Chapter 25



"How are you feeling?" Brian asked as he helped me take a sip of water. He had been clinging to me ever since I came out of surgery.

"Sick," I whispered, struggling to let the water slide down my throat.

I glanced at AJ and Kevin. "Where's Howie? Haven't visiting hours begun?"

AJ nodded. "Yeah, Howie's on the phone with your family. They might have arranged to get someone here. They're trying, really they are."

"I know."

"You wanna' try to eat something, lil man?" Kev asked, taking a seat across from me.

"I don't think so. Hospital food is gross."

He sighed, running a hand over his pale face. "You wouldn't have to eat hospital food. I could go get you something else."

"No, it's okay, Kev."

AJ fidgeted with my toys. "How'd the scope go?"

"I dunno. I was asleep, but it hurt my throat like hell, I know that much."

Everyone was so distant now. They were acting as if they were trapped in a funeral home and I was the dead body.

AJ was a nervous wreck, Brian wouldn't leave my side behaving as a Mother Hen, Kevin was a zombie. And me.....the motionless body, however, Kevin looks like he could steal my title from me. Now, if Howie looks like a mad scientist, maybe we could have a Halloween party.

Though, I don't think I could be the life of the party with Brian helping me drink and an oxygen mask strapped to my face. And an IV might get in the way of slow dancing.

I could only assume they were this displeased because the results of the scope were still indecisive. No one knew what was wrong with me; and now management was encouraging everyone else to go back on tour without me. There couldn't be a Backstreet Boys without me, could there? If I never got better, would everything continue?

Of course it would, the world can't stop for one person. Why would the music business stop for me?

"So when do you guys go back on tour?"

AJ ruffled my matted hair. "What are you talking about?"

"Management wants you to go on. Obviously, you should."

Brian sighed. "Nick, we can't do that. We aren't doing anything until we at least know what you're dealing with. Then we'll go from there."

"What if I never get better?"

Kevin shook his head. "Talking like that won't get you anywhere, Nick."

I lifted an eyebrow, staring at his slouched body. "You all right, Kev?"

"Yeah, Nick, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"Nick, shut up."

Brian felt my forehead. "You can't get anywhere with Kevin, Nick, you know that."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "I'm not the one in the hospital bed, thank you very much. And since when was this conversation about me?"

AJ fluttered his eyelashes, whispering with an enhanced lisp. "Because, Kevy Kev, you're such a manly man! We can't help but talk about you!" He licked his lips. "We even dream about you in your Kentucky jersey all sweaty and-"

"ENOUGH!" Kevin growled, crossing his arms.

He looked like a toddler with an attitude problem.

"AJ, as if your 'Pooh Porn' wasn't bad enough! Now, we have to hear about one of your split personalities exploring their sexuality! Sit there and be quiet!"

AJ smiled. "Hey, you think we'd get an endorsement from Disney if I pursued the idea? I mean, we could get Thumper involved....The name is only fitting!"

Kevin yawned, clutching his head. "Brian, to answer your question about angels....AJ isn't included on the list. He is here to drive me insane!"

"Yeah, but he makes us happy...That's an angelic quality," Brian said is his defense.

"Since when is 'Pooh Porn' angelic?" his cousin asked, lifting his head.

Brian bit his lip. "God works in mysterious ways. AJ just happens to be one of the mysteries."

Angels? Why would they be talking about that?

I struggled to take a deep breath. "Why where you guys talking about angels?"

Kevin cleared his throat. "We were discussing 'Angels In the Outfield'."

I wrinkled my nose. "'Angels In the Outfield'?"

"Yeah, it's a movie I saw with Kristin a few months ago. One of the characters reminded me of AJ and I was telling Bri about it."

"Oh."

Brian adjusted my blankets. "Are you feeling any better since you last woke up?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"You don't sound so sure."

"Calm down, Bri. I think I've figured out everything."

AJ climbed onto the bed, taking a seat beside me. "Nick figuring something out? This should be good! What have you figured out?"

I couldn't tell him. Only Brian could know.

"Nothing really. Just things I've been thinking about, that's all." I picked at the oxygen mask lying within my nostrils. "This thing is stupid!"

Brian smacked my hand away. "Don't do that."

I coughed. "It's annoying."

"I don't care how annoying it is, you're sick and you need it."

I tried to smile. "How would you know? They don't even know what's wrong with me. Maybe I don't need it."

AJ bopped me across the forehead. "Shut up, blondie."

"Ow!" I winced. "That wasn't nice!"

Kevin pulled AJ off the bed. "AJ's never nice."

"Hey!" AJ retorted. "I have a big heart!"

"Yeah, it's the same size as your mouth!" Kevin groaned, dragging AJ to the door by his ear. "Come on!"

"But Nick wanted to see me!"

"Yes, he did and he has seen you now. But he's sick and he looks sleepy."

