Raining Promises
Writen By: ~ daffodil ~
Published: November 12, 1999
Note from the Author: More to come!
Chapter One
Dearest Diary,
What would you say if I were to confess that I finally fell for a man, after all these years? After all the promises I made to myself? What would you say if I were to confess it was love at first blush for us?
What would you say if I were to confess he has been the one who is always intruding my thoughts? Every single moment of everyday?
Would you laugh at me? For being such a romantic fool, believing in miracles, perhaps, even wishing for one to appear? Or would you offer me the comfort of your shoulders, and offer me boxes of Kleenex tissues?
It was almost ironic.
Once, I promised myself I would never fall for a guy, no matter how appealing he might be. I have witnessed my parents’ marriage. It had been such a failure. Yes, they do love each other at first. But then, somehow, somewhere, sometime, things got a bit out of hand. My parents set a frightening example of what marriage can be. However, it seems fate is toying with my feelings, poking fun at me, making me a fool out of myself. I was head over heels in love with him the first time we met.
Oh… ‘twas quite romantic. Although, I must confess, I have always dreamed of meeting the prince of my dreams under slightly different circumstances. Under the pale, silvery moonlight beams, by the shore of a clear, shallow river, beside numerous tall, unyielding trees, or perhaps even by a beach at night, when the breeze blows ever so slightly, and when the waves crash gently at the rocks. Yes, that would be ideal. But, to meet him in this setting? When I am crying? When I am not myself? Oh!
I could not sleep tonight, and so, I went out for a walk. I walked deep into the woods, to a spot I always come to, whenever I am troubled. It always managed to bring me peace, and solitude. Then, I felt someone’s gaze upon me.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I looked up. From where I stood, he seemed to be tall, muscular, even handsome. He was the prince of every girls’ dreams.
Oh yes. He has a very boyish look, perhaps even baby-faced? He is definitely the type of man to have girls swooning over him… Recalling now, I could not really see his face, as there was a slight coat of mist hanging in the air.
You see, it was only five in the morning. We stared at each other endlessly. Seconds ticked by, minutes drew abreast of us. Millenniums passed. It was then the world ceased to exist. It was just him, and myself. Something I could not fathom passed between us. Could it be an invisible surge of electricity, the stereotypical moment in all romance movies? I do not know. Then, there was this tingling feel travelling up and down my spine. Did one call that ‘instant attraction’? I have no answer to that either.
Slowly, he started towards me.
“Hi,” a slight pause, “I saw you just outside the gardens a moment ago. You looked somewhat,” another pause, “somewhat distressed. So, I followed you, to see if I can be of any help to you.”
How sweet can he be? And what can I say? I was not prepared for this, oh, not at all. I was so distraught at the moment.
“Thanks,” I replied a little softer than I intended. “I am fine.” He only searched my face intently. After a moment, he answered, “Then why are you crying? I have been told what a great listener I am. Maybe I can help you… if you will but let me,” his deep husky voice trailed off… Before I can think of a suitable response, he tilted my face. He trailed his index finger all the way from my eyes, down the bridge of my nose, finally, stopping at my mouth. A huge lump formed in my throat. I could not breathe.
Help! My mind screamed.
“You know, I am a coward. A lady’s tears unnerves me,” he smiled slightly and brushed his thumb pad ever so gently across my face. My heart pounded with sheer force. I closed my eyes slightly. Did he feel what I felt? Alarm bells continued to shriek inside of my head. I was still upset by my parents’ final decision to file for a divorce. My life was already complicated enough, without the addition of this guy. Whoever he was, he only makes me more confused. I extricated myself from him, and backed away slightly. “I-I-I have to go. Um, it was ah… nice meeting you.”
“Wait,” he called out anxiously, “I believe I did not manage to catch your name---.”
I was already halfway through the woods, on my way back home, even before he managed to finish his sentence. I decided his presence was alarming… My instincts told me something was wrong. There was just something about that guy… mysterious, sweet, dangerous, kind. What kind of character was that anyway???
Please help me out, dear diary. I am assailed with doubt, incredulity, and confusion. Mom and dad are yelling at each other at the stairway now… Oh! My life is such a mess.
