Gundam Wing

Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing. I just borrowed some of the characters. Rated: NC-17

Redeeming Relena

"Duo you have to be there by six o'clock or you won't get any breakfast."

"Six? Freaking six in the morning? You're nuts Yuy."

"Don't call me Yuy in that tone of voice. She'll be up by five and ready for breakfast by six."

Duo flopped over backward in his bed whining, "Why . . . Why me . . . "

"Because I sprained my ankle last night and I can't do it. Wufei is in America and Quatre and Trowa are on L4. So that leaves you. I thought you were getting along with Relena now."

"I do. Sorta. I really wouldn't want to push my luck too far with her yet. We're getting along good but I'm still worried about embarrassing myself or her. I don't want to do something to mess this up. You like her and she likes you, so I want to be friends with her too. Just makes sense."

Heero limped over to sit on the edge of Duo's bed. Snatching the pillow off his face he rumbled, "I know you're trying and I really appreciate it. She's just . . . well. If she wasn't a Queen she'd be a really good person in her own right. So. . . . I feel sorry for her. She's got a lot on her plate and she handles it all so well that sometimes she doesn't seem to be doing much at all. You follow her around for a whole day and you'll see."

"Yeah, yeah. What does she do first thing in the morning?"

Duo crawled out of bed, grumpy and rumpled.

"I'm not tellin' you, you won't believe me anyway, just take a . . . something loose you don't mind getting sweaty, and a tux. You'll need them all. It's going to be a full day. Sorry about it, but you'll just have to keep up."

Duo sneered at Heero. He had no idea what he was in for.

"God, It's already five in the morning. I need a shower and I'm not gonna make it."

"Duo, you don't need a shower, you'll just have to take another later. Wear your sweats and carry your uniform and tux. Make sure you don't forget your hold out and ankle holster. You might want to take your ditty bag so you've got deodorant and stuff."

Duo gathered up everything Heero said to, he wasn't about to ignore Heero's advice, that way he couldn't say I told you so later. Duo hated that. He bolted out the door completely forgetting his computer.

"Morning Lady. How ya doin'?"

"Oh, morning Duo. We've changed plans already. I scheduled aerobics for morning but the trainer didn't make it. She made arrangements for the yoga instructor to come instead."

"Yoga? You do yoga? Cool."

"Yes I do yoga. Do you?"

"Yeah, Wufei taught me years ago. Comes in handy. Why do you think I'm so flexible, keeps the core strong too."

"Ok. I'm glad you came dressed for it."

Duo followed Relena to a comparatively small but well appointed gym. It was only small compared to the gym at Preventer Headquarters.

"Hello I am your instructor for today. We will be doing hot yoga."

Relena interrupted the instructor trying to tell her that she didn't do hot yoga. It was too strenuous this early in the day.

"I was hired to instruct you. Please cooperate. Now we will start . . . "

Relena got stubborn at once. "We most certainly will not. You may leave any time now. Duo, see that she does."

Duo blinked once. He didn't believe that the instructor was so dumb. If the student said it was too strenuous the teacher should listen.

"Yes ma'am. Out she goes."

"Excuse me?"

"Relly says out . . . out it is. Come on."

Duo escorted the still protesting teacher to the door and shut it firmly in her face.

"Well that was disappointing. We'll just have to do a series I already know. Do you know the Iyengar series?"

"Which one?" Duo started a slow stretch

"Expert." Relena mirrored him.

"Yeah. I do ten Sun Salutes how many do you do, Relly"

"Ten."

"Good; maybe you can keep up with me then."

After ten minutes of warm up Duo realized that Relena was a yogini of some skill, she could do a scorpion almost as extreme as his. She managed a forty-five-degree angle while he could do a completely vertical one. They managed to complete the series in just under an hour and spent a companionable ten minutes on cool down and corpse pose.

"Damn, I didn't expect this. I'm all sweaty. You take a long shower or a bath?"

Relena laughed at Duo. Then reminded him that they had a Charity Breakfast in a little less than an hour.

"So you better put some wheels under your butt or we're going to be late. Move out, Mister."

"Yes, your royal all-mightiness. On my way."

Duo headed for the men's shower room braid swinging, Relena watched him for a moment then shook her head and went to take her own shower. He never ceased to amaze her, he was nothing like the drug crazed L2 street rat she'd envisioned when she'd been foolish enough to think that she was going to be able to break Heero and him up. She would never be able to make up for that but she intended to try.

"Well don't you look all protective and official. Very nice. But, Duo, why do you look like you've gained several pounds? And" Relena put her hand on Duo's chest. "stiff? What is the matter?"

Duo managed to look sheepish. Rubbing the back of his head, he admitted. "It's a bullet proof vest. They're a lot better now than they used to be but if you know what to look for they're pretty obvious. Some day maybe they'll make one that looks like an ordinary shirt. Sure would make life easier."

"Are you sure you need it? We're only going to a breakfast after all."

"Not takin' any chances. It's easier to just wear it. Don't think the bad guys are gonna give me time to put it on later. I can't just yell 'Stop. Don't shoot until I put on a vest', ya know. But talk about nice. You look really good. Like the suit; very . . . "

"Armani. Expensive. And thankfully, comfortable."

Relena was dressed in a shantung silk two piece suit in royal blue with a paler blue blouse, the skirt was a- line and the jacket was tapered, nipped in at the waist with a slightly flaring hemline. She was also wearing a pair of dark blue inch and an half heel slippers and carrying a matching leather clutch which wasn't big enough for more than a hankey. Her jewelry was subdued, as far as Duo could see, only a pair of diamond earrings and a small locket. She looked very elegant and cool.

Relena smiled at him and headed for the car. Where she proceeded to bury her head in papers for the hour drive to the Charity Breakfast. Duo watched her as she read, frowned, sighed, smiled or just shook her head. Some papers she signed, some she wrote on and one she just shoved back into her briefcase folded into a long fold. She leaned back for the last five minutes of the drive obviously relaxing until they arrived.

"Relly, we're there. Or here depending on your interpretation of the rules of English usage. Tell me what's going on. I've got contact with central but they're not much use if you want information on anything besides floor plans and what not."

"You don't need a deep briefing all it is a charity breakfast. That's why we didn't eat at the residence. It doesn't look good if the guest of honor doesn't eat. It's a Buffett . . . oh, Duo. Um . . ."

"I'll be ok. I don't think I'll be eating. I'll be too busy with security."

"No Duo. You're my official escort. You are my last line of defense. You aren't too involved in the everyday business. The black suits do that. What you do is escort me and . . ."

"Yeah, throw myself between you and a bullet. Ok. I get it now. That's why Heero goes with you so much."

"Yes, it's very hard to find someone with the close combat skills and nerve to do what needs to be done but don't worry too much, there haven't been any letters in three or four days."

"Three or four days." Duo gave Relena his left arm to escort her into the hotel and had to discourage her from going around to his right side. "Umm . . . how many letters do you get?"

"Oh. Not that many anymore, only about twenty or so a week. They're all investigated, you know, but it still is tiring. Wears on my nerves sometimes." Relena bowed her head slightly at the applause from the waiting club members. "Damnit, I've forgotten which club this is."

Duo nodded in the direction of a large banner proclaiming, 'Spacer Guild Hall #345 welcomes Lady Relena' "I never heard of that Hall before, highest number that I've heard about is around 250."

"The Spacers' Guild is something entirely different from these people. They're a bunch of wanna-be's, but they do good work. Mostly with spacers' orphans and widows."

"Oh. Well, if I was you I'd do some research cause I never heard of them and I shoulda."

"See to it."

"Yes ma'am."

Duo made a quick call on his cell phone and hoped that what he thought was wrong, but he didn't think so. These people were up to no good or he missed his guess and they were taking advantage of Relena. He didn't like that and he knew she would be upset and unhappy if it was true, he didn't like that either.

"What do you want to do until we get a check? I don't know what you usually do at something like this."

"We'll go ahead and eat. Take your time, in fact stretch it out as much as possible. I'll eat and shmooze, just stay close. Sometimes I need a little interference. Oh, and take this ring and put it in your pocket."

Duo took the large sapphire and diamond ring and shuddered, what if he lost it? It looked not only very valuable but antique as well.

"You sure? What if I lose it? Why don't you just keep it on."

"I don't want it driven into my finger. Some of the men are . . . a little over enthusiastic. If you know want I mean."

"Yeah I do, and I think I'll stand on the up stream side of you. Let them try that shit with me."

"Oh Heero does the same thing, but are you sure?"

"Relly, I'm an ex-Gundam pilot. I'm no Heero Yuy, but I've got a gorilla grip too. Let them see what I'm made of."

"Ok. But we eat first, then we have the receiving line. I'm not about to stand around meet n' greeting on an empty stomach, especially after yoga. I'm hungry."

Relena regally greeted a man with a ribbon across his shoulder offering him her hand, which he took great delight in wringing like a pump handle. She bore with the indignity with dignified smiles and a behind his back grimace. Duo offered him his hand and gave him back double.

"Hey pardner, that's quite a grip you got there. Shouldn't . . . un . . . well . . ." The man had the grace to look embarrassed. "Sorry there. Don't know my own strength. Salvage man, you know."

Duo gave him one of his patented thousand watt grins. "Yeah? What ship? Do any big jobs? Or were you an indi? I was indi for a while but pickin's got slim and I couldn't do the jobs I could get alone and I don't want a pardner so I came back to earth and joined . . ."

"Duo, I don't think Mr. Oswald is interested in that. Let's go through the line."

Relena went toward the Buffett and Duo followed her glancing back over his shoulder once to see Mr. Oswald eyeing him in an unpleasantly speculative manner.

"Duo don't chatter at the people, they aren't interested in your stories."

Duo made a face and interrupted Relena. "I don't give a flying fuck. It's a good way to get information. That guy was no more a salvage man that I'm a king. No one worth their copper wire admits to being an indi. It's like admitting you . . . um . . . you just don't."

"Oh. Duo, I'm sorry. I . . . I'm just hungry. I didn't mean to be rude. Can you really tell things about people by talking to them?"

Duo sighed, he'd had several arguments with Heero about talking too much. Heero was always shushing him or poking him trying to get him to shut up and Duo wasn't having any of it. If he wanted to chatter like a monkey, it was his problem. Heero had said it was embarrassing and Duo had had one of the few fights he'd ever had with him ending, the argument by storming away snarling, 'if I embarrass myself that's my problem and I can't embarrass you, only you can do that'. So Heero had stopped, but he hadn't understood until Duo had shown him how to read people better.

"Yeah, I can. All you do is say certain things and then watch their expression. Like that guy. I called him an indi and he didn't flinch, said I was indi and he just nodded like he knew what he was talking about. If he was a real spacer, he'd have at least given me an odd look, but not a thing. I don't like it. I want to know what is really going on. I think they're taking advantage of you "

"Well then I wish I hadn't interrupted you. I'm truly sorry. I . . ." Relena looked sad, she hadn't meant to be rude, but Duo's habit of chattering to everyone and anyone was distracting and annoying. She hadn't realized that he could find out things by watching peoples expressions change in reaction to what he said.

"Don't worry about it, I got Heero on the job. If there's something off, he'll find out about it. Come on, let's eat. I'm about to pass out from malnutrition here."

Relena led the way through the line with Duo right after her. He watched as the servers put a small spoon of what ever she pointed to on her plate and bowed carefully. For him, they just put food on his plate and turned to the next person. He was just glad that he could recognize most of the foods.

Relena led the way to the 'high' table and, carefully putting her plate on the table, she smiled around and then sat down. The shuffling of several people sitting made Duo glance around curiously.

