The Decemberists and SXSW
Well, Austin's big live music festival, SXSW is drawing to a close tonight. SXSW (= "South by Southwest") hits town every year and it always livens up the local music scene. Which is pretty lively to begin with.

KUT-FM, Austin's public radio station, has lots of bands come down to the station and play live sets on the air. During one of those programs last night I heard the Decemberists. I came soooo close to changing the car radio station as soon as I heard the first notes. The song was "The Soldiering Life," and it was in a "poppy" style that's usually very, very forgetable.

Blessedly, the lyrics made me hesitate. By the end of the song I was hooked. The light melody contrasted with and strangely complemented the intelligent lyrics. I can't really think of a description of the lyrics that does them justice. The same goes for the lyrics of another great song they sang about a bandit queen. The best I can come up with is something the late, great Johnny Cash said about a particular gospel song, "That's a great song. It's got a lot of meat on it." Decide for yourself; go to their record labels website www.killrockstars.com and scroll down to The Decemberists for a free mp3 of the song.

I wanted to go to their live set today at Buffalo Billiards but wasn't able to go in time. So I had to go to a music store on the Drag and settle for their lastest CD, Her Majesty. I've already listened to most of it, and I'm playing it straight through as I'm writing this. Of the songs on the CD, my favorite so far are "Soldiering Life" and "Shanty for the Arethusa."

When I was buying their CD, I got to hear a live performance (there all over the place during SXSW) by Flametrick Subs and Satan's Cheerleaders. They sang some hard driving hillbilly rock. The whole crowd, including me, really enjoyed them. I heard three or four of their songs, but I'll be damned if I remember the names or lyrics. The main thing I remember is the guy playing the bass. Bass or double bass or cello or something. You know, one of those instruments that look exactly like a violin would look if it had been accidently mutated into a giant, man-eating violin by secret Army A-bomb tests in the Nevada desert. Anyway, he's slapping the hell out of the strings of this giant whatever-it-was with his left hand when I suddenly realized he didn't have a left hand. Nothing from the wrist down. Wow. It made Django Reinhardt, the famous gypsy guitarist with all those missing fingers, look like a piker.

The only other thing that stands out in my mind from their performance was Satan's Cheerleaders. Three buxom women with very intelligent, lively eyes. And loads of tattoos. And red and black latex outfits with "666" on the fronts. And pom-poms.

Later in the day, I heard a woman from out of town talking to some guy with her about SXSW. She said, "We don't have anything like this in North Dakota."

In that one moment I decided I'm never moving to North Dakota.

Time flies when you're having fun
I got a tattoo on Tuesday (March 16th). It's an anchor on my right upper arm. I love it! Which is a damn good thing since I'm going to have it there for the rest of my life.

It didn't cost very much (lord knows I can't afford much), but it took over an hour of needlework. That's not a lot of time under the needle (a really large, intricate one can take several sessions). And like any new tattoo, I'm not supposed to expose it to sunlight for a few weeks. Which is a shame because I like it so much that I'm really looking forward to rolling my sleeve up in public.

It's a good thing
Hot damn! Martha Stewart -- goin' to the slammer! Convicted Friday on all four remaining counts. It's not really corporate accountability. But in Bush's America this is probably as close as we're likely to get.

There was an ironic note. After the verdict the Justice Department went through the usual chest thumping prosecutors do after a conviction. According to NPR, the prosecutors said that one of the messages the conviction sends is that people shouldn't even think about insider trading. When I heard that, I couldn't help remembering that they didn't even charge her with insider trading. The charge that came the closest to that was actually dropped by the prosecutors before the jury began deliberations.

I guess the lesson is if you commit insider trading and you leave a paper trail and you're an unsympathetic figure, then you may be going to jail.

Granted, it's not the strongest message in the world. But it's a good thing.

Job stress, depression, cigar addiction and . . . Santa!!!
I gave up cigars in December. But work's been so stressful and depressing lately that I've been fighting a major urge to smoke one for about a week. Unfortunately today I gave in.

Too tired right now to write much more tonight. I spent most of this evening searching for a job. Thank god the weekend's near.

Presidential campaign soon to turn vicious




Well, tonight it looks like it's going to be Bad Boy Bush v. Horsehead Kerry in November's Russian Cage Match.

Edwards is out of the race now due to being headbutted by Kerry. Unconfirmed reports indicate that the headbutt robbed Edwards of the ability to do math, read above a third grade education, exhibit any curiousity about any matter whatsoever, or control his bowel movements.

Unnamed White House sources said that they dodged a bullet when Edwards withdrew since his injuries would have made him the ultimate candidate against Bush. He now matches Bush exactly strength for strength with one exception: some Republicans feel that Edwards' uncontrollable bowel movements could have given him the edge.

