status quo of yesterday morning. I have never worked so hard at moving backward in my life! Hope your day was better.
Comments, complaints, rebuttals, or original thoughts can now be sent to either the e-mail address below or my private address: tipUSNR@yahoo.com. Not that I have anything to hide from Andrea but possessing something of my own is getting more important to me as I get older.
Email: 
tipusnr@wideopenwest.com
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