Relena leaned over to him and whispered, "No one sits until I do. It's silly but it's tradition."

Duo whispered back, "In oriental countries it's considered bad manners to have your head higher than the Royal's"

"Yes, can you imagine all those 'heavy haulers' crawling around on the floor, kowtowing? In hoops?"

"You mean in whoops don't you?"

Duo sighed as he eyed his plate. There was more on it than he'd wanted, but not enough to make him sick. He would avoid a second trip through, even if Relena went through again he could just follow her. This was going to be trickier than he'd thought. Following Relena wasn't going to be a trip in the park. He'd been aware of that from the get go, but some of the land mines were really hidden.

His cell phone vibrated and he plucked it out of his pocket and just grunted. Heero gave him some good answers and one not so good one. It seemed that the organization was on the up and up; contributing more than eighty per cent of its donations to other charities which specialized Spacer related services including supporting an orphanage on L2 and another on L6. It also provided emergency packages for people who'd lost their ships which included clothing, toiletries and sundries. Not cheap by a long shot. Duo bent over Relena to pass this information on and got a whiff of her perfume.

"I like that scent, nice and light. The charity is ok; supports a couple a' orphanages and gives out 'holy shit' packages to disaster victims, but that what's-his-name is a phoney. What do you want to do?"

Relena considered for a moment then turned her head slightly so she could speak into Duo's ear. "Just ignore it for now. If you get a chance corner the man and find out what you can. Heero will be researching him too."

"You know it. You going through again?"

At Relena's nod, Duo eased her chair out and offered her his left arm.

"I like the right side Duo, why do you keep shifting me?"

Duo was glad she didn't seem angry, only curious.

"Don't like anyone hanging on my dominant side. Putting you on my left makes it easier for me to get to my weapons."

"Ah . . . oh hell! I hate that woman with a purple passion. She's so condescending I could choke her. Hurry into the line and she won't bother us, she hates to see people eat." Relena tugged at Duo's arm to make him hurry.

Duo grinned at Relena. She wasn't sure she liked the grin, she'd never seen one quite like it on his face before, any of the other pilots would have recognized it instantly as his practical joker face.

Relena gripped Duo's arm a little more firmly than was truly necessary, but Duo endured it with good grace. He was beginning to understand why Heero always came back from these escort jobs exhausted and irritable. This society stuff was turning out to be as littered with obstacles as any mine field.

Duo took a clean plate and stiffened as the server gave him a narrow eyed look, a look that he'd come to hate at a very early age. He distinctly heard 'street rat' and started to say something when Relena turned and pinned the woman with a frozen glare that even made him stop.

"I beg your pardon? If you have something to say perhaps you could share it with the rest of the room. We don't want secrets do we?" Relena's sweetly cold voice froze the woman in place for a second.

"No miss."

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, my lady."

"You mean Your Majesty, I think" Duo shivered, he'd never heard Relena insist on her title before.

"Yes, . . . Your Majesty. I just said I hope that street rat doesn't eat enough to get sick. I . . ."

"I see. Is this hotel on the brink of bankruptcy that you must keep such close count of portions?"

"No I . . . he . . . I'm sorry, ma . . . Your Majesty. I apologize. It won't happen again."

Relena gave a regal little sniff, "See that it doesn't. Come Duo."

Duo took his plate and followed Relena through the line again. He didn't take much, he only wanted some eggs and a piece of toast. Relena, however, filled her plate again. She was really tucking it in, eating at least twice what he had. He noticed that no one thought to say anything to her about what she was eating.

"Relly? How did she know I'm from L2?"

"You have a bit of an accent, not enough for most people to notice, but she's from L2 herself so she recognized it."

"Oh. Sorry. But thanks for the backup."

"Welcome. Damn, here comes Lady Orczy. Again." Relena sighed, it was hard to be polite to the woman. She was older and treated Relena like she did her daughter, with just about the same results, her lack of respect brought about a matching lack of cooperation in both girls.

Duo helped Relena reseat herself and then sat himself, taking the only seat next to Relena. He gave the Baroness a cheeky grin and shrugged slightly. The Baroness seated herself on the opposite side of the table facing Relena and Duo. She immediately began a lecture on social graces that would have driven Wufei to distraction and made Duo wonder if the woman had some odd idea that Relena had been raised by wolves or maybe gorillas. So he began his 'mission'.

He started by idly kicking the table leg, jarring the whole table, which drove the other three occupants away quickly. He gave them an apologetic little grimace but one of the men just made hand signs that Duo recognized as 'go' and 'no quarter'.

Relena didn't say anything to Duo, she wasn't sure exactly what he was up to, but if it got rid of this obnoxious woman she was all for it. She was actually getting an upset stomach from her harping lecture, which she'd heard at least twenty times before.

Duo stopped kicking the table and asked the server for a cup of coffee, calling the woman 'babe' in an overly familiar manner. He got his coffee and proceeded to pour some of it into the saucer, then he slurped it noisily and gave an 'aahhh' of simulated pleasure then grinned at the Baroness.

"Good stuff, eh, Duchess? Not like that reconstituted, freeze-dried stuff we got during the war. Nothing but the best for Her Majesty. Know what I mean?" Duo gave her a cheeky wink and a thumbs up.

The Baroness stiffened and glared at Relena, who just smiled serenely at her.

"Are you going to let that . . . that . . . a boy act like that?"

"That . . . Boy . . . is my escort, body guard and friend. I wouldn't be so rude as to tell him how to act. He is as he is. I find him most stimulating. He is quite knowledgeable in a number of esoteric subjects. Including spacer customs. Also, he can figure course corrections and trajectories in his head. Quite an accomplishment, you know."

Duo smirked at the woman and shoveled eggs onto his toast, stuffed the whole thing into his mouth, then went on to chew vigorously and swallow convulsively. Relena was slightly afraid that he might choke.

"Did you know that it's considered rude not to belch at a banquet in Saudi? Means you didn't like the food. And that smacking your lips in Japan, especially, when eating noodles is just a fact of life like slurping? Customs are different. L2, you don't offer people stuff to eat or drink. It says that you think they aren't able to take care of themselves. But if they ask you have to anti up."

Duo grinned at the baroness who was doing a very good imitation of a carp. Then the woman just stood up and sniffed, "I'll have words for your guardian, Young lady, and yours too, mister." With those words she stalked off. Duo unrepentantly stuck his tongue out at her.

"Well . . . that was refreshing. Do you think she actually understood, or was she just . . ."

"Pissed is the word."

"Yes. Was she just pissed because we didn't cow to her?"

"A little of both I think, plus the fact that I gave her a good look at half-chewed eggs and toast."

"Oh . . . ugh," Relena wrinkled her nose slightly then sighed. "Now we meet and greet a bunch of extremely boring people who donated a great deal of much needed money to this charity. I'm glad its legitimate but I do wonder about Mr. Oswald."

Duo made a mental note to try to pump the guy in the receiving line if he could get him aside for a while. He didn't like the vibes he was giving off, they were wrong somehow. But he wasn't' sure how.

"Lady Vice Foreign Minister?"

"Oh hell."

"Madam, I need to speak with you about a matter of utmost importance. It has wide spread ramifications. The use of certain radio frequencies is leading to sterility in members of the higher factions of government. This sterility will surely cause . . ." The man began to gesticulate rather wildly and Duo signaled for security to discreetly get him out of line and away.

Relena managed to look calm and regal as he was hauled away, protesting loudly about radio castration and sterling silver protection.

"I really wish there was some way to screen attendees to function like this. I don't like it when things like this happen. Someone like that is unstable and I don't like putting you in danger from some . . . some . . . "

"Nut job? Fruit cake? Common sense challenged ape? But I'm flattered." Duo put his hand over his heart and bowed slightly. "You care. Maybe just a little?"

Relena faced Duo and put her hand on his arm. "Heero cares for you, so I do too. And not just for his sake. I'm beginning to be quite fond of you for your own sake." Relena let her hand drop and looked over Duo's shoulder. "That Oswald man is headed this way. If I ask him questions can you read him or do you need to ask them yourself."

"No, all I have to do is see him. I can read him from across the room as long as I can hear the questions."

"Ok, here he is. Oh dear!"

But Duo sidetracked Mr. Oswald's attempt to wring Relena's hand like a dish rag and waited for Relena to start a conversation with him.

"Well Mr. Oswald. I understand you are a spacer. Major Maxwell is a spacer too. Isn't that nice? You two must have so much to talk about. Being Indies, I mean. I don't quite understand all the implications of that, but it must be very difficult to get nice jobs . . . yes?"

Relena realized that she was chattering almost like Duo and snapped her mouth shut.

"Aaahhh . . . see here, Ma'am. I'm . . . well . . . I'm a fraud. I've never been a spacer, even thought I have been in space. I don't know much about salvage. I'm just a front man. I look like everyone on earth thinks a spacer should look. All I do is shake hands and make small talk, work people around to making a pledge, don't ya see. I hate to disabuse you, but I feel wrong lying to you, of all people."

The man managed to look shamefaced and proud at the same time. Duo relaxed. The man wasn't actually doing anything wrong. Lots of charities had front men who did exactly what Mr. Oswald said he was doing. They put pressure on people to pledge something to the charity and made them feel good about it. 'Hail fellow well met' Duo muttered in Relena's ear, she just smiled back.

Then he turned to Mr. Oswald and started with, "Well man, if you're going to do that, listen up. Don't ever admit to being indi, even if you were. It's next best to being a pirate. If you owned your own ship you'd say you were attached to a larger ship or fleet. Like me, I ran the Daemon Lady attached to Sweepers Unit #6. Damnit man, do some research."

Oswald just looked at Duo like he was crazy. "You're too young to be a Sweeper, not unless you started with them when you were two."

"Twelve."

Oswald just turned pale and stuttered for a moment, then bowed to Relena and walked off, leaving them both staring and wondering if he'd lost his mind or just his nerve.

After an hour of receiving line schmoozing Relena nodded to Duo and just walked off, heading out the door and back to the car. Duo, trailing half a step behind Relena, was astonished that everybody seemed to take the fact that the guest of honor had just walked off in stride

"Um . . . you just walk off? Just like that?"

"Yes, I scheduled a certain amount of time for the event and when it was up I left. I still have things to do."

"Ok. Relly?"

Relena focused on Duo and noticed that he looked concerned.

"Yes Duo. Is something wrong?"

"Not exactly . . . um . . . did I do ok? I mean, I didn't embarrass you or anything?"

"No, I managed to embarrass myself. I'm sorry I . . . told you you talk too much. I was very rude of me."

"Oh, hell that's ok. At least you didn't call me a Baka or yank my braid. Heero would have done both."

"The next time I see him I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. It's not nice to pull hair."

"Be careful of giving a piece of your mind, too many and you could be in real trouble."

Relena gave Duo a puzzled look then laughed along with him. Duo leaned back and watched as Relena dug out another briefcase and started on another round of paperwork.

Duo started and looked out the window, the last turn they'd made was wrong. He tensed and poked Relena who looked up from a treaty she was reading with a questioning look.

"Relly, we're going the wrong way. This isn't the way back to the Residence, put that up and get ready to boogie."

Relena looked out the window and just smiled at Duo.

"I'm sorry, I should have given you a copy of the itinerary. Heero always just downloads it from my scheduler and I didn't think to give you one." Relena dug around in a mess of papers on the seat beside her. "Damn I can't find one."

"Relena Peacecraft, will you quit nattering and tell me what the hell is going on?"

