Gundam Wing

Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing. I just borrowed some of the characters. Rated: NC-17

Corrupting Relena

Duo Maxwell woke up bound to a bed.

“AW, crap.”

He looked around and realized that he was in a hospital. That was good; but why . . . he raised his head and looked for Heero, who was at his bed side waiting for him to wake up.

“Duo, you’re awake. How do you feel?”

“Like shit. What did they shoot me with? I remember the dart, but that’s about all.”

“It’s a new drug, one of the Soma series. Duo, I’m so sorry. You’re in for a really bad time as the drug works it’s way out of your system.”

“Thanks pal. You’re a real peach.”

Duo let his head drop back on the bed. The Somas were very bad for all the Gundam pilots. Due to the genetic manipulation that they had gone through, they metabolized drugs differently. And Soma was bad. It caused all kinds of side effects, from nausea and vomiting to convulsions and delirium. He expected at least convulsions, to which he was particularly susceptible for some reason.

“ ‘Ro? You’re stayin’ with me? Right? Please? Don’t leave me alone. Remember what happened the last time you did.”

Heero was very aware of the consequences of leaving any of them alone in a hospital, Sally Po usually took care of them, but if she didn’t stay right with the patient some intern invariably didn’t read the chart before treating them and gave the standard treatment and that was disastrous. The list of drugs counter indicated for Gundam pilots was two pages long and accompanied by a list of ten that were efficacious. In other words, the best thing to do for a convulsing Duo Maxwell was nothing.

“I won’t leave you. I’ll be right here until it’s over.”

Heero had every intention of doing exactly that–staying with his best friend and lover until the drug was out of his system and he was safe again. Then his phone rang, or rather vibrated; he had it on silent out of consideration for the hospital.

After listening to Lady Une for a minute he paled and started shaking his head saying ”No, not a chance in hell. He’s not going to be alone in this place again. I remember what happened last time and it happened to me too.”

Heero Yuy went weak in the knees and had to sit down as the gist of what Lady Une said next sank in.

“You got who to promise to sit with him? . . . I don’t believe it. She hates him. She’ll leave him alone . . . what? . . . she swore? Well, she won’t break her sworn word and if she promises to really take care of him, not just go through the motions, I guess I’ll trust her. But . . . ok, ok, I see.

“Duo, Koi, I hate to tell you this. I have to go. Darting you was only the tip of the ice berg. There is a plot to kidnap all of us, Relena, and several top government officials as well. There’s a raid and I have to be there. Sally’s on her way, but can’t get here until tomorrow. Everyone else isn’t available either. So Lady has made arrangements for someone she trusts to stay with you . . . ”

Duo panicked and interrupted Heero, “NO! ‘Ro you can’t leave me, they’ll mess me up. You know they will. Who’s commin’? Who do you trust that much? ‘Ro, please, please don’t leave me here alone and sick.”

Heero helped Duo sit up and hugged him gently. He hated to see Duo like this, but keeping him restrained was necessary, if he got delirious or had convulsions, he could kill someone without meaning to. He wasn’t as strong as Heero was but the slight, long-haired young man was much stronger than average. He was a Gundam pilot and had undergone a great deal of bio engineering.

“I can’t help it, Duo damnit, you know I wouldn’t leave you if it wasn’t necessary. Jeffries is the only other supervisor available.”

“Aw man, not him! He could screw up a two-car funeral . . . ok. Heero. I know you have to go, but I don’t have to like it. When you come back I just hope I’m not in a coma or something.”

A voice from the door made both of them jump.

“Aren’t you over dramatizing things just a little, Maxwell?”

“No! Oh my god! Shinigami’s in hell for sure.”

“Relena.”

Her Majesty, Queen Relena Peacecraft (Abdicated) entered the room and smiled at Heero then turned to see Duo. Her frown was immediate and affronted.

“Is that truly necessary? I don’t think he’s going to be that hard to take care of. After all he’s a reasonable person, sort of.”

Duo groaned and tugged at the straps the held him to the bed. This was going to get ugly real quick.

