For those of you that have asked recently, no, Carter is not done. I have just been very busy and have had some crap going on in my life that I haven't been dealing with very well. I needed to work on me because I worked on Carter. But now, here it is. Thank you for waiting. Also, take note that I have a new e-mail address if you need to talk to me.
Carter rolled over in her bed and pulled her dark, maroon comforter tighter around her head. She yawned and peeked out from under it expecting to find Zac still sitting there with her. It made sense that he would be there. She heard him when he promised that he would be there when she woke up. However, when she opened her eyes he wasn't the person she saw.
Todd was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, a book in his lap. She watched him for a moment while he turned the page, read for a moment, made a face, and then turned the page back to the previous one. "Dammit." He mumbled and dropped the book onto the floor. He finally looked up and smiled at Carter. "Hey."
Carter frowned and pulled her blanket completely over her head. "You aren't Zac."
Todd smiled at the lump of a person under the covers. "You know, my psychiatrist keeps telling me that but I can't help trying. He's all I want to be."
"Funny." She pulled the blanket back off her head. "Sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound... mean."
"It's ok. Zac had to go do something for his mom. He put up a big fuss about it. I've never seen somebody his age throw that kind of tantrum. Something about him having to be here when you woke up."
Carter smiled. "Good boy." She tossed a pillow at Todd and sat up, pulling her blanket around her shoulders and completely over her head again.
"Why do you keep doing that?"
"I feel grungy. My hair feels like it's wrapped completely around my neck and fixing it would require taking the blanket off and I'm not 100% sure that I'm wearing pants."
Todd tried as hard as possible not to laugh. "You've been asleep for about three days and I'm pretty sure Zac wouldn't let me in here if you weren't wearing pants."
Carter looked down to make sure he was right and then sighed, pulling the blanket off of her. She was wearing the same clothes as when she fell asleep. She looked back at Todd and tried to smile. She was holding in so much emotion. If Zac had been there she would have started to cry again. Her life had changed in a split second and she still wasn't sure how she was going to deal with that. Sleeping through the pain seemed to be all she could handle.
Todd gave her a confused look and picked up the book he was reading again. "I just told you that you've been asleep for three days and you aren't surprised?"
"No." She shook her head. "That's pretty much how I function sometimes. I go a week without sleep and then I make a loud robotic noise, my body shuts down, and I crash for a couple days. What are you reading?"
Todd blushed. "Oh, I uhm, got bored waiting for you to wake up so I went across the hall to your little library and grabbed this mamoth, impossible book off the shelf and decided to give it a try."
"Which book?"
He flipped it over and showed her the cover. "The Fountainhead?"
"Ah." She laughed lightly. "What on earth would possess you to read that?"
Todd shrugged and dropped the book onto the floor. "It looks like something you would read." His cheeks turned pink and Carter swore it was the first time she ever saw him blush that wildly before. "So, I figured, if you've read it, I should do."
She smiled. "Actually, I read about the first ten pages, got angry, and threw it against the wall."
Todd laughed. "Ok then, I don't feel quite as pathetic now."
"Yeah, I actually thought of throwing it into the garbage disposal but my dad took it away from me before I got the chance." She yawned again and leaned back against the wall, mirroring Todd's position on the floor. "So you're not very into reading?"
"Actually, I read about three books a week. Ayn Rand just isn't anywhere on that list yet."
Carter shrugged. "She doesn't need to be. Sometimes I get so engrossed in a book that Taylor has to blast Slayer to get my attention. He tries grabbing the book out of my hands but one time I bit him." She slowed down her words and her voice fell almost to a whisper. "He stopped trying to take away my reading material after that."
Todd jumped up quickly and made his way over to her bed. Sitting on the edge, he tried desperately to change the subject. He could tell she wasn't ready to talk about Taylor yet. "Hey!" He bit his lip. "Er..."
Carter smiled. "Smooth. You really know how to get a girl's mind off of her boy."
"Oh." Todd stared at the floor. "So, he's still your 'boy'?"
"I... don't know yet." Carter took a deep breath. "I haven't thought about it. I can't think about it."
"Well, yeah. Thinking about it would require actually being a wake for more than ten minutes at a time."
"Ok now, be nice." She smiled shyly and stared at the same part of the floor he was staring at. "Why are you here?"
"What?" He asked, "I told you, Zac left and..."
"No, I mean, why are you here? Zac had to go somewhere and you took over babysitting me. That means you were already here. Unless he called you."
"No, I was here."
"How long have you been here?"
"Only about an hour before he left. I came over to give you something."
"Huh?" Carter looked up at him quizzically.
Todd got up and went to the other side of the room where his backpack lay on the floor. He unzipped the largest compartment and pulled out a box, roughly wrapped in silver paper. He handed it to her and sat back down next to her on the bed.
Carter stared at the box for a moment before pulling off the lid and peering inside. "Todd..."
Todd reached into the box for her and pulled out it's contents one by one. "I brought some stuff I thought would cheer you up. I got these a long time ago." He handed her a smaller box, the size of a ring box.
