I updated the first page of the Carter Characters pictures. New one of Katie and 2 of me (even though I'm not a character). The link is at the bottom of this page.
3/20/03 -8:40pm
I'm so sick of March. I'm ready for it to be over, ready for time to move forward. I'm not one to live in the moment. I dream about the future, tomorrow, a week from now, next year. All of which are blurry and unrealistic. When I was younger I used to say that I wouldn't live to be eighteen. Well, eighteen has come and gone. Twenty has just recently come and gone. The next step is Twenty-One. I've spent so many hours dreaming about the future that I'm afraid I may have jinxed it. But then that's a very depressing thought and the last thing I need to do is depress the fuck out of myself.
So... happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Do I have any of those today? Taylor. Taylor. *sigh* Ok I feel better now. I think I forget to tell him sometimes but whenever I'm in a bad mood, or am having a bad day, all I have to do is think about him, and it all goes away. He is my rock. My saviour. I love him.
Note to self: Learn to tell him how much I love him more often. Until Later, Carter
March 20th, 2003
I hate this stupid month. Everybody is walking around freaking paranoid because of our bad luck with this month. 11 more days left. 11 more days until we're safe. I know that sounds stupid but hey, we're all stupid.
It's been a month now since I had that dream with the fire. I still haven't told Carter about it. I really don't want to freak her out. She used to be so afraid of waking up to a fire when we were younger. We used to have to plan out escape routes every few months, had to keep them updated. The last thing I need to do is scare the hell out of her.
Maybe I'm being ridiculous. It was just a dream after all. Even Katie says it was probably just a dream. But the way her eyes look when she says the word "probably" really scares me. Oh well, not much I can do about that now.
3/20/03,
I'm so tired I could pass out. I spent the majority of yesterday helping Zac and Carter get a headstart on "Spring Cleaning". I guess it's this thing Zac's mom makes them do every year and this year they wanted to get a head start on her. They said they figure if they clean Zac's room (and apparently his mother's idea of cleaning his room includes scrubbing the walls with disinfectant and throwing away almost every item in there) before she gets started, she'll spare them the agony of painting the garage.
So yesterday we started cleaning at eight in the morning and finished at midnight. Well, I wouldn't say "finished". His room still looks like hell. Tomorrow they want to paint it. Zac showed me paint chips of the colors he has in mind. One of them is so neon blue, if he puts it on his walls I'm afraid it'll look like a thousand smurfs were murdered in his bedroom. One is a lovely shade of monkey snot green. I'm trying to convince him to paint it pink but so far he's not very into the idea.
And have I mentioned the weird things he has in his room? There's this old meat tenderizer mallot thing in the MIDDLE of the floor. Then there's a rubber sledge hammer in the corner. Yeah, you don't touch those. They are sacred. I tried to move the meat mallot to a safer spot, since I stepped on it 11 times in one day. But as I was laying it on the dresser, Carter practically flew across the room and grabbed it from me. Then, she layed it down back in the middle of the floor. She mumbled something about a holy spirit and then told me to never ever move it again.
He also has this HUGE hairball under his bed. I was going to throw it away but I figured it was another sacred godly item so I left it there.
I would think he's weird and probably run away screaming, but hey, I keep a can of Scrubbing Bubbles next to my bed at all times. So who am I to judge?
Other than that, nothing new going on. I'll write later.
Katie
March 20th, 2003
I really need to get out of this town. I'm having a very hard time hiding my feelings. Everywhere I go, she is there. Everytime I close my eyes, she's there. I can't take it anymore. When will I be happy? When is it MY time to be looked at? I hate this.
Isaac
3/20/2003
I feel like Carter and I never talk anymore. Damn I sound like a pansy. But I miss her. How is it possible to miss somebody so much when you see them every single day? She's so busy lately with school. And when she's not at school or studying, she's hanging out with Katie like she's her new best friend. I mean, yeah the two of them are hilarious together, but Hello, I've been here forever, come play with me for once! Yeah that might not have sounded too good.
Anyway, I'm trying to convince Carter to go back to playing her music for people. She misses it, I know she does. And she needs to pursue it. But then again, she takes orders from noone. It's not like I can say, "Woman, go play your guitar." Yeah that would go over really well.
And it has just become obvious to me that ever since I've been writing in this journal (Carter got it for me for my birthday), it has been some kind of ode to her. I wonder if she writes about me the way I write about her. Sometimes I wonder if she loves me the way I love her. She says she does. I don't know. Must stop thinking. Brain going numb.
Taylor
Carter
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