Dearest Helpless

Chapter One: June 2000

I stood there nervously, shifting my weight from my toes to my heels. My palms began to sweat, yet I was freezing and shivering. I felt sick to the stomach, and it was only then that I learnt why he wanted to spend so much time with me at my house, and not at his own. I took a shaky breath in, and exhaled, blowing my hair out of my face.

Summoning up all the courage I had inside of me, if any, I raised my hand and pressed the doorbell on the door. The large wooden barricade that blocked the Hanson house from the outside world opened only seconds later to reveal fourteen-year-old Zac Hanson, his brother. Not to my surprise, Zac’s face held a pained and saddened expression. There was so much I wanted to do to help the whole family, but I knew it was none of my business. Besides, Taylor would have me killed if I breathed a word to anybody.

"Uh, hi, Zac," I stammered, "Is, uh, Tay here?"

Zac’s frown turned into a small smile as he nodded, "Yeah. He’s in his room,"

"Thanks," I said to him before hurriedly running up the stairs I knew so well. I wanted to get to Taylor’s room as fast as I could, I did not want to face any other of his family members, and especially not Walker. I jogged down the corridor on the second floor of their house. Upon reaching the door at the very end, I opened it and let myself in, only to be faced with another flight of stairs. I quietly closed the door behind me and walked up the stairs at a steady pace, taking it two steps at a time.

This was Taylor’s room. More of an attic, actually. In fact, it was the attic. It had been converted into Taylor’s room years before.

"Star?" a quiet voice called to me. I quickly turned towards the bed, seeing Taylor sitting Indian-style, reading some magazine, looking at me. I could not help but smile. Taylor did that to me.

"Hey there," I said softly, walking towards his bed and sitting beside him, "How’re you doing?"

Taylor forced a smile onto his lips and nodded, "I’m fine. Could be better, though," Instantly, my heart sunk. I wanted to do so much for him, yet he wouldn’t let me. I wanted to take him away from all the pain he was feeling, but he would only get angry with me.

"Oh, Tay," I sighed sympathetically, "I’m so sorry, baby," I bit my lip to stop myself from crying as I wrapped my arms around him in a hug. This happened often, but Taylor would protest and say that he was fine.

"Star, I’m okay," Taylor laughed. I knew he wasn’t. But nonetheless, I let him go.

"This has to stop, Taylor," I said sternly, "You can’t just let it happen. What about Zac? I ran into him down-"

"Shut up, Star!" Taylor shouted, stopping me mid-sentence, "God, we’re fine! Can’t you see that?" I shook my head and laughed. Taylor was too persistent for his own good. He would never admit to anybody when he was hurting, or even why. He wanted to play the hero.

"No, Tay, I can’t see that," I hissed, standing up, "All I can see is you, Zac and your mom being pulled under. I want to help you! But every time I try, you get mad at me!"

"Nothing’s wrong! We’re fine! Get that through your head!" Taylor yelled, also standing up. Anger raged through my body. I hated knowing Taylor and his family were suffering so much, but he did not want me to help in any way possible. I was sick and tired of being pushed away, sick and tired of being ignored.

"Screw this," I huffed as I stormed out of Taylor’s room, and out of his house.

Chapter Two:

How could Taylor be so stubborn? That question played through my head all day. I was angry with him for pushing me away, yet felt pity on him for having to endure all the pain he was going through. I wanted to take him under my wing and tell him it would be alright, although we both knew the truth. It wouldn’t.

I stole a brief glance at the clock beside me. One thirty. It was one thirty in the morning. I shook my head before yawning and placing my diary beside my nightstand. Just as I was about to switch my lamp off, there was a tapping at my window. Curiously, I swung my legs over the side of my bed, and cautiously walked towards my picture window. There, behind the glass, was a face staring right at me. I let out a piercing scream in fear. The person brought their finger towards their lips, signaling for me to stay silent. It was then that I noticed who the person was. It was Taylor.

"Star, honey, are you okay?" my mother called from behind my locked door, "It’s one thirty...go to sleep, baby,"

"I’m okay, mom! I’m just about to go to sleep!" I shouted to her. When I heard the footsteps fade, I sighed in relief before turning back to Taylor who had climbed two floors via the ladder next to my window. The ladder had been there since Taylor and I had become friends. He had used the ladder to sneak into my room many nights before this. Taylor motioned for me to pull my window open. A part of me was still mad at him, but without further hesitation I opened my window and Taylor climbed into my room.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered. It was only then that I became aware of Taylor’s tear stained face and his terrified expression. Something had happened. To be honest, I was scared myself. Not once in our whole friendship had I ever seen Taylor cry, and to see him like this...like one big mess, it alarmed me to no limit. The seventeen-year-old Taylor Hanson that I knew had crumbled to nothing but a weak and vulnerable five-year-old boy.