Duo was getting a little jumpy and snappy.

"Duo, I have to go by my office and pick up some papers, it's ok. I'm sorry you were worried for nothing."

"It's never for nothing. Don't worry about it. But I still don't know what's going on. Your office is in the Residence, isn't it?"

"My Vice Ministerial office is in the Residence, but my corporate office is in the corporate headquarters of Dorlian Enterprises. Downtown. I have to go there and get some contracts I need to go over. I don't like using a messenger, too much chance of tampering with the package. So I go there."

"So you handle the family business as well as your duties as Vice Minister. Where's Milliardo? Why doesn't he do some of this? That's not right on a major scale"

"He would, but the board of directors vetoed him. The Corporate structure was collapsing, so I had to take over. Too many people would be put out of work for that to happen."

"Well, un . . . " Duo thought hard and came up with what he thought was a good idea. "Why not have Quatre do it for you. I'm sure he'd be happy to help. You know he would."

"That would be nice but it's a conflict of interests. More than half the business Dorlian Enterprises does is with WEI. But that was a good idea; too bad it can't be."

"Well, shit. I tried. Why did the board of directors vote him out?"

Relena replied absently as she compared two documents. "He's a Peacecraft not a Dorlian. They don't trust him, say he's . . . mmmm . . . this doesn't make sense. I don't know what they think they're trying to pull, I read every word of these things and they still try to slip this kind of thing by me. Oh Duo, I'm sorry. What was the question?"

"Never mind. You answered it. They voted Milliardo out because they thought they could manipulate you easier than they could him. It sucks and you should do something about it."

Relena gave Duo an odd look, then nodded shortly and went back to reading her papers, muttering to herself.

When they got to the tall steel and glass structure Relena started to get out of the car, but Duo stopped her and sent one of the security men instead, telling him that if the secretary refused to give him the package of papers he should tell her to call Relena. When the man came back down, he handed the package to Relena but she waived it off to Duo who looked at her and at her nod opened the folder and searched through the papers looking for anything suspicious.

"All this contracts?" Relena nodded absently and reached for it. "No, I think you better finish what you have in your hands before you start on them. If you get it mixed up you'll never figure out where you are."

"Humm? Duo? I'm sorry I was concentrating on this contract. I swear they just try to be confusing. I've got several more to go through after this one. But you're right if I open that one I'll never keep them all straight."

"Relly?"

"What!! Oh damn. Duo. I'm sorry! I just get so tired of these idiots. I swear they're just trying to trip me up. If it wasn't my responsibility I'd just toss the whole thing."

"Um . . . look, I'm just a dumb street . . . "

"Stop it right now. You're one of the shrewdest people I know. What's on your mind?"

"I think you're right, they are just trying to trip you up . . . get you so confused that you sign something you shouldn't. So why don't you just send them back the minute you find something like that. Make them rewrite the whole thing, not just make corrections. If you do that enough maybe they'll get the picture and stop it."

Relena got a wide-eyed look and then smiled, Duo grinned back and watched in satisfaction as Relena shoved several contracts back into a folder and stuffed it into a briefcase.

"Relly, why do you have two cases?"

"One for Government work and one for corporate. Keeps me from getting to a meeting with the wrong papers."

Duo leaned back with his hands clasped behind his head, ankles crossed.

"I thought you would have one of those social secretaries, and . . . stuff."

"I did but she wasn't worth the trouble. I spent more time sorting out her messes than I did if I did it myself. One day she had me with two openings at the same time and allowed six minutes to get from the docks to the zoo."

Duo blinked, it was almost ten kilometers and traffic made it hell, the woman must have been insane.

Relena sorted through papers and put several in a folder, she handed that folder to Duo and told him to keep it with him. Then she stuffed the rest of the papers into a briefcase and asked him to have one of the security men bring it with him.

"Um . . . You're not supposed to have security carrying stuff, you know that."

Relena replied absently, "I know but if I show up carrying a bunch of stuff it's difficult to keep the . . ."

"Boot lickers?"

"Yes . . . from making a nuisance of themselves trying to curry favor by taking charge of my things. Then I have trouble finding it all back again."

"Ok, I'll shut up."

"Besides if I waited for some of the security men to actually do their jobs I'd never get anywhere. I swear they just want to . . . I'm not sure what."

"Avoid a lecture by Heero Death Glare of Ice Yuy. He can strip paint from thirty feet. I've actually seen a guy almost faint. We had to stick his head between his knees."

"Oh my. Um . . ." Relena twinkled at Duo, "Did he kiss his ass good-by?"

"Relena! Where the hell did you hear that one."

Relena snickered. "When you were shot and staying at the Residence you told that big nurse that was trying to bathe you that."

Duo laughed in delight, he hoped that they were beginning to be friends and it seemed that Relena was loosening up nicely. He just hoped he hadn't corrupted her too much.

The car pulled up to the curb and Relena was suddenly the elegant reserved Vice Foreign Minister again. She stepped out of the car and headed for the doors of the building, with four black suits around her and Duo half a step behind. She made it all the way to the meeting room without incident, then they ran into someone's executive secretary.

"Lady Peacecraft, I'm so pleased to meet you. Can I be of assistance in some way? Just let me get rid of this horde of hangers on. Then I'll be right with you."

Relena just waited until the man stopped babbling and waived him away saying, "They aren't hangers on, they are my security and my escort. I'll thank you to notify Mr. Andrews that I am here and waiting for him. Thank you."

"This long haired juvenile . . . er . . . whatever . . . in a phoney Preventer uniform is part of your security?"

"That . . ."

But Duo's merry laughter cut them both off. "Hey man, that's the nicest thing anyone's said about me in years. But still . . . "

Relena motioned to Duo and he stopped talking like a switch had been thrown. She walked past Mr. Andrews secretary and into the meeting room.

"I don't appreciate you making light of my escort. He's given years of his life to the cause of peace and I'll thank you to respect that."

"That kid . . . "

"Is Duo Maxwell and don't you forget it for a second. He's my escort for the day and head of my security. If you have security concerns talk to him. If you don't have security problems then I'll thank you to get Mr. Andrews for me. I have allowed forty-five minutes for this meeting, then I will be at a Brunch. I don't intend to be late because you aren't organized."

Relena's cold attitude put the man on the defensive so he made them wait. Relena didn't seem to mind, she spent the fifteen minutes working on papers from the briefcase she'd brought in with her. When Mr. Andrews finally appeared, he immediately apologized. Duo watched Relena for a hint on how he should act. Her shoulders were relaxed so he faded into the background just hanging around the fringes of the meeting keeping an eye out, what for he wasn't certain.

"Duo, we'll be leaving now. Arrange for the car please."

Duo took his phone out of his pocket and started to call for the car.

"We're not done yet. We still have over half this contract to go over."

The man was looking angry and reached for Relena's arm, Duo gripped his wrist and shook his head.

"Don't touch the lady. You were given a time and a time frame before she agreed to this meet. If you couldn't accept those parameters you should have made different arrangements before hand."

"Thank you Duo, I couldn't have put it better myself. Shall we go?"

"Yes ma'am."

Mr. Andrews just rubbed his wrist and shuddered, the look that had entered those large amethyst eyes had been chilling. He wasn't about to argue with this boy, it surely wasn't safe. And the look of contempt in Lady Relena's eyes boded ill for future meetings.

"Bastard!"

"And your point is?" Duo passed over the insult as if it didn't exist. Relena, however, did not.

"Apologize! . . . Now!"

"Sorry." The man looked anything but and Relena started to say something else, her eyes flicked over the man dismissively and she gave it up as a bad job.

Turning to Duo all she said was, "Come."

"Arf."

"Idiot." But her smile was fond.

Duo eyed the car carefully, checking it out. Relena noticed his hesitation and smiled. He was as bad as Heero, he didn't trust the car because it had been out of his sight.

"The driver stays with the car at all times and he's a senior Preventer Agent. Stop worrying so much."

Duo just grinned at Relena and held the door open.

"I worry because you're important. To the Earth Sphere, the Dorlian Company, Heero and to me. If anything happened to you because I was careless . . . I don't know what I'd do." Duo's suddenly serious face made Relena smile slightly.

"Yes, but I also think that you're afraid of what Heero would do."

Duo rolled his eyes making Relena giggle. Then she gave a small annoyed 'tch', she'd looked at her watch and they were going to be late to the Brunch.

Duo checked his watch too. That fancy, dainty number Relena was wearing wasn't bigger than his little finger nail and he wasn't sure how accurate it was but his watch said that if they needed to be at the Brunch by 10:30 they'd have to make the next two stops in less than an hour. If they didn't waste time, they could make it, barely.

Relena again stuck her nose in papers, but these seemed to be more to her liking as she only wrote on one of them and smiled most of the way through the rest. Duo managed to keep quiet although it almost killed him. He hated being still and quiet but he knew that Relena wasn't going to put up with his usual chatter, she had work to do and it was important. So, 'Mission: don't drive Relena over the edge.'

The next two stops were both openings of something or the other, Duo wasn't too sure exactly what. Relena accepted bouquets which she handed to him and he handed to someone else, cut ribbons, shook hands and made a speech in a whirl of activity that made even him tired. The drives between were occupied by more paper work.

"10:30 on the dot. That's good. I hate getting behind time. I never get caught up and it doesn't look good for me to be late. Sets a bad example. Come on Duo, don't give up yet. It's a brunch."

"A what? What the hell is a brunch."

"It's a meal that can't make up its mind whether to be breakfast or lunch. It's a stand up this time, so be careful you don't eat too much. Remember we have a lunch after the bridge."

Duo blinked then grimaced brunch, bridge, then lunch; it seemed excessive, all this eating. But he decided 'Whatever.'

The brunch turned out to be one of those Buffett style things with bite sized sausages and things on crackers. Duo walked along the table behind Relena carefully picking things that he recognized. Relena stopped him before his plate was even half way full.

"Don't take any more than that. We still have lunch in about an hour and a half."

Duo looked at Relena's plate, she'd taken a half dozen small items and they were carefully arranged on the plate for maximum coverage. He'd taken about a dozen things but he decided he wasn't going to eat it all.

"Seems like a shame to waste this, but if we have a lunch I'd better not eat it all."

"Here . . . I'll take this and this . . . oh, and that." Relena efficiently plucked three items from his plate and shuffled things around on his. That gave them both an equal number of bits.

"What the hell are these things? Appetizers? Hors d'oeuvres? Snacks?"

"Calorie bombs, all cream cheese, sour cream and faty meats. Lots of salt and sugar." Relena eyed the foods with disfavor.

"Yum, all the food groups."

"Maxwell, some day you're going to explode."

"Naw, Heero won't let me. Thanks for snatching my chest . . . er . . . well thanks."

"Go ahead and say nuts. I'm immune to that stuff now. You thoroughly corrupted me."

"Oh god. I'm a dead man when Heero finds out."

"He already did."

"What did you do? Better tell me now. Give me time to get my guard up."

Relena turned elegantly, ready to greet the host. She tossed the next remark over her shoulder so casually that at first Duo didn't quite get it

"I called the head of La Grange Incorporated a cocksucker. Behind his back, of course."

Duo nearly dropped his plate, moaning, "Oh my God, I'm truly dead."

Relena smiled at the host and greeted him as if the last words out of her mouth wouldn't have shocked him silly if he'd heard them. He was delighted to kiss Relena's hand and kept calling her 'your August majesty'. He took her plate away from her and gave it to a wait person then led her to the podium, pounded on the microphone and demanded attention. Relena bore with all this with regal patience although Duo could see that she was annoyed.

