You Might Be a Redneck If. . . 51 to 100

51.You think paprika is a Third World country.

52.You ask the preacher, "How's it hanging?"

53.You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.

54.You have a bumper sticker that says, "My mother's an honor student" at the local junior high.

55.You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.

56.You played the banjo in your high school band.

57.The velvet paintings in your house were bought from an art dealer on the side of the highway.

58.You have no hubcaps on your car because you're using them to feed you hunting dogs.

59.More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

60.You think the stock market has a fence around it.

61.You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

62.Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

63.You've ever used lard in bed. Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

64.You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

65.You pick your teeth from a catalog

66.You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

67.Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

68.Your mother has been involved in a fist-fight at a high school sports event.

69.You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

70.You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

71.The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

72.You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

73.The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

74.Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

75.Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

76.You go to the family reunion to pick up women.

77.You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.

78.You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

79.None of your shirts cover your stomach.

80.Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

81.The rear tires on your car are twice the size of your front ones.

82.You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

83.You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

84.You use the term 'over yonder' more than once a month.

85.Birds are attracted to your beard.

86.The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute."

87.Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

88.Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

89.You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

90.Bikers back down from your momma.

91.You were shooting pool when your kids were born.

92.Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

93.Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."

94.You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

95.You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

96.You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

97.You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

98.The first words out of your mother every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?"

99.You have more that two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

100.You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.