Chapter 12
"Kirk, we'll discuss that later. I'm sure that Andy's upset right now..." Steve says calmly.
"So that's it?" Kirk asks, annoyed. "'We're sorry that someone's been kicking your ass. Here, go to a shrink, it'll get better.' What about the asshole who did this?"
After being silent for so long, Curtis looks at me, "You can't protect him from this, Andy. He was wrong..."
"He never meant to hurt me," I say weakly.
"Oh, so he kicked your ass? So he gave you a black eye? That's why you were so beat up when you got here, right? He did that to you, didn't he?" Kirk demands, growing angrier by the minute.
"Look, I need it," I explode, pushing away from the table. "Without the punishment, I'm done. I can't play without it."
"Yes, you can," Curtis whispers, his eyes shining with tears.
"How the hell do you know? You've never sat out five or six games in a row, not knowing if you were ever going to play again. You've never shuttled back and forth from the minors," I scream, standing in the doorway, ready to flee to my room.
"And having someone kick your ass is going to make that better? By having a huge gash over your eye and being bruised all over, you're going to play better? You've got to fucking be kidding," Kirk counters.
"Enough."
Silence fills the room, and we all look at Steve. He never raises his voice. "Sit down. You too, Kirk." Once we've complied, he continues. "I agree with Kirk. And believe me, I had no intention of just sending Andy to therapy and assuming everything would be okay. I've already spoken to Mr. Illitch today. Now that I know what exactly we're dealing with, I'm going to insist that we have a meeting later this afternoon. Probably with some league officials. I'm going to demand a complete investigation into this."
I try to protest, but somehow, without even saying a word, without more than a glance, Steve silences me.
"Andy, whoever did this was not helping you. Simply put, it is a case of abuse, physical and verbal. I absolutely cannot allow it to go unpunished, whether or not you tell me who did it. It will be easier with your help, but I can understand if you are uncomfortable with that. Right now, you have to be most concerned with getting help to get over this."
I finally give into the tears, and I lay my head down on my crossed arms. The room around me is silent, except for my sobbing and an occasional sniffle from Curtis. I don't know what to think about any of this. I'm not sure who to believe. Johan told me that I need the punishment, that I deserve it. Steve says its abuse. He says that it's wrong. Curtis and Kirk both agree.
Who is telling me the truth?
Curtis was there for me last night. Curtis hugged me while I cried and held my hand until I fell asleep. Kirk stayed up to make sure I was okay, and I'm almost positive that he was the one to call Steve. And Steve...he's more concerned about me than Mario ever was. He seems genuinely worried.
But Johan wanted to make me better.
Even if he did hurt me. Even if he hit me. Even if he yelled at me. Even if he forced himself on me. Steve's voice echoes in my head. Abuse.
"Johan," I whisper. The already silent room goes completely still. "It was Johan Hedberg," I repeat, lifting my head up until I'm looking into Steve's eyes.
He nods slowly, "Okay. Now we have a name," he pauses. "Do you want to be at the meeting today? They're going to ask you a lot of questions. Questions that will make you very uncomfortable..."
"No, I'll do it." It scares me to death, but I am going to do it. If Johan was wrong about how to make me better, maybe he was wrong about other things. Maybe I can prove I'm stronger than he thought.