Duo stayed as close as he could, absently nibbling on the bits of this and that {what the hell do you call this stuff? Relly doesn't even seem to know.} and watching the people milling around. He had to laugh, they all wanted to be near the middle of the group so people in the front kept stepping back and people in the back kept pushing to the fore. It made a slowly gyrating mass of color and glitter that he found interesting and rather hypnotic.

"Excuse me, sir. Do you want to keep that plate for some reason?"

"Huh? . . . oh no. thanks. I think you could take it."

The girl smiled seductively at him and managed to brush his fingers with hers as she took the plate. Duo started sightly and caught sight of Relena over the girl's shoulder, she was smirking in a way that made Duo nervous. He knew he was going to pay through the nose to keep Relena from telling Heero, not that Heero was jealous, just he would be unhappy and Duo would do almost anything to avoid that.

"Something wrong, Sugar?"

"Yeah. You just gave Lady Relena major blackmail ammunition against me." At the girls startled expression he smiled and hurried to reassure her. "Oh, it won't be too bad, just something stupidly . . . um . . . annoying. She's best friends with my boy friend."

The girl got a disgusted look on her face and Duo sighed mentally.

"Something?"

"Oh I'm not prejudiced exactly, just . . . all the good guys are either already married or gay . . . yeah, right, laugh it up, but it's true."

"No, it's not, you're just not hanging around the right places, that's all."

"Well anyway, I'm sorry if I got you into trouble. I didn't mean to." Then something he'd said earlier registered. "Lady Relena? You mean Lady Peacecraft? Friends? Oh my. You're her escort?"

"Yeah and I'm already tired. We're really moving today."

"Sugar, you haven't a clue, do you. Where's Yuy?"

"Sprained his ankle. I'm taking over today. What do you mean I don't have a clue?"

Taking pity on him she unknowingly shattered his last illusion

"You're not really moving, as you put it. I saw your itinerary for today . . . oh, don't worry. It's not all over the place, but we got a full itinerary and you should talk to someone about that. But today is an easy day, you've got most of the afternoon off and only two parties tonight. So be happy."

Duo gulped, he was wondering if he was going to make it to lunch and this girl was telling him that they only . . . only! had two parties to go to tonight.

"Oh hell, I'm a goner for sure . . ."

Relena walked up behind him, he'd been watching her while he talked to the server so he was well aware that she was smirking in a most self satisfied way.

"Duo, I didn't know you had it in you." She turned to the server. "Thank you for entertaining him while I was giving my speech . . . and for the ammo." At the girls concerned look. Relena relented a little. Giving the girl an open friendly smile, she continued slyly. "Don't worry too much. I'll only ask for . . . hmm . . . perhaps a trip to a rave." At Duo's horrified look she patted his arm and snickered. Leaning over she whispered to the girl "He's some what of a stick in the mud. Proper conduct befitting a lady, stuff like that."

Both girls broke down in giggles as Duo sputtered indignantly.

Relena lead the way again, taking a side door out to an alley which Duo insisted on checking out first, they headed for the next event of the day.

This time it was a bridge opening and wasn't much different from the openings of earlier. Except this time they stood around in the cool air for several minutes while the security team checked out the area and consulted with local security, Duo stood near Relena and kept his eyes moving.

Relena finally told the organizer that he had ten minutes to get everything together or she was leaving. Their chief of security stood beside her nodding his head and eyeing Duo askance. Duo eyed him right back, he wasn't that sure that he trusted the man, he seemed a bit lax to Duo.

"Kid, you're going to wear yourself out if you don't stop that. What's your problem?"

"Chief, I don't like this. It's too open and there's too much high ground that we can't keep an eye on." Duo shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot and tried to look everywhere at once.

"Don't sweat it. We checked all the high points and any that can't be secured by locking a door have a man in position. We have a lot of trouble with people who just want to see the lady getting on a high point and scaring the crap out of us with stock mounted telescopes and such. You're good, but you need to calm down. If you've got a concern tell me about it. You act like a terrorist."

Relena nearly choked. "A-hem. He was. So if he has a problem, you need to check it out."

"Him?" The Chief turned to Relena and smiled. "He's too young to have been much, Lady. Don't let him pull the wool over your eyes."

Relena watched the man's retreating back and the nodded to Duo. "I guess one of my plans worked. Do you have a lot of that?"

"What plan? And yeah, we all do."

"I didn't want you to be too easily recognized. That is why I tried to keep your media exposure to a minimum. I wanted you all to have the option of having a 'normal' life. If any of you actually could."

"Me? Normal? Bite your tongue. The therapy is helping a lot but you know as well as I do that I'll never be normal, nor do I really want to be."

Relena raised an eye brow. Duo grinned at her unrepentantly

"I think normalcy is highly over rated. There's sometimes no difference between normalcy and mediocrity."

Relena gave Duo a small curtsy. "Entirely too true." She turned her head to look at the organizer who was arguing with security."We'll be leaving in five minutes unless they get the ceremony underway. Tell the Chief please."

"Ok. After this we have lunch, then we go back to the residence and . . . what? I wish you'd gotten me an itinerary."

"Heero got one, why didn't he give it to you?"

Duo snarled "Crap! Idiot boy." as he went after the Chief to give him Relena's message. He now realized the other reason Heero was so worn out after a day with Relena, she had no regard for her own safety at all.

The Chief was bawling the organizer out in no uncertain terms. Duo interrupted to give him Relena's message only to be told that she couldn't leave until they'd had the ceremony.

"Damnit, if the lady wants to leave, we leave."

"You can't, even if you want to, until we open the gate. We parked her car inside the safety gates and we're not opening them until after the ceremony."

Duo looked at the Chief and snarled, "Explain to this . . . guy about illegal restraint and kidnaping." He turned to the organizer. "You've got five minutes to open the gates, then I'll open them and you won't like the results of my 'key' believe me."

The Chief of Security just grinned at the organizer and shrugged, "I'd do it man. You don't piss off Duo Maxwell, if you're smart. It usually leads to explosions. Or mass destruction of some other kind. And Lady Relena will chew out the bunch of you and you won't like that either. She doesn't yell or anything like that but if she asks you if you're an idiot just say yes. Or she'll freeze your balls off."

"But we promised a bunch of very important investors Lady Peacecraft. What am I supposed to do?"

"Get the damn ceremony underway in two minutes. That's what."

The organizer was wringing his hands by now and wasn't very pleased. He had to start the ceremony now, even though half the attendees weren't there yet.

Relena walked up to Duo and asked him if he knew what the hold up was. When he told her that the car was locked behind the safety gates the narrow eyed look she gave him made him grin.

"You know what I've got in my braid? Well, it's some new experimental stuff this time and I'm anxious to use it. So, if worst comes to worst, we'll blow this pop stand for real. I'll even let you set the charge if you like."

Relena gave Duo a happy smile, she liked explosions way too much for a pacifist.

It turned out that they didn't have to blow up anything, much to Relena's disappointment. The ceremony got under way in two minutes. Relena cut the ribbon and gave a speech during which people continued to dribble into the seating area, to her annoyance.

"Duo, do you think you could stand on my left this time? If you don't, you'll be on the wrong side of me."

"Ok, you need me to do what?"

"Convince the knuckle busters not to crush my hand again. Heero just . . . um."

"Reminds them that they shouldn't try to out grip a Gundam pilot."

Relena grinned at Duo behind her hand then turned to greet the first of the line of investors and their dependants. Most of whom had no idea of how to act around royalty. Relena bore with intrusive and extremely personal questions until she wanted to punch someone. Then a lady came through and Relena almost hugged her.

"Well . . . that is quite enough. I never in all my days heard such a bunch of nosy parkers. Lady, unless you're a true masochist, I think we'll call it quits. Your young man looks fit to spit and you're starting to droop. Come along." The organizer started to argue with her. "Look you puffed up penguin. I'll deal with you later. You don't keep a former Queen standing around shaking hands with a bunch of money grubbing, jumped up construction workers. The ones who were late to the line are the same ones who tried to impress
everyone with their importance by being late to the opening. If they don't get to meet the lady that's their own fault. Now get her out of here, young man, before I lose my temper. Scat."

Duo grinned at the woman and led Relena away. But before they got completely away, some man grabbed Relena from behind and to one side. Duo pivoted on the ball of his foot and punched him right in the face. He'd come from no where and scared him. The consequences of scaring Duo weren't quite as bad as scaring Heero would have been but the man wound up with a split lip. And that's when the lady who, they found out later, was the chief investor named Agatha Randall, showed her true metal, she jumped all over the man.

"Here, who the hell do you think you are, mauling the lady like that. Take him away and stuff him in the gate house until the cops come. Lady, I'll escort you myself, not that you need an old fat woman like me when you've got that gorgeous young thing, but they'll think twice about messing with me."

Duo grinned, "Who's old. And you're just well set up. You . . . un . . ."

"Mrs. Randall, thank you so much. I just hate to be grabbed from behind. It always makes me jump. Please, I would like you to walk me. I want to talk to you about some work that needs to be done on L2." As they walked away, Relena took the opportunity to talk to the woman about putting in a bid on work on the colony.

"I don't have any contacts on L2 and I need someone. I can't just put in a bid. I need some more information. If I underbid myself, I could lose my shirt and that's not going to be a pretty sight. I can tell you.

"Hey, if you need a contact I'll give you the name of a buddy of mine. Keep an eye on him and if you got gold teeth, sleep with your mouth closed, but he knows everybody and his dog. Here, I'll write it down for you, just tell him Dodger sent you and kiss your thumb. He'll do right by you for my sake." Duo grinned and winked at her. "And tell him I'll kick his ass if he doesn't."

"Thank you, Major Maxwell. That'll be a big help. Well, nice visiting with you, here's your car and I'll tell them to open that gate. I don't even know why it's closed. Not supposed to be. Can't . . . " Agatha eyed the gate with narrowed eyes. "I think I need to have a talk with someone. Get on your way or you'll be late to your next appointment."

~ * ~
"That was really nice of you to give Mrs. Randall the name of your friend."

"It'll be nicer if she actually contacts him. He'll help her for real. Get her whatever she needs to put in a good bid and he'll help her find workmen that know what they're doing. That'll help a lot of people that need jobs."

"Who is it?"

"The priest who took over Maxwell Parish. He's nice and he really wants to help people make something of themselves. Give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats all his life and his decedents do to."

"Oh that's nice. Where did you hear that?"

"Father Maxwell, but he got it somewhere else. Don't know where."

"I hope we get there soon. I'm starving."

"You just ate . . . oh hell. No, you didn't, that man took your plate. I'm sorry. I guess I should have stopped him."

"Don't worry about it. Do you really think he'd have gotten my plate if I didn't want him to? I usually do that if I can get away with it. I fill the plate and then hand it off to someone or let the big cheese take it. Wasteful, I know, but I can only eat so much without exploding or getting sick."

"Oh. If you don't want them to take your plate, how do you keep it without being rude."

"I just tell them I want it. And give them the 'down the nose' look, what I'm sure you call the Queen of All Things look."

Duo had the grace to look ashamed of himself but Relena laughed, swatted him on the arm and told him to put that look away for later. Then she again stuck her nose in paperwork, only kicking off her shoes first.

She sat rubbing one foot against the other and Duo noticed that her shoes had left marks on her feet. So he slid down onto the floor of the limo, took one of her feet in his hands and started to rub at the mark. Relena suddenly pulled her foot away saying, "Ugh! Duo, don't do that. My feet are all sweaty. That's nasty."

