Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

PHONE CALLS TO MOE'S
(with replies when made)

Most of the quotes are laid out as follows:
Episode number (Episode name)
Person calling and others listening in
How Moe calls for the person
If anybody in the bar responds, who said what (usually, everybody in the bar laughs, except in 8F08)
What Moe says when he realizes it's the crank caller
Moe's response to the caller
7G03 (Homer's Odyssey) and 7F22(Blood Feud)lines are taken from the episode capsules as part of the scene that was cut in syndication (but did on the original Fox showing) so its full-version is not listed.

7G01 (Some Enchanted Evening)

Bart with Lisa and Maggie
Phone call for Al...Al Coholic...is there an Al Coholic here?
Wait a minute...
Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna kill you!
Bart and Lisa laugh

7G01 (Some Enchanted Evening)

Bart with Lisa and Maggie
Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!
Marge picks up the extension and hears:
Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!

* 7G03 (Homer's Odyssey)

Bart with Lisa
Uh, I.P. Freely? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!
Wait a minute...
Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!
Bart and Lisa laugh

7G06 (Moaning Lisa)

Bart with Lisa
Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!
Oh, wait a minute...Jacques Strap
It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a holdof you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood!
Bart laughs

7F11 (One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish)

Bart with Lisa
Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, Iwanna Seymour Butz!
Oh, wait a minute...
Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get myhands on you, I'm gonna put out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!
Bart and Lisa laugh

7F15 (Principal Charming)

Bart (in Principal Skinner's office)
Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys hasgotta be Homer Sexual!
Homer says "Don't look at me!"
Oh, no...
You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
Skinner, on the other end of the line, says "You'll do what,young man?"

* 7F22 (Blood Feud)

Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
Listen, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going tocatch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back withan ice pick!

8F02 (Treehouse of Horror II)

Bart with Mrs. Krabappel and one of the Sherri/Terri twins
Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face andbig butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt
Oh, wait a minute...
Bart laughs; Mrs. Krabappel sees him and then laughs as well

8F08 (Flaming Moe's)

Bart
Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
There is a Hugh Jass at Moe's; he takes the call

8F09 (Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk)

Bart
Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a BeaO'Problem here?
Barney says "You sure do!"
Oh...it's you, isn't it?
Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use yourhead for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!
Bart laughs

9F06 (New Kid on the Block)

Bart
Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss!Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Barney says "Maybe your standards are too high!"
You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'mgoing to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starvingdogs in your butt! Bart tells Moe his name is Jimbo Jones and gives his ownaddress: Jimbo and Laura Powers are making out in Bart'sliving room

9F06 (New Kid on the Block)

Laura Powers with Bart
Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tankle? All right, everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!
Laura and Bart laugh

2F19 (The PTA Disbands)

This isn't at Moe's; Moe is taking over as the substitute teacher forMrs. Krabappel's class during the strike
OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here".Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
The students in the classroom laugh
All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?
More laughs
All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
Still more laughs
Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I getit. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well,children, I can't help that!
Moe runs out of the classroom crying as Bart crosses Moe's nameoff of a list of what are now former substitute teachers