Moment of angst sorry

You don't know the feeling of my stomach sinking to the floor, and my heart stopping its beating for just a moment when i hear Your voice say those things to me.

You have no concept of what it feels like when i hear You simply acknowledge my existence...the utter joy that bursts into me just by You smiling in my direction

EVEN if it is simply a distracted smile.

You will never know the things i know will You?

You will never feel like all breath has escaped the lungs simply at the voice that one seeks speaking Your name.

You will not understand the fact that no matter where i am or what i am doing or who i am with Your face is just about the only one i see and Your voice is the only one i hear.

You will not be totally breathlessly shakingly hooked on the simple sound of Someone's footsteps that nothing else but that sound exists when that Someone is due to be home.

You don't know what the pain feels like when You strike me with Your toys.

You don't know the absolute BLISS my soul flings itself into when i can feel the exact thing You want me to feel, when the meeting of Your thought and desires and my flesh occurs

You just don't know the utter boundless mindless soultearing joy that gives to me to know that the response that i give is nothing short of perfection for You.

You won't know the torment my heart and soul go through just at the sight of You frowning. You don't understand that the thought of disappointing You literally makes me ILL!

You don't know that i walk through my days doing my job, talking to the people i talk to and the only thing i can think of is You

GO THE HELL AWAY YOU ARE NOT THE ONE I WANT and then i search for anything that reminds me of You.

You don't know how much the sound of Your voice, Your breath hot in my ear, telling me things...erotic, dark, passionate, nasty things just melts my bones and all i want to do it shut off every other part of me and just listen to You for days.

You don't know that the touch of Your hand on my skin makes me glow inside like a lighthouse

And You don't know that when You fuck me. You make me whole, complete, magical, beautiful, so damn beautiful i want to cry.Did You know i wait. I wait every day until i can catch the first glimpse of You. See You, hear You, smell You. And then and only then do i feel truly alive.

DAMN YOU. You took everything that i am and made it Yours and i gave it willingly, and know what?

I never want it back because even if it WAS in my possession again i would still think of it as Yours.

Do You know what i go through when i know that i am going to see You?

God! my heart begins beating a hundred miles an hour and my breath starts coming out quicker and my hands get sweaty and my eyes get all wide opened, and i am on edge until i see You and my legs shake nervously, and i tap my feet and my fingers and then i catch the first sight of You...

And it all stops.

My heart slows to a long low slow almost drugged beat, my body stills, my eyes narrow down until they are half-open, my breathing become deep. Its like i am an addict and You are my drug.

And now!! today!! When You said what You did i could have cheerfully throttled You i swear to GOD!!!

I mean the day started out all-nice like; me tied You with a flogger in Your hand HEY that is a good beginning!!!!!!!

Then things went down hill. That stupid argument, my punishment. Work calling to interrupt as usual. Daily life just barging in.

Then this evening. You acting so mysterious all afternoon, keeping me on edge. You disappeared for three hours and i was frantic.

You set up this whole evening to tell me what You just told me. i knew i was in trouble, i just knew it. That fierce look in Your eyes, Your jaw clenched, the toys You kept bringing into the den. God i didn't even know what i had done!

Then calling me in there, cuffing me to the wall and LEAVING ME while You went OUT and got take out food???!!!!

I cried so much. i have never cried like that.

I knew that for some unknown reason You were angry with me and then You left me. Do You know what that did to me???

It crushed my SOUL!

Damn You

The pitiful part was....the only thought in my head was.....if i had angered You soo much....i deserved to be left there...hell to die i didn't care.

Then You came back and i begged, pleaded, groveled with You to just beat me and get Your anger out and my punishment done. You did not say a word.

You took me off the wall and had me kneel at the chair by the fireplace. You took the seat, and as i wiped off my tears with my cuffed hands, You pulled out the food and started feeding me.

Do You KNOW what that was like? here i am an emotional mess on the floor, my soul bared and bleeding for You and You offer me mooshoo pork.

It was the weirdest .....kindest thing anyone has ever done for me.

I have never ever felt so loved....or so in my place as a submissive, as Your slave, as i did when You fed me there, tears slowly drying on my face, kneeling at Your feet.

Then, after eating, You stood me up and hooked me to the wall again, my back to You. The flogger You picked was so nice, heavy, thick, one of my favorites and You wielded it well

The warmth starting out nice , then heating more and more until my back was ablaze, red and glowing and hot. my ass getting similar treatment with a cat that You love. i was so off kilter.

I could do nothing but feel and float. i didn't have to channel anything i didn't have a mind set to get into...i feel like a funnel, being poured into and streaming out singular responses.

And when my knees finally gave out and i collapsed against the wall, my wrists holding me up alone, You picked me up, laid me on the blanket spread out on the carpet before the fire and You fucked me.

Me on my stomach, my red and glowing ass in the air, You sliding into me harder and harder and faster and faster, Your nails raking down my back, over the tender red heat there

The welts that were raised. i was amazed at myself for begging You to cum...didn't think i had any voice left.

And now Now You say these things to me. We have played together and cared for each other for a long long time and now You say these things to me

WELL DAMN YOU I LOVE YOU TOO OK?