Duo repossessed her foot and returned to rubbing it, remarking softly, "If sweaty Relena feet are the nastiest things I have to handle anytime soon. . . . Well, never mind."

Relena sighed "Ok. In fact, I'll give you about forever to stop. My feet always hurt."

"Why? Never mind, I know why. These shoes don't fit you right. You ought to break them in better."

"If I get them broken in good, they don't look nice. Chapman usually donates them before they get really comfortable."

"Look, I know it's none of my business, but she works for you not the other way around. If you don't want her to give away your shoes, tell her not to. And don't tell me it's not as simple as that, because it is."

Relena glanced at Duo, who was sitting on the floor of the limo with her feet in his lap. The look on his face was, the only thing she could call it was stern, it was incongruous on his pixie face.

"You put up with entirely too much shit in my opinion. You're the Vice Foreign Minister, CEO of Dorlian Enterprises, and the Queen of the World. (Abdicated)"

Relena made a sour face, "Oh yes. Mustn't forget Abdicated, must we."

"Relly?"

"Hm?"

"Something?"

"Oh not really. I just get tired of having my nose rubbed in that. It was all I could do at the time. And . . . well some people take it all the wrong way."

"Relena, I'm sorry . . ."

"Shut up Maxwell. You're not at fault. I don't mind you teasing me because you take it as a given that we all do the best we can and go on from there, but some people can't understand that I never intended to benefit from it in anyway. They assume that . . . well, all kinds of things."

Duo made a funny growling sound. Relena reached down and gently tugged on his braid, she patted his shoulder and went back to her papers. He went back to rubbing the marks on her feet.

~ * ~

Duo settled himself on the seat just in time to pull up at the next stop, which was the opera house banquet hall.

"What kind of lunch is this?"

"Haven't the faintest idea. All I know is that it is for some of my supporters. People who've donated time and money to causes I support, or who have helped me politically in some way. This is one of the functions that I don't mind. Most of these people are nice, polite, well bred and well brought up. If you have any trouble with any of them, be rude, please. They know better."

"I don't need to be rude to them, it's too much work for no return. I'll probably never see any of them again. If it was street punks, it'd be different. . . .here we are."

Duo helped her out of the car and escorted her to the door, which was opened by a doorman in a uniform with more gold braid on it than even Krushrenada had ever sported. He smiled at the man and walked ahead of Relena which made the doorman frown. Relena wondered but didn't protest. Then she realized that all the black suits were behind her for some reason, which was why Duo had pushed ahead of her. So she just let him reassure himself that there were no assassins hanging from the chandelier and then walked to him. Taking him by the left arm, she encouraged him to escort her into the dining room.

Duo stopped in the door, and when Relena gave him a questioning look, leaned toward her and whispered, "Holy shit, you could dock a courier in here. And there's enough glitter to floor a whole flock of magpies."

"Yes, ostentatious, isn't it."

"Osten . . . what? What's that mean?"

"Flamboyant display which is intended to impress. And don't tell me you don't know what flamboyant means."

"It's been used as a descriptive insult for my personality. Doesn't bother me much, considering that the guy who used it was wearing a diamond pinky ring."

"Ugh, pot and kettle."

"Yeah. Well, we better get out of the door, you've made a target of yourself long enough but all the geeks got a chance to see you. Down the stairs we go. Don't trip on the grovelers."

Relena smiled graciously at several uniformed men who were doing exactly that, and leaned close to Duo to remark, "They aren't groveling, they're fawning."

"And the difference is?"

"Sounds nicer, don't trip on the master of ceremonies."

Duo gently but firmly got in between the man and Relena. He knew what came next and he didn't want the man shouting in her ear

The Master thumped his staff, producing a loud boom and announced, "Her Majesty, Queen Relena Marie Adriana Peacecraft . . . and escort." in a loud voice that made Duo's ear ring.

"Geeze, I've got a damn name."

"Sir . . . Madam, shall I announce him by name?"

"It would be nice." Relena hated it that no one remembered the names of any of her escorts.

"Major Duo Maxwell, Retired"

"Stuffy bastard."

Relena giggled, this was going to be better than most of the lunches she'd been to in a long time, Duo's acerbic wit and brutal insight would keep her entertained between political schmoosing.

The seating was obvious, Relena at the head of the table, a little crown in the plate marked her place. On her left some ambassador and on her right another politico of some sort. Her little pissy fit was as elegant as everything else about her, and, Duo had to admit, rather scary. He was seated by her side by a sweating someone in a uniform.

"Duo? Hey! Stop staring at the damn chandelier "

"Un . . . Relly? You know that thing falls and it's going to turn into about a million knives, don't you?"

"No, and I didn't need that mental picture. Change of subject, why are you only a Major?"

"Ummm . . . that's the rank I retired at? It's ok, I'm just glad the bunch of us didn't wind up in prison or executed."

"Duo! Do you really think that I'd let that happen? Gratitude for all . . ."

"Bull shit. Most people just want to forget all about the war and that includes us . . . Relly, who is that?"

"Who?"

"That guy in the blue coat with all the gold braid. I've always wanted a coat like that."

"You want a coat like the Major Domo?"

Duo grinned at Relena.

"Yeah. I like all the braid and stuff. Have you seen the Preventer dress uniform? I'd like to know who designed it. It's almost as bad as the daily. Drab green and black."

"That's not a daily uniform you're wearing now."

"No, it's semi-dress. Not that it makes much difference. They're all common."

"Well, you know Une doesn't have much imagination."

"Une designed the uniforms? I might have known. You should have let me."

"No thank you. Most people wouldn't be able to walk under the weight of the braid alone."

"Yeah? Well if I don't wear a tux tonight, I'm wearing every medal I've got."

"Oh god. You'll clank like a junk wagon."

"No shit."

Duo eyed the first course with a jaundiced eye. It was red, sort of, and had what looked vaguely like an egg in it. Other than that, he wasn't sure exactly what it was.

Relena poked at the item with her salad fork and sighed softly. She nudged Duo's knee with her own and shook her head at him, frowning slightly.

Duo leaned towards her and whispered. "What? I do something wrong already?"

"No, just . . . don't eat this. Just cut some off and mash it around."

"I wasn't going to eat any. What the hell is it anyway? Is it alive?"

"No. It's a poached egg in aspic, on a bed of bronze, loose leaved, romaine lettuce." Relena gave hers a vicious poke which made it jiggle disgustingly.

"It's gross. What's aspic when it's at home?"

"Jelled tomato juice, just cut off a piece and hide it under the lettuce."

Duo sighed, it didn't look like they were going to get anything to eat. And people were starting to get up and wander around, leaning over seated people and visiting, or gathering in clumps around VIP's. Duo wondered why these people were considered polite society. If you pulled that kind of thing with Sweepers, or even Preventers, you'd get gut shot. He leaned over and told Relena so.

"Please."

Duo did a double take and then simpered at Relena who kicked him under the table with a bare foot.

The next three courses were just as bad, accompanied by people looming up behind Duo and leaning between him and Relena to push their personal agenda forward. Relena gave up any pretext of eating and listened to their rather stilted, rehearsed speeches with a tired smile on her lips. Finally Duo had enough, he got up and stood behind Relena and glared at anyone who approached her. The few who didn't know who he was were scared off by the sheer arrogance and cold fury he projected.

Relena managed to eat the chicken and one vegetable dish. When she got up, she signaled that she was finished and they stopped serving. Duo blinked, then decided it came under the heading of 'No head higher' and followed her onto the open floor between the tables where she was deluged with hand shakers and back slappers. Duo got behind her and stopped that.

Relena leaned back a little and told Duo, "Do not say anything. Not a word."

Duo looked the way she was and nearly choked, the man looming up like barge was 6'4" and had to weigh three hundred fifty pounds at least. He was wearing a uniform with a double sash, one over his shoulder and one around his waist, a bunch of medals and a sword. But the thing that had both Duo and Relena struggling not to laugh was the mustache, one of those ridiculous handle bar things that curled up on the ends, twice.

"Ma'am, very glad to have you here. Young man." He bowed from the waist, swatting the man behind him with his sword. "Sorry. Would you like a drink? No. Good, nice lunch wasn't it? Fine Chicken Thermidor, don't you think. Well, better circulate, nice visiting with you."

Never noticing that neither of them had said a word, he bowed again and walked off.

Relena looked Duo in the eye. He muttered. "Woofers would have a fit. That sword. Oh hell", and started laughing. Relena gave it up and started laughing too, no giggling, no ladylike simpering snicker. She laughed until her eyes watered and she had to lean on Duo, who wasn't doing much better. He was laughing so hard he was having trouble standing himself.

"Duo, you're a bad influence on me. I haven't had so much fun at a lunch in ages. Oh, look there. It's Lady Bamph. Watch out for her. She's old, but she's got an eye for pretty boys."

Duo rolled his eyes at Relena, he could handle an old lady. Relena smiled back and waited

"Well, Well. Your Majesty. I see you finally got a man with some animation. What happened to that stick Yuy? You dump him in an oubliette? Here, young man, let me get a good look at you" Duo stepped away from Relena, smiling. "My goodness, you've got more hair than my three daughters put together. Must keep you hoppin' to manage that mess. You dance? Yes. You take that girl out and dance her into the ground, doesn't have enough fun. Too dedicated to peace and keeping the public from bothering those Gundam Boys. Ought to let them take care of themselves. If they can handle one of those machines, they should be able to handle life. What do you think?"

Duo had stiffened slightly at the mention of mecha, but the old woman didn't seem to be trying to be spiteful so he just remarked mildly. "Oh, I don't know. I'm grateful that she's done what she has. I don't fancy being on the news all the time. Interferes with my duties."

"You're one of those boys? Well, I never. I thought you all were young. You look at least eighteen. How old are you boy? And don't give me any foolishness."

"I am eighteen. I'm an emancipated minor. Why? You think I should be in prison or something?" Duo was more than tired of being called bad names by people who didn't know anything about the war other than what was on the news.

"Hell no, boy, I think you should have been given a medal and an income and allowed to do pretty much what you want to do. Never tell me that I'm not open minded. You get it on yet?"

Duo nearly choked and Relena just laughed her head off, as Duo tried to cope with the out spoken octogenarian.

"What, boy, I'm an old woman. If I haven't heard of it, it doesn't exist. If you haven't been between her sheets, what's wrong with you?"

"Umm . . . I'm gay." Duo watched Lady Bamph who just humped and gave Relena a sympathetic look.

"All the good ones! Damn. Just be careful. Some of the men you pick up are not what I'd want my son fooling around with. Relena, call me. I want to talk to you about that L2 charity do next week." The woman turned away mumbling about all the really nice boys being queer as a three-credit note.

Duo stood watching her walk away with a stunned look. "My god, she's got the personality of a buster rifle."

"Not quite, but I like her. She says what she means and doesn't give me a bucket of oil every time I see her."

"Is that why . . . um . . . never mind."

"No, mind. That's why I have always liked Heero and, I'm finding, you too." Just then Relena's phone jingled softly. She put it to her ear and then without turning a hair muttered under her breath. "Damn, mother fuck. I'm soo gonna get that woman. Well, screw it."

"What? What!? Who's dead? What's going on?" The last time Duo had heard Relena use language like that he'd torn out a stitch.

"That . . . aerobics teacher has canceled . . . again."

Duo's phone chose that moment to make itself known. He put it to his ear and, after listening for a second, growled, "I'm on a damn assignment. . . . I know I've got three hours, but . . . ok, ok. I'll be there . . . I'll be there. But you get to entertain her while I do."

"What is it?"

