However the package is interrupted by being cut off short. We go to the control room, where we see Vice-President Xavier Region yelling at the technicians in the control van.*

Region: WHO TOLD YOU IDIOTS TO PLAY THIS!?!?

Techy: Uh...DRH paid us to do it...

Region: Well, you morons, I guess you don't listen too well!! I told you, DRH would never be mentioned on this show again!! His career is over!!

*Region then leaves the trailer, and meets up with EGWA Juniorweight Champion Jade Diamond, Lance Slade, Sport Jones, Ferdinand The Financial Advisor, and Bernard The Ebonics-Ninja.*

Region: Ok, here's what we're gonna do...

*The shot ends, and then goes to a special package, showcasing highlights of the last EGWA pay-per-view extravaganza, "Nightmares And Dreamscapes." We see Will Storm beating James Steele in a "Desert Storm" match. Next up, we see the Triple Entente title match between Matt Allen and Hardcore Jones, in which Jonas retained his belt in a hard- fought match. Trevor Marcos is seen next in a censored clip, jacking off all over the back of Shockwave, and then winning the "Bad Ass Rookie Bash," to win a shot at Jones this evening. We see Jonas Testament blown up in the multiple-landmine explosion, and Chaos winning the Crown Of Thorns title. Jonas is later revived. The next show features Ciarin Kade tossing the Hardcore Midget through a table at ringside, to win the match, and become the Number One Contender for the World title. Next, there's The Hardcore Playas winning the Tag belts back from Rich And Famous, who now includes a new partner for Justin Carmichael, Sport Jones.DRH is shown hitting Jones in the head with a mallet, to help the Playas win. Finally, we see possibly the wildest Main Event in the history of the EGWA, with DRH hitting the Naildriver through a table from a balcony to win the match, and keep his title. Then, Palm fires DRH for interfering in the "Organized Lumberjack" match between the Playas and R and F. The montage ends, with Kade locking a Kurupted Revelation onto Palm, winning the title, and then Palm getting tossed out of a window onto his own car. We still an image of DRH, looking out the broken window.*

*Now, the shot begins to roam around the Rotary Club, in Quakertown, PA, showing us various signs from the ever-loyal EGWA fans: "Vega Sucks DRH," "NC-17: Dis- Organizing the Entire EGWA," and "Starling Lives!" Now, the camera begins to pan over to the EGWA newsdesk ,where we see color commentary for the show, Clint White, sitting alone.*

Clint: Greetings, fans, to the first edition of EGWA Monday Night since "Nightmares And Dreamscapes" went down eight days ago! We'll be talking a lot about that, among other things, as the night goes on! However, first of all, I understand that my esteemed colleague, Mike Rether, is set to make his debut tonight, with his new gimmick! Do ring announcers even need gimmicks!?

*"It's On" by KoRn begins to play, and then, from behind the curtain, appears Mike Rether! He wears a blue suit, and wears a neckbrace. Sitting down at his seat, we get a good look at Clint's stunned face.*

Clint: Okay, well, I guess this is Mike-

Mike: Yes, ladies and gentlemen (especially the ladies), I am the Consummate Sex Machine, Mike "All the girls sit at home, watching their televison screens with fascination, as they see Mike Rether, and think about oral examinations" Rether!!

Clint: This is your new gimmick!? Duplicating Joel Gernter's ECW catch-phrases!?

Mike: I know no one by the name of Gernter.

Clint: You idiot!

*Suddenly, "The Zoo" by The Scorpions begins to play. We see Jade Diamond, the second-in-command to Palm, leading the way, his EGWA Juniorweight title around his waist. He is flanked by the Diamond Security Group, consisting of Ferdinand The Financial Advisor and Bernard The Ebonics-Speaking Ninja. Next, Lance Slade and Sport Jones come in, Jones's lovely wife Loreen on his arm, and a beautiful redhead on Slade's. Bringing up the rear is Trey Reed, the former EGWA Commissioner. Then, they a;; four look back, and begin to applaud, as we see Xavier Region, the EGWA VP, wheeling President Rian Palm to the ring. The Organization begins to clap for Palm, as a microphone is gotten for him.*

Palm: Now, then, this Sunday, I suppose you thought that DRH had crippled me, and that I would never enter an EGWA ring again, didn't you!?!?

