New Direction
Episode 1 of the “Quinn the Nonconformist” series
by Jill Palmer
jill@mail.one.net
Summary: Sandi kicks Quinn out of the Fashion Club. Daria notices something is wrong, and offers to teach Quinn the ways of the nonconformist. See what happens to Daria, Quinn, Jane, and the FC when she accepts...
(Notes: The Eeyore quotes Quinn uses are from Winnie-the-Pooh, in the story where it’s Eeyore’s birthday. You know, the one with “Cottleston Pie” in it. Also I have included lyrics if I want them. I’ll be getting the rest of the series out ASAP. Enjoy.)
(Scene: Griffin living room, Thursday evening. Music: “Push” by Matchbox 20. This is a Fashion Club meeting turned battle. Stacy is hyperventilating, and Tiffany is showing potential relapse signs into her “think?” trance from “She Was All That”. If you haven’t read that story yet, you’ll know what I’m talking about soon. ANYWAY, Sandi pulls the fight/meeting to a close rather harshly.)
Music: Around this point, the chorus should be starting: I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will/I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will/I wanna take you for granted, I wanna take you for granted/yeah, yeah, well I will
Sandi: Quinn Morgendorffer, I hereby put you on a fashion sabbatical.
Quinn: (shocked) For... for how long?
Sandi: For... until I say you’re back in! This meeting is closed.
(Quinn storms out the door in tears, Stacy collapses, and Tiffany wanders out the door, fully into her trance.)
Tiffany: Um... think? (runs into door) Ow... think... think...
(Sandi slumps onto the couch.)
Sandi: I’ve been meaning to do that for a while.
(Scene: Morgendorffer kitchen, Friday morning. Music: “Girl Like That” by Matchbox 20 (yeah, yeah, I know, again!).All family members except Quinn are at the table carrying out their usual morning activities. Speaking of Quinn, she trudges in, wearing the black turtleneck from “Quinn the Brain” and her otherwise normal outfit.)
Jake: Morning, kiddo.
Quinn: (depressed) Good morning. (pause, this is one of those Eeyore quotes) If it *is* a good morning. (pause) Which I doubt.
(The other three family members look at her, Helen and Jake in shock and concern, Daria in her usual deadpan. Breakfast is finished in silence.)
(Scene: Daria and Quinn walking to school.)
Daria: All right. Spill. What’s wrong?
Quinn: (still depressed) Oh, nothing. We can’t all, and some of us don’t. That’s all there is to it.
Daria: Hold on a minute there, Princess Grace. You only read Winnie-the-Pooh when you’re depressed. You must be especially depressed to be quoting Eeyore so freely. Spill. And tell the truth. What’s wrong?
Quinn: You know the Fashion Club meeting last night?
Daria: What concern is this event to my life?
Quinn: Sandi put me... on sabbatical.
Daria: For how long?
Quinn: Indefinitely.
Daria: So basically, she’s kicked you out. You are now directionless, friendless, and quoting Eeyore at random.
Quinn: How’d you guess the friendless part?
Daria: It was obvious. Sandi is such a tyrant she’d kick out the other two for showing any sign of friendship. She should consider being a high school principal. Anyway, the other way I could tell is *you* have to be really desperate to talk to your sister.
Quinn: So could you maybe help me?
Daria: I refuse to do a repeat of the heart-to-heart we had over the plastic surgery, but keep what I said then in mind. (thinks) If you’re interested, I could teach you the ways of the nonconformist.
Quinn: What, and dress like *you*?
Daria: I never said that. You’d have to dress a bit out of your norm, but you’re kicked out of the Fashion Club anyway, so who cares? Besides, I can tell you want to tell Sandi to take a nice long cruise on the River Styx. I can help you with that.
Quinn: There’s absolutely no pressure to accept, right?
Daria: It’s your choice, but my offer expires as of Monday. Make your choice fast.
(Scene: LHS cafeteria. Quinn is sitting by herself. Stacy comes over and sits across from her.)
Stacy: Hi Quinn.
Quinn: Hi. Are you sure Sandi won’t kick you out for talking to me?
Stacy: I resigned. When I woke up last night - I passed out again - I asked Sandi when your sabbatical was over, and...
Quinn: She said never, right?
Stacy: Yeah. I always liked you better anyway. You wouldn’t yell at me for making a suggestion. Until Sandi yelled at me anyway.
Quinn: True. (gets up) See you around.
Stacy: ‘Bye.
(Scene: LHS corridors. Music: “Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper. Daria is at her locker.)
Quinn: (O.S.) Daria!
Daria: What?
Quinn: (hesitant) I... accept your offer. And I was wondering, could you take on an extra trainee?
Daria: Depends on who it is. Who’d you have in mind?
Quinn: Stacy Rowe. She told me at lunch she resigned from the club ‘cause Sandi told her I wasn’t getting back in.
Daria: All right, but it comes at a price.
Quinn: State your terms.
Daria: Don’t ever call me your cousin when talking to anyone.
Quinn: Deal.
Daria: Is Stacy the artsy type?
Quinn: I think so, why?
