Taylor coughed once more and pulled his blanket up to his neck. "Go away. I don't want any." He whimpered trying to get Meli, Carter, and Zac away from his bed. Carter had a bottle of Nyquil in her hand and she was waving it in front of his face.
"Come on, Tay. It'll make you feel all better. And you'll be able to sleep. And then you won't be coughing ALL NIGHT LONG. We all need to get some sleep too." They were all in their pajamas, Carter a pair of shorts and a tanktop, Meli a pair of flannel pants and a t-shirt, and Zac a pair of purple boxers and a black t-shirt.
"But I don't want any. I just took Dayquil about an hour ago."
Carter grinned. "Even better."
"Why don't you just turn off your moniters?"
Carter glared at Zac. "I did, but then Zac started pounding on our wall complaining that you were coughing too loud." She smiled back at Taylor. "Come on. Take the damn Nyquil. For us!"
"But it's icky!"
Zac grabbed the bottle and threw it at Taylor's chest. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TAKE THE DAMN MEDICINE!!!"
"Ok ok." Taylor grumbled and fumbled with the bottle. He looked up suddenly. "Was that the doorbell?"
Zac and Carter looked at eachother. "Huh?"
"I heard the doorbell. I swear I did."
"No you didn't." Meli shook her head. "You're just trying to get out of taking the medicine."
"So what? Mixing Dayquil and Nyquil has to be dangerous. Doesn't it have a warning about that on the label?"
Carter shrugged. "I'll never understand why marijuana is illegal but yet you can by Nyquil for $5.99 at UniMart."
Zac smiled at Carter. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"It doesn't. I just thought I'd say it."
Taylor shook his head. "I don't wanna take the Nyquil. What if it kills me and makes me go crazy or something."
Carter shrugged. "Don't be a wussy, Tay. I mix the two of them all the time."
"Greeeaaattt." Taylor rolled his eyes. "Ok now that was definitely the doorbell."
Carter shrugged. "Alright, Mel you stay with Tay, make sure he takes the damn Nyquil. Tay, stop being a wussy. Zac, let's go get the door."
Zac and Carter trodded down the stairs. Carter sighed. "Who the heck could it be? It's midnight."
Carter shrugged. "Maybe it's Taylor's oncall hooker."
Zac chuckled. "Maybe it's Todd."
"Ew."
"In that case, let me protect you, my fair lady." He put his arm across her stomach as he opened the door a crack to see Justine, standing there. It was pouring outside and from the looks of it, she'd walked there. Her chinlength hair was freshly cut, but hanging in her face as tiny water droplets dripped from it and landed on her chest. She'd been crying, crying for a long time. "Justine." Zac opened the door the whole way to let her in. "What's wrong? Are you ok?"
Justine forced a smile. "Hi Carter." She didn't walk inside. "Zac... Gabi is dead."
Zac's eyes widened as he pulled her inside. "What?!"
"She killed herself last night."
Carter ran over to the couch to grab a blanket. She sat it gently over Justine's shoulders as Justine and Zac sat down on the couch. "I'm gonna... go upstairs... if you need anything..." Carter felt as if she should leave Zac with Justine.
Justine nodded. "Thanks. We found her this morning. There was... there was so much blood, Zac." She let out her breath in one huge sigh. "I couldn't stay at home any longer. There've been ambulances and police cars there all day asking all kinds of questions. Then the family started to show up. I just couldn't stay. I'm sorry Zac..."
Zac wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. "It's ok..." He had no idea what to say. He'd never suffered a loss so deep.
Melissa came running down the stairs next, tears in her eyes, her hands covering her mouth. She ran into the living room and threw herself onto the couch next to Justine, hugging her. "Oh my god. What happened?!"
Justine pushed Meli away from her. "Don't..."
"I'm sorry..." Melissa assumed Justine just didn't want to be hugged. "What happened?"
Justine shrugged her shoulders. "She went to get a bath at midnight last night. She'd been acting kinda funny all day. I fell asleep so I didn't notice how long she was in there. Then I went to go to the bathroom really early this morning and she was in the bathtub..."
Melissa could barely speak. She felt horrible asking Justine questions... questions she'd probably answered a hundred times already today.
"She left a note." Justine pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. It was folded and wet. "I probably shouldn't have taken it. But they took pictures of it and made copies already..." She handed it to Melissa and Zac to read.
