Carter looked to her left to see her younger sister, hair pulled into a tight bun, sitting beside her in a black folding chair. They were all sitting in black folding chairs. She looked to her right to see Zac, holding her hair, looking down at his black shoes. Then there was Justine, leaning against her mother with tears in her eyes. Taylor was sitting behind Carter. Even Isaac had come home for Gabi's funeral. Abby, Todd, and Jesse were sitting in the back row, reading papers that were given to them at the beginning of the viewing.
Carter leaned toward Zac, "I can't do this... I just can't..."
Zac frowned. "You don't have too. I can tell Mr. and Mrs. Tarren that you have a sore throat."
"I can't lie." Carter cleared her throat lightly. "I... I guess I'm going to have to do it." She sighed as the Priest nodded towards Carter and smiled sympathetically at her. Carter was still fighting all of her feelings. She wasn't heartbroken about Gabi... or maybe she was. She definitely wasn't happy that Gabi was gone. But she wasn't crying about it either. She didn't know how to feel.
Carter walked slowly to the front of the funeral home to wear there was a chair set up with her guitar. She stopped at Gabi's casket first. She couldn't fight it any longer. She looked down to wear Gabi lay. She was pale, but her cheeks were painted rosy. She wore a red sweater and a matching red skirt. Her hair was brushed until it was fluffy and it lay on either side of her body. She wore thick black bracelets to hide the deep cuts on her wrists. Carter smiled, noticing how appropriate the red clothing was. She wondered if anybody else noticed it. She kissed her finger and then reached down to touch Gabi's shoulder lightly. She whispered the only words she could think of. "I'm sorry."
Then, Carter sat down slowly with her guitar. She didn't want to say anything before she started to play, instead, she just strummed a full minute of music before starting to sing. "All alone I didn't like the feeling. All alone I sat and cried. All alone I had to find some meaning in the center of the pain I felt inside. All alone I came into this world. All alone I will someday die.
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby, sand and water and a million years gone by.
I will see you in the light of a thousand suns. I will hear you in the sound of the waves. I will know you when I come as we all will come through the doors beyond the grave.
All alone I heal this heart of sorrow. All alone I raise this child. Flesh and bone he's just bursting towards tomorrow and his laughter fills my world and wears your smile.
I will see you in the light of a thousand suns. I will hear you in the sound of the waves. I will know you when I come as we all will come through the doors beyond the grave.
All alone I came into this world. All alone I will someday die. Solid stone is just sand and water, baby, sand and water and a million years gone by.*****
Carter almost whispered the last words when she noticed the tears flowing down Justine's cheeks. She looked up at Carter and smiled. Carter smiled back, put her guitar down, and went back to her seat.
Then, Justine slowly got up from her chair, wiped her eyes, and walked to the podium. She stood there for a few minutes before finally opening her mouth. "My sister... not everybody was a big fan of Gabi's," She stuttered, "And I know Gabi wasn't always the easiest person to get along with. Not many people really knew the Gabi that I knew. She was deep. She was honest. She... she didn't like herself very much. But nobody knew that. My sister was beautiful... and she always will be. I learned so many things from her. I think everybody else did too. I just wanted to read something," Justine reached into her purse and pulled out a folded piece of paper, "Gabi was always writing lyrics and songs down in her journal. I got to read it the other day, and this was my favorite passage. I think it really shows how deep Gabi really was and that she really wasn't all that bad.
In the morning, when I wake, dear, your mail recomforts me. In the darkness, when I'm frightened, I can see in my dreams.
Though I'm far, dear, though we're parted, I know that time can change nothing. So if you feel afraid and if your hope is gone just remember all these things I promise you.
I will move heaven. I will move hell and earth to be where you are. I will move heaven. And it may take one life, it may take forever, but I promise you.
As I sail through stormy seas, dear, you come to steal my heart. As I walk through, the path of danger, you lead me through the dark.
Though I'm far dear, though we're parted. I know that time can change nothing. So if you feel alone and if your faith is gone, just remember all these things I promised you.
I will move heaven. I will move hell and earth to be where you are. I will move heaven... and it may take this life, and it may take forever, but I promise you. I promise you."***
Justine folded the paper back up and stepped off of the podium. She walked to the casket and placed the piece of paper inside. "I'm sorry I read your journal Gabi, but they asked me to. They wanted answers. But I guess you didn't have any answers to give. That's the way you wanted it though. You always loved a good mystery. But I'm gonna look after everything until we're able to get back together and catch up on our gossip. I promise you." She smiled through her tears and turned around. She sat back down next to her mom and burried her face in her shoulder.
Zac leaned forward and put his hand on Justine's shoulder. He squeezed it lightly and smiled at her as if to say, "I'm proud of you."
With that, most of the people in the large, blue room, left slowly. Some hugged Mrs. Tarren, some shook Mr. Tarren's hand. But most people gave sympathetic glances and shook their heads at Gabi's quiet body.
Carter was furious. She glared fiercly at a woman as she shook her head and commented, "Such a sad thing these kids today... Why can't they just learn to live with life?"
Carter let go of Zac's hand and followed the old woman outside. Once they were out of the funeral home, Carter reached forward and touched the woman's arm. "Excuse me. What's your name?"
"Geneveive Tarren. May I help you?"
"Tarren?"
"Yes. Gabi was my grand-daughter."
Carter grew angrier. "How could you say such a thing like that inside?"
"Excuse me?"
"About your own grand-daughter. How could you say that?"
"It's just a sad, sad thing. She had a great life. She had parents who cared for her, friends that worshipped her. She was beautiful. She's missing out on life now. That's the sad thing."
"Maybe she didn't think she had all that much. Maybe she realized that this world is full of superficial people like you who judge everything and everybody on how they grew up, who their friends are, and how pretty they were? That's just not fair, Mrs. Tarren. You can't judge Gabi on this one mistake that she made. Don't you think she's paying for it enough just by not being here?"
She opened her mouth but nothing came out.
"I know that taking her own life wasn't the best way to get through things, but you're just proving her right with what you said. You're just proving that this world is one big pile of shit and the people in it aren't any better. I almost resent the fact that I didn't get to know her better. I judged her just as superficially as you did. But I'll never do that again and I hope you won't either." Carter turned around quickly and went back into the funeral home.
She was glad now that she came to the viewing. She had a feeling that it was Gabi herself that pushed Carter into going to the viewing. Somebody had to be there to stand up for Gabi when Gabi herself couldn't. Carter was proud that she was there to do it. She wouldn't be going to the funeral though. She didn't have to.
***** This is one of my favorite songs in the world called, "Sand and stone", by Beth Nielson Chapman. If it sounds familiar, it might be because it was used on Charmed. If you watch the show, you might remember the episode from the first season with the ghost, Mark that Piper fell for. At his funeral, this was played. It makes me cry everytime I hear it and now that I've heard the whole song, I know just how powerful it really is.
*** This is another really power song called "I promise you" by Judith Owen and I think K.D. Lang does some background vocals. This song was played during the scene on Charmed where Piper was daydreaming on VDAY and kissed Leo but then we all got pissed cause it was just a daydream. lol.