Daria: Because Jane could train her way better if that’s the case. Tell her to come over to our house tomorrow at noon. I’ll get Jane over there then too. We’ll start your training then.
Quinn: All right. Thanks!
(Scene: split screen, Daria and Jane.)
Jane: So Fashion-Slaves-R-Us is down to two members?
Daria: Yep. And what’s even weirder is the reason I’m calling you. Quinn and Stacy want training in the way of the cynic.
Jane: How fast this world changes.
Daria: Stacy resigned when she found out Quinn was put on a permanent sabbatical.
Jane: And you are dragging me into this because?
Daria: Quinn thinks that Stacy might be the artsy type. You cover her, and I’ll see if I can get Princess Grace to write her own paper for once.
Jane: But first, of course, the group training.
Daria; How right you are. Hanging up now. (back to one screen) Hey Quinn!
Quinn: (O.S.) What?
Daria: When you call Stacy tell her to bring her boots with her!
Quinn: Okay!
(Scene: Morgendorffer living room. Music: “Something Ain’t Right” by David Byrne. Quinn and Stacy occupy one couch, and Daria and Jane occupy the other.)
Daria: Now that everyone’s here, we can start your training. When Jane and I think you’ve got it covered, we’ll split into groups and work on your creative outlet.
Jane: And now for the basics of being a nonconformist.
Daria: Rule one. Avoid bouncy hair, makeup, and “cute” or “trendy” clothes at all costs. Combat boots are optional, but also a very good idea.
Jane: Rule two. Don’t talk or act bubbly.
Daria: Unless you’re on a caffiene rush.
Jane: Touché.
Daria: Rule three. Eat normal food. This includes leaving the cheese *on* the pizza when you order it.
Jane: Rule four. Watch some gross TV once in a while. It’s good for you. Sick Sad World is our recommended source.
Daria: Rule five. This is not the Fashion Club. Use your brain. You must have one, if you’re here.
Jane: That’s everything. Did you get all that?
Quinn: I think so. No bouncy hair, makeup, or trendy clothes, don’t be bubbly, eat normal food. Stacy, you try the last two.
Stacy: Okay... um... watch gross TV, and... use your brain?
Jane: Congratulations! You got them all right.
Daria: (deadpan) Tell them what they’ve won.
Jane: You’ve won a new outfit for each of you.
Quinn and Stacy: (in unison, deadpan) Don’t I feel special.
(Scene: Daria’s room. Music: “Falls Apart” by Sugar Ray. Daria and Jane are holding new outfits for Quinn and Stacy.)
Daria: For Quinn, we found a nice green pullover sweatshirt with a black
t-shirt to go underneath.
Quinn: What about pants?
Daria: Get them from your “Brains Morgendorffer” outfit.
Quinn: Okay. (goes to her room to change)
Jane: And for Stacy, we have a blue t-shirt, a black skirt, and I belive you have your own boots. Right?
Stacy: Right.
Jane: Good. Put those on too.
Stacy: Great. (goes to bathroom to change)
Jane: Why did you offer to help your sister anyhoo?
Daria: Two reasons. If I had to listen to her quoting Eeyore long enough, I’d go crazy. Also, I may have saved her from commiting suicide.
Jane: Are you sure you wanted to do that?
Daria: I would’ve been on a permanent guilt trip if I hadn’t done *something*.
(Quinn and Stacy enter, the latter carrying her old outifit.)
Jane: (mocking tone) Is that bouncy hair I see, Quinn?
Daria: (deadpan) Gasp!
Quinn: It won’t debounce. I’m working on it.
Daria: Good. Now for the groups. Quinn and I will stay here. Jane and Stacy will go to Casa Lane.
Jane: Roger Wilco. Come on, Stacy, let’s go. (they exit)
(Scene: Morgendorffer kitchen. Daria and Quinn are sitting across from each other, a sizeable stack of papers in front of each.)
Daria: You are probably wondering why you’re here. A vague answer is creative writing. If you want to get specific, I’m not writing your papers anymore.
Quinn: (has cut the “bouncy” act by this point) Because I’m on the nonconformist side now, right?
Daria: (raised eyebrow) Damn straight. Anyway, tell me something you have to write about for school.
Quinn: Well, in English we have to write our own version of a fairy tale.
(Daria flips through her stack of papers, pulls one out, and hands it to Quinn.)
Daria: You know the time I babysat for you?
Quinn: Yeah.
Daria: I came up with these as bedtime stories.
Quinn: So *these* are the stories you told them. Cool.
Daria: Try coming up with one of your own. It’s easy. You just have to throw the right twist into the plot.
Quinn: Sarcastically ever after. I’ll try.
Daria: I’m gonna go see how Jane’s managing. Have fun.
(Scene: El Cuarto de Jane - or, to you non-Spanish speakers, Jane’s room. Music: “The Old Apartment” by Barenaked Ladies. Jane and Stacy are painting. Someone (gosh, I wonder who) knocks on the door.)
Jane: Yo!
(Daria enters.)
Daria: How goes the art lesson?
