Barney vs. Pokemon
(I guess a sense of direction is not
part of Ash's instincts. Now they are
lost *again* in a very eerie town.)
Misty: Ash? Where are we?
Ash: Gee, Misty. If you think I knew
wouldn't I know how to get out of here?
Misty: Actually.....NO!
Brock: Oh, come on you two. Stop
bickering!
Pikachu: Pika! Pi Pikachu!(Yeah! Shut up
already!)
Ash and Misty: He/she started it! No I
didn't! You did!
(Both Brock and Pikachu get those big
sweatdrops on their heads. Suddenly, a
young girl, around 13, runs down the
street. Ash and Misty stop fighting.)
Ash:(pointing to the girl) Hey, maybe
she can tell us where we are!
Misty: Yeah! And if there's a restaurant
nearby!
(Ash and Co. follow the girl to a small
little school. When the girl stops, Ash
and Co. fall to the ground, out of
breath from running after her. After
they begin to breathe normally again,
they hide behind a bush and spy on her
and 2 other kids*younger than the 13
year-old* playing with each other.)
Boy: Hey, Molly! Glad you could make it!
Molly: Hi, Max! Hi, Chad! What are you
doing?
Chad: We're make-believing we're
astronauts!
Molly: That's sound like fun. Can I
play?
Max: Sure! Just grab a box and join the
fun!
(Molly grabs a box wih a hole for seeing
through and puts it on her head, then
the 3 friend pretend they're flying
around in a spaceship. Pretty soon, a
song breaks out. Ash, Misty and Pikachu
are puzzled.)
Ash: What are they doing??
Misty: They seem to be...pretending and
singing.
Pikachu:(plugging its ears) Pika-pi!
Pika-pi!(Make it stop! Make it stop!)
Ash: Hey, wait a sec. Where's Brock??
(After Molly, Max, and Chad are done
singing and dancing, Brock gets up from
his hiding place and walks up to them.)
Misty: Brock..no!
Brock: Hello. I'm sorry to disturb you,
but I couldn't help but notice your
name. It's Molly, right? My name is
Brock, and it's a pleasure meeting you.
Say, I'm not busy tonight. Wanna go out
on a date? We can talk about, oh say,
life, food, pokemon...
Molly:(confused) Pokemon?? What's a
pokemon??
(When Ash heard that stupid remark, he
too got out of his hiding spot. Misty,
without thinking, chased after him,
along with Pikachu.)
Ash: "What's a pokemon?"? Geez, how
dense can you people be?!
Brock: Ash! Show this lovely young girl
some respect!
(Both Max and Chad hide behind Molly.)
Max: Molly? Who are these mean and nasty
people?
Molly: I don't know, Max, but I don't
think we're supposed to talk to them.
They're strangers, and Barney told us
never to talk to them.
Misty: Hey, who you calling mean and
nasty? I'll show you mean and nasty, you
little turd!
Brock: Uh...might I ask who Barney is?
Chad: He's our friend. He's a big purple
dinosaur who loves everyone!
Misty:(skeptical)A big purple dinosaur?
I don't see any big purple dinosaur.
(Chad points to a little purple dinosaur
doll. All of a sudden, it turns into a
giant living, breathing dinosaur. Ash,
Misty, Brock, and Pikachu scream. Molly,
Max, and Chad hug the strange creature.)
Molly, Max, and Chad: Barney!!
Pikachu: Pi...Pika Pika
chu??!!(What...what the hell is
that??!!)
Barney: Hu-yuck! Hello, my friends! How
are you today?
Molly: We're okay. How are you, Barney?
Barney: Me? Oh, I'm feeling
super-deduper!(goofy laughing)
Misty: Ash? What IS that thing?
Ash: I don't know. I'll get Dexter to
tell me.(takes out pokedex)
Dexter: Pokemon not identified. Pokemon
not identified.
Ash: Huh? Hmm...maybe it's a rare
species that hasn't been found yet. Oh
boy! I'm gonna catch it! Pokeball, go!
(Ash does the hat thing, then throws the
pokeball. Unfortunately, when it hits
Barney, it just leaves a dent and
bounces back, hitting Brock in the head
and making him fall. After the dent
oddly disappears, Barney waddles in the
direction of Ash, Misty, and Pikachu.)
