Nirvana.
It was one of those summer days where the heat swallowed everything whole. The waves swelled and crashed against the sand, and collapsed over my feet as I walked along the beach.
I was alone, watching the water eat up the sun. I closed my eyes and fell into the wind, caught up in the sound of the surf and the coolness of the seaspray on my skin, allowing the ocean to consume me the way it devoured the rest of the day.
I could almost hear the music of your smile, the way you used to look at me as if I were a dream, likely to fade into nothingness if you were stirred at the wrong moment, and leaving you with no recollection of me once you awoke.
I overheard the laughter in your eyes, and your apparition was so real I could reach for your hand and it would be solid, a palm within my own.
But you withered and faded and became nothing in my grasp. That was you- always so elusive that I knew not if you were real or a nagging whisper in my brain.
A tear made a black mark in the yellow sand beneath my feet. I could never understand how you could be standing in front of me one second, and in that second I would have everything, but the waves would break and you would leave and I would be left with nothing.
I never see you the way I used to. Sometimes, I think I see you in the grocery store, but then you turn around and they’re not wearing your face. I’ve gone by your house, but I don’t hear your laughter there anymore.
Ever since that day the waves swallowed you whole as I watched, I have been dreaming I could make this right, if I closed my eyes and tried with all my might to find you in the endless expanse of nirvana beneath the waves that nip at my feet.
