People were pushing passed me rapidly, shoving me to the side of the backstage dressing quarters. A large mass of EMTS sat at Brian's side, checking his pulse and strapping an oxygen mask to his face. Howie and AJ stood a few feet away, whispering encouraging words while Kevin held his hand. I stayed where I was, adjusting my costume. I didn't want to go near him. Besides, call me crazy, but a person gasping for air should be given a little space.
Brian lifted the mask off, smiling. "Relax, everybody, I'm fine. I'm just fine."
Kevin faced the EMT. "Should he sit the rest of the concert out?"
"No, Mr. Richardson, your cousin will be all right. He just has to take it easy on stage."
"Should he consult his cardiologist?"
Brian shook his head. "Kevin, you sound like a Med. student." He ran a hand over his face, staring at our group members. "Now, would one of you spectators be kind enough to help me to my feet?"
Kevin grasped Brian's arm, pulling him up. "Take it easy."
"I know, Kev. Take your own advice as well. You're going to give yourself gray hair! And it wouldn't go very well with your eyebrows."
"Ha, ha. You're positive you're all right?"
"Yeah, let's go do the show."
I stood, still watching in silence. If he wasn't okay...Why was he here? Was it even safe to have him backstage? What if...
I was distracted as I felt AJ's hands guiding me back to the stage. "Come on, kid. I know that gave you a little scare, but everything's fine now. On with the show."
The rest of the concert was a blur to me. I sang my parts automatically and performed the dance moves like a trained robot. I only kept my hazy vision on Brian.
On stage beside me is the last place he should've been. I wanted nothing more than to give him a plane ticket back home and see him safe and sound. Then, I would know he would be well and my feelings of discomfort would fade away.
I heard the others' mumbled voices as I retired to my bunk. They had ordered dinner, but the mere smell of food had made me nauseous. I was still feeling awkard just as I had this morning. I had felt a bit off ever since I saw Brian. I wanted to be nonexistent.
"Why couldn't we have McDonalds?" AJ whined.
"Because it isn't healthy!" Kevin growled.
Howie laughed. "Come on, AJ, you like Subway."
"Yeah, but it's so...so....healthly!"
Brian chuckled. "Typical Boner. Some things never change. Ya' know, you guys don't have to change your diet for me."
Kevin interuppted him. "It's fine, Bri. It would be better for all of us anyway. Especially you, AJ."
"WHAT? I'm fifty pounds lighter than you!"
"Hey, Kevin, where's Nick's sandwich?" Brian interrupted.
"On the table."
Brian paused. "Isn't he coming to dinner?"
"I dunno. He's a big boy, he can come get his own food."
"I'll take it to him."
"I'll take it, Brian. You just rest."
"No, I want to, Kev. I wanted to spend some time with him, anyway."
I felt myself moaning bellow my breath. Why couldn't Brian just let me be? Food was not my friend today.
"Nick....Nick...." Brian called softly. "You awake?" He smiled, taking a seat across from me on AJ's bunk. "Hey, buddy, dinner time."
"Uh....no thanks. I think I'll just turn in early."
"Oh, come on, you have to eat. I haven't seen you eat anything all day."
"I ate." I lied, staring at the floor.
He sighed, handing me my sandwich. "Just eat that, okay?"
The smell of turkey and musturd sent my stomach into a display of flips. I slowly unwrapped the paper, folding it back.
Brian took a bite of his sandwich. "So, what's been going?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing? Must be boring."
I shrugged, staring at the opened package. Why did I feel so weird around him? And why did my stomach decide to randomly hate me?
His blue eyes narrowed. "You okay? You're not eating."
"Not hungry."
"Are you mad about something? Has one of the guys been picking on 'ya?"
I shook my head.
"LeighAnne and my family say 'hi.'"
"That was nice of them."
He had almost finished his sandwich. I was thankful, I wanted him to leave before I needed to empty my stomach. And the foul smell of the meat was enough to send me along the way.
"You wanna' stay up late tonight and play nintendo? We could sneak out of our bunks and talk all night. Kevin would never know."
"No, you need your rest."
"You sound like Kevin."
That was a first. "I just think he's right."
"Nick, I'm not a child. I can take care of myself."
If he could take care of himself...Why were there oxgen tanks backstage? Why were there doctors and EMTs waiting for him in North Carolina if he could take care of himself?
He changed the subject. "I see you stole my bunk. Normally, you take the top bunk."
"Oh." I had been sleeping in his bunk ever since the night he left for his surgery. It hadn't even occured to me that I had laid down here. I sat up, hiding a stuffed animal in my hand. "I'll move."
"It's no big deal. Stay there if you like."
"It's okay. I'll sleep up there. You don't need to be crawling around anyway."
Brian lowered his head. "You're all treating me as if I would die just to lift a pencil for an autograph."
"Don't mention dying!" I blurted out suddenly.
Brian's eyes widened. "I'm.....I'm sorry, Nicky. I won't."
I handed him the sandwich, standing. "I'll see you in the morning."
"The guys and I were going to watch an Adam Sandler flick. Why don't you join us? If you don't want your sandwich, l could find you some crackers or something."
I felt myself shaking as I attempted to lift myself into the bunk. "Nah. I just think I'll get some sleep. Maybe read or something."
I tried once more to lift myself, my hands shaking worse than before. Brian caught my knees, boosting me up. "Why are you shaking? You look scared. Did something happen while I was gone?"
"Nothing happened. I'm just cold."
"In July?"
"The bus is cold."
"The air conditioner isn't working properly." Would this man stop at nothing? I felt him lifting the sheets over me. "Kevin didn't mention anything about you being sick."
"I'm not."
"You're sure?"
"I'm not sick."
"If you say so." He looked over my shoulder. "What's with the bear?"
I stared at the stuffed bear in my arms. A fan had thrown it to me the first night we had been on tour. It was actually a Care Bear. A cartoon BJ always watched when we were small. I remembered this Care Bear as 'Friend Bear.' It comforted me that night and I had been sleeping in Brian's bunk with the toy ever since.
"Oh, this silly thing?" I asked, lifting it up, laughing. "It's BJ old toy. She had stuffed it in my luggage and I kind of felt obligated to keep it out," I lied. "Silly, huh?"
"I don't think so."
That was Brian's normal behavior. He never made fun of me. I felt so guilty not opening up to him. But I couldn't. I was scared and I didn't feel right inside-literally. Everything now seemed so secretive between us.