The Hurting and the Pain

Why do I feel so alone?
I thought all my troubles had flown,
but it seems they are here to stay.
I wish they would go away.

As a child I would run away and hide,
all alone,while I cried.
In tears on my bed I would flop.
Oh how much I wanted it to stop.
I wanted to shout out my pain.
I tried to shout and scream again and again.
My tears were silent and kept inside.
I wish I could open my heart out wide.
A frightened child in the corner is curled up,
like a cowering newborn pup.
This child is me,I hurt so much.
Oh,why does he have to hurt me such.
He tells me he loves me,
how can this be?
When all he does is cause me pain,
by abusing me again and again.
I try to tell,but,then clam up,
I don't want the family to split up.
I know the responsibility is not mine.
But the power seems like it's mine.
Eventually I was able to tell,
about what I went through,which was hell.
Everyone was so nice,
but still I began to think twice.
My family didn't want to know.
Oh how they've hurt me so.
I wish they hadn`t rejected me.
How I miss my sisters,Fiona and Kirsty.
All alone and feeling scared,
after all the years I've despaired.
Nobody at all to turn to,
oh my family how I miss you!
My father, he is sent to jail,
Oh how I wish I could wail.
I didn@t want him to go there,
but what he did to me wasn't fair
Oh how much I want to cry,
but I can't no matter how much I try.
Oh how I really miss you all,
but you don't even write or call.
I go to visit him in jail,
but all I can do is cry and wail,
I don`t like seeing him like this,
things could be different is what I wish.
Oh how he's hurt me so,
but I still love him though.
Then he tells mum I'm a flirt,
oh how much I really hurt.
All the things that he did that were wrong,
were what I shut out for so long,
slowly the memories came back,
so them neatly away I can pack.
Nightmares are starting again,
reliving all the hurt and pain,
during the day on my mind they play,
how I wish they would go away.
Sometimes I feel depressed and sad,
because of the things he did that were bad,
I wish I could get them out of my brain,
and get rid of all the hurt and pain.
Then I start psychotherapy,
but this should be you,not me.
You were the one who committed the crime,
but I thought the fault was all mine.
Through therapy I worked out my guilt,
and all my worries out they spilt.
Maybe I`m not a bad person after all,
now I`m beginning to sort it all.
Talking it through is a problem I'm with,
some more time to myself I must give.
Slowly I begin to talk,
but I mustn't run before I can walk.
Soon I find I can cry,
Why did it happen to me,why? oh why?
So much of my childhood I did lose,
Thank God, my friends I can choose.
Friends have helped to keep me sane,
with them I can talk through my pain,
To them I say a big thankyou!
for helping me when I was blue.
Due to this a stronger person I became,
helping others is my aim.
Helping them to survive it to,
so they don`t suffer as I used to.