Barney: Hu-yuck! Are these our new
friends?
Molly: I don't know. They just followed
here. I'm not talking to them, though;
they might be bad people.
Ash:(a little freaked out) We're not bad
people. We're pokemon trainers. I'm Ash,
and this Misty, and my pokemon, Pikachu.
Pikachu: Pika Pika Pika-pi-pi-chu!(Just
keep that freakin' overgrown piece of
purple crap away from me!)
Barney: What did it say?
Ash: Oh...uh, Pikachu said it was very
glad to meet you and your friends.
Barney: Aw...isn't that sweet?
Pikachu: Pikachu pi-pi-Pika
pi-chu.(Yeah, well not as sweet as your
stupid and pathetic candy ass.)
Barney: Well, now that you're no longer
strangers, care to join us for lunch?
Ash: Well, we really should be going, so
if you can just tell how to get to...
Misty: Of course, we'll stay for lunch!
Barney: Hooray! That is super-de-duper!
Come on, let's give our new friends a
very special Barney treat!(goofy
laughter)
(Barney hops inside the tiny school, of
course, he falls down on the concrete,
but his response of pain is just a mere
round of mindless giggles. Molly walks
up to Brock and helps him up.)
Molly: Are you okay?
Brock: I am now.
(Brock and Molly both walk inside
together. Only Ash and Misty are outside
now, and Ash is pretty mad,)
Ash: Misty, why did you say that we'd
stay?? These people are complete
lunatics! And Brock isn't making matters
any better!
Misty: Look, I don't like that purple
dino either, but we might as well eat
now before ditching this popstand! Who
knows when we'll make it to the next
town!
Ash:(sighs) Okay. But as soon as lunch
is over, we're gone. I can't stand to
stay another minute in this hellhole.
Misty: There's the Ash I know! Let's go!
(So, finally Ash and Misty go inside for
their "very special Barney treat", which
appeared to be a restaurant setting with
what appeared to be waiters, one larger
and more purple that the rest. Ash sat
down by Misty, who sat by Brock, who was
anticipating on the waiter to be Molly,
but it was Barney instead.)
Barney: Welcome to Les' Barney's
Restaurant. May I take your order?
Misty:(reading menu) Um...let's
see....hey, all this food is HEATHLY
crap! I want some REAL food!
Molly: But Misty, healthy food IS real
food, only it makes you stronger when
you eat it.
Brock: Well, since YOU say it's good,
Molly, I will have a ham sandwich with
carrot sticks and a fruit juice, please.
Ash: I'll have the same. And Pikachu
will have ketchup.
Pikachu: Pikachu!!!(I want ketchup!!!)
Misty: I'll have an apple, I guess.
Barney: Okay. One super-de-duper healthy
snack coming up!(goofy laughter)
Chad:(singing) Oh, a healthy snack is
good for me, it makes be big and
strong...
Max:(singing) And when I grow up up I
know I'll live very, very, very, very,
long....
Pikachu: Pika-Pika-pi chu.(God, they're
singing again.)
(As they are singing*in which even Brock
joins in on!*Molly serves them their
lunch, which is when Misty discovered
somethingg wrong.)
Misty: Stop the freakin' music! This
food ain't real!
(Pikachu tries to open a ketchup bottle,
but apparently, it's fake. Pikachu gets
mad. And pounds its little paws on the
table )
Pikachu: Pi Pi Pi!(Damn damn damn!)
Max: We're pretending.
Ash: Pretending?! But you said the food
was real!
Molly: Actually, we said that health
food was real food. We never said that
the food were was using was real, silly.
Barney: Isn't pretending fun?
Misty: Lookie, here, children of corn
and you purple trash, the only reason I
was gonna stay was to get some friggin'
food in my friggin' stomach! Now,
where's the damn chow?!
Pikachu: Pika!(Yeah!)
(Barney, Molly, Chad, Max, and Brock
gasp.)
Chad: She said the "d" word!
Brock: Misty, watch your language! There
are little kids present!
