From:        Lehner Chris <xw7q5nd@mellon.com>
Date:        Tue, 14 Sep 1999 12:00:00 -0400


GOOD MORNING ALL BONES AND BONETTES,

        Well, it would appear that I have, once again, all kinds of extra
time on my hands here at work, and you all have to suffer the consequences.
Let the worthless ramblings commence.

        There are only four words in the English language that end with
"-dous"
        Chuck has a powerful new endzone O which you will learn to love, and
love dearly.  You will enjoy its symmetry and beauty, as well as the natural
flow of the whole thing.  I cannot reveal too much about it here on
unencrypted e-mail, as the Russians may be monitoring this.  But I can tell
you this:  think "RX-7."  Now your interest is piqued, yes?  Well you just
think on that all day and you'll be handsomely rewarded this evening.
        Male pigs generate about one quart of seminal fluid per session.
ONE QUART people.
        We will be pretty at sectionals, and we will achieve a certain level
of team-actualization.  We will take pride in destroying those who dare
challenge us.  We will rip their defenses apart and show them their still
beating offenses before their dying eyes.  Our rallying cries will be
compliments of Jon Voight in Anaconda:  "The Punisher can KILL you in a
thousand ways" and also of a Mexican peasant in some other movie:  "Dere
will be Hammers in de streets toniiiiiiiiiiight."
        White women are twice as likely as black women to suffer hip
fractures due to bone decalcification.
        The longest palendrome in the world is this:  "A man, a plan, a
canal, Panama."  Work it out, it's pretty amazing.  Who thinks of this shit?
        The average #2 pencil contains enough graphite to draw a 35 mile
long line.
        75% of all domestic dust is human skin particulates.  90% of all
human boogers are domestic dust.  Therefore, how much of the average boog is
composed of your own freakin' skin?
        Hammerhead sharks locate their prey electrostatically, I think.
        There is no 'Gak-head shark' yet known to man.
        The history of xerography dates back to 1937.
        The divots in a CD are between .9 and 3.3 nanometers long.
        If you could convert a fingernail clipping to pure energy, convert
that to electrical energy and sell it at the going rates, you could easily
pay for the full cost of a year of college at a state school.
        3.26 ounces equals 62.3 grams (notice the symmetry of that one too.)

        I don't want to spoil you guys with too many goodies.  Therefore I'm
gonna have to cut you off until I get some more free time.  Who knows when
that will be.

Peace out and props to the peeps.
Chris