3B
WARNING - THESE ARE EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE AND, THUS, FUNNY
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?
Acne will usually not come on a kid's face until around 13 or 14 years of age.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
How do you tell if a chick's too fat to f''k?
When you pull her pants down and her a$$ is still in them.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her breasts went.
How do we know God is a man?
Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate.
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
They don't have balls to scratch.
What is the definition of making love?
Something a woman does while a guy is f'''ing her.
What's the best thing about Alzheimer's disease?
You get to meet new people every day.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They've got boyfriends already.
Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.
Why do men like blowjobs?
It's the only time they get something into a woman's head straight.
What is 60 foot long and stinks of piss?
A conga line in an old folks home.
Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.
What do women & dog turds have in common?
The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.
What is the similarity between a woman and laxative?
They both irritate the sh't out of you.
What's the best thing about a blowjob?
Five minutes of peace and quiet.
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK?
One got his head blown off and the other was assassinated.
What's the difference between your boss and God?
God doesn't think he's your boss.
What's the medical term for a female-to-male sex change operation?
Strapadictomy.
Two condoms walk past a gay bar.
One of them says to the other, "Hey, whaddya say we go in there & get sh't-faced?"
Why is the space between a girl's breasts and hips called the waist?
Because you could put another pair of breasts in there.
Quotes
"A weekend wasted is never a wasted weekend."
"I'm not prejudice. I hate everyone equally."
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."
"Reality is an illusion created by alcoholic deficiency."
"Never hit a woman with glasses; hit her with your fist."
"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die."
"Hard work pays off in the future. Procrastination always pays off now."
"Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce."
"Remember: 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser."
"Moderation is good, but boring."
"Sex is nobody's business but the three people involved." (Maybe this is just in my case)
"If at first you don't succeed -- give up! No use being a damn fool."
"Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life."
"A steak a day keeps the cows dead."
"The reward for a job well done is more work."
"Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead."
"Golf scores are directly proportional to the number of witnesses."
"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is research."
"If you can remember the '60s, then you weren't there."
"There's no rape for the willing."
"Whatever man said, "What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger" never had his penis cut off." -- A 3B original
"There's only two jobs women are qualified for, handjobs and blowjobs." -- A 3B original (just kidding ladies, you know I love ya)