Heero, however took the remark at face value. Answering, “Yes, it is necessary. If he gets delusional, it’s usually without much warning and he could attack you thinking you’re an officer of Oz, or start convulsing and throw you into a wall.” He snatched his beeper off his belt and snarled, “I have to go. Just don’t . . . Damnit, try to get along. Relena, if I come back and find out that something bad has happened to him . . . “

Relena made a flapping motion with her hand “Yes I know . . . Omae o korosu . . . don’t worry! I won’t let anyone do anything to him, or give him anything not on the allowed list. I promise. There’s been a fire in a tenement, so the staff is spread thin, I’ll be doing more for him than just sitting. Go, go . . . Chang Wufei is having fits, I’m sure.”

Heero gave Duo a quick, passionate kiss and ran out the door.

“Un . . . Lady Peacecraft? You’re really going to stay? You won’t leave me?”

Duo knew that Relena didn’t particularly care for him; had, in fact, said some very nasty things, not only about him, but straight to his face. So he was not expecting what came next.

Relena reached out and patted his hand, tucked the sheet more neatly around him and then sat down on the hard chair beside the bed. She sighed and bowed her head for a moment and seemed to be organizing her thoughts.

“I need to apologize to you, Major Maxwell. I was . . . Immature and foolish is the most polite thing I can say. I hurt you for no other reason than that I was jealous and selfish. I was so convinced that Heero would love me, if I was just persistent enough, I didn’t think about the danger I was placing us all in. I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now. I am truly sorry. Please won’t you give me a second chance. Maybe I can earn your forgiveness.”

Duo watched Relena for a second and proved that his heart was as big as a Gundam. He gave her a Shinigami Grin and nodded.

“Sure, I’ll give you a second chance. But you don’t know what you’ve let yourself in for. It could get really bad, or amount to nothing but a false alarm. But . . . knowing me? All hell is going to break loose sooner or later.”

Relena was looking over the chart from the foot of the bed and shaking her head. The chart was electronic so it reduced several hundred pages to a tablet 8.5 x 11 x 3/4. What she was reading was alarming, to say the least, the list of possible side effects from the drug was frightening.

“Un . . . Lady Peacecraft. Hurry! I . . . I’m gonna hurl.”

Relena wasn’t sure what that was exactly, but the heaving of Duo’s shoulders and stomach was enough to give her a clear idea of what was needed. She grabbed a basin and helped Duo sit up awkwardly due to the straps around his wrists, shoving the basin into Duo’s lap, she held his head as he vomited violently, nearly convulsing as his body fought to expel everything he’d eaten in the last month.

When he was finished, he flopped back in the bed, limp and sweating.

“Fuck, man. I hate this. It really sucks. What do I have to do to get a break?”

“I know you’re sick, but could you control your mouth a little.”

Duo stared at the ceiling and swallowed hard, trying to get some of the nasty taste out of his mouth.

“Sorry, but I’m just pissed. I can’t get a break, this whole month has been screwed up as hell . . . Heero and I were supposed to get our vacations and then this comes up. Wha’ . . . “

While Duo had been distracted, Relena had retrieved a wash cloth from the sink, dampened it, and begun wiping his face. She wiped his mouth and then turned the cloth over and ran it over his cheeks and forehead, then down his neck, wiping off the droplets of sweat.

After getting settled again, Duo sighed. This might not be so bad, as long as he could watch his mouth and not offend the regal young woman. And she was a woman. She’d grown up to be elegant, self possessed, quite the diplomat and very beautiful. Much different at twenty than she had been as a Heero obsessed fifteen year old.

“Well, that wasn’t too bad. How long does this usually last? You can’t keep that up very long without getting dehydrated.”

“Lady . . . do I call you Your Majesty? Never mind.” Duo took a deep breath, wished for something to drink and continued. “I’ll give you the low down. The drug knocked me out and kept me down for about two hours, it should have kept me out for twelve to fourteen. So I’ve got nausea and vomiting. That should last . . . probably six hours, if I’m lucky. Don’t bet the farm on it thought. I’ll probably have convulsions, sooner or later. I’m real susceptible to that. And maybe delirium too. That’s nasty. I usually think I’m in an Oz prison and act accordingly. So don’t take off the restraints, even if I beg. It’s not pretty if I get lose.”

Relena couldn’t believe how calm he was. He talked like it was something that had happened to him quite often.

“You sound so calm. I’d be hysterical by now. I don’t know how you stand being strapped down like that. It can’t be comfortable.”

