Egon Spengler: Oh, you're here.
Peter Venkman: Yeah, what've you got?
Egon: This is big, Peter. Very big. There's definitely something here.
Peter: Egon, this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head. Remember that?
Egon: That would've worked if you hadn't stopped me.
Peter: Alice, I'm going to ask you a couple of standard questions, okay? Have you or any of your family been diagnosed schizophrenic? Mentally incompetant?
Librarian: My uncle thought he was Saint Jerome.
Peter: I'd call that a big yes. Uh, are you habitually using drugs? Stimulants? Alcohol?
Librarian: No.
Peter: No, no. Just asking. Are you, Alice, menstrating right now?
Head librarian: What's has that got to do with it?
Peter: Back off, man. I'm a scientist.
Ray Stantz: I think we'd better split up.
Peter: Yeah, we can do more damage that way.
Ray: Venkman! What happened? Are you okay?
Peter: He slimed me.
Ray: That's great! Actual physical contact! Can you move?
Peter: I feel so funky.
"We came, we saw, we kicked it's ass!" -Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman
Janine Melnitz, Ghostbusters secretary: Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, E.S.P., clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full-trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster, and the theory of Atlantis?
Winston Zeddmore: Uh, if there's a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe anything you say.
Egon: I'm worried, Ray. It's getting crowded in there and all my recent data points to something big on the horizon.
Winston: What do you mean 'big'?
Egon: Well, let's say this twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. According to this morning's sample it would be a twinkie thirty-five feet long weighing approximately six hundred pounds.
Ray: (chokes and coughs)
Winston: That's a big twinkie.
Egon: (nods and eats the twinkie)
Peter: (enters) We just had a visit from the Environmental Protection Agency. How's the grid holding up?
Winston: Tell him about the twinkie.
Peter: What about the twinkie?
Dana Barrett, posessed by Zuul: Do you want this body?
Peter: Is this a trick question? I guess the roses worked, huh?
Dana: Take me now subcreature.
Peter: We never talk anymore.
Dana: (pulls Peter onto bed and straddles him)
Peter: I make it a rule never to get involved with posessed people.
Dana: (kisses Peter passionately)
Peter: Actually it's more of a guideline than a rule. You know I could-
Dana: (rolls Peter over on top of her)
Dana: I want you inside of me.
Peter: Go ahead- no, I can't. Sounds like you got at least two people in there. Might be a little crowded.
Louis Tully, posessed by the Keymaster: (to a horse) I am Vince, Vince Clortho, keymaster of Gozer, Volguus Zildrohar, Lord of the Sebouillia. Are you the Gatekeeper?
Coachman: Hey, he pulls the wagon, I make the deals. You want a ride?
Louis: (turns to the driver, growls, eyes flash red, turns back to the horse) Wait for the sign, then all prisoners will be released. (runs away screaming) You will perish in flames! Gozer will destroy you and your kind!
Coachman: What an asshole.
Walter Peck, representative of the E.P.A.: These men are consummate snowball artists. They use sense and nerve gases to induce hallucinations. People think they're seeing ghosts, and they call these bozos who conveniently show up to deal with the problem with a fake electric light show.
Ray: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Peck: They caused an explosion!
Mayor of New York: Is this true?
Peter: Yes, it's true. This man has no dick.
Peck: (attacks Peter, but the fight is broken up)
Peter: Well, that's what I heard!
Winston: Uh, I'm, uh, Winston Zeddmore, your Honor. Look, I've only been with the company for a couple of weeks but I gotta tell you these things are real. Since, I've joined these men I've seen shit that'll turn you white.
Peter: Well, you could believe Mr. Pecker-
Peck: My name is Peck.
Peter: -or you could accept that this city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportion.
Mayor: Well, what do you mean 'biblical'?
Ray: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor. Real wrath of God type stuff. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling.
Egon: Fourty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes.
Winston: The dead rising from the grave.
Peter: Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!
Mayor: Enough, I get the point! But what if you're wrong?
Peter: If I'm wrong, nothing happens. We go to jail, peacefully, quietly. We'll enjoy it. But if I'm right, and we can stop this thing . . . Lenny, you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.
Peter: Well, whatever it is it's gotta get by us.
Ray: Right.
Peter: Go get her Ray!
Ray: (steps up) Gozer, the Gozerian, good evening. As a duly designated representative of the city, county, and state of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convienient parallel dimension.
Peter: That oughta do it! Thanks very much, Ray.
Gozer: Are you a God?
Ray: (pauses for a second, shrugs) No.
Gozer: Then DIE! (she shoots lightening at them and they are almost thrown from the top of the building)
Winston: Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!
Peter: Ray has gone bye-bye, Egon. What have you got left?
Egon: Sorry, Venkman. I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.
"Nobody steps on a church in my town!" -Peter
Ray: Funny us going out like this. Killed by a hundred foot marshmellow man.
Peter: We've been going about this all wrong. Mr. Stay Puft is okay. He's a sailor. He's in New York. We get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble.
Ray: Spengler, oh Spengler, are you okay?
Egon: I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.
Ray: Are you okay?
Louis: Who are you guys?
Ray: We're the Ghostbusters.
Louis: Who does your taxes?
Ray: You know, Mr. Tully, you are a most fortunate individual.
Louis: I know.
Ray: You have been a participant in the biggest interdimensional cross rip since the Tunguska blast of 1909.
Louis: Sounds great.
Egon: We'd like to get a sample of your brain tissue.
Louis: Okay.
