Dear Carter,
I know this will probably make you laugh and throw away this piece of paper like it's nothing. I need you to take me seriously. I just need to get this out. There's so many things to write, but I don't have enough paper.
Whenever I sit there and watch you grin that sarcastic grin and tuck your hair behind your ears, whenever you giggle and roll your eyes, whenever you take off your shirt so that you can jump into the pool, I always feel like I should be there, with my arms around you, taking action.
I'm not sure if it's who I am. I don't know if it's just a feeling, but I've known you for so long, Carter. You know that it's hard for me to be serious about anything, but this is one thing I know I can be serious about.
I didn't want to tell you then, but the day I saw you laying in the yard in that bikini, the black looked so good on you, as does everything else, I just wanted to lay there with my arm around you. Nothing else goes through my mind when I see you. All I want is you. I want to be with you, day and night, morning and afternoon.
Everything in my life revolves around you. The times I go out to swim, the time I go to bed, the times I go on the balcony. It is all about you. Every ounce of my body melts whenever I see your smile. Your eyes seem to glitter. I know it sounds cliche, I know all of this does, but I need you to know all this. I need to get it out.
It was hard enough for me to put this letter on your pillow. Hard enough for me to write all this with my lonely green pen that gets no attention. Hard enough for me to finally spill everything to you.
I just need you to know how I feel and how I have always felt. There's nothing in this world that makes my heart beat faster. It's all you.
Carter swallowed hard and looked at the tiny scribble of a signiture at the bottom.
Love, Taylor
"What a raging FUCK!" She screamed as she folded the note back up and headed out to the balcony. She knew he was there, she'd seen him before.
"What the hell is this?" She asked, standing just inches from his face.
"You.... read it?"
"Yeah. Are you trying to be funny? Trying to make me realize that I have nothing?!"
Taylor blinked hard. "What?"
"You do these God damned things all the time Tay. This is the last straw. I can't believe you'd make me think I was getting a letter from... I can't believe you!"
"You thought... Zac wrote it."
Carter sighed. "I knew it was you. I just..." She paused. "How could you do this?! You have no idea how bad this makes me feel!" She took the note and shoved it into his hands.
"How can it make you feel bad?" He asked, staring down at the letter.
"Because you know how this kind of stuff gets me going. You know! You've heard me tell Zac how I've always wanted a guy to write a gushy love letter to me cause it would make me feel good about myself. You did this just to mock me!"
Taylor's jaw dropped.
"I can't believe you! Everything before was friendly fighting. This was just plain shitty of you. How could you write this? How could you make me think that somebody out there actually cares about me and then sign your name at the bottom just to rip my heart out?"
"I..."
"You ripped my heart out." She repeated. "Do you want to stomp up and down on it too?! Or would you rather just let it sit there and rot on the gorund?"
Taylor put his hand on top of his head. "Carter... you have the whole thing all wrong..."
"How do I?"
"You think I spent 4 hours writing that note just to piss you off?! I wouldn't do that! I would never do that. You have me all wrong. You always have. I sit there and watch you all day and you don't even notice. I go out with your bitchy sister and learn to like her just so eventually I might be able to spend some time with you! I never knew that love letters get to you! If I'd have known, I wouldn't have said anything."
"Why didn't you just tell me?"
"Because I can't say anything to you without turning all red and muttering 'Hey'. You don't notice?"
Carter looked down at the ground, confused. "Dammit Tay. Why'd you have to do this? I'm really..."
"Confused?"
"Yeah."
"How do you think I've felt for the past 15 years. I haven't known whether to tell you or just... keep doing what you do."
"What do I do?"
Taylor stared at her, he had no idea what to say. "You toss me aside like you do everybody that shows any remote interest in you. I write you a note that I pour my heart into and you shove it in my face and yell at me. I don't know what the hell you want from me Carter. You spill your guts to me last week and then I spill my guts to you and you blow me off. What the hell is that? Is that your way of telling me you hate me? Because I can't deal with that. And I won't." Taylor crumpled the letter in his hand. "I don't know what's wrong with you, but..." He threw his hands in the air and tossed the note back to her.
After Taylor's balcony door slammed shut, Carter picked up the note and stared at it. She felt the first tear fall after she sat down on the loveseat. When she pulled her knees up to her chest, more tears fell. She had never broken anybody's heart before, that she knew of. This was a whole knew feeling to her. And it hurt like hell.
Carter tucked her hair behind her shoulders and sobbed. Her shoulders shook, even after she felt the hand on them, they continued to shake. She wanted it to be Zac. She wanted to hug him and sleep outside on the loveseat with him. But it was Taylor.
She looked up and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes.
"No.. don't." Taylor pulled her up. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have written that..."
Carter continued to stare at the ground, not wanting Taylor to see her tears. "Tay... I... I don't.... I can't...." The tears fell faster.
Taylor wrapped his arms around her shoulders and whispered into her ear. "I've never seen you cry."
Carter wiped her yes. "Why did you write it?"
"I had too."
"But..."
"I'm sorry I made you cry."
Carter put her head down on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I thought it was a joke. I couldn't see how you could even remotely care about me."
"But I do. You have no idea." Carter tucked her hair behind her ears and Taylor smiled. "You just have no idea how much your smile makes me melt. And how much... your.. even your facial expressions make me wanna..."
Carter looked up at him. "Wanna what?"
"What?"
"Make you wanna what?"
Taylor leaned foreward and took the sides of her face in his hands. Their faces were only centimeters apart when the balcony door opened.
Carter jumped. "So, do my tonsils look swollen?"
"Yup. Definetly. I think you might wanna get them checked out."
Zac stared at them, confused. "Tay, why are you staring down her throat?"
"She had a sore throat and she couldn't find you."
"I was in my room."
Carter snapped her fingers. "One place I didn't look. See ya Tay."
Taylor smiled shyly. "Later."
After he went back inside, Zac hugged Carter "I feel like shit." He moaned.
"You still don't feel good?"
"Huh uh. I feel like every ounce of energy has been taken from my bones."
"Awww." Carter gave him a sympathetic look. "Wanna stay in my room tonight?"
Zac nodded. "Yeah. Mel's not in there is she?"
"Nope, you can have her bed."
Zac smiled. "Cool."
As Carter walked into the house behind Zac, she glanced to her left to see Taylor, the door open a crack. She smiled a tiny smile and shrugged.
He did the same and then he went inside.