Technically, Kucinich and Sharpton are still in. Fortunately we're talking about a technicality; we would be even more of a world disgrace if we let the midget Kucinch into that blood and gore filled cage later in the year. Sharpton's fat but he's streetwise so he'd have a chance of getting out of there alive, perhaps by laying under the dismembered body parts of the midget.

It's hard to even remember the midget and the fat man now. Why haven't they withdrawn yet? Probably they know one of America's biggest secrets -- after 9/11 President Bush signed an executive order allowing failed Democratic candidates to be hunted down. Soon Sharpton and Kucinich will join Dean and Gephardt crawling through the muck and mire near America's wastewater treatment plants to escape the German Shepherds straining at leashes held by Junior Leaguers on patrol.

Just one mother of all long shots -- the chimerical chance of wresting the skull-decorated scepter of office away from Bush's bloody talons. He was up to the task in Vietnam, but Bush took the long view. He blew off the military days, and then began recruiting an entourage of wrestling thugs and rodeo clowns. Every step of the way planned for years so that George W. Bush could finally claw and coldcock and gutcut his way to the office. Now that he's there, he'll fight even harder to keep his crib.

And just in case, take a look above at the picture of Bush's stealth weapon. Nader's not a stalking horse, he's a damn carnivorous steed galloping at you and taking massive bites out of your achilles tendons as you try to flee in vain. This year, beware the man with wrestlers and rodeo clowns but don't take your eyes off the horse with foamy pink blood on his muzzle.

Spongmonkeys are hilarious. We like the moon!
I honestly didn't get (nor like) the Quiznos subs commercial with those two weird, computer animated freaks singing about subs. Someone told me they're called "spongmonkeys". When I googled that term, I found the original, non-Quiznos webpage and I immediately loved it. The web site has nothing to do with sub restaraunts. I gather that when the webpage became a pop icon, its creator sold Quiznos on the idea they should be in a Quiznos commercial.


The spongmonkeys are hilarious. I love the webpage. I strongly recommend that you go to rathergood.com Once you're there, click on the spongmonkeys link in the entry for Thursday January 23.


Here are the lyrics for the original (funny) version of the song:

WE LIKE THE MOON!!

We like the moon
Coz it is close to us
We like the moon
But not as much as a spoon
Cos that’s more use for eating soup
And a fork isn’t very useful for that
Unless it has got many vegetables
And then you might be better off with a chopstick
Unlike the moon
It is up in the sky
It’s up there very high
But not as high as maybe
Dirigibles or zeppelins or light bulbs
And maybe clouds
And puffins also I think maybe they go quite high too
Maybe not as high as the moon
Coz the moon is very high
We like the moon
The moon is very useful everyone
Everybody like the moon
Because it light up the sky at night
And it lovely
And it makes the tide go
And we like it
But not as much as cheese
We really like cheese we like zeppelins
We really like them and we like kelp and we like moose
and we like deer and we like marmots
and we like all the fluffy animals
We really like the moon

Paganini lives
Did you ever feel that your whole life's in the toilet and you don't know how to jiggle the handle?

Yeah, I'm not that fond of jokes that read like a bumpersticker, but I thought that line up this evening, and what the hell, it's my web log. Just the fact that I'm thinking along those lines gives you an idea of my current outlook on life.

I heard on the classical radio station a few hours ago the cliche that the announcers often use about dead composers to drum up interest in a live event using the composers music. The line went "Paganini lives..." Wouldn't it be great if they'd spice it up by saying, "Paganini lives! Come see the reanimated corpse of Paganini this Saturday night at the Bass Concert Hall!"

I bet you'd get a much bigger crowd for my version. That's what's killing classical music -- not enough voodoo zombies.

My job, an Exquisite Corpse, and Super Green Beret
It's no surprise to any of my friends that I really, really hate my job and that it's getting me very down. I'm making a concerted effort not to whine about that in this web log. So I mention it not to whine, but to provide some background.

I came across a website with an Exquisite Corpse poetry generator. Random words flash by and you choose when to stop the program by hitting your browser's stop button. The result was an interesting line:

The drunken dog torments the rare boss

And even though I'm not much of a drinker, I thought the rest of the line was relevant. The best way to describe my current supervisor is "rare boss" as he's rarely there and even more rarely much of a supervisor. And the "torments" part is more of a fantasy than actuality. But, discrepencies aside, it is a nice line.

Some background about the game of Exquisite Corpse. I had heard that term for several years as the name of a poetry journal, and I had assumed that it was a purely random name (like the name of so many garage bands) that didn't refer to anything. Although the name was generated in a somewhat random fashion, it refers to a game that was popular among the Dadaists in the early part of the twentieth century. Here's the information on the name and how to play the game from the website I mentioned above:

Among Surrealist techniques exploiting the mystique of accident was a kind of collective collage of words or images called the cadavre exquis (exquisite corpse). Based on an old parlor game, it was played by several people, each of whom would write a phrase on a sheet of paper, fold the paper to conceal part of it, and pass it on to the next player for his contribution.

