Bringer of Chaos
The Evil One's Blog
April 22, 2003: Seemingly, I have more time to do something today. Sure, I need to study for my test tomorrow, but heck, when do I EVER do homework on time? Never, I say. Anyway, I got self conscious today, and I'm not exactly sure why... I'm going through soo many moods this week. The Deja vu thing is getting more intense. I used to have 3-5 deja vu series a day, but now, this week and past few days have been doubling the act. And over 70% of the tiem I get these insights I receive one of those stomach-lurching feelings. Now, I'm doing topsy-turvy. @__@ Talk about your average psychic girl, right? Next thing you know, I'll be reading someone's future for them just by looking at them! *rolls eyes* Oh well... I can have them pay me for it, right? *wink* ;)
April 21, 2003: No real words today... Just mixed emotions... One would think that maybe I'm having a breakdown, but ... *shrug* I dunno... maybe I am. There are so many songs that relate to me right now... One is "Nobody's Listening" from Meteora by Linkin Park, another is all these songs from Evanescence. Gosh.... *sighs heavily* Damnit, I even have lines of shit poetry going through me...
First I'll start with the song going through me right this second: "Tourniquet" by Evanescence: I tried to kill the pain / but only brought more / I lay dying / And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal / I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming / Am I too lost to be to be saved / Am I too lost? / My God my tourniquet / Return to me my salvation / My God my tourniquet / Return to me my salvation / Do you remember me / Lost for so long / Will you ve on the other side / Or will you forget me / I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming / Am I too lsot to be saved / Am I too lost? / (I want to die!) / My God my tourniquet/ Return to me salvation / My God my tourniquet/ Return to me salvation / My wounds cry for the grave / My sould cries for deliverance / Will I be denied Christ / Tourniquet / My Suicide /
And now for the crappy poem...
Crying... tears of pain / Falling... into eternity / Wounds... never healing / Blood... ever flowing / How many times must I remember the pain? / How many times must I feel the torture? / Five-thousand tears I've cried / Forever and longer I fall / Death and after awaits me / I know hurt too well / Catch me as I fall... / I don't know how to stop it all / They're calling, screaming... / For me... / Fallen angels are at my feet / They're screaming for me... /
Blood stains every part of me / Cries of anguish echo in my ears / Whispered voices all around me / I feel so hollow and empty / Too confused and scared / Too afraid and unknowing / I can't find myself... / I'm lost and wounded / I'm lost and confused... / Help me...
April 18, 2003: Good Friday. I'm better than the last time I wrote in this damn thing. (If you even call it "writing.") Anyway, I'm off today, but not Monday. I wonder, which is better? A Monday off or a Friday off? ... Friday I guess... I'm starting (yet another) fanfic and adding it to my useless collection of stories on my numerous disks... Heck, I only have ONE disk for homework, but about twelve or so for the rest of my junk that ISN'T homework or school-related!! You'd wonder where'd I'd gotten all these disks from, right? Tch. Actually, I took them from my sister, but you don't need to know that. ... Moving on now... I have a bunch of homeowrk to do, and I STILL haven't gotten my haircut! Dang! And I've been asking and asking for someone to take me! (No, I don't have a car yet...) All they say is "maybe later" or "I don't have time" or something of that sort when they hell DO have time to take me to get a damn haircut that'll only take but a minute or so to do! ... Okay, so maybe not a minute since I'm chopping off several inches, but anyway, it's just a snip of the scissors and you're done! Sure, I asked that maybe they could do it themselves for me, save gas and all, but NOOOOOO... They won't! Gosh! ... And all I wanted was a damn haircut... -___-'' Now I wunna blow something up... But Apparently, I can't do it really, only artificially, so... games it is! *rushes toward the PS2* Off I go!!
April 13, 2003: Talk about hectic... "Nobody's Listening" from Meteora by Linkin Park so relates to me. Yesterday, no one was listening to me, they were purposely putting me in wrong places so that I'd get confused and get in the way, and then when I wasn't in the way and doing my own business, people just hafta bug me and raise hell in my territory: my room. *walks around, sulking* Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.... *looks around, expression dull* Boring boring boring... Too many people in my house... Too much hell... too much... too much... Blah blah blah blah... And I have yet to put up the Games section for the FF 7 and 9 guide thingy and stuff.... Man, I need to do more and learn more HTML to make this damn site better... blah blah blah... *looks around, bored* Oh well, I better start already....
March 26, 2003: Okay, I'm a bit peeved.... How? I dunno... People are SERIOUSLY bugging me, two in particular.... I suppose I'm fine, reading a fav story I downloaded, downloading an mp3 and stuff, but still, people are bugging me and not letting me do what I need to do... I still need to fix this damn site, make it better, learn more html, and blah blah blah, but I'm so pushed and limited with what time I have and can get and so on and so on... Soooo... yeah, I'm peeved. And do you people know how many people are living in my small house right now?! SEVEN!!! Five being my family, and the other two being my grandmothers. Yes, plural, TWO. Argh... Again, peeved... -___- Grrr.....