*The fans begin to boo insanely for the man. The Organization smiles at them.*

Palm: Sort of ironic, isn't it!? You all thought you'd never see my again, thanks to DRH, when the truth of it is, you'll never see DRH again, thanks to me!!!

*The boos get louder now. A few "Palm Fucks Sheep" chants begin.*

Palm: You keep this up, I'll have you ejected from thus fine establishment, once and for all! Then, you'll be arrested and jailed, like the redneck hick pedophiles that you all are!!

*The fans continue their chanting. Slade now gets the mic.*

Slade: All of you shut up, and show respect to the one who made you!! President Palm reigns over all of you!!

Palm: Thank you Lance. However, they don't seem to want to listen. Since that is the case, I think The Organization will have to show all of them why they are here: Namely, us!! This evening, not only will Jade Diamond defeat Vincent Vega, not only will Lance Slade and Sport Jones cripple Ciarin Kade, you will see the ending of another career tonight, as I will publicly fire one more member of the EGWA!! At this time, I want to ask Matt Allen to come to the ring!!

*Matt walks with his head down, Kesley at his side.*

Palm: Now them Matthew, why do you simply refuse to work any matches?

Allen: I wrestled at the ppv. I took on Hardcore Jones.

Palm: Yes, I know. However, when was the last time you chose to cut a promo, for you loyal fans?

Allen: It's...it's been a while, sir.

Palm: Yes, I know. And, you know what that means? It means something horrible will happen to you.

*Matt is nearly in tears now.*

Palm: Now then, we can't have any tears, can we? No. Let's see. Rather than break your neck, or pop one of your eyeballs, I think it will be best to simply...FIRE YOUR ASS ON TELEVISION!!! THAT'S RIGHT, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!

*Both Allen and Kelsey begin to walk away. However, Jade stops Kelsey.*

Jade: No, not you. I need someone to "loosen" me up before my match with Vega!

*The Organization begins to laugh. Allen walks away without his former girlfriend.*

Palm: Damnit...we really are that good!!

*With that, "The Zoo" starts up again. The Organization walks from the ring.*

Mike: Well, it looks as if it's time for our first match of the evening, pitting Trevor Marcos, the Number One Contender for the Triple Entente title, against the current champion, Hardcore Jones!! Let's go to the ring!

*"Blind" by KoRn begins to play, and Hardcore Jones walks to the ring, his Triple Entente and Tag titles around his shoulders. Beside him, his tag partner Hardcore Jay, follows. They play to the fans a little, and then enter the crowd.*

*The lights fade out, and then "Breed" by Nirvana stars up. Trevor Marcos starts to the ring, with a bag filled with weapons. He tosses them over the top rope, and charges at Jones, as the bell rings.*

Mike: Here we go!! Marcos backs Jones into the corner, and begins to stomp away at him!! The ref attempts to pulls Trevor off him, and now he lifts Jones to his feet!! He whips him into the rope again, and then hits a back body drop!! Jones is sent flying!! He rolls to the outside, looking to get some air!! Trevor gets into the bag, and finds a roll of duct tape!! He runs at Jones, and wraps it around his neck!! HE'S TRYING TO STRANGLE OUT HARDCORE JONES!!! HE FINDS A CHAIR, AND THEN SMACKS JONES OVER THE HEAD!!!

Clint: Marcos is turning this into a hardcore affair already!! Let's just hope he doesn't have some sort of a lubricant in that bag!! He rolls Jones back into the ring, and then tosses the chair over the top rope!! If Marcos wants to get extreme, I think Jones can oblige!! He sets the chair on the mat, and then lifts Jones into a vertical suplex position, wait he DROPS HIM INTO A CRADLED DDT!!!

Mike: DDT onto that chair!! Marcos now finds a bottle of...oh God no...HE'S GOT VASELINE!!! WAIT, HE'S PUTTING IT ON JONES'S GROIN!!!! HE GETS A LIGHTER FROM HIS POCKET, AND THEN LIGHTS THE VASELINE ON FIRE!!!! JONES'S GROIN IS ON FIRE!!!