Misty: Oh, so the little yellow rat can
swear but I can't,is that right?
Ash: Well, unlike you, Misty, they can't
understand Pikachu that well!
Pikachu: Pika Pika Pika Pika Pi Pi Pika
chu!(And you're darn lucky you can't you
little....)
Ash: Pikachu!
Pikachu: Pika pi.(Sorry, Ash.)
Ash: Look, I apologize for my friends'
beahvior. They're really just impossible
to take anywhere. I guess we should
leave. Come on, guys.
Brock: Uh...Ash? You can go without me.
Ash: Huh?
Brock: I wanna stay with Molly.
Ash: Wha..?
Misty: All right! That's it! I quit!
Ash: You quit? You can't quit! You've
got nothing to quit on!
Misty: Yes, I do! I'm quitting this
stupid story! It doesn't make any sense!
Ash: You're not making any sense! You
can't quit just halfway through the
story! Not unless you die, or something.
Misty: Fine, then. I'm dead.
Ash: That's not dying! You have to do
something that could kill you!
Misty: Don't you listen to the news? A
lot of
kids got siezures from watching this
show in Japan. So, since I live in this
show, I claim that I instantly have a
siezure and die.
Ash:(speechless)
Well...you...and..why...that's not
fair!!
Misty: Tough cookies! I'm outta here!
Barney: You know, quitters never get
what they want, hu-yuck!
Misty: Shut up, asshole!
(And so, Misty "dies" from a sudden
siezure.)
Ash: Oh, great. How can we continue the
story without a main female actress?
Brock: Pikachu might be a girl.
Pikachu: Pika chu.(Fat chance.)
(Hmm...I'll have to find another female
actress, but for now, on
with the story! So, anyways, while Brock
was having the time fo his life with
Molly and Ash was trying to get him so
they could leave, an explosion went off.
Everyone fell down, and Barney fell on
Ash.)
Max: Look! Ash broke Barney's fall!
Ash: OW! My god, he's crushing
me!! Pikachu, help me!
Pikachu: Pi!(Gladly!)
(But before it could shock Barney off of
him, he got up and dusted off Ash, then
hugged him.)
Barney: Aw, thank you, Ash. You truly
are my friend!(goofy laughter)
Ash: Please don't hug me.
Voice #1: Prepare for trouble!
Voice: #2: Make it double!
Voice #1: To protect the world from
devastation,
Voice #2: To unite...Jessie, why don't
we
just get to the point?
Jessie: Okay. We're Team Rocket and we
want rare pokemon! So hand over the
Pikachu!
James: Don't make us have to fight for
it again! We always fight, and we always
lose!
Meowth:(sadly) Meowth, that's right.
Ash: Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not giving
up...
James: Oh, look! Food!
(I interrupt this fanfic to give out an
announcenment. *squeals* James is SOOOO
hot! Ahem, we now return to our
regularly scheduled fanfic. So, James
was
instantly lovestruck when he laid eyes
on
the food*which of course, was fake, but
they didn't know that*. Jesse and Meowth
sooned joined in.)
Meowth: It's any beggar's dream meal!
James: Beggar? Hmph! I'm no beggar! I
only beg for foo....oh, crap.
Ash: Guys, I wouldn't do that if I were
you....
Meowth: Well, you're NOT us! Now get
lost!
(Meowth scratched Ash in the face and
Ash screamed. Team Rocket immmediately
took the biggest pieces of food there
and dove right in. A second later, a
different reaction was heard.)
James:(screams) It's too hard! That food
is stale!
Meowth:(sobby-eyed)Ahh! I chipped my
tooth!(crying)
Jesse: You idiots! This food is
obviously NOT REAL!
Molly: That's right; it's pretend food!
Jessie: Hmm?(looks at Molly)You there!
You look old enough to have pokemon...
Brock: Leave her alone! She doesn't know
what pokemon is!
Jessie: You don't?
(Molly shakes her head)
Meowth: That's a freakin' lie! Anyone
who's anyone knows what pokemon are! I
say we scratch her up and steal her most
valuable ones!
James: You have to have at least one,
little girl. You know, they're sometimes
big, soemtimes small....a man't best
friend?