I rubbed my stomach. "You guys don't have to go. Just relax. Especially you, Kev. You look like a pissed elephant that just received an enema."

Kevin gritted his teeth, pushing AJ through the door. "Didn't you hear, Nick? The 'pissed elephant' is the new look according to 'Vogue'."

"You read 'Vogue'?" Brian wondered as he encouraged me to sip my water.

"No, Brian, I do not. I'm going to bribe a nurse to give AJ a a sedative for my own peace of mind, so you stay with Nick. I'll be back and stay with him through the night."

Brian held the glass to my lips. "No, I've got him. You're still a walking zombie."

"And you're a heart patient under a vast amount of stress. I'm staying here and you're going back to the hotel."

Of course, they didn't bother to ask ME who I wanted to stay. I'm sure my answer would've surprised them. I would've preferred Howie or AJ. Kevin was getting too fatigued and I felt guilty with him here, and Brian was always panicking about my health. Howie just stayed with me and kept me calm, and AJ made me laugh and forget I was even here.

AJ smiled as Kevin drug him away. "See 'ya, Nick! If you get lonely dial 1-900-FUC- "

"SHUT UP,AJ!!!!" Kevin voice rang through the halls.

Brian sighed. "You want anything, Nick?"

"No."

"Nick, you really need to try to eat."

"They've gotten me to a point I can keep water and warm Sprite down, Rok. I don't want to push my luck."

"I guess I can understand that." He gazed at me, attempting to read my expression. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"With you. Sometimes, you're in so much pain you can barely stand it and now you're acting somewhat normal."

"It's easier when AJ's here. It's not as scary."

"There's one sentence I never thought I'd hear AJ's name in."

"With AJ it's almost as if I'm not sick or at least this sick. 'Ya know?"

"I get what you're saying. But once he leaves, you realize the pain is still there?"

"Yeah."

He nodded. "That's how I felt with LeighAnne around."

"Have you talked to her recently?"

"Yeah, she's not really busy right now, so she might try to fly out here."

"So she can be with you?"

"And you. It tore her heart out when she found out your family couldn't get to you."

"Did you tell her that you think my nurse Katie is a cutie?"

Brian blushed. "Um..Nick, somethings need to stay between you and me. And for Kevin's sake as well. I've seen him eyeing your doctor a few times. We don't need Leigh and Kristin ganging up against us."

"Kev's not the only one eyeing Dr.Turtle!"

"Even illness can't stop your crazy hormones, can it?"

It finally happened. Despite being so sick, I finally felt normal being near Brian.

I groaned, suddenly as my leg cramped up.

"What happened?"

"I've got a Charlie Horse."

Brian massaged my leg. "Just try to flex your calf."

I bit my lip, doing as he said. This was the third attack I had suffered today.

"Better?"

I released my lip. "Yeah."

He pressed his palm against my forehead. "Even when you try to act normal this catches up with you, huh?"

I yawned. "Basically."

"You want to try to get some sleep?"

"No, I want to talk you."

Brian's eyes practically danced with joy upon hearing my words. "Great! Let's talk! I had been wanting to know what you've been trying to tell me."

"I wanna' come clean."

His tone became serious. "All right."

"The Care Bear isn't BJ's. A fan gave it to me the first night we were on tour without you. And I remembered it as 'Friend Bear', so I began sleeping with it your bunk. It made me feel better."

He laughed. "Well, I'm glad it made you feel better. Was that all you wanted to tell me?"

"No, I want you to know I'm sorry."

"What on earth for?"

"For being mean to you when you first came back. I was afraid to be near you."

"That's understandable. But I don't understand why you wouldn't tell me you were sick."

"I was scared."

His forehead wrinkled. "You don't have to be scared to tell me anything."

"No, I thought it was just nerves. Then, once I realized I was sick, I was afraid to let anyone know. I thought something could've happened to you. If everyone was worrying with me or if you were taking care of me, you might get sick, too." I paused. "A lot of good that did. Now, you're back in a hospital."

"Don't talk like that. I'm only upset that you put yourself through that much on top of being sick."

"It's okay."

He fidgeted in his seat. "Feel relieved now?"

"Kinda'."

"Let's just hope you get better soon and this will all be over with."

"Yeah, but I remembered something today."

"What was that?"

"That night- the night I got the bear. I said a prayer for you."

"That was sweet of you."

"No, you don't understand. I know why I'm sick. I asked God to let me take your place. That I would give my life for you. Maybe that's why I'm sick, I'm going to die so you can live."

Kevin's exhuasted frame appeared it the doorway. "Okay, AJ has been properly restrained. How are you guys doing?"

Brian's face paled as he stood, turning away from me. "Kev, um, make sure they check on him, I think his temperature is up."

Kevin nodded. "I'm sure someone will be checking on him soon."

Brian hurried out the door, unable to look at me.

Was it something I said?