Clint: Stop this!!! I can't watch!!! Now, Trevor finds a cookie sheet in that bag!! Oh no!! Stop this!! SHeet to the head of Jones!! He sets that cookie sheet on the mat now, and then lifts him into a vertical suplex!! Looks as if he's gonna try a brainbuster, but, wait, Jones reverses, and turns it INTO A DIAMOND CUTTER ONTO THE SHEET!!! Jones with some offense!!!

*Suddenly, all the lights in the arena fade out.*

Mike: What the Hell is this!?

*Slowly, "Cat Scratch Fever" by Ted Nugent starts up. From behins the curtain appears...*

Clint: THE HARDCORE MIDGET!!!! OH GOD YES, ASK AND YE SHALL RECIEVE!!!! THE OVERLORD OF HARDCORE HAS RETURNED!!!

Mike: The Midget runs to the ring, and gets a mic.

Midget: Hey, Jones, I know I'm you're friend, but I want a title shot!! I want in on this match!! What do the fans think!? Shall this become a three-way dance!?!?

Fans: Uh...sure.

Another Fan: I...guess?

Midget: I'll take what I can get!! Let's go fellas!!

Clint: The Midget runs into the ring, and then looks to be trying to kick Marcos!! Trevor with a side kick to his face!! The Midget flips over onto his head!! Marcos might've broken his neck!! Marcos goes to the outside, and then finds a table!! He sets it up at ringside, and then grabs the Midget!! He sets him up on the table, and then gets back into the ring!! Jones hits a lowblow onto the distracted Marcos, and then sends him into the ropes!! He bounces back, and now Jones WITH A HIP TOSS OUT OF THE RING, SENDING MARCOS THROUGH THE TABLE AND THE MIDGET!!!! OH MY GOD!!!

Mike: This is nuts already!! Jones finds another chair now, and he smashes Marcos over the head with the chair!! He tosses it back into the ring, and then rolls Marcos under the ropes, into the ring!! Jones looks at the Midget, but he looks to be unconscious!! Jones back into the ring, and then liftd up Trevor!! Jones sets him up, and then hits A RE-VOLT ONTO THE CHAIR!!! RE-VOLT!!! HE COVERS, AND IT'S 1...2....Save by The Midget!!!! The Hardcore Midget is alive!!!! Jones is back up, and now he nails the Midget with a kick into his head!! He signals to Jay, and then Jay sends a table into the ring!! Jones rolls the Midget onto the table, and then sets Marcos onto it as well!!! He climbs onto the top rope, and THEN HITS A MOONSAULT ONTO BOTH MEN, SENDING THEM THROUGH A TABLE!!!

Clint: JESUS IN HEAVEN NO!!!! THE MIDGET MUST BE DEAD!!! Jones covers Marcos now...1....2....3!!!! Hardcore Jones wins!!! Hardcore Jones retains the Triple Entente title, by hurting one of his friends!!!!

*"Blind" starts up again, and then Jones walks from the ring.*

Mike: The Midget might be dead...

Clint: When will the bastards stop this!? The little guy is fragile!

Mike: Riiight. Fans, it's time for a short commercial break. We'll be right back!

*The package starts up, and then we see a man dressed in a white vest, black t-shirt, and jeans walking around a sidewalk. He carried with him a Furbie, a teddy bear, and a big, rubber, spatula. It's not DRH...or is it?*

DRH?: Hey man, I need some money! I can do whatever you want me to! I'll make you feel like a man!

Man On Street: Hey, I'm not a fag!! Get away from me!

DRH?: You never tried it!? Oh, come on, you ain't fel nothing till you got a little DRH in ya'! Come on, all the guys in NC-17 told me I was the best they ever had!!

Man: Get the Hell away from me, you overweight homosexual!!

*The man then takes a bottle of pepper spray from his pocket, and sprays it in Dan's eyes. He writhes on the ground, as the man runs away from him. The feed goes back to the arena, where Clint White is nearly dying of laughter.*

Clint: Oh sweet Jesus, yes!! That was beautiful!!

Mike: NC-17 won't be happy...

Clint: Who cares!? That was excellent!!

Mike: Fans, it's time for our next match!! We're gonna see the current EGWA Juniorweight Champion, Jade Diamond, do battle with Vincent Vega, in what could be a great match-up!! Let's go!