"Star, it happened again," he mumbled. He needn’t have said it. I already knew. I frowned and wrapped my arms around him like I had done so many times before. He was so much taller than me, and months older than I was, but at that point in time, I felt bigger than him. I almost felt as if I were his mother, cradling my son after a bad nightmare. But this was no nightmare, this was reality.

"Don’t cry, sweetie," I soothed him, tucking his head behind his ears. I noticed his bruises, the new ones. There was a fresh one on his neck, one on his cheek, and one on his arm. They were the ones I could see. There were many more I did not want to look at or even know of.

"You can stay here tonight," I offered him. He did not reply, but I knew it was a silent ‘yes’. His eyes thanked me mutely. I led him to my bed, we both got in and I pulled the comforter up around us, my arms still around Taylor protectively. Protective was definitely the word. I wanted to protect him from Walker, I wanted to guard him away from pain, both emotional and physical. As I yawned, despite my anger, I heard Taylor’s soft whimpers. His head was buried in my shoulder, soaking my shirt with his tears.

"It’s gonna be okay, sweetie," I lied, "We’re gonna make it through this together,"

Chapter Three:

The sun filtered through my windows, waking me almost instantly. I tried to move, but remembered Taylor was in my bed, his head resting on the upper part of my chest. I could smell his shampoo, his after shave, and his fear. Fear of going back to his house, fear of his father. I started to gently stroke the side of his face with the back of my hand.

"I promise you it’ll be okay," I recited the words with no meaning to them, and felt guilty for doing so. Taylor shifted, and I was scared that I had woken him from his slumber away from reality. To my dismay, he had woken up and lifted his head to face me.

"Morning, sleepy-head," I smiled. He gave me a goofy and sleepy grin in reply, "Sleep well?"

Taylor yawned, "Hell yeah," He maneuvered himself so that he was no longer lying down on top of me, but beside me.

"I’m so sorry, Tay," I blurted out, not knowing that the words had escaped my lips. Taylor turned to face me, raised an eyebrow and cocked his head to the side.

"For what, Star?"

I sighed, "For getting pissed at you yesterday, and for not being there to stop him last night. I would if I knew it was gonna happen," The tears became too much, and slowly slid down my cheeks. There was no way I could stop them.

"Hey, don’t beat yourself up over it, Starlight," Taylor cooed, wiping the tears away, "You didn’t know. And, hey, if it’s any consolation, I’m alive," He had said it lightly, hoping to get laughter from me. The only thing I managed to do was smile ever so slightly.

"I...I just feel so guilty. I wanted to be there for you," I explained, sniffling, "I wanted to stop him, Tay,"

Taylor frowned and surrounded me with his arms in a consoling hug. I needed it, and he knew it. For once in a long time, Taylor became the strong one, and I, the weaker. He was comforting me, and I enjoyed the feeling his embrace gave me.

"We’ve got no control over this, Star. It would’ve happened no matter what," he reasoned, still not pulling away. He was wrong. We did have control, we would have control, if only he’d let me help him. I wrapped my arms around Taylor tightly using strength I never knew I possessed.

"I love you, Star," Taylor whispered, "You know that, right?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I know it. I love you, too, Tay,"

Chapter Four:

I closed my eyes, and let out a shaky breath. It had been three days since the night Taylor had sneaked into my room, and now we sat on the Hanson’s couch silently watching TV. I rested my head on his shoulder, and my hand fell on his knee. Taylor’s hand unconsciously draped around my body as his cheek rested on top of my head. It was a picture perfect scene, broken by the slamming of a door. Taylor immediately sat upright and untangled his arm from around me. I looked at him with a puzzled look.

"He’s home," he mumbled, keeping his focus on the TV. I sat back, leaning against the couch. Walker was here. But I was almost one hundred percent sure that if I stayed, Taylor would not get hurt. I had no intentions of leaving yet.

"Hi, dad," I heard Taylor’s wavering voice greet his father. My head instantly shot up, my eyes greeted with Walker’s presence. Hatred built up rapidly inside of me, and it was the emotion that took over everything else. I forgot all my other thoughts, and pushed them out of my head as I focused on Walker’s presence alone.

"Hello, Star," Walker welcomed me with a fake smile that sent shivers throughout my whole body. I could truly say that he intimidated me to no end. I could only imagine how Taylor, Zac and Diana felt. Thank God the younger ones did not get this treatment, thank God Diana was smart enough to have them stay at her sister’s for this week, and thank God Isaac was smart enough to move out when he reached the legal age. I gave Walker a menacing glare in return of his salutation. He didn’t deserve it, he deserved nothing. He didn’t need to be acknowledged.

Walker stared at me icily before turning towards Taylor, "Is this what you do to me, Taylor? Is this how you treat me?" his voice was loud and powerful, I wanted to cower away, but I didn’t, for Taylor’s sake, "Is this how you decide to disrespect me? By bringing in your stupid friend over to give me death stares? Are you trying to disrespect me in my own house?"