Duos shrugged. It wasn’t comfortable and he said so; he also asked her how she’d feel if she knew that she’d hurt or killed some innocent hospital worker while in a delirious state.

“I guess I’m kinda used to it by now. I’ve been darted several times and every time I come in injured they invariably give me the wrong stuff. So it happens to all of us from time to time. Usually when Sally isn’t around to take care of us herself . . . oh man, she’s gonna be pissed at me.”

Duo groaned as his now empty stomach started cramping. He needed something to eat and drink, if he didn’t get something in him, the next round of vomiting was going to be dry heaves, and that would really hurt.

“What do you need? I’ll get you something to eat and drink. You’re getting cramps because your stomach is empty. Do you know where I can get you something that won’t make it worse?”

“Yeah, I do. Go down to Maternity, get hold of Nurse Patrick and tell her I’m nauseous. She’ll give you some stuff.”

Relena did as he asked and Nurse Patrick gave her some crackers and several bottles of ginger ale. After giving Relena some instructions, she ended up with some advice.

“Don’t let his wise mouth put you off Miss. He’s just scared. I’d come up and take care of him myself, but they’ve taken most of the staff to the ER to help with all the injured from that tenement fire so I can’t get away.”

When Relena got back, she heard something that chilled her blood.

“I don’t need a cath. Get your hands off me! I’m fine. Damnit, get offa me. I told ya I don’t need it.”

Relena kicked the door open slamming it back against the wall. Duo was trying to twist his hips away from an intern who was holding something she didn’t like the looks of one bit. It was a slender metal rod with some kind of – she wasn’t sure what – on the end of it. And he was holding onto a part of Duo’s anatomy that she was sure he didn’t want touched by a stranger.

“Get away from him now. I don’t know exactly what you think you are doing, but if he doesn’t want it done, you are not doing it.”

“I’m an intern here and he needs a catheter. I need the practice, so just get out and let me do this. Go on, little lady, take a break, drink your soda, and come back in ten.”

“I most certainly will not. You will not practice anything on Gundam Duo Maxwell. Get out, I said. If you don’t, you will find out that Relena Peacecraft still has some influence here and there.”

Relena gave the man the haughtiest, most regal look she had and he wilted like day old lettuce, made a funny little squawking noise and hurried out.

Duo relaxed, then blushed to the roots of his hair, the man had left him uncovered. Relena put the drinks and crackers on the bedside table and straightened the covers without comment.

She opened the bottle of ginger ale and poured some into a glass, dropped in a straw and held it to Duo’s lips. After he’d drunk most of it, she started feeding him a cracker, breaking it into small morsels and patiently slipping them into his open mouth.

After managing most of the soda and one whole cracker, Duo turned his head away.

“Thanks, that’s enough, if I eat too much more I’ll just puke again. I’m hoping that cracker will stay down, at least for a while . . . hey, did you really see the look on that guy’s face? He squawked like a chicken laying duck eggs. Thanks. I really hate having a cath. Especially when I don’t need one.”

Relena snarled, “The nerve of that . . . that, man. He didn’t have authorization and you even refused straight to his face. What makes him think he can treat you like that? It’s . . . it’s unjust, that’s what it is.”

“Down . . . easy. You’re sounding just like Wufers. They do that stuff because they can. They don’t read the charts, especially one as thick as mine, and they just go by standard procedures. Anyone restrained should have a cath., I just don’t react well to one. I always get a bladder infection and that hurts like hell, especially for a guy.”

Relena took out her cell phone and made a call. Ten minutes later the Director of the hospital was apologizing, in a rather panicky way to Relena, and incidentally Duo, and promising to get to the bottom of this at once.

“Well! Thank goodness that’s over with. I can’t stand creepy guys like that and if I heard him say Your Most August Majesty one more time I was going to need some of those crackers myself. Speaking of which . . . ”

Relena proceeded to feed Duo another cracker and some more ginger ale. When she was finished Duo nestled his head into his pillow and said he was going to try to get some sleep as he was just waiting for the ‘other shoe to drop’.

Relena just sat down, opened her briefcase, took out a book and started to read. She read for quite some time listening to Duo snore softly. When he was quiescent he seemed some how diminished; smaller, slighter, but even so, he was very handsome. She knew why Heero had fallen in love with him, he was as indomitable as he was annoying.

