GOD'S WILL,GOD'S GRACE
THE WILL OF GOD,WILL NEVER TAKE YOU,WHERE THE GRACE OF GOD CANNOT KEEP YOU! This is a fact that has been proven to me over and over through the years.......
I was born to a single mother who later married my father. These were troublesome times that ended with his suicide when I was nine. My father was a full blooded, Native American who grew up on the Penobscot Indian Reservation in northern Maine. He was an alcoholic who struggled with some serious problems.
Due to this fact and circumstances surrounding my parent's relationship, I found myself in the company of my grandmother more than anyone else when I was very young. God knew the loneliness of a child's heart and blessed me with this woman. In Titus two, we are told that the older women are teach the younger women. She was everything that this chapter is about. Her sweet, gentle spirit commanded a respect that came easily for those who knew her. She was always "the safe place." At the age of 94 in 1998, she went home to Glory and Heaven shines brighter. My mother followed just 12 days later.
As a teen, I fell into adolescent depression, loneliness and anorexia. Going through the motions in church at sixteen, I wanted nothing more than to be free of earthly cares. My own prayers seemed to return to me in a suffocating force. God seemed so far away...
I decided then to follow my father in death, and silently plotted the deed. My mother would be away for a day and when I said good-bye to her, I fully intended for that to be the final good-bye. But, God intervened.
It is not as important how He intervened, but that He did...
I'd like to say that it got better right away, but it did not. It was one foot in front of the other and in His grace alone, those steps led me to higher ground.
Ps.37" Commit thy way unto the Lord, and He shall bring
it to pass."
At eighteen and a babe in the Lord, and still struggling with no guidance from the people around me, I married a fellow whom I thought was a christian and wanted the same things as I-family and home. I was still struggling then. I can remember being in my senior year in school when my home room teacher approached me in the hall while I was getting something out of my locker. He said," I noticed that you have an engagement ring on your finger. When will you be married and do your parents approve of this?" I told him that my mother was all for it, and he asked," What do you think? Are you all for it?" I told him that things had to be better somewhere down the road than they are here and now. Then he said, " There are other answers than getting married," and I told him this was the only answer I had. With that I shut my locker door and headed down the hall. He kind of got in my way and said that if I was getting married to get away from a bad situation, it wasn't going to work. But I made it very clear that I wasn't going to talk about it.
Soon into the marriage things were definitely not right. Instead of coming home to his new bride, he stayed out long into the night..It is funny how I didn't remember that teachers attempt to reach out until just recently.
The years passed and I found myself isolated more and more. He never "allowed" me to get my driver's license, and living in an old farm house in the country kept me from the world around me. My children came along and we made the best of things. There were many sweet memories made apart from the darkness of the man we called husband and father.
After 13 years, 4 children, MUCH ABUSE, counselling and church intervention, he left us to pursue a gay lifestyle. No, I had no idea, but it didn't really surprise me. He has never had any contact with my children since then. { A good thing} The abuse had caused three miscarriages and a hearing loss, and now I am clinically deaf.
I couldn't understand. Had God failed me? I had prayed for marital restoration. Surely if a godly marriage is pleasing in God's eyes, He would answer my prayers.....Have you ever prayed that God's will would be done,and then begin to tell Him exactly how to do it? {smile}
The children and I landed in a tiny, four room apartment. I had no money, except what I was able to squirrel away in the months before my husband left. We had lost our home due to back taxes. My husband knew this was going to happen, but kept the details from me. I found out by receiving a hand written note through the mail from the new owners just before Christmas. "Dear Mr. & Mrs. ****, As you know we now own the house and would like to be in it by the first of the month, etc.etc.
But now we had been forced into a new beginning. This may sound bleak, but for the first time
my children experienced going over to the wall, turning a dial, and getting heat! No more struggling through winters, burning floor boards and wearing snow suits to bed. We were content in many ways, but I struggled with the feeling of panic and doom when I would wake in the morning knowing {or thinking} that all was lost. This is common with those who have been through marital betrayal.
Also, at this time we began attending a new church that welcomed us warmly, and which played a very important part in the Lord's plan for my life. The pastor of this little church was the father of the fellow homeschooling mother that helped us get into our apartment.
My dilema then was that I home schooled my children. Not wanting to stay on welfare for long, I knew that if I went to work, the children would have to be left on their own. My oldest was 13 and could handle watching after the others, but I did not want to leave them and be absent from their lives during a big chunk of the day...
The Lord knew and blessed my desire to be home for them and led me to a house keeping job. This lady was also divorced, and
had four, severely handicapped foster children. She liked the way I interacted with the children and offered me a job as respite care provider. I would train with her, and soon qualified with the foster agency to care for their special needs. The best part of it all was that I was able to take my children along with me. They would do their schooling and play while I was on hand to take care of her foster children. It was
a very rewarding experience for all of us.
I will shorten the story by saying this led us into a larger apartment, more training and then I began working with teens from my home. These teens had emotional needs, and many times they were brought to my home in handcuffs straight from jail! I would not have thought in my wildest imagination that God would put me in a place like that. But I loved it!
Somewhere amidst all that, I realized something very precious. The same peace that I saw in my dear grandmother had graciously been granted to me. The Lord allowed me to be content regardless of what was going on in my life. It was something that I had been searching for since I was a small child.
When my husband left, I was determined never to remarry... My husband David and I have been married for over seven years now. He too was raising a daughter after a similar experience, and was a deacon in the little church we started going to. He had been my best friend for several years {still is!} with no thought of romance and marriage. We had shared single parenting woes and special memories that true friendship brings. Hum? Funny how things work out.
No, there is no mystery. God answered my prayer for a godly marriage. Ecclesiastes tells us there is a season
for all things. And, I believe He gives us His grace to see us through those barren seasons. One foot in front of the other and eventually the season has changed.
He never takes us where His grace cannot keep us..
If you are struggling today, commit your way unto Him
and wait for the season to change. He is an awesome God
who never breaks His perfect,sovereign stride.
If you are discouraged today and want to share your willingness to let God lead in your life, please feel free to email us.
God bless!