"Yuy just called. I was supposed to qualify today. We thought I'd been rescheduled, but the range officer decided to be a tight ass. So if I don't qualify today, I'm off without pay until I do. So, while you take a nap or whatever, I've got to go to the firing range and qualify."

Relena sighed, "Damnit! I could just shoot something."

"Ok."

"'Scuze me?"

"I think I could get you in on a class at the Preventers gym while I qualify, and then I might be able to get you into the range. If the officer in charge will let you."

That'd be nice. I haven't gotten to shoot in I can't remember when. I used to really like to go shoot.

"You . . . shoot . . . "

All the while Relena and Duo had been talking she also been shaking hands and listening to compliments, interrupting herself to thank people. Now she herded him in the direction of the door. He got on his com and told someone to bring the car around to the door.

"Duo, just because I'm a pacifist doesn't mean I can't appreciate or use the skills necessary to shoot. It's good for hand eye coordination and a great stress reliever."

"And it's not like you've got stress. Damnit I'm tired and the day is only half over."

"Not quite. I still don't know why Heero didn't put an itinerary in your computer. But we've ..." At Duo's horrified look she blinked, then said. "What? What's wrong?"

"I knew I was missing something. Heero's gonna rag me forever. I forgot my damn computer. And didn't even notice until just now."

"Oh. Don't scare me like that again. I thought it was something important."

"No, no, you don't understand. This is the first time I've forgotten my computer . . . ever. He'll never let me hear the end of it. It's like me forgetting my . . . my . . ."

"Braid? Head? Gun?" Relena supplied helpfully.

"Yeah. Here's the car. Get in and we'll go to HQ and see what we can do."

~ * ~
When they arrived at HQ, the first thing they saw was a smirking Heero Yuy dangling Duo's computer by the strap. Duo took the computer, booted it, and found his calender already active on the desk top with all the appointments neatly entered with side notes.

"Heero! I think that you could have gotten that to Duo just a little earlier in the day, don't you?"

Relena wasn't best pleased with Heero and let him know it. He just grinned at her and hugged Duo

"Sorry, Lover. I just couldn't resist. There's only two more appointments left, though. I thought I would catch up to you at the stand up, but I was too late and I knew they wouldn't let me in at the lunch. So here it is. Forgiven?"

"Yeah. But I better go. Set her up with an aerobics class or something while I qualify."

"You have to qualify under stress this time."

"Damnit to hell, I swear that bastard is a sadist. You sure he wasn't Oz?"

Relena demanded explanations and found out that there were two ways to qualify. In one, you just walked in and shot. In the other, you had to have completed an hour of callisthenics before shooting. It proved that you could hit your target under physical stress equivalent to having chased someone for a while.

So Duo and Relena wound up headed for the gym.

Duo stopped Relena and eyed her hair, asking if it was all right if he re did it.

"Sure. What are you going to do?"

"You don't want to be recognized, do you? I think you'll have more fun if you aren't. So I'm going to put it in pigtails."

So Duo took a hair brush from his bag, along with two ties, and braided Relena's hair into messy braids, one behind each ear, trailing down over her shoulders. She looked completely different from any picture anyone would have ever seen. She looked like a rookie.

"Ok, come on, lets get going."

They parted at the locker rooms and joined back up in the gym. Wearing gray sweats with Prop. PHQ, Sanq Div. stenciled on them and a pair of issue sneakers, Relena looked for all the world like any other female rookie.

They formed up and the instructor got them started, remarking that most of them were qualifying under stress and he intended to see that they had plenty of that.

"Anyone who isn't qualifying, drop out and head for the showers at the end of the period. Ok. Start by dressing out."

Everyone else put the fingers of their left hand on the shoulder of the person next to them and stepped away until there was an arms length between them. Relena didn't have the slightest idea what was going on so she wound up stumbling and getting in Duo's way.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Missy? Don't you know what you're doing?"

"No, Sir. I'm a guest. I'm sorry I fouled everyone up."

Relena eyed the man with some trepidation, he was really tall and big; and he was leaning over her in a scary way. Duo stepped between her and the instructor.

"She's my friend. I'm sorry she caused trouble. I didn't think to tell her what to do. Back off."

The instructor paled slightly, even though he out weighed Duo by at least seventy pounds and was almost a foot taller.

"Sorry, Maxwell. I didn't know she was your girl friend. I thought you and Yuy had something . . ."

"I said she was a friend, not a girl friend. She's here for the class. So can we get on with it?"

The instructor got back to business, but Relena had something to think about. The man had been careful of Duo even though there was such a difference in their sizes.

After forty-five minutes Relena was beginning to flag a little, but she gamely tried to keep up. The instructor however had other ideas. He pulled her from the ranks and made her sit out the rest of the class. At the end of the hour she was awed to realize that Duo wasn't breathing very hard and had barely broken a sweat,the rest of the class was sweating hard and beginning to pant. The DI snarled,"Maxwell, you're not under stress yet. What the hell does it take?"

"A lot more than we have time for. But I don't think its fair for me to have to do more than the requirements. If I was chasing the bad guys, I wouldn't need a gun. So can we just get on with it."

"Sure, grab the lady and head for the range I'll follow along with this bunch of losers in a minute. Go."

So Duo grabbed Relena by the hand and headed for the range. When he got there, he collected his weapons, which had been examined by the armorer, passed, then sent down to await him. He also managed to snag the range officer's attention long enough to get permissions for Relena to be issued a piece so she could shoot.

"I'll watch her myself, Maxwell. She's a pretty little piece . . . "

"Watch your mouth, Asshole. She's a lady, not some chippie."

"Geeze! Aren't we the protective one. You'd think she was the Que . . . oh hell."

"Yeah. So watch it. Just lets get this shit over with so I can get a nap before I have to go to a damn formal dinner and a fucking ball after."

The range officer got down to business. He had Duo set up paper targets and spend the next thirty minutes punching holes in them. Duo ended his test by shooting a required pattern and handed in all the papers then went to find Relena.

The assistant range officer grumbled, "Maxwell, I hate you. I really, really do."

"What? She that bad?"

"No, she's that good. She's got great hand eye and a steady grip. She's qualified as sharp shooter, if she was one of ours, that is. And she's a fucking pacifist. I give up."

"Well, she said she was good, but I had my doubts. She's really that good?"

"Only ones better than her are you, Yuy, and Chang. Damnit."

Duo got a deer in the headlights look and blinked slowly. This was good. He wondered if he could get her permanent permission to come shoot whenever she wanted, so he asked the officer and he said he'd see to it, finishing by saying, "I'll get her a temporary badge and have a permanent one made up."

Duo headed for the showers but the calisthenics instructor caught him just out side them.

"Maxwell, I thought that girl looked familiar. The next time you have fucking Relena fucking Peacecraft in my damn class and don't warn me first . . . You. Are. Toast. Do you read me?"

"Yeah, now get your hand off me or I'll break it." Duo slapped the man's hand away and went in to the showers mumbling "It's not as if she didn't keep up or something."

Which, once he thought of it, was kind of amazing. Relena had kept up with almost a full hour of exercises that would have had most people panting in ten minutes. And had done it with an eager quality that he'd only seen in some really intense rookies. She just seemed not to know the word quit, which he realized, was one of the reasons that they all had the freedoms they now had.

Relena met him just outside the locker rooms and grumbled about wanting to hire that man as her permanent coach, admitting that she was having real trouble keeping a personal trainer. Duo had some ideas about that and made a note in his computer to see if he couldn't get her some kind of permanent help from Preventers.

"Can we go somewhere and maybe catch a nap. I'm wasted. I could really use some real food and some sleep. I feel like I'm on a mission. I . . . "

"You are on a mission. Mission: keep Relena from going crazy. I'd like some food too. Could we get something real around here somewhere. Then we'll go back to the residence." Relena sighed heavily. She was wearing a plain jumpsuit instead of the Armani she'd been wearing.

"Shit! That ring! Here, take it back before I forget it again." Duo, even though he was hungry, didn't feel like going to the cafeteria. It would be almost empty this time of day and the food would all be stale.

Relena took the ring and tucked it into the bag she was carrying. She was proud that the attendant in the locker room had let her take the jumpsuit instead of making her wear the suit. The lady had even let her keep the new pair of sneakers.

"I'm handing this off to one of the suits. Is there anyplace we can eat? And I really don't want to go back to the Residence. I won't get a nap, someone will come up with something so important that I just have to handle it right away. I'm tired too, and I'd really like a nap in peace, for once."

Duo grinned in a rather sly manner and put his finger beside his nose. "Idea. Yeah, it'll work. Come on."

Relena followed Duo out a side door and down an alley way. They came out on the street, right next to a hot dog wagon. Relena started salivating. Yum. Duo ordered dogs for both of them. He got one with everything and one with mustard and relish. Returning to Relena, he handed her the mustard and relish one. He bit into his with delight and chewed vigorously, speaking around a mouth full.

"Good, huh. Bob has the best. All beef, nice and lean, grilled instead of boiled and everything includes kraut. Want another?"

Relena put her hand infront of her mouth to keep part of a bite from escaping, and nodded. Mumbling, "Everything you got this time."

"Really? You like chili? I thought all you liked was . . . "

Relena interrupted him, finally swallowing the mouthful she had been struggling with. "I don't know how it tastes with anything but mustard and relish. If I get them with everything they usually drip and it's not ladylike. I'm so tired of being lady like. Fuck."

"Ok then, here. I'll get you one with everything and show you how to eat it without dripping." Duo returned with another dog and explained that all you had to do was bite it at an angle. "And lick it once in a while so the runny stuff gets licked off and doesn't drip. Good?"

Relena nodded happily and finished off her dog by stuffing the last three inches into her mouth all at once, chili gathering in the corners of her mouth. She gave Duo a slightly shamefaced look, ducking her head a little and smiling around 'chipmunk cheeks'. He laughed and reached out to wipe it off with his thumb. But she beat him to it, her pink tongue flicking it away with a slight slurp.

"Ohmygod. You look just like a regular girl. Come on, I've got a secret and you better not tell or I'll . . I'll"

"You'll what? Don't you threaten me, Duo Maxwell. I'll have Heero turn the death glare on you."

"ooooo . . . I'm scared." Duo laughed. "No . . . seriously. I've got a secret place I sneak off to sometimes and only Heero knows where it is. Come on. We can snatch a nap there. No one will bother us."

Duo led Relena to the sub levels of the building. Behind a generator the size of an 18 wheeler was a small utility room that contained a mattress covered with a sleeping bag and several newly washed blankets.

"Not the Taj Mahal, but cozy. The blankets are clean and you can have the mattress. I'll take the floor."

"You most certainly will not! That thing is big enough for two. What are you going to do, attack me? I don't think so. Lay down and scoot over."

Duo didn't argue, he was tired and he could see that she was too. What would anyone do anyway? She was grown up and perfectly capable of making her own decisions. They were both soon asleep, snoring softly. When Heero checked on them later, they were curled together like two puppies, limp and relaxed. He laughed softly, he would have liked to take a picture but he satisfied himself with capturing it in his memory. It wouldn't do for a picture to get around.

"Duo, love. You need to wake up." Heero didn't expect the reaction he got. Duo woke up in combat mode, ready to do violence. "Easy, Bright Eyes. It's me."

"Oh! Heero, sorry." Duo reached over to wake Relena and found that she was awake and looking at him with a small frown. "Hey Relly, don't look like that. It's ok. I'm not gonna do anything. Heero tell her."

"It's a leftover from the war. Sometimes we just wake up on guard."