Taylor, out of fear, quickly looked down at his hands, "No, sir. Sorry,"

"I would very well hope you truly are, for your sake!" I wanted to hit Walker right then. I wanted him to pay, to feel the hurt he had caused this family. But I couldn’t. Taylor would never forgive me if I did.

"I’m sorry," Taylor said again, this time a little louder than before. Walker stepped closer to Taylor, moving his head closer to Taylor’s.

"Why is she even here?" he hissed, "Why, Taylor? Do you do this just to get me angry? Do you?"

"I hate you," I spat out in disgust. I surprised myself that I had the valiancy to say it to his face. But he needed to know, and I could no longer stand him threatening Taylor the way he was. Walker turned to face me, his face red with anger. For a split second I almost regretted saying the words, but the look on Taylor’s face three nights ago reminded me exactly why I hated the man.

"Did you say something, little lady?" Walker asked me angrily, "Because if you did, and if it was what I heard...then I’d have to-"

"Stop it, Walker," came a stern voice. Taylor, Walker and I spun our heads around to see Diana standing in the entrance to the lounge room, "Leave them alone,"

Walker said nothing. Instead, he growled at me and took a step back. I sighed in relief that it was temporarily over.

"Star, honey, I think you should leave," Diana instructed me. Without hesitation, and knowing I had overstayed my welcome, I nodded and stood up. I looked at Taylor, my eyes apologizing to him. Taylor strained to place a smile upon his lips, but finally achieved it, and nodded.

‘I’ll call you,’ he mouthed to me. I nodded and uttered a ‘goodbye’ to Diana before leaving the Hanson house, fearing for Taylor’s life.

Chapter Five:

Taylor had said he would call me, and he lived up to his promise. That’s why I found myself standing on their front porch once again. Taylor had invited me over for dinner since it would only be Diana, Zac and himself. This time I was not nervous to ring the doorbell, I was confident. I pressed the button, letting the melodic sounds fill the Hanson household. The door opened only milliseconds later to reveal Taylor, smiling.

"Hi. Come in," he said, pulling the door open wider and gesturing for me to enter the house. There was something different, I could feel it. Their house felt safe, comforting, peaceful. It was because Walker was not there.

"Hey," I replied, grinning back at him. The fact that Walker was nowhere near Taylor, Diana and Zac left me delighted.

"You came just in time. We were about to start eating," Taylor led me through the corridor and into the dining room where Diana and Zac were seated, patiently waiting.

"Hi," I smiled, "Sorry to keep you waiting,"

Diana gave me a small smile, "Not a problem, sweetie," I took a seat next to Taylor as Diana began the prayer.

After dinner had ended, Zac had announced that he was going to his room to watch TV, while Taylor conversed over the phone with a girl from school. I wasn’t jealous, I was happy for him. This, needless to say, left me to help Diana wash the dishes. I didn’t mind.

"Thanks for helping with the dishes," Diana said, putting the last plate away, "Those boys," She shook her head, sighed and laughed, "Those boys will never do their chores," I stared at her curiously. Her physical pain and her outer scars were covered extremely well, but the emotional pain was clearly visible in her eyes. Instead of being a vibrant blue color, they were nothing but gray-dull and lifeless.

Diana must have noticed my gawking at her, and chirped, "Would you like some ice cream, Star?" Without waiting for my answer, she walked to the refrigerator to retrieve a tub of chocolate ice cream. Diana knew what I wanted to ask, or say, and was stalling. We both knew it. She took me for somebody with less intelligence. As she placed two bowls on the table and began scooping balls of ice cream into them, I took my chance.

"Mrs. Hanson?" I asked her. Slowly, she turned around to face me.

"Yes, Star?"

"Um..." I tried to find another way to rephrase my question, but found no other way around it, "Why are you still with him?" Diana almost choked on nothing and her face began to grow red. I did not feel sorry about asking the question, I wanted an answer.

"I...uh..." she laughed uneasily, "I...it’s because, I...I love him," I saw through her lies, I saw through to the hate that she felt for her own husband. It was clearly blatant when she spat the words out. She was lying.

"Why?" I questioned her, shaking my head, "How could you love somebody that hurts your family?"

"Starlight, this is really none of your business," Oh, but it is. When her husband does this to her family, and my best friend, it becomes my business.

"Yes, it is!" I exclaimed, "He’s hurting you! Not to mention what he does to Taylor and Zac! You can’t let this go on!" I had to let her know how I felt, for Taylor would not even tolerate hearing my words about the matter.

"Star, we’re okay. Look at us. We’re still here," Diana’s words were Taylor’s. She was stubborn. Like Taylor. Like mother, like son.

"That’s not the point, Mrs. Hanson! Your husband needs help! He shouldn’t be doing this!"

"I think you’ve overstayed your welcome yet again, honey," Diana said sternly, wanting to get me out of the house. I did not argue. I threw the cloth I had been holding onto the table and stormed out.

