Chapter 19
A soft, rhythmic thudding wakes me, and I groggily try to remember where I am. It’s late in the afternoon—the orange glow of sunset is shining behind the closed curtains. I try to sit up, but then I recognize the noise that woke me. A heartbeat.
Curtis.
He’s still here. After everything. After all of the crying and shaking, he fell asleep holding me. I didn’t expect this. It makes me want to cry again, for completely different reasons.
“Curtis,” I whisper, and he stirs a bit, but doesn’t open his eyes. I rub a hand over his chest, and then his eyelids flutter open. “You’re still here,” I remark stupidly.
“Where else would I be?” he asks, his voice deep and only half-awake.
“Thank you,” I say, kissing him softly.
“No need,” he replies and stretches his arms over his head. He pushes himself up from the bed with a groan, and then turns to me. “Would you mind if I stayed tonight?”
The prospect of falling asleep with his arms around me and waking up to the sound of his heartbeat is too good to pass up. “No, I don’t mind. I’d like that...”
Pleased, he kisses me again. He asks if I have anything he can wear to sleep in, but since I’m shorter, I have to find someone closer to Curtis’ size. “Hey,” Kirk says when I come into the den, and he mutes the TV, “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, we talked…” I pause, laughing half-heartedly. “Okay, no. I cried like a baby, and he listened to me. But…yeah. We’re fine.”
“Pizza for three tonight, I’m guessing, huh?”
“If its okay…”
He laughs, “I don’t care, Andy. I wouldn’t have offered otherwise, trust me.”
“Well, there is one more favor I need to ask. Do you have anything he could wear to sleep in? He doesn’t want to wear the same thing, but I’m too short to give him something of mine,” I explain, fidgeting.
“Tall dresser, top drawer. There are flannel pajamas and t-shirts. Tell him to take his pick. I’ll call for dinner.”
The evening is relaxed. No one mentions therapy or abuse or Johan. We watch Edmonton play the Flames, eat pizza, and eventually end up joking about a really terrible horror movie.
It almost feels normal. But Kirk is eyeing me carefully, gauging my mood. Curtis is sweet and attentive; but he almost seems afraid to leave my side. When they flash the highlights of the Pittsburgh game in Atlanta, Kirk nearly sprains an ankle when he runs from the kitchen to change the station. It reminds me that everything isn’t normal.
But I don’t want to think about that tonight.
I go up to bed first, and Curtis soon follows. He watches me brush my teeth, a soft smile playing at his lips, making me blush. I find the spare toothbrush I keep in my suitcase for emergencies on the road and give it to him. Then I watch him, and he winks at me, and I flush again, then leave the room before I make a fool of myself.
When he comes into my room, I’m already in bed. He slips in next to me, curling an arm around my back and holding me against him. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers.
“For what?” I ask, surprised.
“That you’ve had to deal with so much. You deserve better,” he hugs me tighter, and I roll on my side to face him. The lamp behind me catches his eyes, and I wonder again what that expression on his face means.
“You’re beautiful, Andrew, and you’re smart. You’re talented and promising, and someday, you’ll be great,” he says, staring into my eyes, and I feel myself melting a bit. “I’m so glad you’re here now,” he whispers.
And now he’s kissing me. It is slow and sweet, warming me from inside and curling my toes. His fingers lace through my hair, his tongue slipping gently over my teeth. He tastes like peppermint and feels like a security blanket. Then he presses his lips to my temple, and just like that, I understand what that look in his eyes means. A moment later, he says the words to confirm it.
“I love you.”