Leah
Raining Promises By Daffodil
Chapter Two
One Week later
“What’s wrong with you?” Peter pointed out, “First, you were clearly annoyed at breakfast, then now, you are so quiet. Even at the shooting session an hour ago.”
Peter Phillips and William just came back from a clay pigeon-shooting session, one of their favourite pastimes. They were now sauntering through the gardens of Balmoral. Lately, Peter noticed William wasn’t talking as much as he used to. In fact, he was quite temperamental these days.
William sighed.
“Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs,” Peter jokingly said in a no-nonsense tone.
“Stop quoting Shakespeare will you? Never quote from ‘Romeo & Juliet’. I do not wish to be reminded of their tragic affair… at least not now.”
They had stopped walking, and now, they are in the deepest section of the garden, furthest away from the main wing of the Palace.
“These flowers are beautiful, aren’t they? Greta and the staff do a good job looking after them,” William commented.
“Yes, Greta and the staff do a wonderful job looking after the flowers. Now, why don’t you tell me what’s really bothering you?” and before William could reply, Peter continued, “Don’t bother to deny it… I know something is wrong. Unlike the others, I am not fooled.”
Peter pensively studied his cousin’s perfectly sculpted face. One which often sends girls swooning over him. There, he saw numerous conflicting emotions fleeting across his face ~ excitement, sorrow, an infinite depth of sorrow… and the rest, he just could not make out what the other expressions meant.
“I met this girl a week ago,” William spoke quietly. He was surprised when he heard the tone of his voice, tinged with such sadness and helplessness. “So I see, my dear cousin finally met the inevitable in life ~ girl problems, huh?” Peter teased gently.
“She’s so, so… I can’t find the right words to describe her,” William struggled with the right words. “She just looked so helpless and troubled… standing amongst the flowers and shrubs. And I do not know why… but – but, I just feel compelled to help her. This is all so new to me, a first actually.
I’ve never approached a girl before.” He attempted to lighten the atmosphere, and added, “Usually, it’s the other way round, girls flock to me.” William realized then that his heart was thumping with sheer force, actually, thrice the normal rate at the slight mention of the girl he met a week ago. I didn’t even catch her name, he thought bitterly. And where does she live? How can I track her down? England’s so vast.
“You know this thing about raging teen hormones? You know, you have been without a girlfriend for months now. So… you know… maybe your reaction is really unaccounted for,” Peter teased lightly.
Usually, at such times, William would just retort back verbally, or tease his cousin in return. But not today. His spirits just felt so dampened. Talking certainly doesn’t interest him in the least today, much less a round of light teasing.
A heartbeat of silence.
After observing the reserved William, Peter suggested, “You know, it’s not always a good idea to bottle up your feelings, and since I am here today, maybe I can help you resolve this crisis. It’s the girl, isn’t it? Did you go for a stroll again last week? Is that how you met her?”
“Yes to both your questions. She was clearly upset, and I merely followed her, offering my assistance. She fled the moment she was given her chance.”
William purposefully avoided the part where he trailed his finger from her eyes, to her lips… in another second, he mused, I will be kissing her.
“Damn,” William swore, “I do not know what’s wrong with me. She is all I can think of. She’s constantly intruding my thoughts,” William raised his voice, frustrated at this helplessness to stop the worsening of this miserable situation. The worst thing is, there is not one single thing I could do to help alleviate this situation. “I have never been obsessed with one girl before. Secondly, I have just violated rule number 3: Never approach a girl or show your affections for her in public. Granny will be giving me a sound lecture once this gets to the press. Arggh!!”
All this while, Peter have been listening silently, pondering over this situation. He agreed with his cousin whole-heartedly ~ It was not like William to be so temperamental. Being William’s confidante, he knew William’s never been obsessed with a girl. Sure, everyone has infatuations, including William, ~ but no. William’s never been obsessed. That girl must be really special to him, to be able to upset him at great length. Lastly, Peter thought, William is always wary and cautious when it comes to girls… so what can be wrong with him to commit such a reckless gesture?
