It was now about 10:00a.m and we were both slowly waking to the sound of an argument in the hall.
"What is that?" Alissa asks groggily as she rolls over to see the time.
"Sounds like yelling," I answer, half asleep.
Alissa sits up. "It sounds like AJ!" She gets up and opens the door a crack to see what's going on.
The voices pour into the room:
"Nick, just piss off, man. I'm not having this conversation with you when you're like this!" A.J's voice booms.
"You don't think I deserve an explanation, A.J?!" Nick yells. "You fucked up the best thing in my life and you don't think I deserve an explanation?!"
"I'm not explaining shit to you when you're in my face like this," A.J. replies angrily.
Hearing the hurt in Nick's voice, a tear rolls down my cheek.
Alissa pokes her head out the door. "I know you're both upset, but keep it down would you? You're going to wake the whole building," she says.
"Is Ally in there?" Nick asks.
Alissa nods.
Nick takes a deep breath and calms himself down.
"Come with me," he says to A.J. in a calm yet firm voice, trying to prove his compossure so that A.J. will talk with him. Nick walks down the hall towards Alissa's room.
A.J. sighs, clearly frustrated, but follows Nick.
"Nick, you're upset, are you sure this is a good idea -" Alissa asks, as they both reach the room.
"Liss, let me talk to her," Nick says sternly.
"Alright," Alissa replies.
Nick and A.J. come into the room and I sit up, still in bed.
"You OK?" Alissa asks.
"Yeah," I reply softly.
"I'm going to go downstairs to the restaurant and get the room key. Howie and I will be in Brian's room if you need me," she says before turning to leave.
After Alissa leaves, the room is silent for a moment.
"Nick, what do you want? Let's just get this over with," A.J. says.
"I want an explanation," Nick says coldly, looking directly at me.
"Last night you said you didn't want an explanation," I reply quietly.
"I changed my mind. You changed your mind about which Backstreet Boy you wanted to be with... Surely I can change my mind about wanting an explanation," he says hurtfully.
More tears stream down my cheeks. "Nick that's not true. I didn't change my mind about anything."
He doesn't answer, but sits down in a chair across from the bed. A.J. takes a seat in a chair a few feet away. I get up, throw on my hooded sweatshirt and sit at the foot of the bed.
"I can't just let you leave without knowing what happened... I need to know," he says sounding hurt and angry.
"What exactly do you want me to say?" I ask him, sadness overwhelming me.
"I want you both to tell me exactly what went on between you two. Every tiny detail." He looks to A.J.
A.J. sighs deeply. "I guess I should start..."
"When did you first decide you were going to try to steal my girl?" Nick asks cuttingly.
"Man, it wasn't like that," A.J. responds, clearly exhausted. "I never wanted to steal her."
"Really? So then what exactly were you trying to accomplish?" Nick asks accusingly.
A.J. takes a deep breath and begins to explain. "I started to have feelings for Ally a couple weeks before you two came to stay at the condo," he begins, looking at the ground. "I never meant to act on those feelings, and I never even meant to tell her, because you two were together," he continues. "But when you guys came to stay at the condo and things weren't going so well between Carolyn and I, I just felt really drawn to Ally... and I messed up. Things got out of hand." A.J. looks at Nick. "I'm sorry, man."
Nick doesn't reply, his face a clear mixture between rage and sadness. He turns to me.
"How did you find out?" he asks me.
I sigh deeply, preparing myself to reveal the secrets A.J. and I had kept for so long.
"We were sitting on the couch at the condo," I begin. "You and Carolyn had gone out to get a movie. We were just talking and A.J. leaned in to kiss me," I explain as tears escape my eyes.
Nick rubs his face with his hands, obviously having a hard time hearing the truth. "And you let him kiss you?" he asks, fighting back tears.
I just nod silently.
"Why?" Nick asks, almost inaudibly.
"I don't know, Nick. I was confused."
"You were in love with him?" he asks, dreading the answer.
"I don't know," I reply simply. "I did have feelings for him, but it was never even close to what I feel for you."
"So why do it then?" he asks, sounding angry. "Why put me through all this if your feelings weren't even that strong?!"
"I don't know," I cry. "I wish I could take it back, Nick, but I can't."
Nick wipes a tear away and looks back at A.J. "Was that the only time?"
A.J. breathes in deeply, reluctant to answer. "No," he begins. "There was one other time... while you were out looking at houses, " he explains.
Nick shakes his head in disgust. "Did you ever come close to sleeping together?" he asks bluntly.
"No, Nick, I swear!" I reply.
"We didn't man, honestly."
"And I'm just supposed to believe that? I'm supposed to take you both at your word after you've lied to me for months?!" he yells.
"It's the truth, Nick," I say pleadingly.
"I asked you point blank on the bus whether anything had ever happened between you two and you looked right into my eyes and said no! That was supposed to be the truth too, wasn't it Ally?!"
"I was scared, Nick! Because I knew what happened between me and A.J. was a huge mistake and I knew I could lose you over it! I was scared that if you knew the truth it would tear us apart and that's why I lied!" I explain emotionally.
"You thought lying to me was a better solution? Wow, you're so not who I thought you were."
As he speaks I can feel my heart breaking. "Nick, don't say that," I say as tears stream down my face. "You know me better than anyone... I just made a mistake."
Nick looks into my eyes and behind the anger I see warmth and I know despite everything, it hurts him to see me cry.
"When you overheard A.J. and I talking last night, I was telling him that I was going to tell you everything," I say quietly.
"A little too little too late, Ally," Nick says coldly.
"Do you still have feelings for her?" he asks, turning to A.J.
A.J. pauses before answering. "I don't know," he replies quietly.
Nick inhales deeply, trying to calm himself down. "You don't know?!"
"I don't know, man!" A.J. responds angrily.
"Do you still have feelings for him?" Nick asks, looking into my eyes.
"Not as more than a friend, no," I reply.
A.J. looks hurt by my response but says nothing.
"Are you telling the truth?" Nick asks frankly.
"Nick, yes," I answer, feeling a bit flustered that he doesn't seem to believe anything I say.
We all sit quietly for a moment, then Nick breaks the silence.
"I don't want you two to be friends anymore," he says sternly.
A.J. and I look at each other, a bit shocked by what Nick has just said.
"I don't want you two to speak to each other," he says firmly.
"Nick, man, don't you think that's a bit harsh?" A.J. protests.
"No, I really don't," Nick says sharply.
"Whatever man," A.J. says angrily, standing up. "I'm out of here." He leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.
"So what does this mean?" I ask once A.J. is gone.
"I don't know." He pauses. "I need to think. For now I think you should catch your flight back to Florida and go back to the house. I need some space for a couple days," he explains.
"OK."
I stand up and look into his eyes. He stands up and we embrace tightly.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, tears streaming down my face.
Nick sighs. "I know," he replies, kissing my forehead.