The technique got its name from results obtained in initial playing, "Le cadavre exquis boira le vin nouveau" (The exquisite corpse will drink the young wine). Other examples are: "The dormitory of friable little girls puts the odious box right" and "The Senegal oyster will eat the tricolor bread." These poetic fragments were felt to reveal what Nicolas Calas characterized as the "unconscious reality in the personality of the group" resulting from a process of what Ernst called "mental contagion."

It's a nice game, but that part about "unconscious reality" and "mental contagion" seems bloated with stupidity. "Mental contagion" seems like a term better used to explain why the Bush administration thought Iraq posed a threat to America that was urgent, gathering, and other really scary adjectives.

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Having forced a glimpse of my depression on the reader, I owe it to you to give you something amusing as well. This goes to the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. I literally laughed so much that at one point I was gasping for air.

Apparently there was a deservedly short-lived comic book in 1967 called "Super Green Beret." It honestly has to be the very, very worst written comic I have ever seen in my entire life. Someone scanned every panel from the first issue and posted them on his website so that you can experience the wonder yourself. (Note for parents: the web author's commentary does get mildly blue at times. But you might want to consider letting the tots see this comic since we live in times when the Bush adminstration expects the exact rah-rah attitude toward war that led to this horrible comic book. Consider it a humorous innoculation against war fever.)

Rumors
I should be hesitant to pass on more rumors since the one I wrote about earlier -- Kerry's mistress --appears to be false. Yep, should be hesitant. Yep.

But if I paid attention to "should" I'd be thin and rich. And I can't be having that. Soooooo, here we go.

First, there's a rumor that we've found where Osama Bin Laden is and have the area surrounded. Here's an excerpt from The Sunday Telegraph (UK):

"A BRITISH Sunday newspaper is claiming Osama bin Laden has been found and is surrounded by US special forces in an area of land bordering north-west Pakistan and Afghanistan.

The Sunday Express, known for its sometimes colourful scoops, claims the al-Qaeda leader has been 'sighted' for the first time since 2001 and is being monitored by satellite."

The full story in the Sunday Telegraph can be read here. I'd like to give you a link to the Sunday Express, but so far they haven't put the story online yet. Here's the link to their front page so you can try later.

I really hope this story is correct and we're close to capturing Osama. It would even be worth enduring a second Bush term. (Democrats will immediately understand what I mean. Republicans will only understand that in their heads and not their hearts -- but this is new?)

My impression of the Express is that it isn't the most reliable source in the world. But, there are some signs that bolsters the story's credibility. First, lately there have been a lot of statements by politicians and military personnel that we're very close to capturing Osama. Second, the story also fits with where military intelligence thought he would probably be. So, I'm inclined to believe it (although this may be a case of wishful thinking on my part).

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On a lighter note, there's a rumor going around about a certain Republican governor. Supposedly his wife has left him and is going to file for divorce. But the governor and his people are rumored to be begging her not to file...not so much to keep the marriage together but to keep a lid on what prompted her to leave. Let's just say it's not another woman. Hmmmm. Wish I could tell you more about whether this rumor is credible or not, but I honestly don't know.

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Looking back on today's entry, I see that I've indulged in the desire for revenge against Osama and I've just been petty towards a governor. So I've shown myself up as quite the hypocrite when you consider that my ideals are Jesus and Buddha. I think today's entry just delayed my spiritual enlightenment by several years, so I hope you enjoy reading it.

Madge has passed away
Jan Miner died this month at the age of 86. She was the actress who played Madge on those old Palmolive ads. Remember? "You're soaking in it." (I put this item here mainly for the benefit of Bob, since I strongly doubt that the BBC will mention it. And wouldn't it be oddly received if they did?)

I'm watching "Fiddler on the Roof" as I type this. I'm finding it almost impossible not to type in rhythm to the music. (Right now Topol is singing "If I were a rich man.")

Which reminds me, one of the haiku websites I sometimes visit had some interesting links. I haven't checked out the one labeled "cybergeek haiku" yet, but I did click on "Jewish haiku." I can't give credit for them because they appeared to be anonymous. (If anyone does know who wrote them, please let me know). Technically these are probably senryu rather than haiku, but why quibble? Here are a few.


Like a bonsai tree,

your terrible posture at

my dinner table.



Left the door open.

for the Prophet Elijah.

Now our cat is gone.



Today I am a man.

Tomorrow I will return

to the seventh grade.



"Can't you just leave it?"

the new Jewish mother asks --

umbilical cord.



The next one is my personal favorite. Not only is this poem witty, but the first part even manages to sound like a Japanese haiku.


Wet moss on the old

stones. Lying in the

grass, I ponder who to sue.