Duo blinked awake, “What was that big sigh for? Tired? Why don’t you go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat, and some coffee? I’ll be ok for a little while.”

“I’m not tired. But I will admit I would like something to eat and some coffee. I think I’ll bring it back here though. Would you like some Jell-O?”

“Yeah, that’d go down good. Maybe I’m gonna get lucky. I don’t feel sick. I’d like cherry if you can.”

“OK, sandwich and coffee for me, and cherry Jell-O for you. I won’t be long. I swear.”

Relena was gone for no more than twenty minutes, when she got back Duo’s curse was active again.

“Hey! Not the hair! Leave it alone. I don’t want it unbraided.”

“You can’t be comfortable with it all braided up so tight like that, just let me . . .”

“Damnit! No!“

Relena wondered just how much patience she was going to have to have. No one in this hospital seemed to listen to Duo.

“I believe the man said he didn’t want it undone. I would like you to leave now.”

The short-haired nurse turned around, gulped, and stammered some excuse ending, “I just thought he’d be more comfortable with it unbraided. It can’t be comfortable to sleep with it braided like that.”

“Yeah, it is. Just go away. I hate having anyone touch my hair. I like it braided. Scram.”

Duo was in a real snit and Relena didn’t blame him in the least.

“Here. Let me braid that back up for you. I’d hate to see what happens if we don’t. It’ll take hours to get the tangles out.”

“No shit Sherlock. Last time I fell asleep with it unbraided it took Heero three hours to get it all brushed back out and he wasn’t best pleased with me.”

After efficiently braiding Duo’s hair back up Relena fed him the jell-O with one hand while she drank her coffee and ate her food with the other, putting it down only to cut up some more pieces of the jell-O from time to time.

Duo obediently opened his mouth for each spoonful, until the very last, then he pressed his lips together and shook his head, with a twinkle in his eye that showed he was teasing her.

“Well, what do you want? There’s only one bite left. Should I make airplane noises?”

Duo opened his mouth and laughed, then almost choked on the last bite as Relena popped it into his open mouth with a grin.

“Hey, Lady Peacecraft. That was a dirty trick. Airplane noises. I bet you don’t even know how. . .” At the look on Relena’s face he realized she didn’t know how. “ Aww man. Here, I’ll teach you.“

And Duo spent the next few minutes alternately laughing and demonstrating how to make a noise like an airplane.

“You are so . . . Maxwell you’re . . . “ Relena had to stop trying as she was spitting because she was laughing too hard.

“Oh, shit! Damnit! Here we go again. I’m . . . “

Relena caught the basin again and helped Duo as he had another paroxysm of vomiting, he’d managed to go exactly two hours and had held down two crackers and half a bottle of ginger ale.

“Damnit that hurt. I think I’m gonna be sick for a while. I m starting to metabolize the drug now. Crap.”

“Can’t we at least take the straps off your wrists? It’s so hard to hold you up and do everything else at once.”

“NO!!” Duo groaned and lay back again.” If you do that, you’re taking a chance that I won’t have convulsions, and I don’t like the odds of that not happening. The Somas usually do all kinds of fun things to me. And as I metabolize it, it gets worse. Just let’s not take chances, ok?”

Relena sighed and fetched the washcloth again. She wiped his face again and, after folding the cloth, retrieved her book and settled down to read again.

“Un . . . What cha readin’? Is it something good?” Duo wriggled uncomfortably. His back was starting to ache from being in one position for so long and he wanted some distraction. “Would ya read to me for a while? I’m gettin’ bored.”

“It’s Under the Lilacs by Alcott, not one of her better-known works, but I find it very good. Would you really like me to read to you for a while? I can give you a synopsis so you know what is happening.”

Duo nodded and settled down to listen, Relena read for no more than twenty minutes when Duo suddenly began to grunt.

“Maxwell, I don’t find pig noises to be amusing. What . . . “

“Not . . . I . . . bite stick . . . now!”

Duo barely managed to get the words out. Relena realized that he was beginning to convulse, snatched up the tape wrapped tongue depressor and got it between his teeth before he clenched them and cracked the enamel.

The violent convulsions scared her so badly that she called for help. Which nearly killed Duo.

“In here! Hurry! He’s convulsing. It’s really bad. Do something.”