We'll call this an experiment. I wanted to see how many people would miss me if I wasn't there. I've recently come to realize that everybody hates me, and not just fun, playful hating either. People have put all of their passion into hating me. So this is my payback. This was the only thing I could think of to hurt these people. They know who they are. And they know... this is forever.
Justine shook her head. "At first I thought, damn how selfish could a person be? But then I realized I couldn't be mad at her. She was on all kinds of medicine." The tears kept falling and falling from her cheeks. She looked to Melissa, who's face was whiter than the t-shirt she was wearing. "I wanted to come over and apologize... for everything my sister has done. She never knew how much she was hurting all of you, especially Carter. I mean, I've never been a huge fan of Carter's, but I've always known that Gabi went way to far." She sighed. "And now this... practically blaming you guys."
Melissa shook her head and stood up. "I... it was my fault."
Zac grabbed hold of Meli's hand. "Mel, no."
Melissa shivered. "No. I told her that everybody hated her. Everything in that letter, that was me. I said all that."
Justine shook her head. "It's not your fault Meli. Gabi did it to herself. She was sick, Mel. She was really really sick."
Melissa put her hands on her face and started to cry harder. "I'm so sorry, Justine. I'm so sorry."
Justine hugged Melissa and cried along with her, leaving Zac sitting there, not knowing what to do.
That night, Carter and Melissa's dad, feeling horrible for Justine, let her stay in Carter's bed. Carter stayed next door with Zac. Taylor was there too, laying on the floor. Although, even at 3:00 am, nobody was sleeping. She couldn't shake the feeling that Gabi was sitting right there, laughing at her, condemning her.
"Are you asleep yet?" Zac asked, looking to his side to see Carter. Her eyes were wide open and she was breathing lightly.
"Why did she do it?"
"Revenge?"
Carter shook her head. "It just doesn't seem right."
Taylor looked up. "What do you mean? Nothing about her seemed right."
"I mean, she came from a rich family. They had everything. She had everything. It was one of those families that you look at and you envy. But... why would she kill herself? It just doesn't make sense."
"I know." Zac sighed and put his arm around Carter's stomach. He curled up next to her. "I wish I could have done something for Justine. I felt so bad."
"You did. I think. When we were brushing our teeth earlier, she was actually talking to me. I thought she hated me. She told me how lucky I am to have you, and how much better you made her feel when you hugged her." Carter felt like crying. "What if Gabi was all Justine had? What if..."
Zac shook his head. "You said so yourself, they have a great family. And they have a brother too. Did you know that?"
Carter shook her head.
"He's 12."
"I hope he's ok."
Taylor rolled over onto his stomach on the floor and looked up at them. "Are you guys going to go to the funeral?"
"Yeah." Zac nodded.
"Carter?"
Carter took a deep breath. "I... I don't know if I can. I just keep thinking, this is what she wanted. She wanted us to all go to all sit here and think about her. She wanted us all to feel guilty."
"You feel guilty?" Zac asked.
Taylor and Carter both answered, "Yes," in unison. Carter wiped a tear away from her cheek. "So does Mel. She feels horrible. But that's what Gabi wanted, right? She wanted us to all feel bad and take the blame. And why else would we all go to her funeral but out of guilt? Why give her what she wanted?"
Zac sighed. "Because she was a human being in a lot of pain. She was confused and scared and she thought she had nobody. There aren't answers for these kind of things, Carter. You're gonna end up searching and searching but you'll just end up in the same spot. But you have to go to her funeral to prove her wrong. Gabi thought she had nobody. But when we all show up at her funeral, you know she'll be sitting there in the back, watching us. That's the kinda person she was. So if we all go, she'll realize the exact opposite; that we really did care. We might not have liked her very much. But we didn't want this."
Carter sniffled lightly, trying to cover up her tears. "Do you guys think suicides go to hell?"
Taylor shook his head. "No. I think whoever started that is full of shit. Yeah, it's a completely selfish thing to do, but you won't go to hell for it. Evil people go to hell... not sick people. Suicides are sick people... not evil. They'll go to heaven and they'll be rebourne... and they'll learn from their mistakes. But don't ever feel bad about it. And don't ever think she's in hell. Even Gabi doesn't deserve hell."
Carter smiled and reached off the bed to touch Taylor's shoulder. "Thanks, Tay." Then, everybody fell asleep, as if with Taylor's words, a tremendous weight was lifted off of their shoulders.
In Loving Memory of B.D. who shouldn't have gone so early, and L.R. who is now in heaven, proving them all wrong. There will never be answers for these kinds of things, but there will always be people who will never forget you.
Carter
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