If you are interested in reading about my online experience,
then read below. If I were to give any advice on what I
have learned, I would say to always be honest and caring.
There is a real person on the other end. Also, keep in
mind that fantasies and pictures may not always be the
same as reality.
It all started for me about 3 years ago. I didn't even know how to turn a computer on. For, the sake of my children I thought that having a computer in the house would be great! And it was! *GRIN* I started learning my way through the computer and soon got interested in what there might be out in the cyber world
I got started online and soon got a chat program going. At first I really got quite the laugh out of the whole thing. People having cybersex online...IMAGINE THAT!
It wasn't long before I started making some really good friends...and I realized what an unbelievable connection you can feel with the person on the other end. Well, one evening I was looking for a friend and I paged a guy, his name is John, who I thought was my friend...well, as soon as I realized that I had made the mistake I told him that I was sorry to bother him and proceeded to hang up...but he stopped me and wanted to chat since we were already connected.
That night about 2 1/2 years ago changed my life. We started chatting every night and it wasn't long before we both wanted to hear each other on the telephone. That was such a big step for me, I was so scared! But it went well and it was just the beginning of many more conversations.
Finally, after 7 months of us spending countless hours on either the computer or the telephone..he gave me some bad news..or what I thought at the time was bad news..we were both married and at that point hadn't really intended on taking it any further. We knew that we wanted to but we both felt that the obligations were to much. Well, he told me that his wife had left him and what I found out later was that the reason was because she found his telephone bill (huge one I might add) I was devastated...I didn't know what to do...I felt that I was the blame for his marriage breaking up even though he assured me that the marriage was already on the rock pile and he was glad to be free. But the big thing was...that I hadn't been totally honest with him....I had lied to him about my age and about other personal things. I felt that I had to tell him RIGHT now..so that he could salvage what was left of his marriage if in fact he wanted to when he found out that I wasn't who he thought that I was. I was so scared that I would lose him... when I got the courage up to tell him...he took it really well.
After that we started growing even closer...then it was my turn..I had to face the fact that I had to get out of my marriage...which was getting worse by the day.
Once I got seperated we started making plans to meet in person. I was petrified! It had been a year now...and I felt that I was deeply in love with this man and I had never met him in person, but I knew that I wanted to meet him...more than anything. So, we set the date. I was a nervous wreck..I remember the first thing that he did when he saw me get out of the car was grab me and kiss me..my knees were shaking so bad that I wasn't sure that I could stand up.
I felt so weird. There I was kissing a stranger! I thought that it would be like seeing someone that I hadn't seen in years...and would be so glad to see them..but instead..I was standing there kissing a stranger...he didn't look like I had imagined and he didn't feel like I had imagined, he didn't even sound like he had on the telephone..WHERE WAS MY JOHN!
After our first few meetings...I started loving him all over again..but it was such a struggle at first. I would go home after seeing him and just long to hear my John on the telephone...because I missed him. It wasn't long and we made the transition and started planning a future.
I feel really sorry for not being honest with him from the beginning..it has been something that has been a thorn in my side ever since. I think that I felt like maybe it was my protection...against myself. I felt that if I made it so I couldn't ever meet him..(by lying to him) then I would be able to keep my promise to myself when I first started chatting...and that was to NEVER meet anyone in person that I had met online..I always thought that it was way too unsafe and that only weirdo's lurked online...but once I found out that wasn't true..I had a big mess to deal with. Its really easy to portray yourself to be something better then you are so that your chatting partner will be interested in you. However, what sometimes we don't realize is that the person on the other end might be falling in love with you, in which case they are going to get hurt really bad. Not to mention hurting yourself, if you happen to slip and fall in love too.*Smile*