Carter took the lid off of that and smiled. "Guitar picks."
"Yeah. I have this collection at home from concerts I've been to. When bands throw them into the audience I pretty much risk life and limb to get them. These are all ones I thought you'd like. Plus, you play guitar and I don't so it makes more sense that you have them."
Carter smiled and pulled out one pick at a time. Her eyes lit up with each one, uncovering treasures from some of her favorite bands. Her jaw fell suddenly and she held up a guitar pick that looked way too large for her tiny hands to use. Across one side was the word "Queen" written in bold letters. One the other side was Freddie Mercury's signature, faded and worn. "Where did you get this?"
Todd grinned. "That was my mom's. She bought it at a show way back in the day and actually got to go backstage to meet them. It was all she had for them to sign. She said he complained because his name was too big for it. If you look close I think you can still see that he ran out of room and had to squeeze the last two letters in really small."
Carter stared at the guitar pick. "Please tell me you're kidding me. You can't give this to me. Queen is the greatest band that ever lived and there are crazy people online that would pay so much money for this. For all of these."
"No. I want you to have it... them. Besides, my mom was obsessed and when Freddie Mercury died she threw away all her Queen stuff because she couldn't bear to look at it anymore. I think she hibernated for a year afterwards. She found this in a box with a couple of t-shirts a few years ago. She didn't want it. It was too painful." He laughed at the thought of his insane mother being young and in love with a band. "Besides, I'm really more into Black Sabbath."
Carter shook her head. "Thank you so much."
"Wait, there's more." He put down the small box and held up a cd. Here. I bought this last week and I thought you'd really like it. I know it's kind of used but I'm poor and I already burned a copy for myself. When you get a chance, listen to number 8."
Carter nodded and pulled a small box of Oreo cookies from the package. "Cookies?"
"Yeah." Todd grinned again. "Cause cookies rule."
"I can't believe you did all this for me. Why would you do all this for me? I've always been such a bitch to you."
"Yeah, well, I like bitches. You've met my sisters and I like them a lot."
Carter smiled and leaned forward to give him a hug. "Thank you. This is... just what I needed." She blushed. "I'm sorry I showed up at your eyes and cried and just..."
"Hey," Todd touched her arm lightly, "I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad you came to me. I want you to think of me as a friend. I know I'll never be to you what Zac is but I want to be at least... something."
"You are." Carter smiled. "And thank you."
Todd stood up and straightened his shirt. He'd been sitting on the floor for so long it ended up twisted completely around his body. "Just promise me something."
"Ok."
"Use some of those to come play at my dad's club again. And listen to number 8."
"I will. And I will." Carter surprised herself by frowning when he started to head for the door. "You're leaving?"
"Yeah. I have to get to work. But I'll call you. Or you call me. Or," He found himself stumbling over his words. He had never felt for anybody the way he felt for Carter. Hiding his feelings from everybody for so long had been the hardest thing he'd ever done. Love was never supposed to hurt and love was never supposed to be hidden from anybody. "Just call me. Let me know how you are doing."
"I will." Carter waved at him as he left. "Thank you again for everything."
After Todd left, came back in blushing, grabbed his backpack, left, came back in again asking if he could borrow "The Fountainhead", and left again, Carter took a deep breath and slipped the cd into her cd player. She flipped forward to song 8 and layed back down on her bed, reading along with the lyrics to the song. It was not what she expected at all.
"Under the weight of your wings
You are a god and whatever I want you to be
And I wonder if truly you are
Nearly as beautiful as I believe.
In my head
Your voice
You've got all that I need
And this make believe will get me through another
Lonely night.
Under the weight of your wings
Should ever we meet on your side of the stereo
I will pretend I know not of your thoughts
And even the way that they mirror my own
I'll take you away in the way that you take me
And go where I go.
In my head
Your voice
You've got all that I need
And this make believe will get me through another
Lonely night.
Fall awake to the sound of my heart to your beat
Melancholy and cool kind of bitter-sweet
Love on repeat
I'm echoing all your philosophies
I don't wanna be fool-hearted
Baby I'm outnumbered in my head.
In my head
Your voice
You've got all that I need
And this make believe will get me through another
Lonely night.
Under the weight of your wings
I make believe you are all that I'll ever need
All that I need."*****
Carter turned off her stereo and wiped her cheeks dry. He loved her so much. He had loved her for so long and she never took the time to notice. She didn't understand how anybody could love somebody so much when that person never gave them the time of day. She felt like the worst person in the world. Then she felt even worse because she knew that wasn't Todd's intentions by making her listen to the song.
Her life was spinning around so fast inside of her head. She needed to talk to Taylor but she knew if she did, she would fall apart. She grabbed her pillow violently from the other side of the bed and covered her face with it. She took a deep breath and screamed as loud as she could into the pillow. Then, she grabbed the remote to her stereo and listened to song 8 one more time before falling back to sleep.
***** This song is called "In my Head" by Anna Nalick. New artist, amazing album. I recommend it. It's called "Wreck of the Day".