Chapter 27
As February turns into March, the investigation loses its prominent place in my life. Steve is finally back, and the entire team--the entire city--is starting to get ready for the post-season. I'm kept informed of the proceedings, but my attendance at face-to-face meetings is no longer necessary, and so they allow me to stay away, in order to focus on hockey.
The more they search, the more people come forward. They've talked with Scotty Bowman and Ron Francis, both of whom confirm what Jagr said to be true. Not that Mario didn't cover his tracks carefully. He sent Scotty away, threatened Ronnie, making sure that they both stayed silent just as Jaromir had.
Meanwhile, I'm dreading the middle of March. The day after I turn 24, I have to play against Pittsburgh. I keep focusing on March 18th, worrying about it, keeping it in the back of my mind, despite all efforts from Steve, Kirk and Curtis to make me forget it.
March 17th comes, and we land in Pittsburgh shortly after noon. I'm putting off going back to my house, so instead I show Curtis around the city. I take him to every beautiful place I can think of, remembering all of the things that made me love the city while I was there.
After sightseeing, we're supposed to meet with Kirk and Steve for drinks, but when we get there, the entire team is waiting. A chorus of "Happy Birthday" erupts, and I can't keep the smile from my face. Last year, my birthday consisted of nothing more than a 24-hour reprieve from cursing and insults. It's a celebration I never expected, but I can see by the sparkle in his eyes that Curtis had it planned far in advance.
As soon as everyone leaves, I decide its time to stop procrastinating. Its nearly midnight when Curtis and I pull up to my old house, and I'm dreading the memories that I know are going to overwhelm me the moment I open the door. Curtis slips his hand into mine, entwining our fingers, and I realize that I can handle whatever demons are inside, just as long as I have him with me.
The house is completely dark inside; when I flip the lights on and the kitchen comes into view, I cringe. I can remember the way Johan shoved me into the refrigerator, the way he forced me against that wall and...
"Andrew?" Curtis asks softly, breaking the memory. "Are you okay?"
I nod slowly, swallowing back the lump in my throat. "Just...remembering things. It's been a while since I was here. A lot of stuff is coming back to me."
I can hear Johan's voice louder here, like the walls are replaying the things he used to say to me. Then Curtis squeezes my hand reassuringly, and the echoes quiet a bit.
I know I'll sell it as soon as I get everything out, but I don't want my last memories to be dark. I want to have one more good thing to look back on here. Determined to ignore the taunting, tormenting voices, I lead Curtis up the stairs to the bedroom.
I spent many nights there, curled in on myself, my body aching from the beatings, stinging from the assault, my lungs hurting from holding in the tears for fear Johan will wake up and start again.
Tonight is different. I curl up with Curtis, letting him kiss away the tears that I'm finally ready to let go of. In the same bed where Johan belittled me, broke me, raped me, Curtis' hands stroke away the pain, his lips kiss away the regret, his arms cradle me against the sadness. When he slides carefully, gently into me, the only tears on my cheeks are happy ones.