*"Die, Die, Die My Darling" by The Misfits starts up, and Vincent Vega starts to the ring, with a frying pan in his hand. He enters the ring, and then waits for Jade Diamond.*

*All the arena lights dim out, and then "I'm Alive" by Helloween starts up. Jade starts to the ring, his title hanging over his shoulder. Bernard The Ebonics-Ninja and Ferdinand The Financial Advisor walk beside him, making sure no uppity fans try to touch the living legend. He enters the ring, and then sets his title down.*

Mike: Jade and Vince go into a test of strength here, as the bell ring, but now Jade breaks it up with a kick to the gut!! Vega flies back into the corner, and now Jade is stomping away at him!! Jade lifts him to his feet, and then looks to be trying a vertical suplex!! Wait Vince reverses it, and then hits a Fisherman's Suplex!! Fisherman's suplex by Vega!! He sends Jade into the ropes, and then hits a spinning neckbreaker!! What a move! He goes to the corner now, and gets the pan! He looks as if he's gonna try to hit Jade in the head, however, Jade hits a dropkick onto the pan, sending it into Vega's face!!

Clint: He smacked that off of his head!! Jade now sets the pan down, and he lifts Vega to hios feet! He sets him up for a piledriver, however, Vega reverses with a BACK BODYDROP ONTO THE PAN!!! JADE IS HURT AFTER THAT MOVE!! Vega is back up, and now he sets up Jade with a DDT into the center of the ring! He climbs to the top rope, and hits a legdrop across the throat of Jade! What a move!!

Mike: Vincent begins to showboat, and now Jade is up. He hits a clothesline onto Vega, sending him over the top rope!! Jade tests out the ropes, and then springboards off the top rope with a splash onto Vega!! Jade is on fire! He grabs Vincent, and then whips him into the guard railing! His back bounced off of the railing!! Jade with another clothesline, sending him over into the crowd!! Jade leaps onto Vega with a crossbody!! Crossbody block by Jade Diamond!! Jade gets Vega to his feet, and then sends him flying over the barrier!! We're back in the ring as Jade sends him under the bottom rope! Jade springboards off the top, and then hits a dropkick onto Vega!! Jade has looked great here!! He pulls Vega to his feet, and then hits a brainbuster in the center of the ring!! He's up on top, and it's a beautiful swandive headbutt onto Vega!! What a move!! Jade has him up, and now he hits a DREAMKICK!!! DREAMKICK BY JADE DIAMOND!!! Jade covers...1...2....Wait, Cam Furgeson pulls Jade off of Vega!! Where the Hell did he come from!?!?

Clint: Jade is up, and he shoves Cam!! Vega is still down! Cam shoves Jade back, and now they're fighting!! Cam looks kind of nervous!! He and Jade are still shoving one another, and Vega is still down!! I think something is supposed to be happening here, but Vega is down!!

Mike: I think Vega is supposed to be rolling up Jade, however, he's....UNCONSCIOUS!!! HE'S NOT GETTING UP!!!! VEGA MISSES HIS SPOT HERE!!! Wait, here comes Rich And Famous!! Sport is in the ring, and he hits an overhead belly-to-belly suplex!! What a move!! WAIT, NC-17 HITS THE RING!!! JAY AND JONES BOTH CARRY CHAIRS, AND THEY CLEAR OUT THE RING!!!! Jones helps Cam to his feet, and Jay helps out Vega! I think NC-17 just got a little stronger!!! Fans, let's go to the back!! We understand that EGWA Wrestler Jonas Testament has a public service announcement!!

*The camera shows us Jonas, sitting at a bench.*

Jonas: Now, I know all you kids love wrestling, however, I gotta tell you, backyard wrestling is EVIL!! You should not wrestle in your backyard!! If you do...You could go to hell!! Now, when we fight, it's all coregraphed. We never actually hurt each other.

*Suddenly, old EGWA wrestler James Steele walks in the room. He is still injured, however, his knee looks to be getting along better. He looks at Jonas.*

Steele: You know what, Testament? I never liked you!

*Jonas kicks Steele in the gut, and then sends him flying into a wall. He gets a lead pipe from the ground, and begins to drive it into his knee.*

Steele: IN THE NAME OF THE LORD JESUS, AND THE RAPTURE AND THE SAINTS AND HAIL MARY'S, AND THE SABBATH, AND THE VIRGIN MARY, AND HEAVEN AND HELL, MY KNEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! JESUS, JUST KILL ME!!!!!!!! THE PAIN, IT IS TOO GREAT!!!!!! SHOOT ME NOW!!!!!!!!