Duo was writhing and twisting, pulling at the restraints and grunting

The doctor, instead of looking at the chart immediately ordered Valium, an anti-convulsent that Relena knew was on the interdicted list. Relena grabbed him and pulled--hard.

“NO! You can’t give him that. You’ll make it worse.”

“Let go of me! You’re killing him.”

“NO! You are the one who’s killing him. If you don’t read the chart first, how do you know what to give him?”

“It’s standard procedure. This is what we . . . Oh my god. This is . . . it’s . . . “

Relena had keyed up the pages telling what he could and couldn’t be given, thrust the chart under his nose and made him read it. When he realized what he’d almost done, his shoulders slumped.

“That means that we can’t give him anything. The only anti-convulsent he can take, we don’t have. All we can do is keep him from hurting himself, or anyone else.”

“I should hope so. I don’t understand why; when you know who he is, you don’t read the charts before you do anything. You could have killed him.”

When Duo finally quit convulsing, he fell asleep for nearly two hours. Relena used that time to call Heero and Lady Une.

Her conversation with Heero was short and to the point, just a reassurance that Duo was doing as well as could be expected and that she was still with him. Her discussion with Lady Une took longer and was quite nasty in some ways. Relena wanted to know why all five pilots had medical records that defied belief.

“You should have a special facility just for them. It’s ridiculous, they have done everything exactly opposite of what would make Maxwell comfortable. They have him strapped to a bed in the most depressing room I’ve ever seen. They tried to unbraid his hair, put in a catheter, and give him drugs he can’t tolerate and that’s only in the last five hours or so. You’ll be getting a memo.”

Duo woke up slowly and seemed confused, asking for Heero several times and swearing when he didn’t come. When she finally got through to him, he sagged in his bonds and groaned softly.

“Man I feel like shit. Can I have a drink, please?”

Relena provided him with another glass of ginger ale, holding the glass until he was finished.

“Damnit. Now I gotta go.”

“Go? Go where? You can’t go anywhere until Heero gets back and the doctors release you.”

Duo turned a fiery red and would have covered his face, if he’d been able.

“That’s not what I mean by go . . . I need to piss.” At Relena’s puzzled look he continued “take a whizz . . . pee . . . drain the vein . . . god . . . urinate before I bust. Just call someone, ok?”

“I will not.” Relena clenched her teeth, after the last two times, she could see why Heero wouldn’t let anyone near any of the others, and they returned the favor. “I’ll help you. You just tell me what to do and I’ll do it. I’m not taking chances.“

Duo turned even redder, but he was really hurting so he told her want to do, and she did it. With amazingly little fuss, she efficiently took care of business.

“Well that was embarrassing. You ok? I think I’ll just drop dead now.”

“I’m fine. I never realized how hard life has been for you. May I ask you a question?”

“Sure, I may not answer, but you can sure ask. Not like I could stop you, you know.”

Duo lifted his hand a little and shrugged.

“If you’re almost as strong as Heero, how is it that these straps hold you?”

“Umm . . the interior of the straps is woven gundanium and the cuffs are the same thing covered with padding. The locks are magnetic and open to a code.”

“Why are they locked? I’d think a simple buckle would do the trick.”

Duo grinned like a maniac, but she could see the lines of strain around his eyes and had hoped that she could keep him distracted for a while. He knew what she was doing and went along with it.

“I’ve got monkey toes.”

“Monkey toes? What’s that?”

Duo wiggled his toes under the covers, laughing at Relena’s puzzled expression.

“I can pick up things with my toes. I can unbuckle the straps with them too. It’s real useful, especially when the bad guys are always tying me up. Shit, all of a sudden I’m tired again. Think I’ll sleep, if you don’t mind. You could read me more of that book until I drop off.”

Relena was disappointed. She’d been hoping to get answers to more questions, but Duo looked exhausted and she knew that he had to be sore as well. The muscular contractions of convulsions had lead to minor strains.

She obediently started to read again. She had a lot to think about, and being able to multi-task, she did a lot of thinking while she was reading. She wasn’t too pleased with her thoughts, or herself.

This smart, kind hearted young man was nothing like the image of a crude, stupid L-2 street whore she’d created for herself when she’d been in pursuit of Heero.