"Tell Taylor I said bye," I huffed before slamming the front door behind me.

Chapter Six:

It was official, I was no longer welcomed at the Hanson residence. It didn’t matter to me. That meant that Taylor and I would be spending more time out of there, and away from Walker. I was glad about that.

"Oh, come on, Star!" whined Chelsea Hampton, my second best friend in the whole world, "We haven’t been to a party in ages! Heck, I haven’t seen you in ages!" I contemplated whether or not I should really go. On one hand, Taylor was coming over in about an hour, but on the other, I really wanted to go to this party. I hadn’t seen Chelsea, or anyone else for that matter, since the last day of school.

"But, what about Tay? I can’t exactly ditch him. He’s coming over in about an hour," I explained, hoping she would say that Taylor, too, was invited.

"You can take him with you, Star! Come on!" Bingo.

"Sure, we’ll be there," I shrugged, as Chelsea gave me the details to the whereabouts of this party. Thinking about it, this party was a good idea. It would give Taylor something else to think about other than the obvious.

Chapter Seven:

The moment Taylor had appeared at my door, I informed him that we would be going to a local party. He was not extremely pleased with the idea, but came along nonetheless.

Taylor parked his car four blocks from where the actual party was at. Needless to say, we had a good five-minute walk to the house. Upon entering the doors, my ears were flooded with the sound of heavy bass music. I heard a sudden screech, and instantly noticed Chelsea running towards me with open arms.

"Oh my gosh, Star! It’s like I haven’t seen you since the beginning of time!" Chelsea squealed with delight. I wrapped my arms around her and smiled.

"I’m so glad you guys could make it," Chelsea said as we pulled away from the embrace. I felt somebody tap me on the shoulder, and spun around only to see Taylor staring back at me.

"Star, I’m just gonna go sit down over there, okay?" Taylor said, pointing to the unoccupied couch. Why? This was a party. I wanted him to have fun, not sit down and think.

"Tay, come on, it’s a party! You can’t just sit and do nothing!" I exclaimed. Taylor gave me a slight smile, but shook his head.

"Sorry, Star, my head’s just giving me a bad time, now. I promise that when this headache’s over, I’ll find you," Taylor said. There was something about his smile. He knew I could not resist his smile. He knew it, and that’s why he did it. I sighed, and gave in.

"Fine!" I huffed, "But you promised, when you’re feeling better, you come find me and we can dance, alright?" Taylor nodded and made his way towards the blue couch. I stared at him sadly, I only wanted the best for him. I wanted him to have a good time. A simple task I had failed.

"He’ll be okay, Star," Chelsea reassured me, noticing my facial expression, "He’s seventeen-years-old, and you’re not his mom. You don’t need to be looking out for him every single minute of the day," If only Chelsea knew.

Chapter Eight: This chapter is taken from nobody’s point of view.

He sighed, leaning his aching back against the couch. The night before had been anything but great. His father had gotten angry with him for no particular reason, and thus started to beat him to the pulp. He was grateful that Starlight had invited him out of his house. His body was sore all over, and he longed for an escape from the pain. Taylor closed his eyes hoping to be able to flee to fantasy, even for only a few minutes of his life. He was called back to reality when he heard somebody’s sweet voice talk to him.

"Hi," the voice said, "I’m Beth," Taylor cautiously peeled one eyelid and stared at the owner of the voice. Female, possibly 15 or 16, striking red hair and emeralds for eyes. She was exceedingly attractive.

"Hi," he said, fully opening both his eyes, "I’m Taylor," She stared at him intently for a few minutes, as if examining him with her eyes. Taylor shifted nervously under her curious gaze, feeling very comfortable that a stranger was looking at him the way she was.

"Um...uh...did you want anything, Beth?" he asked uneasily, hoping she would just get up and leave so he could maybe get a chance at some relaxation. Beth smiled at him, and tossed her thick red hair over her shoulder.

"I was about to ask you the same question," she giggled. Taylor was utterly confused with her words.

"What do you mean?" he questioned her.

"I mean, you were sitting there looking so bummed, like you needed a fix or something," Beth explained, rolling her eyes playfully, "So, do you?" Beth reached into the pocket of her skirt and retrieved a clear baggie, dangling it in front of Taylor’s face.

Taylor flinched at the site of the cocaine Beth was dancing in front of his very own eyes. He shook his head, "No...I don’t do that kinda thing, Beth," Beth’s facial expression turned blank and her lips slightly parted. For her, it was hard to believe that somebody actually wasn’t doing drugs at this party.

"You gotta take something!" she exclaimed, "I mean, you look so down! Will you take a beer?" Beth grabbed two cans from the coffee table in front of them and held one out for Taylor. He looked at her reluctantly and doubtfully. Beth rolled her eyes and giggled.

"It can’t kill you, Taylor!" Beth encouraged him, "If anything, you’ll just forget tonight even happened!" Taylor liked the sound of that, forgetting everything had happened. He smiled up at Beth and happily accepted the can of beer.

