I know, I know. It's been ages. Too long. Things have changed. I have changed. Life is different. For those of you who are reading this... thank you for sticking with me.
Carter rolled over in her bed and opened her eyes. She wasn't sure what time it was but she knew the sun would be coming up soon. It had been over a week since she walked in on Taylor kissing Katie. It no longer felt real to her. She even started telling herself that she didn't really see it. There had to be an explaination. Taylor was just... helping her get something off of her lips. Even that sounded more logical to her than the truth. But in her heart, she knew the truth. It was a moment of weakness that every human being on the planet has had at some point in their lives. It was a kiss. It was stupid. It could just as easily have been her. In fact, she started to see herself in exactly the same boat as Taylor. She had hurt at least two Hanson men in her lifetime. She had also been forgiven. Every adult relationship has to deal with it's hard times. It was a fact that she had now accepted. She was an adult and this was the first adult test that she had even been given. She was ready to handle it as an adult. She just had no idea how she was going to do that.
She closed her eyes and rolled over so that she was facing the wall. Her mind wouldn't stop long enough for her to fall asleep. She sighed and opened her eyes to see her old walkie talkie on her bedside table. Reaching over her bed she hesitated a moment before clicking it on. There was static on the other side and then she heard something that sounded like blankets moving around on a bed. Then, Taylor.
"Carter..."
She didn't answer. She wanted to but it was the first time she'd heard his voice in over a week, the longest she'd gone without hearing him in years. She couldn't find any words.
"It would sound really stupid for me to tell you I've been waiting for you to turn that on for a week so I won't say it." Taylor waited a few seconds and then sighed. "I wanted to come over but I'm a coward and I know you. I know you don't want to see me. I wanted to call you but I know you wouldn't answer. Zac says he's been taking care of you and I'm jealous. I want to be the one to take care of you but then I remember I'm the one who did this. Which makes me a flaming idiot."
Carter could see Taylor's facial expressions in her head and she supressed a smile.
"I know you wanted to laugh at that. I'm not going to apologize. Everybody time somebody says they're sorry to you, you do that 'no, I'm sorry' thing and it ends up with another battle. You already know I'm sorry and it would be redundant and pointless for me to say it. It wouldn't change anything either. I would still be an assclown."
Carter smiled this time.
"I haven't seen Katie. She called me and apologized. She wanted to take the blame for the whole thing but I wouldn't let her. I don't want you to hate her and I don't want you to think it's her fault. She is important to me. She's my friend. But if never seeing her again is what it takes for you to forgive me, then so be it."
Carter felt tears running down the side of her face and landing on her pillow. She closed her eyes to keep them from coming. She didn't want to cry anymore.
"I also know that Todd has been keeping you company. I'm glad. He called me today."
Carter's eyes shot open and she sat up in her bed. She grabbed the walkie talkie and held it in her lap, staring at the speaker.
"He told me that I needed to go to you. He said you wouldn't like it but that I had to anyway. He said that nothing should ever get in the way of us and that he knew how much you loved me. He told me how hard you took this and that he couldn't stand seeing you so unhappy. Let him into your life, Car. He's a good friend.
"He also told me that I would be stupid to just let this end. He said he'd kick my ass if I didn't fight like hell to keep you. He's right. The kiss wouldn't even compare with that as the dumbest thing I've ever done. I love you.... you know I do...."
Carter sniffled and wiped the tears away from her eyes. Then, she heard a "click" and the static was gone. Taylor had turned off the walkie talkie.
Taylor set the walkie talkie back on his bedside table. There was nothing more he could say at the moment. He knew he would probably have to do exactly has Todd had said, fight like hell to win her back. He was prepared to do it, but at the same time he knew he would have to give her space and time.
He was, however, not prepared at all to see the door to his balcony open slowly and Carter's face appear in the opening. He realized then that a week was the longest he had ever gone without seeing her face, even when they were kids and the only time he would see her was when she was playing with Zac. He wasn't prepared for the emotions he would feel when he saw her face there.
