FADE IN:

INT. SOME EXTRAVAGANT SHIP

GOLDIE HAWN, a supposed social celebrity, walks around in her bizarrely gold-ish and silver-ish costumes. This is FUNNY.

GOLDIE HAWN

(smug rich bitch mode)

I must now randomly piss off people to make myself desperately unlikable. Then I will change into a pointlessly suggestive swimming suit.

She DOES. This is also FUNNY. Suddenly, she wants her WEDDING RING, which is left on the board.

GOLDIE HAWN

(smug rich bitch mode)

I will go and fetch the ring myself even though I, the rich bitch, have a dozen of servants under my command.

She does so clumsily, and she falls into the sea.

GOLDIE HAWN

(smug rich bitch mode)

Help! I can't swim! But I will somehow live through an entire night of cold sea water and survive!

She DOES, allowing the FUNNY story to continue.

INT. LOCAL POLICE STATION

POLICE

So, we found this woman in the sea. She has lost some of her memory because of the shock and fear she has experienced, but apparently that does not a bit diminish her intolerable pride and smugness. She has effectively pissed off all of us, so we are happy to get rid of her in every possible means, including letting someone who has no sufficient legal proof pick her up.

KURT RUSSELL

Suits me.

KURT RUSSELL, once also pissed-off by GOLDIE, takes her home to enslave her for revenge. This is FUNNY as well.

INT. KURT RUSSELL'S DELIBERATELY CRAPPY HOME

KURT RUSSELL

Welcome to my crappy home, Goldie Hawn, you are my wife; please disregard the fact that I have absolutely no proof for that and allow me to introduce my Problem Children.

HIS PROBLEM CHILDREN

Do the housework!

GOLDIE HAWN

(plain chick mode)

No!

(pause)

Okay.

Though GOLDIE HAWN does not remember who she is, she obviously remembers how to do housework that she has never come to learn in her previous life. She throws away dirty clothes, destroys toilets, and uses a vacuum cleaner as her food collector.

GOLDIE HAWN

(plain chick mode, sighs)

I'm so ingeniously comical.

This is very FUNNY and WITTY. Somehow, the crappy house is not torn down instantly. In fact, the house becomes, against any existing laws of logic, CLEAN and ORGANIZED, though we do not witness how GOLDIE makes this possible. This is indeed HILARIOUS.

HIS PROBLEM CHILDREN

We will now humiliate you.

They HUMILIATE GOLDIE for FUN. Despite her previous smug and powerful self, GOLDIE does not dare to confront them. This is really HILARIOUS. Suddenly, at the peak of her humiliation, she becomes a SWEET AND NORMAL FEMALE, by which the DIRECTOR means she is SUBMISSIVE AND EXCESSIVELY OBEDIENT. A HEART-WARMING FAMILY SCENE follows.

AUDIENCE

(uncomfortable)

She becomes a "good" wife when she is humiliated most savagely?

DIRECTOR GARRY MARSHALL

Doesn't my plot reflect the reality of humanity?

AUDIENCE

(nervous)

Well, yeah...though that's kind of depressing for a family movie...

As soon as GOLDIE becomes a SWEET AND NORMAL FEMALE, EVERYBODY is HAPPY and ALL goes well, except that GOLDIE still doesn't know who she is. Random things go on FUNNY for a while, then GARRY MARSHALL abruptly decides it's time for ROMANCE.

EXT. AND INT. SOME DARK PLACE

GOLDIE HAWN

I love you, Kurt Russell, because you have accomplished absolutely nothing but humiliating and enslaving me.

KURT RUSSELL

Then let's have sex despite me knowing you are someone else's wife.

They DO. This is FUNNY and ROMANTIC like hell.

END