Chapter Nine:

I checked my watch repeatedly throughout the night. I was worried for Taylor, wondering what he was doing. I checked my watch again, and seeing as though it was already two in the morning, I figured it was about time I headed home with Taylor. I turned towards where I had seen Chelsea last. Not to my surprise, she was no longer there. I snorted to myself when I saw her dancing with a guy I had never seen before. I shrugged it off and called out Chelsea’s name a few times, wanting to get her attention towards me and not at the guy she had just met. It worked, and I signaled to Chelsea that I was leaving, with a promise to call her back as soon as I got the chance.

I wandered through the long unfamiliar hallways of whoever’s house we were at, before finally coming to a room that looked vaguely familiar. If memory serves me correctly, this was the lounge room where I had left Taylor earlier that night. I pushed past the teens on the so-called ‘dance floor’, which had been made by pushing all the furniture against the walls, and looked for the couch Taylor had sat on earlier.

After shoving through dozens of people squashed closely together, I finally found the couch. I became alarmed when I saw that Taylor was not there. It was maternal instinct kicking in. Taylor was my baby, although he was older than I was, and I needed to know his whereabouts, especially at a party like this. My panicking had struck earlier on in the night when Taylor had not kept his promise to come find me for a dance, but I had come to the conclusion that he did not know where I was, and thus stayed put. He probably did not know where I was, and still did not stay put.

Sighing, I stood up on the blue couch and searched the room for any sign of him. I frowned when I didn’t. Deciding I would walk around the house looking for him, I hopped off the couch and began my trek.

After a mere fifteen minutes of searching, I began to think that Taylor had gone home with some random person, or maybe a friend of his. But Taylor would not do that. After all, we drove his car here, and there was no way he would leave his pride and joy behind...unless he left without me.

But, what I saw next, proved me wrong. Taylor was still here, and he was not very sober. I had never seen Taylor drunk, and this sight scared me. He stood with a red haired girl, both giggling uncontrollably and each holding their own can of Budweiser.

"Tay?" I asked quietly, narrowing my eyes. Taylor and his new friend looked up at me, still giggling. Taylor’s eyes lit up and he nudged the girl in the ribs with his elbow.

"Beth...meet...meet...my...bud...Star!" Taylor said in between his fits of giggles. Beth stared at me, as if criticizing the way I looked. I couldn’t say much for her, so I did the only thing I knew how to do, I glared at her.

"Come on, Taylor, we have to go," I said sternly through my clenched teeth, still eyeing Beth. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Taylor stop laughing and look at me downheartedly.

"Don’t be such a party-pooper, Star!" he laughed, "Can’t we stay?" I tried my hardest not to snap at that moment, it was all I could do to keep from lashing out at Beth for the death looks she was tossing me. Abruptly, I grabbed Taylor’s free hand and jerked him away from Beth. I dragged him out the hallway and through the front door into the cool dark night air.

"Damnit, where’s the car?" I asked myself, before remembering how far away Taylor had parked it. I sighed dejectedly and rolled my eyes, walking towards the direction of Taylor’s car, dragging him behind me. Taylor’s giggling had not yet ceased, and, if it did not soon, may God help me.

A long and torturous five minutes later, Taylor and I stood beside his car. I had to get the keys from the boy; there was no way I was letting him drive.

"Hand over the keys, buddy," I said, pushing him against the passenger door, holding my other hand out, awaiting the silver keys. Taylor only giggled at me.

"But it’s my car, Star! Oh, hey, that rhymes!" Taylor laughed at himself, and I only shook my head in disgust.

"Fine, we’re gonna do this the manual way," I mumbled, pushing my hands deep into both his pockets, searching for the keys. Taylor only laughed; it was all he knew how to do.

"You want me, don’t ya, Star, babe?" he laughed. I rolled my eyes.

"In your dreams, sweetie," I snickered as my fingers came in contact with something cold. The keys. I hurriedly pulled them out from Taylor’s pocket and inserted them into the keyhole of the passenger side door.

"In," I instructed Taylor firmly, pointing to the seat, "Now," Taylor gave me a confused expression, but none the less got inside his car.

Chapter Ten:

I drove around aimlessly just like I had done for the past fifteen minutes. I stole a glance at Taylor sitting in the passenger seat. His face was beginning to look pale, and his window was fully down in case he decided to get sick again. I couldn’t take him home to his house; Lord only knows what Walker would do if he saw his son like this. I only had one choice.

"Oh, man, Star, I’m gonna be sick," Taylor whimpered as I brought the car to a sudden stop at the side of the road. Taylor glared at me.