Taylor knew she had been crying. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and she was in her pajamas, gray shorts and a black t-shirt with the words "you're looking at the wrong place, this is not my ass" written on the left sleeve.
He jumped out of his bed and stood up as she closed the door behind her. Then, before he knew it, she was in his arms, hugging him as hard as she had ever hugged him. She pressed her face against his chest and he could hear her crying lightly. "I'm sorry." He whispered and forced back his own tears. He didn't feel as though he had the right to cry. He was the one who messed up.
Carted let go of him and and shoved a strand of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear. "You promised you wouldn't say you're sorry." She stared up into his eyes and smiled.
Taylor let out a deep breath and it seemed as if it was the first time he had breathed all week. "You know I am though, right?"
Carter nodded and put her arms around his waist again.
"I..." Taylor paused. "I don't know what to do here, Car."
"Me neither." Carter let go of him and stared into his eyes again. "I'm... tired. Do you think we could just sleep? I've slept but I don't feel like I've had any rest at all."
Taylor nodded and gestured towards the door to the balcony "Sleep. Come on, I'll take you next door."
Carter nodded and led Taylor back to her house. When she go to her own bedroom she climbed into her bed and pulled the covers around her. Then she watched as Taylor shifted his weight from side to side. He looked like a little boy who had no idea what he was supposed to do. She pulled the covers away from her and made a space for him on the bed. "Stay here with me."
Taylor shook his head. "No, we always fight for the covers and you punch in your sleep and then I end up kicking you in the teeth on accident and that's probably not what you need right now..."
"Tay, I need sleep and I won't be able to sleep well without you. Please? Just stay here with me. I need you here."
"I wouldn't think you would want me... Are you sure you don't want to just call me tomorr... I don't want... I want you to take time for yourself and forgive me... and then... My god, I suck at talking."
Carter laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him ito the bed with her. She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head down on his chest. "Taylor, I love you."
Taylor kissed the top of her head and once again found himself trying not to cry. "I love you. I'm sorry. It was so stupid... I don't even know why... she doesn't know either... I'm..."
Carter laughed, "My god, you suck at talking."
Taylor took a deep breath and pulled her even closer. "I just need to know that you'll forgive me. Is that selfish?"
"Taylor, you've known her for freaking ever. And you know how I feel about you. It's not something that goes away with a little kiss. And if you recall... I've screwed with your emotions enough in the history of our relationship for you to hate me forever. I don't know why you've ever forgiven me for how I've treated you in the past. And that's what it is now. It's in the past. It might not be the distant past... but it's officially the past. I'm making it that way."
Taylor kissed the top of her head again. "You are the most amazing person I have ever met. I'm... lucky."
"Yes, yes you are." She joked.
"Wait." Taylor sat up straight causing Carter to fall off of him and onto her pillows.
"Ooof. What?" She sat up and squinted as he jumped out of the bed and turned on the light.
"Where is it?" Taylor looked down at her bare hand and then looked around her room.
"Oh..." Carter reached into the pocket of her shorts and handed Taylor her engagement ring. He sat back down on the bed with her and rolled it in his fingers, watching it sparkle in his hand.
"It was in your pocket?"
Carter nodded. "I didn't know what to do with it. I gave it to Todd to keep for me at first but then I couldn't be away from it. So I just kept it in my pocket all the time. I needed it."
"But... I mean now..." Taylor sighed. "Do you think...?"
Carter rolled her eyes and held out her hand. "Oh geez, just put it back on me so we can go to sleep."
Taylor laughed and slowly slid the ring back onto her find. After staring at it for a moment he lifted her hand up and kissed it. Then he held her face in his hands lightly and kissed her lips. "I love you."
"I love you. I never stopped, not even for a second. And I never will. Just do me a favor?"
"Anything."
"Just don't go around kissing people anymore. It kind of sucks."
Taylor kissed her again and then switched off her lamp. He wrapped his arms around her and let his face lay against hers. Then, for the first time in over a week, he slept.