Family Impact

Family affects everything. They shape how a person will turn out later in life. They also fashion a person’s beliefs and thoughts. The family past can and does usually make or break a person’s present and future. People can learn from their family’s mistakes and try not to make them. That is always the best way to raise a child. Learning from the mistakes of the best can make parents stronger and better people. I have looked at how my family has dealt with things in the past. I was raised by my mother’s side of the family. They have had great moments with raising me. Some of them very good while others I will try not to repeat with my own children. Overall, I believe that my family has done a great job with raising me. I will learn from their examples and avoid their mistakes if and when I have children.

Raising a child has many cycles to complete before the new generation starts up again. The first stage is pregnancy. I was first conceived while my mom was still in college. The timing seemed to be off then. Her relationship with my father did not really work out either. Usually, if there is only one parent in the family, that child is doomed for failure. Not in my case, however. My family has a close-knit family. Her parents helped her through the whole pregnancy while she was in school. I will try to have people close to me, either family or good friends, help me through the whole nine months. Pregnancy is not a good thing to go through alone. It is a smart idea to have at least one person close to you to help you through the whole way. They do not have to help a mother with every single thing that she needs. The least that they can do is to be there for the mother-to-be and listen to her talk. If the people around the expectant mother just listened to her, she would feel like someone does care for her and her child in the world. This will lead to a good start to parenthood.

The second stage is infancy. This is where the real challenges begin. That baby being born is a sudden snap from the romanticized vision of what parenthood is. Teenagers feel this shock the worst. Lucky for me, my mom was in her senior year of college when she had me. I was a C-section birth. Part of the reason was that my heart went into stress. I do not exactly know the whole story, but that was what I was told. Another reason was that I was not coming out after my mom had the drugs. I have heard sides of the coin with C-sections. I think I will use it as a last resort. Also, my mom is allergic to morphine. I have decided that days before I give birth, to let the doctors know what I am allergic to in advance so that I don’t end up spending longer days in the hospital because an allergic reaction. Another issue to bring up is after I was born, my grandparents raised me for the first year of my life. This falls into my plan of having somebody close to me when I have my baby. Because I lived my grandparents, my mom was able to finish her education and graduate. This is another reason why it is good to have somebody close to a young mother when she has her baby. She can try and finish her educate and pursuit helpful goals to improve the life of her and her baby. I really would want that for myself and my kids one day.

Then, there is the early childhood stage. This is where the baby grows into a toddler. Toddlers and small children are busy little kids. They get into so much trouble because they are curious. Over the years in psychology classes and by observation, I have learned that parents just have to let some things slide with the kids. The children do not mean any harm sometimes, but are just curious. My family was very good with me at this age. I have to admit, I was a bit spoiled then. Other than that, I grew up well. I have learned not to use phrase like, “Don’t touch that!” or “Don’t walk in the mud.” I think my family might of done that for me. That is not really effective. I found that using phrases like, “Leave that alone,” and “Walk around the mud,” are much more usual. Also, my family spanked me many times. I just think that is overkill. I vow to use spanking as a dead-last resort. I say this because, kids will do stupid things as they grow up. As much as parents do not want that to happen, it is invertible. Kids do stupid things, but that does not make them stupid. I think parents forget that with small children when they discipline them so strictly. That is another thing: I will be patient with my children and explain why I am correcting their wrongs. It may be difficult, but I will do my best with that one. I believe that discipline should not be too heavy or too light with children. Everyone should try to have a fair balance when it comes to parenting. That is not an easy goal, but it is one worth trying to achieve.

