So, as any other male in this arena can imagine, I'm in a good amount of pain. And, it's a good thing it was so damn loud in that arena, cuz I let out a pretty high-pitched shreek. I'm not ashamed to admit that, but I am glad nobody heard it. And just as my voice reaches octaves Mariah Carey would envy, that lil bastard Trent Barretta huffed and puffed and blew my country ass over the rope. Now, I know I grew up in the country, but I have to believe that it's common raising etiquette to teach your little boy you don't hit someone in the junk. That's just somethin you don't do. And, in my eye, what Barretta did is pretty much the same thing. That's a cheap shot, I don't care what you say. I mean, I get it. When you go and look back at the entire match, Baretta takes the easy way out the entire time. He has to team up to eliminate Goldberg. And he took advantage of a tremendous Irish Whip from another competitor (Storm shows a cheap grin) to eliminate his broski. So, he needs help to eliminate one guy, steals the thunder to eliminate his ally, and then cheap shots me to knock me out. That makes pretty much makes Trent one of the worst people in this company. And this company is run by Wes Ikeda. And now HE'S the one competin for the Breakout Title at wrestlemania. Not The Cowboy James Storm. The guy that knocked that Bleach Blond Zilger's ass over the top rope, AND who whipped Ryder over top AND, who technically eliminiated myself. Yes, I know I'm splitter hairs, but I'll take it. Yes, that does make me a dumbass, but never claimed to be a rocket scientist. So, I'll be honest with you, I hope Curt Hawkins whips his ass, because I don't want to work for a company that is championed by a guy like Barretta.
But, that's life. You move on. Which brings me to tonight: Warfare. There are many sayins that could be said to describe the situation I now find myself in. Off the top of my head, you've got "Everything happens for a reason." When one door closes, another opens." "A bird in the hand is easier than skinnin a cat." Pick one. But, it all means the same thing. My great performance at Fallout, despite the loss, has earned me another shot and havinn a shot at a title. I think... did I say that right? I confused myself on that one. What I mean to say is the powers that be see it fit to put me in a match for the #1 contendership for the IC Title. Which, last time I check, is a better title than the Breakout. So, I guess it all works out in the end.
, not only do the suits in the back put me up for the IC title, they put me up against the man I eliminated at Fallout, Dolph Zigler, and EBWF's resident meth head, Jeff Hardy. Now, I know a lot of you are probably wondering why I in such high spirits. Hell, I just beat my last match and I'm now 0-1 here in the EBWF. Now, all of that is true, and yes I have every right to be moping around like someone just broke my favorite toy. But, I'm not that kind of person. There's one thing I learning in the rodeo circuit and that's not everybody rides everytime. You're going to get bucked off, that's just the way it is. Now, I know we're in Ohio, so y'all probably don't know much about bull riding, but the best riders only cover 50% of the time. Hell, last years world champion, Silvano Alves didn't get a scored ride until the 5th event of the season.
Crickets could be heard throughout the arena
Storm takes another drink from his beer and waits for a crowd to quiet down.
Point bein, you can't win 'em all. Hell, this is a city that should understand that. (the boos start up again) You see what I did there? You see that.... Don't start that up again. Look, you can't win 'em all. And when you get bucked off, you've got to dust yourself off and get back on again. And this time, get a ride.
Which brings me back to tonight with Dolph and Jeff. Look, I know Jeff Hardy used to be a world champion. I know he has legions of fans and little kids who wear the holy arm things and paint their faces to be like their favorite superstar. But you people need to see Jeff for what he really is: a joke. He was the world champion back when the owner of the company was banging his sister and best friends with his brother in law. Of course Jeff Hardy was the world champion, he had Wes Ikeda in his back pocket. But, now Shannon Moore has a broken back and who knows where Lita is? She's probably face down in a ditch, knowing Ikeda's family heretige. And Jeff is back to jobbing every other month when he needs a paycheck to help fund his habit.
Doesn't anybody wonder why nobody has seen Hardy since Christmas? Do you wonder why he always seems to get a good amount of momentum going and seems primed to make another title push, but then just disappears? The guy is a drug addict. This EBWF is just another way for him to make money until his next score. Then he gets strung out and ends up in an alley not knowing where he is. I've heard many rumors that he's OD'ed at least 4 times and has be clincally dead twice. Yeah, I bet you parents are rethinking the Jeff Hardy tshirts you bought yous kids last Christmas.
Look, Hardy is full of talent. I'll admit that. But it takes more than talent to make it in this buisness. That lockerroom is full of kids who have talent oozing from them, waiting for their shot to make it big. But they have something Hardy doesn't, and that's a love for the buisness. To Hardy, wrestling will always be second fiddle to his additction. It will never be the most important thing to him, and, therefore, will never be something he sees prolonged success in. He'll show up for a few months and entertain you all and sell a lot of tshirts. But, before long, he'll dissappear again where his desire for a belt will be replaced by a desire for a needle.
Then there's Adolph Zigler, EBWF's resident Neo Nazi. I know that's a joke, but look at the guy. The bleached hair and pale skin; he's got Hitler Youth written all over him. He's the poster child for the Master Race.
There's not much to say about this kid that hasn't been said in World War 2 videos or my last promo. He's really kinda the opposite of Jeff Hardy when you think about it. The kid has talent and I believe he has a love for the business, and as far as I know he isn't a fiender. But, he just doesn't go about things the right way. He expects everything to be handed to him. So far, the only thing I've seen handed to him is his own ass when I put him on the matt at Fallout.
This kid is exactly what's wrong with today's society. He cuts his internet videos where he says all these things about his opponents from the safety of his own home. You see, where I grew up, we didn't have youtube, or twitter, or any other digital outlet to let out your feelings. We came out here and said things in public, where if you pissed someone off, they'd come out and tell you. They wouldn't write you an angry e-mail or post a video reply. If someone was in this ring talking shit about me, I'd come out here and whip his ass. And as far as I know, there isn't an e-ass whippin, so Dolph can hide behind his webcam and IP address.
Dolph, I don't know why you keep up this "Show Off" gimmick. The only thing you've shown me is how to take a bumb, because you're spending an awfull lot of time on your back. You bleached haid and fancy pants only get you so much attention. Eventually, you have to Show The World that you can throw down inside this 20 x 20 ring. And, I'll tell you boy, I don't think you have it in you.
You see, Dolph, you be considered the future of the EBWF. And Jeff, you may be the resurgence of the legends. But after Warfare y'all are both going to end up being another name to add to my biography. Sorry About Your Damn Luck