"Thanks a lot, Star. Make me more sick," he said sarcastically at my bad driving skills. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"Nice of you to be sober again, Tay," I scowled as I got out of the car and walked towards his side. I opened the door for him and helped him out. Before we could get to the grassy-area, Taylor started to puke up the toxins in his stomach. I cringed every time he heaved, but still held his hand and rubbed his back comfortingly while telling him it would be okay. I despised seeing my Taylor like this. Suffering. I sighed. He had gotten himself in this drunken mess, and he was paying the price.

Once Taylor was sure his puking session was over, we slowly walked back to the door.

"Thanks, Star," he said ever so quietly that I wasn’t even sure whether he really had said it or not. But when he squeezed my hand and smiled at me, I knew he meant it.

"No prob, babe," I giggled, helping him into the car, "Just don’t try this little act on me again," I managed a small smile from Taylor’s lips as I closed his door. It was then off to my house where Taylor would spend the night.

Chapter Eleven:

"Oh, man," Taylor groaned, holding his palm to his forehead, "Headache,"

We had finally gotten back to my place, and were now in my room. Taylor had long since stripped down to his boxers and was now lying on the couch in front of my bed, covered with a comforter. He looked as if he were in so much pain, pain that only he had inflicted upon himself. I shook my head, and stood up from my bed before walking towards Taylor. Myself, only dressed in boxers and a tee. I motioned for Taylor to move over, and he did. I lay beside him underneath the plaid comforter, facing Taylor.

"I’m sorry, Star," he said quietly, "For tonight,"

I sighed and brushed his hair back with my fingertips, "It’s okay, baby, I swear," I cooed, touching his cheek. There was always a warmth about his skin that I enjoyed. It was something that comforted me. I never knew why. Maybe it was the knowledge of knowing Taylor was with me.

"Can I say something with the risk of sounding like some sap?" Taylor asked softly, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. I giggled slightly, and nodded as I felt Taylor’s arm pull me closer. I closed my eyes and lay my head down on his chest, his words the only sounds I could hear.

"Starlight, I know I don’t say it enough, but, thank you. For everything. I know I don’t show it, but it’s because I don’t know how. You’re always there for me, and I promise you one day I’ll make it all up to you," Taylor stopped, only to take a shaky breath before resuming his speech, "I love you, Star. Please don’t forget that,"

By the end of Taylor’s words, I had managed to dampen his bare, and muscular, chest with my tears. I was never emotionally strong, and when it came to times like these, I would be reduced to nothing but a puddle of salty water.

"I won’t," I whispered, "Promise,"

Chapter Twelve:

I nervously bit at the tips of my fingernails, fully knowing what a bad habit it was. But I couldn’t control my actions, I had just dropped Taylor off at his house, and Taylor had promised to call. Now, almost two hours later, my phone had not made any sound.

Dejectedly, I flopped down onto the couch in the lounge room. I needed Taylor to call; I needed him to pick up his phone, dial my number and tell me he was alright. Taylor’s life controlled mine. If I didn’t know what he was doing every minute of the day, I would be uneasy.

As if on cue, the cordless phone beside me began ringing. I quickly grabbed the cordless faster than I thought I could. I pressed it up against my ear and switched it on.

"Taylor?" I asked anxiously, hoping it was him.

"Hey, Star," came Taylor’s happy voice. I sighed in satisfaction, Taylor had kept his promise, and from the sound of his voice, he seemed reasonably cheerful.

"Thank God you called, I swear I thought something really bad-"

"Can we not talk about that?" Taylor interrupted me, his voice changing from joyful to unease.

"Sure, Taylor," I smiled, though I knew he could not see me, "So, feel like doing anything later? A movie? The multiplex is playing some pretty cool movies," I suggested, wanting Taylor out of the house once again. I could not stand Taylor, or Diana and Zac for that matter, being in the same house with that destructive man. I wanted them as far away as possible.

"Nah," Taylor replied. I could almost see him sticking his tongue out and cringing in the immature way known as ‘The Taylor Way’. I laughed, being reminded of our childhood and reckless behavior way back when.

"What then?"

"How ‘bout you come over?"

I almost choked on air, and came close to dropping the phone I held. Taylor fully knew that both his parents did not approve of me coming over any more, yet he still invited me over.

"But, Tay, your parents-"

"They’ve all gone out. Dad went to some place, mom went with the younger ones to Aunt Amber’s, and Zac and I got to stay home," explained Taylor, "Come on, it’ll be fun. Like old times,"

I smiled when he said ‘old times’. I loved those days. Taylor and I were only twelve, Walker had not yet started on his terrible beatings. I came over each Saturday night, and Taylor and I would watch videos up in his room until we both fell asleep on his bed. We would laugh together, cry together, and discuss how disgusting the kissing scenes were. I giggled, we were careless. But, as years passed, things changed.

"OK, cool, sure,"

Chapter Thirteen:

I wiped the final tears away with a Kleenex as Taylor laughed and shook his head.

"You’re too emotional, you know, babe?" he chuckled, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and giving me a gentle, yet comforting, squeeze. As if I needed to be told I was emotional.

