As I searched for jokes on the Internet, I found that many of them refer to horrible things. Well, I decided to compile a few "clean" jokes that would be safe for all ages. I would appreciate any jokes you know to be submitted through this e-mail link! If you know of any other sites that have "clean" jokes please let me know. ENJOY!

This page was created December 4, 1997
This page was last edited December 30, 1997

Always remember that there is "...a time to weep, and a time to laugh..." - Ecclesiastes 3:4

1) In a certain town, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Finally they went to the Minister in the local church who had done some work with troubled children, and asked the Minister to talk to their boys. The Minister agreed to talk to the boys but he wanted to speak to the youngest one first. So the mother sent him into the Minister's office. The Minister sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk which he sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the Minister pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?" The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing. Again, louder, the Minister pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?" Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the Minister leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?" The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We are in BIIIIG trouble." The older boy asked, "What do you mean, BIG trouble?" His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it!"

2) One day a New York taxi driver died and went to heaven. As Saint Peter was evaluating him, he gently closed the book and said, "Well done!" and gave him a beautiful, white satin robe and a golden rod as a staff. The preacher who was standing in line behind him thought to himself, "Well, if he got those great treasures, imagine what I'll get." As the preacher was being evaluated, Saint Peter closed the book with astonishment and said, "Not so good." and gave him a cotton robe and a stick as a staff. The preacher said, "I don't understand. I lived a good life and worked to please you. I served as Jesus instructed and I enjoyed being God's servant. Why did that cabi get a greater reward than I?" Saint Peter said, "Oh, that's easy. When he did his job, people prayed. When you did your job, people slept."
Pastor Krodel

Pilate said to Joseph of Arimathaea, "Why do you want to give up your new tomb for this criminal called Jesus?" Joseph replied, "It's only for the weekend."

Who did the most evil deed in all the bible? Moses, he broke all 10 commandments at once.

The father told his son that he would buy him a new car if he cut his hair, got all A's on his report card and read the Bible. Finally the son brought a report card home with all A's and stated that he had read the bible all the way through. "What about the hair cut?" asked the father. The son replied, "Jesus and the Apostles wore their hair long." The father replied, "Then you also know that they walked everywhere."

While burglarizing someone's house, a thief hears a voice saying "Jesus is watching you". Suprised, the thief shines his flashlight frantically in search of the source of the voice. Finally, his light falls on a parrot and the parrot repeats, "Jesus is watching you". He asks, "What is your name?" and the parrot replies, "Moses". "What kind of family would name a parrot Moses?" he asks. The parrot replies, "The same kind that would name a rottweiler Jesus."

What kind of car is mentioned in the bible?
A Honda, the Apostles all came in one accord.

What US state is mentioned in the bible?
Arkansas, Noah opened the window and looked out of the ark and saw...

Where is baseball mentioned in the bible?
In the (big inning) beginning.

The children in Sunday school class were asked to draw a picture of a Bible scene. One picture was a plane flying in the sky with a man, a woman holding a baby, and another man flying the plane. The teacher asked, "What does this have to do with the Bible?" The student replied, "That's Joseph and Mary and baby Jesus on their flight to Egypt, and that's Pontius the Pilate."

The flood was coming and word was sent to evacuate. One farmer sat on his porch and told the rescue team. "I'm waiting for God, He'll save me." Soon the water rose and the farmer was forced to the second story of his house. The rescue boat came but he told them. "I'm waiting for God He'll save me." Soon the farmer was forced to the top of his roof. The rescue helecopter came but he told them. "I'm waiting for God, He'll save me." The water rose and the farmer drowned. On his arrival in heaven he asked God, "Why didn't you save me? I waited for you but you never came." God replied. "I came three times."

A man was asked to leave the Sunday service because he was dirty and his clothes were unfit for worship. They were tattered and torn. The man sat down outside on the church steps and began to cry. He felt a tap on his shoulder and looked up and saw Jesus standing there. "Why are you crying my child?" asked Jesus. "Because they wouldn't let me in for church." replied the man. Jesus said, "I know how you feel, for years now I too have been trying to get in."

How do we know that Jesus liked his steak well done? He said, "Well done my good and faithful servant."