When Duo woke again he was hungry, so Relena got him some more Jell-O and fed it to him; making airplane noises and laughing as Duo played baby bird, opening his mouth extra wide and tipping his head back.

“Might I ask another question?” At Duo’s nod she continued. “Where did you get that funny shaped scar on your thigh? I couldn’t help but notice it.”

“You sure don’t ask the easy one’s do you . . . if you look at it from my point of view it’s . . . well, it’s an Oz crest.”

“An Oz crest? Why in the world would you want that . . . scarification?”

“I don’t. I’d like to get it off some day . . . When they find an anaesthetic that doesn’t make me comatose for a week. And what the hell is scarification?”

“It means a purposefully created scar for identification or decoration. Like a tattoo.“

“Well I’m certainly decorated. That Ozzie was a real artist. Took him almost two hours to get it just so. Bastard. But I didn’t break. I didn’t tell them what they wanted.”

Duo looked grim, and Relena felt like crying and finally did.

“It’s just poopy.” Relena sniffled and wiped her face delicately with a tissue.

Duos’ jaw dropped. He mouthed ‘poopy’, his eyes widened and he whooped with laughter.

“Poopy? What kind of swear word is that?”

“It’s not. Ladies don’t swear, although I admit, some times it would be a relief.”

“Ladies don’t swear?. . . Yeah, right . . . You should hear Lady Une. She swears like a trooper. Cusses too.”

Relena finished drying her eyes, sniffed sharply and asked, “What? I thought . . . She cusses and swears? What do you mean?”

Duo squirmed, trying to get comfortable. Relena reached over, took his pillow, fluffed it vigorously, turned it over and tucked it back behind his head. He snuggled into it and sighed

“Well . . . you can cuss without swearing, and swear without cussing. If I say ‘plague take it’ that’s cussing; word cuss comes from curse. To wish harm or ill. Or relegate to the nether regions Swearing; like ‘Fuck’, is using foul or profane language, see? So . . . And you should hear Quatre, he can really light up your life. I can’t pronounce all the words, but he got mad at Heero once and called him the pox ridden son of a mangy, flea ridden, foundered, bastard camel-- in Arabic, see? Swear without cussing.

“You really have been sheltered, haven’t you. No wonder you don’t know . . . I . . . well never mind that. We’ll get into a fight and Heero will be mad at me.”

“That’s ok. I know I’ve been extremely sheltered. In fact I’m not sure what some of the words you use mean.”

Duo stared at Relena for a moment. Then he had an idea that only Duo Maxwell would have.

“Hey! Would you like me to teach you to swear? Come on. It’ll be fun.”

Duo waggled his eyebrows with a hopeful look on his face.

“Ok. Why not? It’s not like I want to be on a pedestal for the rest of my life. Teach me to swear, and cuss, too.”

So Duo Maxwell spent the next thirty minutes teaching the Queen of Sanq (Abdicated) how to cuss, and swear. They spent half of it laughing like maniacs.

“Damnit, I’m falling asleep again. You ought to get some sleep too. You look a little thin around the eyes. If you wear yourself out--you’ll get sick.”

Relena yawned, patting her hand in front of her mouth.

“Damn, you even yawn nice.” Duo fidgeted restlessly. “Wish I could have a good stretch, I’m gettin cramped. Oh well, ‘nother twelve hours and it should be over. I’m doing pretty good, not too much in the way of bad stuff.”

Duo should have know better. In the next four hours he had three more convulsive incidents. Relena relieved herself by practicing her new skill and had to admit that she really did feel better.

“Duo . . . Duo . . . how do you feel? Can you wake up for me?”

Duo blinked himself awake and peered at her muzzily.

Huummm? Oh, hi. Really feel shitty now. I’m stiff. I sure wish I could just stretch. Could you let me go for a sec? I’ll be real good, won’t be any trouble. Promise.”

“Duo. Do you know where you are? Who I am?”

“Sure, you Ozzie bitch. Know who you are. Just stick it to me and get it over. Won’t tell ya nothin’. Don’t know nothin’. Don’t see nothin’. Fei’s a prick. Quatre, he’s queer. What else ya wanna know?”

Relena sighed and shuddered, she didn’t want to be here for this. But Heero had told her that it was most important to stay with him now. If they tried to give Duo anything for the delusions he might not recover from it. So she sat in the room and listened to him scream and cry, chased out half a dozen doctors and an indeterminate number of interns, all intent on giving Duo exactly what they weren’t supposed to.