"Come on," Taylor grinned, getting off his bed and extending his hand to me. I smiled, and placed my hand in his as he lead me down his stairs, through the long hallway, down the main flight of stairs, passed the foyer and out through the front door. I gave Taylor a quizzical look, but he did not respond. Instead, he sat down on the swing on the front porch, and motioned for me to sit beside him. I raised an eyebrow curiously.

Taylor snorted, "I don’t bite, Star," I shook my head and sat down beside him. I rested my head on his shoulder as usual as Taylor’s arm casually draped around my body. A comfortable and soothing silence swept over us as I concentrated on my surroundings.

In the middle of the street was Zac, roller-blading and playing with their dog, Wicket II. Zac was beaming with happiness, and laughing-something I hadn’t seen that boy do in a long, long time. I smiled to myself, grateful that Zac was feeling somewhat positive.

"Zac looks so cute like that," I said in a distant voice, "It’s great to see him smiling," Taylor nodded, as his grip around me tightened.

"Yeah, it’s awesome," he replied.

"I know," As more moments of silence passed between us, I felt Taylor shift uncomfortably, and instantly I sensed something was not right.

"Taylor?" I asked, sitting upright and looking at him. His head slowly turned, and his eyes met mine. Taylor sighed and looked down towards the ground.

"I got a letter from UNC," Taylor explained in a flat tone before looking back at me, "I got accepted,"

I froze. University of North Carolina. Taylor got accepted. I was both ecstatic and downhearted. Ecstatic for many reasons, one of which was the fact that this was Taylor’s escape. Downhearted, as his escape was all the way on the East Coast.

"Star...say something," he said gently, untangling his arm from my shoulders and placing it on my knee.

"What exactly would you like me to say, Taylor?" I asked him, "Would you like me to be happy for you?"

Taylor sighed exasperatedly, and briefly closed his eyes before reopening them again and looking towards Zac, "I don’t know, Star, I don’t know. I mean, I want you to be happy for me, but I want you to miss me," Taylor’s gaze shifted to meet mine once more, "Does that sound selfish?"

I stared into his deep blue eyes, and smiled warmly, "No, it doesn’t. I’m happy for you, Tay, and I will miss you,"

Taylor’s tension eased a little bit, if anything. He stood up and walked towards the railing, leaning up against it and folding his arms.

"I don’t want to leave, Star. Not you," he whispered, his eyes glistening with tears. At that moment in time, I felt special. Maybe more than special. And I had Taylor to thank for it. He had always treated me like a princess, no matter what.

I stood up, and walked towards him, "Tay, this is what we both wanted for you. You wanted UNC, you got UNC. Don’t worry ‘bout me, I can deal. I just want you to be happy,"

Taylor took a step towards me and placed his hands at the sides of my arms, "But I am happy. Here. With-"

"You’re not happy here, Taylor. This isn’t good for you," I retorted, trying not to raise my voice, "You shouldn’t be here. You should be safe. UNC is as far away as you can get. That’s where I want you to go, okay?"

He shook his hand and backed away from me, "You’re not listening to me, Starlight! I’m not going without you. I don’t wanna leave you behind, alright?"

"I’m not worth it, Taylor. Get it? Go to UNC, I’ll be fine," I walked towards him and placed my arm on his shoulder. As soon as I did that, Taylor pulled me into an embrace. I responded by wrapping my arms around him tightly.

"Star, promise me something," he whispered, barely audibly.

"Okay,"

"Promise me you won’t leave me,"

I pulled away slightly, but not from the embrace; and looked up into Taylor’s eyes. His tears that were once threatening to spill over, were now cascading down his cheeks in two distinct paths. I wiped them away with my thumb, while biting my lip.

"I promise you, Taylor, I promise," I said gently. It was then that it hit me. I shouldn’t have made promises I couldn’t keep.

Chapter Fourteen: Once again, a chapter taken from nobody’s point of view.

Taylor lay awake in his bed; his hands beside his head, and his legs crossed. It was past midnight, and still it was only he and Zac at home. It didn’t bother him. Far from it, to be exact. Just as his eyes were about to close, bringing him into a paradise far away from reality, he heard his bedroom door slam open, and heavy footsteps ascend his stairs.

"Taylor!" he heard his father’s voice bellow, "Taylor! Boy, where you at?" He could tell from the tone, and slurring, that his father was drunk. Fear rose up in his throat as he stood up shakily. His father’s figure appeared before him, stoned.

"Come ‘ere, you worthless piece of shit!" Walker shouted, motioning for Taylor to come closer. Taylor stubbornly shook his head, refusing to move.

Anger raged in Walker’s eyes, and Taylor could see it.

"Are you fucking with me, boy?" Walker yelled, stepping closer to Taylor, "I said, ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?" He took large steps and without a few seconds was in Taylor’s face.

Taylor could smell his father’s breath, filled with beer and smoke. Not only could he smell the foul stench, he could smell Walker’s anger and madness.

