26

I laid in my hotel bed staring at the ceiling. It was night time, but I couldn't sleep. I could not get over what Nick had told me. How could he think like that? What I wanted to do was yell at him for thinking like that, but I realized that would hurt him because he was protecting me in a way. I couldn't believe he had kept all that bottled up for so long. I sighed standing up and wiping my eyes. I hadn't even realized I was crying. I had been crying a lot lately but who could blame me?

I couldn't stay in this room anymore. I walked out to find Howie and AJ watching TV on the couch. AJ was half asleep, sprawled out on the sofa. Howie sat in an arm chair, staring at some show that looked incredibly boring. I plopped down next to AJ. "Whatcha' watching guys?"

Howie looked up startled. I guess he had been thinking.

"I dunno, some show."

Okay then. I leaned my head back, feeling the sadness come over me once again. Howie looked at me. "You okay, Bri? You've been quiet since we left the hospital." I decided I could tell Howie about Nick. He had said I could talk to him. I didn't want to tell Kevin because he was under enough stress as it was.

"D, Nick told me something before and it made me worry a lot more about him."

He looked at me patiently as AJ sat up, interested. "What, Rok?"

I closed my eyes. "He told me he was sick because he had asked God if he could take my place, so I wouldn't have to suffer." Howie and AJ stared at me in shock. I went on.

"And I'm worried because he was so calm about it, it's like he wants to die! I don't want him to die!" I sobbed. AJ's eyes welled up and I saw him hide his face in the sofa. Howie turned off the TV and tapped AJ's leg making him look up.

"Listen to me, both of you, Nicky is not going to die, you hear me?" We nodded as he went on. "Brian, you know how much Nick loves you, he would do anything for you, even if it meant giving up his life so you wouldn't have to suffer." I interrupted him.

"But I don't want him too! I want him to be better, I want all of us to be better!" I sobbed falling onto the arm of the couch and breaking down for the second time that day." I couldn't take it anymore, I kept asking the same question 'What had we done to deserve all of this?' I hadn't found the answer yet. I felt someone pull me into a hug and assumed it was Howie. When I heard the voice, I realized it was AJ. He laid his chin on my head as I sobbed into his chest. He didn't try to comfort me, just let me cry it out. Howie grabbed us both pulling us to him. I pulled away, AJ spoke finally.

"What else is wrong Brian? You can tell us."

"I'm worried about Kevin, he's been under too much with me and Nicky both being sick. He wouldn't leave either of our sides, I don't think it's healthy for him, he's barely slept!"

Howie nodded. "Tomorrow, we make Kevin come back here and rest all day, no questions asked. We can all watch over Nicky, all right?" I nodded wiping my eyes. I was ashamed I had broken down like that again. AJ patted my shoulder.

"Hey man, don't ever feel like you can't talk to us, we're brothers and we don't hide our feelings from each other." I looked at his face, he had no traces of humor on it, I think the thing with AJ sometimes is that he uses humor to make a situation better, but he bottles it up as well. I smiled at him.

"You either Bone, Nicky really likes it when you go see him, he told me it takes his mind off things, you're really great with him."

He grinned at me. "Well, I do try, thank the porn!"

Howie slapped him upside the head. "Enough Mr. channel 69, lets get to sleep, it's late and by the time you get ready in the morning, we'll never get to relieve Kevin!"

AJ looked insulted. "At least I don't spend an hour and 45 minutes on my hair!"

"No just on your damn outfit!"

"So, I look good!"

"So do I!"

I stepped in. "Okay you two, go to your rooms, it's time for bed!"

Howie and AJ marched off to their rooms laughing. I followed at a slower pace, hoping tomorrow would bring up better news...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I entered Nick's room the next morning with AJ and Howie by my side. I was going to talk to him today, we were going to have a serious talk and I was going to make sure he knew I was here for him and he was going to get better.

Kevin was standing by Nick's bed trying to feed him some toast. Nick was sitting up and he looked better! He really did. His face was still pale but at least it wasn't green anymore. If Kevin was giving him toast, that meant he had survived one day and night without puking. I could tell his throat still hurt though as he was making a painful face as he tried to swallow. His face lit up when we walked in, but he still looked a little ashamed when he met my eye. I smiled at him and gave him a look saying we would talk when we were alone. He smiled back. I felt relieved until I took a closer look at Kevin, he was the walking dead. My smile faded as I saw him set down Nick's breakfast. He turned to greet us and I saw his legs give out, I ran over to him and caught him before his head hit the ground. Nick started bawling and Howie and AJ stood in shock.

"Someone call a doctor!" I yelped.

next
home