Molly:(snaps fingers)Oh, I have a best
friend like that!
Max and Chad: Yeah! Barney is our best
friend!
James: BARNEY?!
Jessie: Don't toy with us, kid. Barney
isn't real!
Molly: Turn around and see for yourself!
(Team Rocket and see that they're right
up to Barney. Jesse and Meowth get out
of his way, but manages to hug James.
James, for some reason, seems very
disgruntled from it.)
Barney! Wow! Even more friends to play
with! This is one super de-duper day!
James: Lemme go, you purple bastard!
Lemme go, for the love of God, PLEASE!!!
Meowth: Geez, James. Calm down. What
could be so terrifying about him?
James: When I was just a lad, my parents
made me watch this 3 hours a day. It
was torture. I couldn't STAND that
purple dinosaur. And eventually I
became...emotionally scarred.
(Everyone looks oddly at James.)
Ash: Whoa, that's some life you lived,
James.
James:(starting to cry) I know,
I....HEY! Don't try to change the
subject!
Jesse: Just give us that Pikachu!
Ash: NO! Pikachu! Thundershock!
Pikachu: Pika...CHUUUU!!
(Pikachu lets out a HUGE bolt of
lightning that aims for Jesse and
Meowth. They dodge it once again, but
Max, who was behind them, took the
shock. After it was over, he was burnt
to a crisp, his eyes were hanging out of
their sockets, blood came out of his
mouth....well, to put it another way, he
died. Chad ran up to him and screamed in
disbelief.)
Chad: Oh, my GOD! You killed Ken...er,
Max!(puts Max's eyes in his hand and
cries) WHY??!!!!
Ash: Pikachu!
Pikachu: Pika-pika chu chu! pika pika ka
pi!(Hey, it was an accident! Besides,
that twink deserved it for being so damn
annoying!)
Ash:(sighs, then thinks) I knew I
shouldn't have let him eat 2 bottles of
ketchup...)
Jessie: Arbok! Poison Sting!
(Arbok tries to sting Pikachu, but it
misses and hits Barney right through his
stomach, but Barney just giggles. Just
then, Ash gets an idea.)
Ash: Hey, you guys. Why don't you take
Barney instead of Pikachu?
Jesse: WHAT?
Meowth: Are you out of your puny little
mind? Why would we take that jerk?
Molly: Stop it! I can't let you bad talk
Barney anymore! It's not right!!
(Molly takes out a pocketknife and runs
toward Team Rocket, but Brock restrains
her.)
Brock: No! It isn't worth it, Molly!
Molly: Yes, it is!
(Both Molly and Brock fight over the
knife*where did a knife come from in a
children's show? hmm...*)
Ash: A pokemon battle for Barney. One
pokemon each. Deal?
Jesse: Well....okay.
James: No!
Jesse: James, shut up! We need more
pokemon, and we're getting this one!
Meowth: But Jesse...
Jesse: Zip it!!!!
(And so, the pokemon battle has begun!
Brock, Molly, and Chad were at the
sidelines, cheerinfg on Ash. James uses
Weezing, Jesse uses Arbok, and Ash uses
Pikachu. Before the fight begins, Ash
whispers something in Pikachu's ear,
Pikachu responds with a "Pi!", which
meant he understood. Barney step in fron
of the 3 contendents to announce the
rules.)
Barney: Here are the rules: make sure
you have oodles and oodles of
outstanding, wonderful, absitively,
posolutely, 100% fun!(goofy laughter)
Meowth:(whisepering) Jessie, I don't
think we should take Barney. James and I
already know he's not a...
(But before he could finish, the battle
started. Arbok charges for Pikachu.)
Jesse: Go Arbok! Wrap!
Arbok: Char-bok!
(Arbok reaches for Pikachu, and,
suprisingly, is able to wrap it. Pikachu
squeals really loud, but Ash keeps a
cool face.)
Brock: Huh? Team Rocket's WINNING? They
must really want Barney!
Molly: Of course, they do! No one can
say no to Barney....NO ONE!
Brock: Uh...right...
Jesse: Why are you just standing there,
James? Tell Weezing to attack!
