From:
Shannon Walkley
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David
Thorne
Subject: Poster
Hi David
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been
missing
since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a
poster
for me. It has to be Letter and I will photocopy it
and put it around my suburb this afternoon.
This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and
is black
and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my
phone number.
Thanks Shan.
---
From:
David
Thorne
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster
Dear
Shannon,
That
is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and
not
half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised
you
managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there
cold,
frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her
back legs
squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"
Although
I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of
course,
drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy
return of
Missy.
Regards,
David.
---
From: Shannon
Walkley
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David
Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster
yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about
mine. I
have to leave at 1pm today.
---
From:
David
Thorne
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear
Shannon,
I
never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I
went
clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star
boots. They were
two sizes too small but I wanted them so
badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my
toenails very
short. As the party was only
a few blocks
from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all
feeling in
my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven,
spilling Malibu
& coke onto his white Wham 'Choose
Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident,
Steven sat
down in a chair already
occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled
causing Steven
to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto
the corner
of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat
also
defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige
cargo
pants. I liked that cat.
Attached
poster as requested.
Regards,
David.
---
From: Shannon
Walkley
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David
Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and
how
come the photo of Missy is so small?
---
From:
David
Thorne
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear
Shannon,
It's
a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards,
David.
---
From:
Shannon Walkley
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David
Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely
emotional over
this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can
you make
the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please.
Thanks.
---
From:
David
Thorne
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear
Shannon,
Having
worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you
understood,
despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive
criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text
messages, log
onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this
faux
pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy
attempting to
make her way home across busy intersections or being
trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days
down a
well once but that was just for fun.
I
have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards,
David.
---
From:
Shannon Walkley
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David
Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole
photo
of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I
just
want it to say Lost.
---
From:
David
Thorne
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
---
From:
Shannon Walkley
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David
Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word
lost and
the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name.
Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to
leave early today.
If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.
---
From:
David
Thorne
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww
Dear
Shannon,
I
don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week
but
after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of
kitty
litter, I
kept the cat in a closed cardboard
box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and
clean
feces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that
home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his
cat, I
pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I
failed to
put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post
office
and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people
need to
learn to let go.
I
have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed
instructions.
Regards, David.
---
From:
Shannon Walkley
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David
Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww
Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is
orange. I
gave you a photo of my cat.
From:
David
Thorne
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww
I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one
of
several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of
this.
If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat
but I did
find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you
want
it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian
bill.
I
knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed
after an
accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies
with
wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be
removed
and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could
charge
neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same
with a
horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards,
David.
---
From:
Shannon Walkley
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David
Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Please just use the photo I gave you.
---
From:
David
Thorne
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
---
From:
Shannon Walkley
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David
Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you
even
put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove
the
reward bit. Thanks Shan.
---
From:
David
Thorne
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
---
From:
Shannon Walkley
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David
Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave
in ten
minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.
---
From: David
Thorne
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From:
Shannon Walkley
Date:
Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David
Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Fine. That will have to do.