Finally losing all patience, she turned on the hauteur and cussed the whole bunch of them out in an icy cold tone that belied the heat of her words completely. It sent them scurrying like cockroaches from under a rock.

A weak voice from behind her made her whirl around in a flurry of honey-colored hair and ruffled blouse.

“Hey, you know what you just said?”

“Yes, if your explanations were correct, I just implied that they had intercourse with their mother, who was a female dog. They would end up in the nether regions and that they had an STD, as well as not being smarter that the average house cat. Duo, don’t laugh so hard, you’ll choke.”

Duo stopped laughing, he was too weak to keep it up long. He was worn looking, his skin transparent, the blue veins showing through.

“Yeah, I’m really tired, but I can’t go to sleep now. I’m too wired. My back hurts from lying in one place and if I don’t get clean soon; I’m gonna rot.”

Relena just snarled. “I want those straps off and I want them off now. Even when you thought I was an Ozzie bitch you didn’t try to attack me.”

“I don’t try if I’m restrained, if I’m free, I’m liable to choke ya. Leave it.”

“Well, ok, but I don’t have to like it.”

Relena left the room leaving Duo wondering what she was up to now. He didn’t have long to wait; she came back with a basin of warm water and a bottle of body wash, over his protests she proceeded to wash him.

After emptying the basing, hanging up the wash cloth and towel, and drying her hands, Relena sat back down in the bed side chair. She looked weary and frazzled.

“Hey did you know a bumble bee can’t fly?”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeeesh, don’t you know anything? A bumble bee can’t fly.”

“Well, I think you ought to tell the bee.”

“No, really. There was some kind of thing in the 1930's; old calendar. Some scientist’s figured out that a bumble bee can’t fly. Really.”

Duo looked so eager. Relena knew that even though he was weak from the reactions to the drug he was trying to distract her and maybe himself from their plight.

“I’d like to see the proof of that.”

“I can show you. You’ll have to do the actual math. I’m kinda tied up right now or I’d do it. Here’s the formula.” Duo told Relena the formula he wanted her to use.

“Ok. Now . . . how much does a bee weigh? Estimate that and the wing area.”

Relena did the math and it came out that; due to the body mass to wing load ratio a bumble bee can’t fly.

“Well, that’s certainly odd. But . . . just a minute. Look here, the premise falls apart right from the beginning. The formula is for fixed wing craft. Bee’s are flappers . . . Duo please. You’re too silly for words.”

Duo had made a face and flapped his hands in a parody of dancing

“Yeah, see; according to the formula, a bee can’t fly, but that’s where you have to realize that every scientific theory has to be scrutinized carefully. If you start with a faulty premise, you’re going to get garbage. GiGo.”

“Excuse me?”

“Garbage in, Garbage out. Ancient programers saying, goes along with Kiss”

“Now pull the other leg.”

“Keep it simple, Stupid. K. I . S. S. Kiss. See. Mnemonics”

“Yes, I see. I see something else too, you’re really very smart. I wonder how smart you really are.”

“Well thank you Madam. I’m not sure how smart I am, but here’s an example; I can figure trajectories and fuel requirements in my head and get it right one hundred percent. Amazing how accurate you get when your life depends on it. Of course, I also know how to make a bomb from common house hold items and a hundred ways to kill a man with my bare hands.”

Relena sighed, she’d never get use to the idea that Heero, Duo and the other Gundam pilots were so good a mass destruction. So she changed the subject.

“The doctors should have been in here to take blood samples by now. They need to see how much of the drug is still in your system. Where are they?”

“On their asses drinking coffee. They never take samples like they’re supposed to. But I’d be a little leery of messing with me. I tend to get delirious and bite. Makes them not want to stick needles in me.”

Relena rang for a nurse and told her she wanted samples taken and lab work done, right now. The nurse politely but firmly told her that when a doctor ordered it, the technician would be right in to do the ‘stick’.

Duo watched as Relena went politely stubborn and asked the nurse if she had any idea who either of them were. When the nurse said no; Relena said, “I’m Her Majesty, Queen Relena Peacecraft. But more important. This is Gundam Duo Maxwell. I’d like to see the director at once. I’ve already called him once and I hate to call him again but this is the outside of enough. If Major Maxwell could risk life, limb, and sanity for the peace of the entire Earth Sphere, the least you all can do is see to it that he doesn’t have to be restrained longer than necessary.”