He racked his brain for answers. Out of the blue, a thought struck him.
I think he’s in love, Peter mused.
Peter reached over and gave William’s shoulder socket a thump. “Just listen to your heart and stop fighting the surfacing raw emotions you have never known yourself to possess,” at that moment, he saw William’s brow knit in confusion, and let out a sigh, “Trust me, cousin. I am an expert when it comes to girls.”
Raining Promises
By Daffodil
Chapter Three
Dear Diary,
I do not know exactly what I am feeling at the moment. Days ago, I knew I was confused and doubtful about my future, as well as about my parents’ future… Now, I think I am numb emotionally. Honestly, I have been through so much that I think nothing in life can surprise me anymore. I know this may sound really silly, but I think I have had all the challenges a human- being would ever need. I am beaten, beaten right down to the dust.
Is there ever a time, when you ponder and wonder why your parents do not want to make an effort to know you? They claim they know who their daughter is… just by judging me from the outside ~ physically. They do not know what is running through my mind, and I do not bother to correct their mistakes of making the wrong judgements about me because I feel terribly exhausted. I felt as if I had just ran a ten mile marathon… perhaps I do not even care anymore what my parents think of me, and how they judge me. I am wondering this very moment, why I have not yet experienced emotional breakdown. I am tired of putting and maintaining a façade in front of my parents to make them happy. I am so upset by their decision to file for a divorce that I tried so hard to maintain a façade in front of them, hoping and wishing feverishly with all my heart that I am able to bring my parents back together again. I was no longer the adventurous girl I once was, instead, I was a boring, obedient daughter. Somehow, I just have this crazy notion that if I behave obediently, my parents will just drop the divorce case and then we could just live normally hence. I know that my task is impossible to accomplish, but then again, it was only an idea used to comfort myself. Desperate people would just cling onto any absurd idea that struck them in any untimely hour of the day.
Do you remember the mysterious guy I met the other day in the woods? You know, he made me think really hard these past two weeks. He appeared to be a guy, who had everything he wanted, even his parents’ love and attention – but then again, looks can be deceiving. There is always more to an issue than the side of argument which is presented to us. I finally confessed to myself, that when I met him, I longed to pour out everything to him ~ what I am experiencing at that moment, my thoughts, all the torments I had been through, everything. (All I ask be for someone to listen to me complain about life. Is that too much to ask for? ) Yet, on the other hand, another part of my brain argued back that why would this particular guy take interest in my private life, when all others don’t?
My friends often told me not to bottle up my feelings for long, because it is very unhealthy. So… I mean, ah… do you think I should… I mean, you know, life is always full of surprises… so, you know, ah… if I ever meet that mysterious guy again… do you think I should just ask him to sit down and just listen to me babble about my personal life for five minutes? That is probably a bad idea. He’ll just run away the instant he has a chance to. I mean, who am I kidding! No one takes interest in my life, so why would he be any different? Arrghh!! I hate this indecisive part of my character!!
Is there ever a time when you felt as helpless as I am at this very moment?
And just before I end this entry, I want to confess another thing ~ but promise me… that you wouldn’t laugh at me?
Well… nothing was ever the same since I met that guy a couple of weeks ago.
Yeah, so go ahead and laugh out loud. Ha ha ha! Finally, the girl who had sworn never to trust a guy is starting to let him dominate her thoughts… UNINTENTIONALLY. It’s true! I didn’t mean to think of him, you know… he just happened to command my brain to think of him. You are my only ally, my only friend who knows all my deepest darkest secrets. You just have to believe me!!
Alright, alright… I should have known you could just see through me almost immediately… yeah, so what if I want to think of him? *Sigh * Okay, okay, so from now onwards, I will just try to check myself often, and tell myself to stop thinking about him, are you happy now? Geez… (Author’s Note: Leah often gets imaginative and creative, and personifies her diary as her friend) I am emotionally and physically drained. I am going to bed now lest he intrudes my thoughts again and robs me of my much-needed rest.
Leah
Want more? E-mail ~daffodil~ at corrine-wang@usa.net