Aussie Aussie Aussie!!

Hey Paul, what has six legs and stinks in the middle? We do!

The first joke the Doug Anthony Allstars ever did:
Do you wake up in the morning feeling Sleepy and Grumpy? You must be Snow White!

Take your hand away from your mouth, you don't know where it's been.
This man has been dragged behind a truck across the desert for 17 miles, so we can't show you his...face.
I can thunk!
Kylie is an alien!
Jesus, what'll we call him?
Show 'em your claws Richard!
Billy! Where did your head go?
That's a funny place to get a bayonet stuck
In case of death, please contact a sick, perverted corpse grinder.
Settle down, you're becoming a rabble.
Jesus loves you, he just hates what you're doing.
Funny man! Funny man!
Who's that walking on air? Bouncing down the street without a care?
Put that nuclear weapon down, you'll take someone's eye out.

Had a girl,
Couldn't track her,
She was an English, Backpacker
We thought it was forever,
But our love just ran aground.
But I still feel she's close to me,
I walk across her endlessly,
Do do do, she's buried out my back door
I say, do do do, she buried out my back door.

Bob: I love the smell of napalm on a mormon.

One of my favourite bits, and it's kind of hard to pin point all my favs, was in the Last Concert Album, where Paul and Rich were talking about the braille signs on Tim's bum.

Sorry Col, I didn't realise it was so serious!
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah......
Not touching! Not touching! (used in The Found Objects)

The Adentures of Lano & Woodley

I've got a feeling,
Got a bit of an inkling
This is gonna be, one of those days
This is a show all about me (and me)
And all the things that I do, and all the things that I see (and what I see)
I got a feeling,
Got a bit of an inkling
As long as we're together,
It'll be okay.

The Girlfriend
Frank: Good on ya Col, good on ya Colly, Colly Wolly.
Colin: Yeah, that's the way Frankie, Frankie Wankie, yeah.

Colin: You stole my imaginery girlfriend.
Frank: I don't know Col. Maybe next time you make somebody up, you should make somebody who likes you.

One Simple Task
Colin: Burnies, burnies, hot pizza burnies.

Colin: You're so dumb aren't you. You're such an idiot. You're so stupendous.
Frank: Col, I don't think you know what that word means.
Colin: I know what exactly it means. You're just jealous cos you know that I'm so much better. I'm so superfulous!

StarQuest
Frank: Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will cause permanent psychological damage.

StarQuest Theme: Look at me, look at me, I want everyone to look at me...on StarQuest.

Colin: Burnies, burnies, carpet burnies.

Tonight You Die
Video guy: What about The Silence of the Lambs?
Colin: Nah, I'm not really into nature films.

Frank: I love you Col. (Colin opens door, then shuts it)
Colin: Frank...love is a very strong word for me. (opens and shuts door again) Frank, I..tolerate you.

The Wall
Colin: Frank, can you come and put your penis in this door frame for me please? (Frank goes to moves, but checks himself, with a wary look at Colin)

Colin: Burnies, burnies, chili sauce burnies.

The Two Men
Colin: Get that camera off my nudies bits.

Colin: Burnies, burnies, pool cue burnies.

Frank: What's the phone number for the police station? So we can tell the cops.
Colin: I think the cops would know their own phone number.

Frank: I got it out of my pocket. I could do that, because it's a pocket-sized camera.

Want some more? Like the finger jarring? Frank in the video shop? Figuring out who the two men are? Then try here

"C'm here Mick!" 'SLAP'
"Which car is your's Mr Premier?" "Mine's the one with the flag on the bonnet."
Don't encourage him. (Tommy about Rob during the news)
Don't break my heart, my ouchy wouchy heart.
SKIVVYS ARE BACK!

Shitscared Poolside
(Mick standing on top of the diving tower, with his pants down)
Rob: Mick! What the hell are you doing?
Mick: Oh, I'm just checking the wind direction. It's going that way.

House And Home with Jeff and Terry's Master Builders.

World in Crisis!!
Goin' off, like a frog in a sock
Detachable toe!

The Australian Tourist Commission Song

Redback, funnel web, blue-ringed octopus,
taipan, tiger snake, and a box jellyfish,
stonefish, and the poison thing that lives in a shell, that spikes you when you pick it up

Come to Australia, you might accidently get killed.

Your life's constantly under threat, have you been bitten yet?
You've only got three minutes left, before a massive coronary breakdown

Redback, funnel web, blue-ringed octopus,
taipan, tiger snake, and a box jellyfish,
big shark, just waiting for you to go swimming at Bondi Beach

Come to Australia, you might accidently get killed,
your blood is sure to be spilled, with fear your pants will be filled,
because you might accidently get killed.

Try these out

Fantastic DAAS page
Hop aboard the Comedy Tram! With Lano & Woodley and others
I had to put the Paul page in.
Lano & Woodley page
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