James: But Jesse, I have to tell you
something...
Jesse: Damn it, I don't care! Just call
it out!!
James: Ok.(dejectedly)Go Weezing. Smog
Attack.
Weezing: Wee-zing!
(Weezing uses smog attack. Everyone
starts coughing. When it's all cleared
up, Pikachu had fainted. Ash looks
suprised.)
Ash:(gasps) How did you beat Pikachu?
Jesse: When you want something, you
gotta strive for it, kid. Now we got
Barney!
James and Meowth:(dejectedly)Whoo.
Barney: I'm the award? Oh, goody! How
terrrrrrrrific!(goofy laughter)
(Jesse takes out a pokeball and throws
it at Barney, but just like last time,
it bounces off of him and hits James
square in the nose.)
Jesse: What the...? Why won't it go in?
Meowth: That's because...
Ash: It's like Pikachu; it doesn't like
going in pokeballs. You'll have to drag
him around.
Jesse: Very well. James, get that dino to the balloon.
James: But Jesse...
(Jesse slaps James.)
James: OW! What was THAT for?!
Jesse: Just get that pokemon to the
balloon pronto, or I'll do it again!
James:(starting to cry) That hurt!
Jesse: Oh, shut up!
Barney: Wait! Before I go, I have to say
goodbye to my friends!
(Barney waddles over to Chad, Molly, and Brock and hugs them all.)
Molly: I'll miss you Barney.
Barney: And I'll miss you. But don't
worry; we still love each other!
Molly and Max: Aw....
Ash: I think I'm gonna barf...
Barney:(singing) I love you, you love
me...
(Ash plugs his ears.)
Ash:(screams) He's singing! Don't listen
to the EVIL!
(Molly and Chad join in on the singing,
but this time, Brock doesn't want any
part of this moment and backs off. After
the song is over, James strains to drag
Barney by the tail to the balloon.)
James:(straining) Move or lose it!
Barney: Bye, everyone!
Max: Bye Barney!
Molly: We love you!
(In a puff of smoke, Barney turns back
back into a small stuffed doll. James
falls over.)
James:(sarcastically) Thanks a lot.
(James picks up the doll and runs after
Meowth and Jesse. When they are both out
of sight, Pikachu get up.)
Pikachu: Pika...(Suckers...)
(AFterwards, they leave. While in the
forest, that talk some more.)
Brock: So, Pikachu didn't faint at all?
Ash: Nope. I didn't want Barney, so I
let them have him
Brock: What do you think they'll do when
they find out he's not a pokemon?
Ash: I don't know. Hey, Brock?
Brock: Yeah?
Ash: Are you still mad that Molly had
a relationship with Barney.
Brock: Not really. I felt better after I
found out who was taking Misty's place.
Ash: Really? Who is it?
(Suddenly, Nurse Joy runs up to them in
the same outfit as Misty's.)
Nurse Joy: Hi, Ash! Hello, Brock! I hope
I didn't leave you waiting...
Brock: Oh, not at all, Misty.
(Ash gets a sweatdrop on his forehead.)
Ash:(sighs) At least now we'll have a
pokemon center wherever we go!
(And so, a happy ending for Ash, Brock,
and "Misty". But wait, what about Team
Rocket?)
Jesse: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S NOT A
POKEMON?!
Meowth: That's what we've been trying to
tell you! Barney is just some mindless
dinosaur who sings bad songs!
Jesse: Well, what do we do with him?
James: Um...throw him off!
(James throws the Barney doll off the
balloon. On the ground, the original
Misty is walking around with Psyduck.)
Misty: Great, I think we're lost. NOW
how are we gonna find Ash?
Psyduck: Psyyyyyy?
Misty: This is all your fault, Psyduck!
Your stupid stare confused me! Huh,
what's that?
(In the air, the Barney doll returned to
it's true large form, plummeting towards
Misty. Misty looks up.)
Barney: Look out below!(goofy laughter)
Misty: Psyduck? Have I told you lately
that I love you?
Psyduck: Psyyyy?????
THE END(?)
(Like my story? All right! Sorry! My site's capoot for a while! DON'T GO HERE!)