Duo shuddered dramatically. “Geeze, the temperature in here went down ten degrees at least. I’m expecting to get space burn in a sec.”

Relena took a deep breath and turned around. “Maxwell, it’s only the truth. I’m not very proud of myself right now and I’m trying to make amends as best I can. I can’t stand those straps another second. If the tests come back clear, they come off. So just let’s get this done. Please.”

“Ok, I admit I’d really like them off too. I’m getting cramps and stuff.”

When the lab tech came in to draw the blood, Relena turned green when she saw the needle enter Duo’s arm and when the tech started to actually draw blood she had to lean against the wall. After the tech left, she sagged into the chair and put her head between her knees.

“Oh dear, the sight of blood never did that to me before. And while I haven’t seen a lot, I’ve seen my fair share.”

“Yeah, but it’s different when the blood is from someone you know, even if you don’t like them very much. I really want to thank you for staying with me. I know it’s been a real pain. I tried to make it easy on you. But . . . well . . . I’m not sure what to say, except ‘thanks’, I really owe you a big one.”

At Relena’s puzzled expression he groaned and banged his head into the pillow several times.

“Aw man don’t tell me . . . “

“Psyche!”

Duo snickered, “Well, ya got me.”



Heero looked at Sally and they both left the elevator at a dead run. The sound of Relena’s voice raised to that level was down right unnerving and all they could really understand was ‘Maxwell’.

As they got closer, the sound became clearer, but . . .

“Damnit it to hell, Maxwell. I don’t care anymore. You’ve got a skull of gundanium. I said off and I meant off. Son of a bitch. Hold still or I’ll tell Heero.”

Heero nearly jammed shoulders with Sally getting in the door.

Duo was sitting up in the bed clutching at Relena’s hands and Relena was swearing up a storm. She used words Heero was sure she hadn’t even known three weeks ago. Relena was holding a slip of paper and trying to enter the key code into the locks holding Duo.

“NO! The blood work isn’t back yet. I know I haven’t had an episode in almost four hours but that’s nothing. Leave it. The minute Heero gets here he’ll just put them back . . . Oh, Heero. Will you tell this stubborn onna that I’ll be ok?”

“What is going on here? I heard her clear to the elevator. Sally . . . What?”

Sally cleared her throat causing Heero to glare at her, but Sally was reading a lab report and didn’t notice.

“It seems that this drug is actually better that most of the Soma series, it’s completely out of your system. You’re free. And you can go home if you want.“

Duo froze, so Relena took advantage of it and entered the code into the lock on one wrist, Heero was working on his ankles; between the two of them they had Duo free in no time. Duo immediately grabbed onto Heero and held on tight.

“Duo-kun . . . Koi. I’m so sorry. But we got them all. It was the cattle prod onna and her bunch. They’re all in custody. Now tell me how you and Relena got along. Not well, from what I just saw. What was that all about?”

“She wanted to cut me loose, but you know it isn’t safe until the doctor says. So I was trying to stop her; not easy if you’re restrained. She’s as stubborn as you. But she’s a real quick study. You know . . . she didn’t know how to swear. ‘My golly’ was as good as it got.”

“Maxwell! I also knew goodness gracious.”

Heero got wide eyed as he realized what had been going on.

“You taught her to swear? Duo Maxwell!”

“Shit. Someone had to do it. Got the stick out of her butt, too.”

“It was a golden rod, I’ll have you know. I’m much too refined to have a common stick.” Relena stuck her nose in the air.

Heero dropped his head on Duo’s shoulder and laughed. Sally smiled at Relena and mouthed ‘thank you’.

“I better get out of here and let you get dressed so you can go home. Duo . . . don’t forget our date Saturday.” Relena waved and followed Sally out the door.

“Date? But . . . you have a date with Relena?”

“Yeah, I have to finish corrupting Relena, I’m gonna teach her how to spit.”

Heero eyed Duo for a second then nearly collapsed he laughed so hard.

~ * ~

Authors notes :

The Bumble Bee theory is real and has been around since the 1930's. Google it and you’ll find some really interesting sites.