Next there is middle childhood. This is where the kids are old enough to go to elementary school. This stage was where my family found out that I had ADD. This discovery came when I took the test to get into elementary school. I did not pass it the first time. The guidance councilor called my mom and told her the news. My mom did not believe it because I was smart child growing up. So, she asked if I was tested in a big room with many children. The councilor said yes. Mom then suggested that I take the test again, only this time in a private room by myself. The councilor agreed to do it. While I waited on the day of the second test, I asked the guidance councilor if I could read Bernstein Bears book. She said yes. I read it without any trouble at all. The guidance councilor was surprised that I could do so. She asked if I had read the book before and I said no, I had not. From there, I passed the test and got into school. I got help for my ADD over the years. I was on medication until I reached middle school. Along with my ADD, they raised me properly when I was a kid. I was smart and well-behaved. However, I was fairly lazy and hyper at times. Because of this, they did not have to discipline me so much, except when it came to grades. When I was being bullied in school, my family came to my aid to sort it all out. I would the same thing with my children that my family did for me during my early school years. I plan to be activate in their school life—ADD or not. There is one thing I definitely will not do for my children. I will not push them to pursuit something that they do not want to do in the end. When I was little, I wanted to take piano lessons. So, my family signed me up for it. Over the years, I grew to hate it! Yet, my family pushed me to keep going with it until after I graduated high school. Part of the reason I hated the piano was because they did not make it fun at all or reward me for practicing. Maybe then, I would have stayed with the piano. If my kids want to quit, then I would let them. If not that, I would set goals for them to persuade them to stay with their passion and make it fun. I have learned that this method is the best way to help kids learn and grow in life.

Next, kids grow up into adolescence. This is the hardest stage for everybody. The kids think that they are adults already and go back to doing stupid things. I was still fairly good growing up. I still stayed out of trouble and did my homework. I did not do drugs, drink, sneak out of the house, or sleep around. I did not have a curfew because I was a homebody. My mom did try to limit how many hours I was on the computer however. I was also off my medication for my ADD around this time. (That is still a work in progress for me.) I grew to love writing in the seventh grade. My family supported me fully on my career choice. Things still remained the same in sense between us. They still were not strict because I was fairly good growing up. Spankings were really used, however. Instead, my mom would take something from me or ban me from the computer as a result if I messed up or got a bad grade. Other than that, discipline seemed rather rare to me. My mom did try to push me to get my license and choose my future before I became serious with my life. Even with all of that, I was pretty much spoiled with love and care. I would do the same for my own children. Only, I would not be so hard with the discipline when they screw up and try to talk to them about what they did wrong. Adolescence is also the time for puberty, sex, and drugs. Parents need to sit down talk with their kids about those big subjects. My mom talked and read books with me about puberty. The talk got through to me rather nicely. For the drugs, the D.A.R.E in my elementary school and all of the public service announcements did the talking for them. That and the fact that I never really got out of the house that much to begin with. It was the same thing with sex. I did not really befriend that many people or go out on dates, so there was not much of a need to talk about sex. However, I will talk to my children about puberty, drugs, and sex. I will not sugar coat anything nor will I scare them. I will just lie down the facts and hope that they make the right decisions in the end. I will do follow-ups by having strong conversations with that just to form a close bond with my children. There is still another important factor to take in about my family. All of the females are pretty much strong and independent. My mom did not lean on my grandparents for support all of the time. My mom, grandma, and all practically taught me to work hard and depend on myself to survive and progress. I will teach that if I have a daughter. If I had a son, I will teach him to respect women and be a man.

Finally, the kids grow up into adults. Most of the time, this is where everyone relaxes some. The kids are grown up and living on their own. The parents can relax and enjoy the rest of their lives and the grandchildren to come. I am currently in college and living on campus. Things have gotten quieter between my family and I. My mom and I talk and text on the phone from time to time. My family picks me up to take me home for breaks and to take my back to school. We both seem to enjoy the quiet from each other in between. I am guessing that distance plays a good part in this. Even now, my family still tries to help me through college in any way that they can. I would let my kids go away to college, but I would also keep in touch with them whenever I can. Communication and bonds are important for child growth—even after the kids are all grown up. The kids will need their parents when they are in need of some serious help. Having said that, I will try my best to help my kids while they are in college and beyond that. I plan to give my children advice in life when they come to me for help. I will keep my home open for my children when they need a place heal from the heartache if their home life does not work out in the end. I even plan to be there for my grandchildren if they have any at all. I would be just like my grandmother with me. However, I will not be like her and try to micromanage their lives and let them try to live the way that they desire to live. After all, they will be adults are all. I cannot be there for them always. However, I can try to be there for them when I can. My family believes in staying close and caring for each other when times get worse.

People can learn so much from their family background. It can help them not repeat the same mistakes in the past. I have learned many things about my family and I still am learning. I will follow their examples and not make the same mistakes that they did with me as I was growing when I have my own children one day. With all of this in mind, I will do my best to be a great mother.