"No, s-s-sir," he stuttered, his courage slowly sinking.

"Don’t you ever, ever screw with me! Or I’ll...I’ll...I’ll make you wish you were never born!" With a swift movement of his arm, Walker’s clenched fist came in contact with Taylor’s jaw, causing Taylor to stumble back onto his bed.

Walker did not stop there. He lunged at his son, delivering blows to his face, arms, and body.

"You’re worthless, you know? Can’t even fend for yourself! Too bad you’re little girly friend ain’t here to save you now, eh?" Walker hollered, giving Taylor one last kick in the ribs. He got off of his son, and walked out of the room, muttering something incoherent under his breath.

Taylor was in so much agony, he could barely move a muscle. Carefully, he raised his hand to his nose, and felt his own blood dripping down onto his lip.

"Shit," he cursed quietly. He slowly lifted himself up and off the bed. Star was right. It had gone too far. This was the last straw.

Gathering up all his strength in his weak body, Taylor limped to his closet and pulled out a large Adidas back pack and a small maroon Jansport book bag.

Chapter Fifteen:

I shut down my laptop and closed it. Stretching, I walked over to my bed and was about to lay down, when I heard a tapping at my window. Confident it was Taylor, I walked towards it and opened it up. Not to my surprise, it was Taylor.

"Taylor! Are you okay?" I exclaimed, noticing his bruised and bloody face. A stupid question to ask, but it was the first thing that escaped my lips. He climbed inside my room and stood in front of me, silent tears streaming down his face.

"You were right, Star. All along, you were right," Taylor stated sadly, "You said it’d go too far one day, and it did. Today,"

My heart went out to him. He was in so much emotional pain, not too mention his physical scars. I pursed my lips together in a tight frown and led Taylor towards my bed. I refrained from saying anything stupid like ‘I told you so’.

Taylor sat down at the foot of my bed, and I took a seat beside him. I lifted my hand and gently ran my fingertips over his red cheek. He flinched, but did not pull away.

"Oh, baby, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that," I cooed, biting my lip to stop myself crying. I could have sworn I had pierced a whole through my lip.

Taylor took a deep shaky breath, and looked at me directly, "I’m leaving,"

I smiled happily and hugged him lightly, hoping not to hurt him anymore.

"I’m so happy for you! I’m glad you decided to take up the UNC offer!" I beamed.

Taylor immediately pulled away and shook his head, "No, not UNC. I mean, I’m running away,"

At first I thought Taylor was joking with me; but his facial expression said otherwise. He was dead serious. I cocked my head to one side and raised an eyebrow.

"Where are you gonna go?" I asked him.

Taylor shrugged sheepishly, running his fingers through his knotted golden hair, "Don’t know yet. Hopefully outta Tulsa,"

"Y-y-you can’t, Taylor. I won’t let you," I said sternly, hoping to sound as if I were firmly laying down the ground rules. I couldn’t let Taylor run away. Where would he go? What would he do?

"I’m seventeen, Star!" he stated strongly, rolling his eyes, "I can take care of myself. Besides, I’ll be eighteen in a few months and-"

"Nine months, Taylor, nine months! You won’t be eighteen for nine months!" I screamed, "Don’t run-"

"Stop acting like my mom, Star," snapped Taylor, stopping me mid-sentence, "This is my life, I make my decisions. Deal with it,"

I looked at him sadly. He was throwing everything away. As much as I wanted him to leave home, running away was not the way I wanted him to do it. Taylor scooted closer to me and hugged me. I did not show him any response; instead, I let him speak.

"Star, I have to go, alright? Please understand that," he whispered, stroking my hair, "I need to leave this shit hole I call home,"

My tears began falling, but I kept quiet, so he continued.

"You know I can’t live without you, and you promised me something this afternoon...you said you’d never leave me,"

I looked up at him, shocked. Taylor was asking me to run away with him. His eyes pleaded with me, and I felt guilty for making a promise I knew I would break.

"Come on, Star. I need you. Say you’ll come with me," he coaxed.

Who knows what trouble Taylor could get himself into without my guidance? Who knows where he would end up? I couldn’t let him into the real world without me. I knew I had to go with him. Sighing, I shook my head.

I huffed, "Fine,"

I sat in the passenger seat of Taylor’s car, resting the side of my head against the window. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Taylor steal a quick glance in my direction. He smiled contently. This is what he wanted, and he was getting it. Freedom, and safety.

I returned my attention to the familiar road ahead of us. This would be the last time I was going to get the opportunity to see it. Goodbye Shade Street. Goodbye Rex’s. Goodbye Bell’s. Goodbye family. Goodbye friends. Goodbye home.

I looked at Taylor once again and saw a spark in his eyes. Determination. He was set on never coming back to Tulsa ever again. I sighed and closed my eyes. It was like what Thomas Wolf once said, "You can’t go home again".