Stupid paramedics. All right, the scraping on my knee was too extensive for a Snoopy band-aid, but there is no reason to run out of lollipops....Not that I could've held the lollipop down, anyway. The first bits of banana in my system were about to reappear from beyond.
I walked alone backstage, happy to find it empty. Not able to hear Kevin's nagging tones or Brian's worrying filling my ears. My stomach and I needed time to work this out or up. Whichever came first.
"Hey, buddy."
So much for being alone.
"Oh, hi, Howie."
"You okay?"
"Sure. The paramedic said I'm fine."
He lifted an eyebrow. "Just fine? Nothing wrong at all?"
"I have to mind my knee and eat, that's all." I replied, sitting down.
"Shouldn't you have been eating in the first place?"
Someone sounds like Brian. "Howie, I'm just not hungry. An eighteen-year-old should be allowed to eat or not eat as they choose."
"Or they should be smart enough to know eating is important."
"I know that. But I just haven't been able to."
He sat down at my side. "Is this about Brian? Is your tummy upset because of Brian?"
My tummy? He sounded like a pre-school teacher. "No."
"Nick, listen to me. I know you were scared about Brian coming back. I don't blame you, I was, too."
"I don't want him back here."
"That's not a very nice thing to say."
"I didn't mean it that way. I mean-he still gets so tired and has those fevers and-"
"And that's perfectly normal. Everything Brian is going through is perfectly normal, except the way he's being treated."
"Treated?"
"The way he's been treating by you and Kevin. Kevin will never leave him alone and you won't give him the time of day. He's still the same Brian Littrell if either of you would take the time to look."
"I don't want him worrying about me 24/7."
"What do you expect him to do if you won't talk or eat. I'd be worried, too. Which I am. I was the one that saw you go straight down to the ground, bud. I'm sorry I didn't catch you fast enough to keep your knee up."
"Not your fault, besides, we were going down the steps; that's an awkard angle."
He wrapped an arm around me. "Why don't you go talk to Brian?"
"I'm not ready."
"You could write him a letter."
"Howie, only girls write notes."
"Men write letters, too."
I shrugged. "Not my thing."
He groaned. "Listen, all I'm saying is, you're making yourself sick and freaking out Brian. If you just get it off your chest ,chances are you'll both feel better."
"Maybe."
Howie stood. "Well, I just hope you're okay. Remember you can talk to me anytime you like. Now, why don't you go lye down in the tour bus? A nap before the concert would do you a great deal of good. It'll help you feel better and give you a chance to clear your mind."
"What about rehearsal?"
"I'll just tell the guys you needed to rest some more before the concert and your knee needed to loosened up. Try to get a little more vitamins in you and relax. They'll understand."
"Howie?" I called.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks. And I hope Kevin doesn't kill you because I'm not there".
"No problem. I'm a lot smaller, I can out run him."
Why is it Howie can be a complete dork and also one of the smartest men I know? I bet Brian was wishing he could switch cousins and invite Howie into his family
I was relieved to find the bus empty. My stomach was churning and my head exploding in pain. I didn't want anyone near me, especially Brian, if I was going to rediscover my banana bites.
The heat on the bus was miserable. I cracked a few windows, hoping that would ease the pain. No go. Suddenly, I knew I couldn't hold it anymore. I threw myself into the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet. The material within me seemed to be caught in my throat. All I wanted was to get it out and lay down. I heard rummaging in the bus aisle.
"Damn thermometer. I bet Brian hid the freakin' thing. Must be in bathroom. Nick gets out of rehearsal, Kevin won't let Brian move, Howie gets to hit on fly fans and me! I have to find a thermometer before Kevin kills me! Damnit!"
No... Whoever it was, just get off the damn bus. Or at least don't come in here! Let a man bow to the throne in privacy! Sweat was now dripping from my body and my mind too jumbled to realize who's voice it was. Considering the swearing, probably AJ. The door opened.
AJ- just who I wanted to see.
"Nick?"
"AJ, I-" That was it. My stomach heaved and the small clumps of food fell into the bowl. It burned my throat as it came. Tears came to my eyes and my nose began to run from the endless heaving. The heaving wouldn't even end after the food had escaped.
"Oh, shit!"
Not shit, AJ, puke.
He knelt at my side. "Just take deep breaths, you've got to calm down. Listen, I'm sorry Kev didn't believe you. He was just so worried about Brian that -"
I gasped, clutching my stomach. "It's okay."
He held a glass of water to my lips. "Rinse your mouth out. I'll help you back to the paramedics."
"No," I moaned, leaning against him. "No paramedics. They don't even have Snoopy band-aids."
"Snoopy? Nick, you are going to see a paramedic!"
"No!" I wailed. "I don't want to worry anyone. I just have a stomach bug."
He wiped my forehead. "You feel warm."
"The chick said no fever."
"That was before you vomited."
"Please, AJ, just let me get some sleep. I'll do the show and it'll all be fine, I promise."
He pulled me to my feet, minding my knee. "You need to see someone. It's not like you to keep this stuff quiet."
"AJ-"
"Fine, let's just get you back to your bunk."
I fell into Kevin's bunk, seeing as it was the closest to the restroom and I didn't feel like climbing.
AJ sighed. "You want a blanket?"
"No, I'm hot. Could you crack a few windows?"
"Sure, kid. Look, just let me get Howie or something. He's good with this stuff having nieces and nephews."
"AJ's there's nothing he can do. The flu always has to run it's course. Just don't tell anybody, okay? They have enough to worry about."
"Nick, you passed out, your knee is cut up and now your puking. You can't expect me to not say anything."
"Look, if I still feel really bad before the show, I'll tell someone, even a paramedic. Just don't tell anyone. Promise me, AJ."
He shook his head. "Okay, I promise, but I'm going to be watching you like a hawk tonight."
'Like a hawk'? In other words I was about to feel Brian's emotions toward the consistent torturing from Kevin. But at least Brian didn't know. I rolled over onto my tummy, hoping that would ease the constant aching. Whatever was wrong with me I wanted gone fast.