But Relena knew better. "He didn't just wake up on guard. It was because I'm here. You do the same thing. It's kind of frightening, what if . . ."

Duo looked at Heero and then at Relena. "Tough. If someone doesn't have the good sense to watch it around us, they get exactly what they deserve. So, come on. We better get on the stick. What time is it, 'Ro? I left my watch in my duffel."

Heero grumbled and tossed Duo's duffel to him. "You've got about two hours until you have to be at that banquet. It's a forty-five minute drive, so you've got an hour and fifteen minutes to get to the residence, get cleaned up and dressed, and ready to go. You better get it in gear."

"Yeah and while I'm thinking about it want the hell are you doing on that ankle."

"I'm not, if you'll open your eyes. See crutch, see me using same. Damnit!"

Relena patted Heero on the arm and then took hold of his extended hand to scramble off the mattress and to her feet. She giggled at Heero's scandalized look and twirled for him to see her.

"You don't like it. I do. I've been wandering around HQ and haven't had one person say I shouldn't do something. I'll be back to shoot, so don't blow my cover. And stay off the ankle. You know the doctor said that if you sprain it one more time he's going to put you in regen for six weeks."

Heero growled and Duo crowed 'Busted!' He'd known there was more to it than a simple sprain. Heero had sprained both ankles so many times that they were getting weak and spraining more and more easily. He needed regen in the worst way and wouldn't go in for it.

Heero eyed Duo and knew he'd hear about it later. But Relena started in on him immediately.

"You mean you didn't tell Duo. Heero, I'm ashamed of you! I'll deal with you later."

Duo pushed her out the door, still scolding, and headed her for the car and the residence. Where they both had to get dressed for the banquet and following ball. {I don't wanna do this. I don't}

When they reached the residence, Relena headed for her rooms and sent a man to Duo to help him get into his tux.

"I'm sorry, Sir, your tux was damaged by the girl who was pressing it. I sent for another and Mr. Yuy sent this white one. I hope it is acceptable."

Duo groaned, he hated that white tux. Quatre had sent it to him when he'd agreed to stand up for them (him and Trowa) and every time he wore it he got something on it. But there wasn't anything to do about it now. His dresser frowned, but when Duo shook his head, started helping him into the clothing. Duo ordinarily would have been embarrassed and refused help but not now, he didn't have time to mess around with ties and studs and stuff.

"Sir, I don't know what to do about these. I was supposed to put them on your jacket, but there's so many of them and they're all on a . . ."

"Just pin the whole damn thing on and let it go. Heero set them up properly and all you have to do is push the tacks through the cloth and put the backs on."

"You were really in all these battles? And what is this one for?"

Duo looked and sighed. "That's a sharp shooters medal and next to it is a pow."

"A what?"

"It shows that I was captured and tortured by the enemy. Here, help me into that thing and make sure my harness doesn't show."

Duo resolutely ignored the man's face and straightened his jacket. Looking in the mirror he shrugged the jacket into place and headed for Relena's rooms to see if she was ready yet.

"Relly, you ready . . . oh shit." Duo turned his back quickly and flushed. Relena was in her underwear, standing in the middle of the room waiting for the dresser to help her with the dress.

"Don't worry, Duo, there's nothing to see. I'm wearing full regalia tonight, so I've got on a corset, three petticoats and pantaletts. Not to mention the shimmy."

"The what?"

"The thing under the corset. Which I need to make that damn blue nightmare fit."

Duo eyed the mass of blue satin the dresser carried over. When she got near Relena, she held her arms over her head and the dresser literally threw the dress into the air over her head. It settled down around Relena and the dresser went on to twitch it into place muttering. "Miss, it won't close. You'll have to lace tighter."

"Duo? Can you pull the laces tighter? She can't get the dress laced closed."

Duo walked over and eyed the mass of material with a jaundiced eye. The corset was already laced so tightly that Relena's skin was pinched into folds at her spine. It couldn't be comfortable, so he made an executive
decision.

"You're not wearing that dress. You can't breath properly with that thing laced so tight. If something happens you're gonna faint. Here. . ."

He pulled a knife from somewhere and before the dresser or Relena could say or do anything he'd sliced through the laces of the corset and on into the out grown dress, ruining both.

"Duo! What are you doing? What am I going to wear now? We don't have time to . . ."

"Shut up. I'm doin' my job. Fuck! You've got a million dresses in here. Whyn't ya wear one a' them?"

Relena did shut, she could tell that Duo was really upset. His accent was clear and nearly incomprehensible. She realized that he was right, it had just gotten to be habit to wear that dress. She' been wearing it to all official functions for years.

"I guess you'd better help him. Never mind that mess. I think I out grew it years ago and we've been . . . hide bound."

But Duo didn't need help. He came out of the closet with a cream and gold Cinderella dress that was something Relena hadn't realized she even owned.

"Oh, how pretty! I do like that. Here, hurry, we'll be late and it doesn't look good."

Relena scrambled to get into the dress. When it was thrown over her head, it settled around her like a dream. There was no struggle to get it into place and it fastened easily and quickly. She didn't even need a corset as one was built in, after a few minutes of hooking and fastening, she was dressed.

The jewels she'd chosen to wear went well with the new dress as she'd chosen sapphires which matched her eyes and blended well with the dress.

"Oh, my god. Miss, you two just make the most amazing couple, both in pale colors, and all his medals . . . " the dresser just shook her head and smiled.

And they did make and amazingly beautiful couple.

Relena, regal in cream and gold. Duo, only a few inches taller than she, in a white tuxedo with a chest full of medals and a big bright-eyed grin.

"Heero is gonna shit."

"Why you say that, Relly?"

"You know what the papers are going to say?"

"Damn."

The banquet hall was even bigger than the room they'd eaten lunch in. Duo glanced around and noticed several black suited men that he'd never seen before, a glare aimed at the security head got a quick nod in return, so Duo relaxed as much as he ever did.

Relena squeezed his arm and smiled for the cameras. He smiled too, but anyone with eyes could see that it was strained. He didn't like the crowds of people closing in on them. There were too many people and they were too close. He got in front of Relena, guided her to her place at the banquet table and sat in his next to her.

This signaled the servers to start serving and everyone else to get to their places. The photographers filed out without complaints, they didn't want to be banned.

Duo eyed the first course and growled to Relena, "That better not be what I think it is."

"Escargot?"

"God."

"Just sop up the butter. It's full of garlic and quite good."

"Ok, but why don't they ever serve anything recognizable?"

"It's not sophisticated. No snob appeal."

"Oh. Damnit! Why do they have such stupid utensils?" Duo struggled to figure out how to use the tongs and fork provided

"Same reason."

"Damnit! I want a cheeseburger."

"Me too!" Relena sighed, she was just as weary of this as Duo was and with better reason.

The next course was better, at least it was recognizable as fruit, and all that was needed was a fork. The entire meal was more or less the same as lunch except that no one wandered around talking, everyone stayed in their places and Duo noticed that conversation was limited.

"Relena, what goes with the visiting. I noticed no one is wandering around, but . . . hey, ow!"

Relena poked Duo under the table, he had started to talk across the table.

"Duo, don't. You only talk to the people on either side of you. It's rude to talk across the table."

"Why?"

"It's so wide that you have to raise your voice too much. It makes too much commotion in the room. If everyone wanted to talk across the table, no one could hear anyone. Talk to the man on your other side if you're tired of talking to me."

So Duo turned to the man on his other side, started to introduce himself and found himself staring into frightened eyes as the man he'd been about to speak to turned pale and dropped his fork.

"Oh . . . oh . . . Umm. You're one of them . . . one of the terrorist Gundam fliers."

Duo made a sad face and prepared himself for the worst. Then Relena spoke over his shoulder, breaking every rule of polite society.

"You will not speak to him like that. He did his duty, to great detriment to his physical and mental health and I will not have you causing him additional distress. Remove yourself at once. Do you hear me?"

The man got up and left. The servers removed his place setting and chairs were shuffled so that he was erased from the group as effectively as if he'd never been.

Duo's new neighbor calmly began discussing the newest model car as if nothing had happened at all. Duo couldn't help but be grateful, he'd had enough of being called bad names by idiots who didn't know anything about what had happened.

"Excuse me, young man. But could you tell me what that is for?"

Duo looked down at the medal the man was pointing to. Actually it was a ribbon.

"That? That's a battle ribbon. It's for the attack on Barge."

"Hah! What do you know? I was there, too. What was your group?"

"Umm," Duo didn't want to start that up again and he realized that Relena was giving the man the evil eye behind his back. "Gundam . . . Deathsythe."

"No. You don't say." The man eyed the ribbon for a second. "It doesn't look like mine. I wonder why?"

"Vagaries of the military mind. Who knows what the hell goes on in their heads. I think part of the difference is because I'm considered air force and you might have been army."

"I was support staff. "

"Well there you are." Duo went back to his food, wondering vaguely what the hell he was eating now.

Relena leaned over to whisper, "I'm very proud of you. That stupid man. And you didn't say anything to him."

"Relena why should I say anything? It wouldn't change his mind, so I usualy just brace myself and let them rant. Hot air can't hurt me and it might make them feel better. And while we're at it, make me feel better. What is this?"

"Not a clue, but it's next to last course. Be happy, the desert is creme brulee."

Duo perked up, he liked that. When it came it was the best kind, cool and creamy with a crisp sugar crust. He dug in happily and Relena couldn't help but smile at him, he was almost young.

After they ate desert, they adjourned to the ball room on the other side of the wide foyer. The sigh Duo let out made Relena smile. She knew that his style of dance involved lots of drums and electronic things. He was going to be a wall flower or she missed her guess. It was really too bad, he would make an excellent escort if he could dance. She wasn't going to repine however, as she knew he would be uncomfortable dancing with some of the women in attendance at this ball.

Duo eyed the ball room with an even more jaundiced eye than anything else that day. It was big as a hanger, had huge wide windows, and alcoves and side rooms enough to hide a battalion in. He knew he wasn't supposed to bother with checking them, the security had done it. But he found that he was terribly uncomfortable with all the doors and windows, and the crowds of people milling about made it even worse. He fought the need to grab Relena and hustle her away.

"Please."

"What?"

"I can see it in your eyes. You want to haul me off somewhere safe. I wish I could . . . Oh damnit. I hate this. He'll walk all over my feet. I wish there was some way to keep from dancing with him."

Duo eyed the man headed their way and smirked. As he approached, Duo stepped behind Relena and smiled at the man. He stopped like he'd run into a wall, then swerved off to start talking animatedly to a group of people who looked at him like he'd lost his mind.

Relena turned to Duo and demanded to know what he'd done. He gave her an innocent look that didn't fool her for a second.

"Come on, tell. I want to know what you did. If I know, I can do it too, so I won't have to dance with some of the men. Tell, tell".

"You can't do it . It turned Shinagami loose on him."

"Who?"

"My alter ego. The one that makes . . . "

"Oh . . . Heero told me about it. Your battle face. Damn, I can't do that. But I'd like to see it some time."

Duo looked at her for a second, then sighed. "No you wouldn't. It scares Heero."

"Oh, well, thank you for getting rid of that ass. He'd have spent the whole dance telling me about how the world is going to hell in a hand basket because the colonies are conspiring to . . ."

"Please . . . have mercy . . . if you don't want to listen to it why should I."

Duo gave Relena an agonized look.

Relena laughed, "Sorry. If I have to suffer, why shouldn't you. But you're right . . . Oh! Look . . . look! Ooh my god . . . oh . . . oh."