Jane: Stacy’s almost got it down cold. I think she knew most of it going in. How about writing?
Daria: Quinn’s catching on pretty quick. Said she had to rewrite a fairy tale for English, so I showed her the ones we made up for the Gupty kids.
Jane: Sarcastically ever after.
Daria: That’s what Quinn said. (pause) Feel up to pizza after this?
Jane: Sure. The trainee’s first taste of cheese. (smirk, smirk)
Daria: I better see how Quinn’s doing. Come over when you’re done, both of you.
Jane: Roger Wilco.
(Scene: Morgendorffer kitchen. Music plays on. Quinn is still sitting at the table. Daria enters.)
Daria: You got any good stuff yet?
Quinn: Yep. I came up with a great makeover of “Snow White”.
Daria: (raised eyebrow) Really? What happens?
Quinn: Mostly unchanged until the part where the queen goes after revenge. She takes a sledgehammer to Snow White, putting her in a deep coma and causing the queen herself to have a heart attack and keel over. The dwarves do every single loud thing on the face of the earth to try and wake Snow White up. A year later, the dwarves are all worn out when the prince *finally* shows up. He kisses Snow White, who promptly wakes up and slaps him because he’s late for their date. Upon finding out the queen is dead, she goes home and takes over.
Daria: Sarcastically ever after, all right. You’ve got this down cold! (pause) Jane said she’s up for pizza.
Quinn: Cool. When?
Daria: She and Stacy are coming up here when the art lesson’s over.
(The front door is heard opening and shutting.)
Jane: (O.S.) Yo!
Quinn and Daria: (in unison) Guess the art lesson’s over.
(They look at each other, surprised, and smirk.)
(Scene: Pizza King. Music: “Deep As You Go” by October Project. Daria and Jane occupy one side of a booth, and Quinn and Stacy are on the other.)
Daria: Welcome to the world of the nonconformist, girls. In joint effort, you have completed a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.
Quinn: I almost hope the remains of the Fashion Club come in. (evil grin) I brought my story. It’s bound to gross them out.
(As if on cue, Sandi and Tiffany enter. Sandi orders and Tiffany goes to pick a seat, but stops short upon seeing Quinn and Stacy.)
Tiffany: Oh... my... God...
Sandi: (O.S.) Tiffany, get a seat already! What are you staring at, anyway?
Tiffany: (“deer in headlights” look) Come... look...
(Sandi enters and stops next to Tiffany.)
Sandi: (same look as Tiffany) They’ve... turned into... Fashion Don’ts! (snaps out of it, to Quinn) Um, Quinn, I’ll consider letting you back in the club if you, like, overhaul your outfit or something.
Quinn: (perfect imitation of Daria, all she need is the glasses to look right) Excuse me?
Sandi: (shocked, this isn’t the answer she was expecting) Like, your postition and everything, you know. Just get, like, your old outfit back, or whatever.
(Quinn pulls some papers out of her pocket, obviously her “Snow White” makeover. She writes something on the back and hands the entire story to Sandi.)
Quinn: Read it. I wrote a note on the back for you.
(Sandi takes the paper from Quinn and starts reading.)
Sandi: Eww!
(She continues and finishes the story, then turns it over to read Quinn’s note.)
Quinn: (V.O. of note) Sandi, I have no further interest in the Fashion Club. My sister Daria (*yes*, I said sister) has shown me using your brain has actual possibilities. Stacy is my friend, and has informed me she plans to stay that way. To make a long story short, go to hell, Sandi. Take Tiffany with you. You don’t need any brains in the club. Maybe if you used yours, I wouldn’t have had to tell you. Quinn.
(Sandi just stands there for about 30 seconds, and expression of shock on her face. She eventually thrusts the paper back at Quinn.)
Sandi: (fuming) You... you... you too! All of you! Come on, Tiffany, we’re leaving!
(Sandi drags Tiffany out the door, not even stopping to think (OXYMORON!) about their pizza. Silence descends on Daria & Co.’s booth. Daria breaks it.)
Daria: I don’t know what you wrote on there, but well done, sis.
Quinn: (slight blush) Thanks.
Jane: Can I see it?
(Quinn hands over the paper, note side up. Jane reads it, her expression going from raised eyebrows to a smirk to an evil grin.)
Jane: Well managed, Quinn. Well managed.
(Jane passes the paper to Daria. She is expressionless as she reads until the end, at which point she smirks.)
Daria: Well done. I didn’t think you’d ever be able to tell her that. (pause) We’ll work on subtlety later, but not bad for a first timer.
Jane: Whoops, look at the time. We’d better head to our respective casas. Stacy, keep working on that artistic urge. You’ll be great if you keep it up.
Stacy: I sure will. Thanks for helping me. (she exits)
Jane: I’ll take this home. I seriously doubt there’s any other food at Casa Lane. (she exits)
Daria: Well, I guess we’d better be heading home.
Quinn: Daria?
Daria: That’s my name, don’t wear it out.
Quinn: I just wanted to say... thanks for everything... sis.
Daria: Don’t mention it.
(They both break into identical Mona Lisa smirks.)
END
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