Meganfoolli's Page of Yummy Bacterial Goodness

Okay. I'm bloody sick of this webpage looking as it does. It's looked the same for Gosh knows how long! So I think I'll be changing it....drastically....very very drastically.....but how? Keep checking back in the next couple of weeks, then I'll tell you!

The National Ballad of the Bacteria Queen

‘Twas a glorious, bright, summer’s day
and all the children were out to play
and one very special bacteria queen.
She was in her original form,
decked in furred robes though it was warm,
and shrunk down to a small size to not be seen.

The lords and ladies of her court
thought it to be a merry sport,
a game if you will, of making people ill.
They played this game all day and night
and quit at the next morning’s light.
Alas, the plague they had caused spread with a will.

The children all played their sweet old games,
some you know but I won’t mention names,
immediately caught the virus while at outside.
The bacteria queen was informed
that viruses attacked in swarms
But when she asked, the lords and ladies lied.

They claimed they knew nothing of the sort
and the queen, as a last resort
called the peasant bacteria to the throne.
Small ones, fat ones, short ones, and tall,
they lined themselves against the wall
and told all they knew till one was left alone.

He was a prophet; ancient, wise
and told his words through blinded eyes
He had many of his prophecies come true.
The good queen Meganfoolli the O-O-O
begged him to speak; What did he know?
At last he agreed to tell her what he knew.

He told of the noble’s dreadful games
and of the virus; the lives it claimed
And of the lords and ladies cowardly lie,
He told her to seek out The One
who lived inside the burning sun
or all the human beings on earth would die.

Meganfoolli begged him to tell her more
but he only said what he did before
and so she just sent him away and thought.
The beautiful queen went through every book
and in every scroll did look
to find a cure for what the human’s caught

At last she found that in the sea
lived a helpful, annoying flea
called Deer Tick, who mostly was ignored
Meganfoolli sent a messenger there,
to the tiny black flea’s lair
claimed if he’d help, she’d make him a lord

Deer Tick agreed to find The One
who lived directly under the sun,
and speed away for six weeks and a day.
When he came back, no time did he loose,
he went to the palace and told her the news;
The One had said where the cure did lay!

It lay under the she-wolf’s bed
Where she kept the bones of her dead
and getting the cure would be rather tough.
She called the heros of the land
and shouted that she would demand
all the bacteria who could face the rough

Eighty men applied, and twenty girls
with golden intestines in their curls
and all of them got Megan’s blessing to go.
The grand, wise queen with them did sail
fighting off sea monsters and whales
till at last from the birds-nest came “Land ho!”

The ship was anchored, the sails drawn
all of this at the rise of dawn.
In the small row-boats half the crew did go.
The island’s sand was filled with bone
and masses of sharp rock and stone.
All around them were terrible sights of woe.

Meganfoolli the bacteria queen
did her best to look brave and mean
and ordered the poor crew to go ahead.
They tried hard to not scream in fright
at all of the unspeakable sights!
Oh horror, the blood, the rotting meat, the dead!

This horrid place could only be
scouted by brave Meganfoolli
whose honor was the greatest in the world.
As she and her crew looked about
the youngest of them gave a shout!
He saw Heatherfreakymeanygirl!

Her teeth were sharp, and face was thin.
She left a bad smell where she’d been.
She drew nearer to Megan’s trembling crew.
As bacteria squirmed with fright
thinking they’d die in their dreadful plight
only Queen Meganfoolli knew what to do.

“Use your power, make her sick”
shouted the queen, thinking quick
and watched, laughing as the monster coughed and weezed.
A warrior ran and got the cure.
When at their ships, Heather growled “grrr”
and blew them all away with a mighty sneeze.

Meganfoolli, when back at her land
fell to her knees and kissed the sand,
And ordered that the cure heal Man.
The nobles who had caused this mess
where beaten and made to confess.
Soon after their deceitful kind were banned.

This is why you are often unwell
Not from Megan, can’t you tell?
But from the evil nobles in the air.
Don’t blame the bacteria about
for Megan’s kind you can’t do without
but of the exiled ones; beware, beware!

And the moral is:
Never piss off the bacteria queen!

"Click here to listen to my theory about life"

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