Relena pinched Duo's arm and nodded at the stairs. The woman who had started down them had to be at least sixty, weighed in at over two hundred pounds and had stuffed herself into a pre-colony 1920's style flapper dress. One of those dresses with rows of fringe layered from hem to bust line and low enough cut that they were sure that her massive breasts were truly hers.

Duo gulped and moaned, "Damn, there ought to be a law. I mean really. . . for . . . shit, I wish I had a blanket or something."

"You'd never get away with it. I'd suggest legislation but she's the wife of the Speaker of the House. Just goes to show."

Relena bowed slightly to a man who wanted to take her to the dance floor, gave him her hand and nodded to Duo to signify that it was ok. Duo made a face and accepted a drink from one of the servers, it was some sort of Shirley Temple. The taste wasn't bad, in fact it was cherry, one of his favorites, he was thankful that someone had dropped a hint in the servers ear.

He watched as Relena circled the floor with the man. He hated thinking of all these people as 'the man' or 'the lady' but he didn't have the slightest idea of what their names were. Relena seemed to be enjoying herself, laughing at something the smiling man said and twirling to the waltz, moving gracefully in time to the music. He'd learned to dance from Heero just for this but he wasn't sure if he asked Relena or she asked him.

Relena returned to Duo and stood shaking hands and doing her best to stifle her yawns. Duo tapped her on the shoulder and whispered in her ear, "You want some coffee or something? I'll get you some."

"Don't leave me. There's Lady Orczy, and you know she's just going to give me the same lecture over again and I don't think I can stand it. I'm tired, my feet hurt, my hand feels like it's been crushed and I don't want to do this anymore tonight.

"And I hate that woman . . . I know it's wrong but I really do."

Duo nibbled at a ragged nail. "Why is it wrong? I only met her once and I'm not too fond of her. What's her malfunction?"

Relena slapped Duos' hand and handed him a clipper. {Where does she keep this stuff?}

"Don't do that, it'll make it split. She's just so . . . so . . . stuffy. Ladies' don't do this and that. Like I'm supposed to be a doll. Stand around and be pretty until I'm needed. I've got more to do that I can keep up with and it's all necessary."

"Well . . . un . . . I could do her for you."

"Oh . . . un . . . Duo? You're gay?" Relena blinked at Duo, who curled his lip.

"I meant that in a not nice way. Relly, my speciality is stealth, you know."

Relena shook her head "No and I did not hear that."

"Ok. Just thought I'd offer. But . . . " Duo broke off with a grin.

"What?"

"Um . . . "

"Tell...tell or else."

"Ok, twist my arm."

Relena reached out and gently twisted Duo's wrist.

"Ow! owowowow! I'll tell. I could slip her a drug."

"Duo! I thought I said."

Duo waived his hand "No, No! Listen, listen! There's this drug. It's a failure. It was supposed to give people cramps, some Oz wise guy thought it would be a good form of torture, but all it does is give really major gas."

Relena blinked then started to giggle "Ooh, but Ladies don't get gas!"

Duo grinned back while he snagged three glasses from a tray.

"Yeah? No gas? Then what do they get?"

"You sure it works?" Relena looked worried "I don't . . ."

Duo gave Relena a sideways look "You tell anyone this and I'll deny it. Wufei and Une had a big blowup and he slipped it to her. You could hear her farting all over. And don't say hold it in."

Relena looked smug. "Ladies don't fart."

"Oh, yeah?"

"No." Relena put on her haughtiest look "Ladies get 'the wind'. Very dainty."

"Yeah? Well this stuff will give ya a hurricane. Come's under the heading of pain and shame."

Lady Orczy came up just then. Duo bowed and handed her a glass, smiling brightly. She accepted the glass and sipped, wetting her throat preparatory to beginning a lecture on something or other.

"Here, drink up. You really look thirsty. Let me get you another glass."

Relena watched as Duo turned on the charm and handed the lady another glass of what ever it was.

"Well, young man. I want to talk to you as well as Relena. You must learn to rise above your station. You know that you mustn't shame the lady by acting ... " Just then an expression of pain passed across her face and she started to turn pink.

Relena turned to another person and struck up a conversation about the difficulties of keeping fuel cells available to military craft in the outer colonies. Duo entered with a very insightful comment about the inefficiency of allowing course corrections to be done automatically by computer.

"The computer will . . . " the noise was abrupt, loud and frankly stank. Duo clamped his hand over his nose and yelped "Oh man! That's just gross. Mister . . . "

The lieutenant they'd been talking to shook his head and drifted away rather quickly. Relena turned to Lady Orczy and made a little humpf noise. "Oh dear." She sniffed that little sniff that Duo used to hate so much, then turned her shoulder to the Baroness. "I'm sorry Duo, it seems that I've allowed myself to be victimized again. Will you forgive me?"

"Of course. You can't help the hangers on, after all."

There was another sound, quite loud in the surronding silence. The baroness turned bright red and opened her mouth to say something.

"If you're not apologizing to the lady, I think you should just go away. You don't know about the Mama crab, do you?" Duo narrowed his eyes at the woman who had the good grace to look embarrassed. "Let me call your driver for you. You obviously shouldn't have come. Too much stress on your system. You know?"

He called for her driver and escorted her to the door with a ruthless grip on her arm. A quick, whispered conversation with the Master of Ceremonies ensured that she wouldn't be a nuisance anymore.

Duo returned to Relena, getting ready for one of her sad looks but when their eyes met, she started to snicker. Her snickers turned to giggles and when their eyes met a second time they both had another laughing fit that nearly put them both on the floor. Duo managed to get Relena into a chair, while he leaned against the wall

"Duo, don't get your tux dirty. That white will show every little thing. By the way, did I tell you that you look like sex on two feet in that thing?"

"Relena!"

"Well, I've got eyes. And it doesn't hurt to pay you a compliment once in a while. So just say 'thank you'."

"Thank you"

Relena managed to stay seated for most of the next thirty minutes, resting her feet and back. Duo stood against the wall and Shinagamied people. Very few had the nerve to cross that look, the few who did were either stupid or ex-military. The stupid, Relena got rid of, the ex-military said their say and walked off without a big fuss, letting Relena get seated quickly.

Finally Relena just gave up.

"Duo, dance with me. I want to dance, not sit around waiting for some jackass to come and annoy me with something that I've probably already said no to six times already. I'm tired of being Queen Relena, I just want to be Relena the girl who wants to waltz."

"Ok. I learned. Heero taught me."

"Heero knows how . . .why that . . ." Relena ground her teeth.

Duo snarled. "I'll get him. He learned how before Meteor. Stayed in those schools you know. Why?"

"Maybe he didn't want you to be jealous."

"Me? Stupid much. I got him. I'm too smart to be jealous. Just drives your loved one crazy."

Duo offered Relena his arm and led her to the dance floor. The orchestra struck up a waltz and they twirled across the floor, attracting groups of smiling people who stood on the sidelines watching two beautiful young people enjoying themselves.

Duo waltzed with the abandon with which he did everything else, guiding Relena in swooping twirls and gliding turns that made her skirts flair out in ripples around her ankles. His braid started to come undone, the end of it rippling in a mirror of Relena's skirts.

Finally after almost an hour of dancing, Relena called a halt saying that her feet really hurt and his braid was going to come all undone. "I don't want Heero giving me hell for having to brush it out for you."

"Yeah, but he doesn't really mind, he's always telling me you and I should share hair care tips. Hey!"

Duo grabbed Relena as she stumbled on the threshold of the patio doors. Relena grabbed back and swore. She'd managed to break the heel on her shoe. Duo just picked her up and carried her to the stone wall that surrounded the patio.

"Here! What the hell is wrong?"

"Oh, I broke a heel on these fuck me shoes. I don't like heels this high, but it was wear the heels or drag my hems. Ow!"

Duo pulled the offending shoes off and threw them into the nearby Lilly pond. He examined Relena's feet and wondered how she'd managed to dance with blistered feet.

"Son of a bitch. I couldn't have done that . . ."

"During the war?"

"Then I could have done anything I had to do. But now? I don't know."

"I'm still fighting the war. I have to see to it that fools don't waste the chances your sacrifices gave us."

"Well hell, here . . . " Duo got on his phone and called for a med. kit. After reassuring the other end that it was for blisters, he hug up and waited, examining her feet.

He reached up under her skirts, found the tops of her knee high stockings and just pulled them off, rolled them up in a ball and chucked them into a bush. He plucked a tiny flashlight from his pocket and got a good look at the blisters. She'd blistered the tops of her toes and both heels.

"Relena . . "

"Don't say it. I just fucking wanted to dance with someone who wasn't trying to talk me into some god damn stupid stunt or other that I've already turned down. Twice. You dance quite well and I liked dancing with you. You weren't dragging me around like a trailer or stepping on my feet. It was really nice. So shut up."

"Shutting up, ma'am. Here's the med kit. I'm gonna clean this mess up and I don't want you fussing at me."

"I'll fuss if I want."

"Stubborn."

"Look who's talking." Relena tipped her head back to look at the sky.

Duo cleaned her feet and put spray antiseptic on them while she hissed from time to time. He then gave her a lecture, ending up, "I don't care what you ought to do. She works for you not the other way around. If you don't want her giving your shoes away, tell her. After all, you wore that damn dress until you nearly strangled yourself to get into it. So shoes shouldn't be a problem. She's probably selling them on e-bay or something."

"You think?"

Duo nodded shortly and put things back in the med kit, then handed it off to a hovering servant. He leaned on the railing next to Relena and tried to see what she did

"What are you looking at?"

"I'm not sure. See that light . . . right there." Duo sighted along Relena's arm as she pointed to the light in question. "It's big enough to be a planet but I don't know which one."

"Not a planet, it's either L-3 or L-2 . . . from the trajectory . . . ummm . . . vector times . . . it's got to be L-3
only one that fits the algorithms."

"Huh? What the hell are you talking about?"

"From Earth there are certain times you can see each colony. And in order to figure out which one it is I had to do some math. You know. Launch trajectories and course calculations according to launch time and longitude and latitude. That sort of thing."

"You do all that in your head?"

"Sure. What the hell do you think happens if the computers go down?"

"You crash."

"Not me, thank you very much. I like my skin in as much one piece as I can keep it."

"Duo, you're incredible. I'm sorry I ever thought you were . . ."

"Quiet! Not another word. You're sorry! You've said it several times. It's time to quit."

Ok . . . oh! There! What's that?"

Duo shuddered slightly. "Meteor."

"Ugh. I wish . . . "

"Don't. It doesn't make it better. What if . . . could have been . . . all that is only wishful thinking. Look at it this way. I'm alive, we all are. I'm happy, I do a job that I like and that makes a difference, I've got family and good friends, present company included. Without the things I went through I probably would be a whore, or a corpse. So it's hot."

"I'm dropping it. Duo?"

"Hmm?"

"We're friends?"

"Yeah. If you wanna be."

"Good."

~ * ~

*Putt!*

"Not bad. Purse your lips a little more and kinda squinch your cheeks tighter. Like this." Duo demonstrated and hit the target dead on.

"I'm starting to go dry."

"Here. Take a sip out of this." Duo handed Relena a glass of water from which she took a sip and tried again.

"Good. You just missed this time. You're getting better."

Duo demonstrated again, then Relena tried and hit right on the target

Heero stood in the door for a moment, then limped out onto the patio and took in the sight of a credit coin on the ground with suspicious wet spots around it.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Relena took a sip from the glass and eyed her target carefully, it was close to Heero's foot but not too close. So she pursed her lips and spit. The wet splat of spittle and water hitting the target made Duo grin .

"Teaching me to spit."