Jonas: Uh...like I said. All fake. Yup, of course. Um...I think we need to go to commerical.

*The shot cuts to a bill-payer.*

I don't even know if they'll be open in a week, however, if you want in, join now!

*The camera shows us the fake DRH again. He is talking to a toothbrush.*

DRH?: Hey, I got to tell you William, I hate being unemployed! I mean, it's not enough that everyone in the EGWA made a fool out of me in the ring, now I'm not even getting paid to make a fool of myself!! This has got to end!!

*Suddenly, a man on the street walks by.*

DRH?: Hey man, who about I make you cum your brain out!? I could do things to you a woman never could!! Bring it home to Mrs. Helton's little boy!

*The man then kicks DRH in the groin.*

DRH?: Oh God, that hurt!! I think you drove my testicles into my throat!! Help me!!

*Suddenly, we see old EGWA wrestler Dead Rock walksing down the street, whistling along to KC and the Sunshine Band's. He sees DRH, and then covers him. He slaps the ground three times, and then hops to his feet.*

Dead Rock: I did it!! I pinned the former World Champion!! I'm the King!! I'm the man!!!

*The camera shows the fake DRH rolling on the ground, holding his testicles and moaning.*

Mike: Oh my God...When Jay and Jones hear about this...

Clint: BHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That was perfect!!! DRH was pinned by the biggest jobber the EGWA ever had!!!

Mike: The last time we saw Dead Rock, he was falling fifteen feet in the Main Event at "Breaking The Barrier." If I remember correctly, that was the only time we saw him.

Clint: The look on DRH's face...PRICELESS!!! I LOVE IT!!

Mike: Uh huh. Fans, let's go to the local junkyard for our next match-up!! Chaos vs. Shockwave for the EGWA Crown Of Thorns title!!

Clint White: The next match we have coming up is the “Scrap Metal, Scrap Wrestler” match up between Chaos and Shockwave. We all know the history between these two, going back to Chaos’s debut, where he interfered in Shockwave’s match against Canadian Rage, causing him to lose.

Mike Rether: Yeah yeah Clint. Everyone knows what went down between these two. What we all want to know is who Shockwave has picked to be his mystery enforcer. There aren’t many men in the EGWA that either of these two guys can trust.

Clint: You’re right Mike, but at least Chaos has Gambit. Who in the world could Shockwave possible pick?

The camera then shifts to the junkyard of the small town of Reading, Pennsylvania, home of the EGWA. The place is filled with crunched cars, overturned buses, loads of household appliances, and one giant tractor-trailer. The camera picks up on Shockwave, walking towards the big gates of the junkyard. He is dragging a suitcase into the yard. The gates open up, and Chaos is standing there waiting for Shockwave, Gambit by his side. Shockwave beckons to someone off camera, and a figure comes into view, although hidden by shadow. He steps forward into the light.

Clint: Dear God! It’s Jim Carrey!! Shockwave has chosen Ace Ventura himself to be his enforcer.

Mike: I don’t know if this was such a wise choice Clint. Jim Carrey may be able to pack in movie audiences, but can he really defend himself against professional wrestlers? I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Clint: No time for that Mike. Chaos has just attacked Shockwave with the windshield of a car. He shoves it hard into Shockwave’s stomach, and then smashes into right onto his head. My God! We’re five seconds into the match, and blood is spurting from the head of Shockwave.

Mike: That’s what should be expected from these two competitors. Shockwave is staggered, and Chaos moves in on him, holding a discarded computer monitor. He goes to hit Shockwave in the back, but Shockwave dodges, kick to the gut, and Chaos drops the monitor. Shockwave picks up and proceeds to hammer Chaos with it. Ooh that has got to hurt. Shockwave breaks the glass front of it right onto Chaos’s skull!! Chaos is walking around with the monitor still attached to his head.

Clint: Dear God. Jim Carrey is now opening Shockwave’s suitcase, pulling out an EGWA brand. Shockwave attacks Gambit, who is helping Chaos up. Shockwave picks up a broken blender and cracks Gambit with it. Chaos and Gambit are down!! What is Shockwave doing? He has the match won!!

Mike: Shockwave pulls out a lighter, and grabs some garbage. He makes a small fire, and Jim Carrey puts the brand in it. Jim Carrey is going to brand Chaos!! Carrey pulls out the brand, flaming red, and starts walking towards the fallen Chaos and Gambit.

Clint: Shockwave has grabbed Gambit, and he is turning him over. Shockwave is pulling down Gambit’s pants!! What in God’s name is he doing?? Carrey walks over to Gambit, and DRIVES THE BRAND RIGHT INTO GAMBIT’S ASS!! Oh my! Gambit’s skin is scalded, and Carrey is turning towards Chaos.

Mike: You know Clint, I think I can smell the burning flesh from here.

Clint: If that's true, check your pants, man. Carrey has grabbed Chaos, and he hands the brand to Shockwave. Wait a minute Mike!! Carrey has just been nailed by Chaos!! Chaos gives Shockwave a sharp kick in the nuts, and the brand has fallen onto the ground. Chaos is helping up Gambit, and gives him a set of keys. Where is Gambit going?

Mike: Who knows Mike? Chaos is pounding away on Carrey. I knew that some big shot from Hollywood couldn’t take this kind of punishment! Carrey’s body lies limp on the ground. Chaos is staring at Shockwave’s body, lying on the ground. What the hell is he thinking Clint??

Clint: I don’t know, but Chaos is picking up Shockwave’s body, and walking it towards a crane. Chaos sticks Shockwave’s arms in the door of the crane, and slams it right into it! Blood is all over the place. Chaos has Shockwave set up for a DDT. Wait. Shockwave’s fighting back! Shockwave and Chaos are exchanging punches. Chaos goes for a clothesline. Shockwave ducks! Shockwave dropkicks Chaos. Shockwave drags over an old Huffy bicycle. He picks Chaos up. He piledrives him right onto the bike! Oh my.. How much more can these two men take?

Mike: Clint. Here comes a car!! What the hell is this car doing here??

Clint: Mike! Look at the driver! It’s Gambit!

Mike: Chaos is lying on the ground, but help is on the way! Gambit steps out of the car and bulrushes Shockwave with a baseball bat. He cracks him with it, and gets Chaos up. Chaos is pulling Shockwave up onto the crane. What the hell! They are climbing up on the crane, and Chaos is pulling him up higher and higher. They are onto the claw of the crane. Now what is this? Gambit is walking back towards the car. He turns it on, and drives it right into the fire!! What the hell!! Gambit has set the car on fire, and he is parking it directly under Chaos and Shockwave!!

Clint: What’s going to come of this? Wait a minute. Chaos is setting up Shockwave, all the way at the top of the crane. Perched on the claw. CHAOS POWERBOMBS SHOCKWAVE!! Chaos just power bombed Shockwave right off the very top of the crane, right onto the flaming car!! I think this is all it for Shockwave. Chaos is still standing up there. MY GOD! Chaos has just jumped off the top of the crane, which must be 5 stories high, and did an elbow drop onto the lifeless body of Shockwave!!

Mike: This must be it. The cover by Chaos. 1..2..3!! Chaos has defeated Shockwave, and retains the Crown of Thorns Title!! What a match!!

Clint: Yeah Mike both of these men sure did put a lot of effort into this match. Hopefully we will see these two match up again sometime.

Mike: That wasn't really so much a dream enforcers match as it was a tag team affair! However, right now, I'm being told Matt Allen has a few words from the back! Let's go!

*We see Richard Thorton standing with Matt. Matt has his bags packed.*

Richard: Matt Allen, how does it feel to have been pubically humiliated and fired at the hands of The Organization!?

Matt Allen: I don't wanna talk about it man.

Richard: What about Kelsey? How does-

*Suddenly, we hear a gunshot ring out in the back. Allen's head bursts into blood, as we see Thorton hit the ground, and scream for help.*

Mike: OH MY GOD!!!!

Clint: He's...dead...

Mike: Yeah...I guess...

Clint and Mike: ....oh well!!!

Mike: That bitch never worked anyway! Let's go to two guys who definitely work hard, Sport Jones and Will Storm!!

Card continued...