March 8, 2003: I wonder... is a soy burger not meat? I think so... According to my family, it isn't meat... *shrug* Oh well... There goes lent... Anyway, day's boring, but I read a BUNCH of stories I DWL from online. One is for CCS called Cessation in the CCS section of www.fanfiction.net ... well... yeah. I'm done now... I'm toooo bored and I still need to work on my Speech project and all my hw. (Dang) ... *sighs, shaking head* Oh well, better get to work!
March 4, 2003: I'm really moody, I say... Earlier today, during lunch when I was in line to pick up some food, I was sandwiched between really big and tall 8th grade Non-Athenas on both sides of me. I was a bit peeved when they started "play" fighting each other and pushing each other in line, but when they ran into me, I was pissed. I called to Kathleen for a cut up front in line, but when I was doing hand gestures, the guys thought I was dissing them. (Too bad I wasn't.) Anyway, so I was "chatting" with them until they started asking me questions and I REALLY did start dissing them and cussing at them and telling them to "get the fuck away from me!" (quoting myself, of course) Finally, when we were in adults' view and hearing range, we left each other alone. (Phew!) But another thing that sparked my anger was when this guy kept leaning over my food to get something! I mean, C'mon! SPACE VIOLATION HERE!!! FOOD CONTAMINATION!!! Dang! *shakes head and rolls eyes* Yeesh... So, yeah. I was tempted to hit the guy, but I didn't (I wonder why...). Oh, and one of the guys actually dared to make EYE CONTACT with me! I restrained myself from glaring daggers at him, and just stared at him straight on. (Good thing he soon lost interest and called for the SLUT--aka:Alexa)
So... I had a "fun" time at lunch, right? Psh... Next time, someone will have to straight-jacket me so that I don't start a fight. I don't plan on doing so until the grade where I won't get my ass kicked by the adults and my parents. (Er... rather, "my parent" then plural--father isn't around much anymore...) I won't (likely) get grounded or suspended or stuck in Juvy or something the next day, ne? I hope. Or... I'll start a food fight (with the help of Daniela and Amy or course--they're always so close to starting one) the last day just for the kick of it. *grins mischievously* Hee hee...
You know, I feel better know... (Phew!) I'm glad I got THAT offa me... ^_^
Feb 18, 2003: Well, I'm well pissed... No one can really guess why, but only one clue is: Sister. I'm pretty sure that says it all... right? If not, then well... Good luck imagining... *heaves a big sigh* Well, doing report, school is fine, I have to stay after school now because I don't want to deal with my sister, and uh... field trip this Thursday... *shakes head, sighing again* I'm so f*cking tired... *rubs eyes* I could barely stay awake today at school... Damn, don't get me started... *yawns* I don't think I'll be putting much up, let alone some of my stories, so... yeah... I'll still try to fix some spots here and there, update a bit more and such, and try to do more and ... yeah. I'll do more soon... but I'm in need of help cuz I'm lazy, short on time, and more... and... yeah... *yawn* ... Well, I better get cracking on my report... *smacks cheeks to waken self*
Feb 2, 2003: BORED!!! I'm chatting with my friends and it's about 5:30 in the aft.... Totally bored... I just hope some of my sections work like the Orig part. Hmmm.... I'll need to work on that later...
January 25, 2003: Wow! I was wrong! Cassie isn't leaving! Yay! ... I feel really weird today... I'm really ditzy and stuff... I can't even form my already broken sentences! Gosh! Bad english! Bad english! Argh! ... T_T ... Yeesh... I'm really out of it, I say... Well, off to put up an actual chapter for this site! Yay! LOL ^^
January 23, 2003: Gosh... Cassie's leaving! She's leaving Baker for Grant!! And Dee's so sad! She's already lost sooo many friends!! I feel so bad!! And Cassie's my own friend as well! Damnit! Gosh... Man... I don't think I'll be doing much until the weekend or something... The stories will have to wait... God... please help Dee... Cassie... and myself... so much has happened over the recent, short years, and so much at our school... Damn... I think I'll go and sit and keep to myself in my room now...
January 17, 2003: Hi... I'm going through several mood swings... RIght now, I'm (in simple words): pissed, pissed, pissed, angry, pissed, pissed, pissed, really really angry, pissed, pissed, pissed, so mad that I could kill someone--but then I probably would in my normal case of angry-ness, wouldn't I?--(ooh, more then five words at once!) pissed, pissed, angry, pissed, and.... pissed. Oh well... I'm going to be working more on the story section of my site, so those out there baring with me, enjoy my crap... (Yes, I know, Profanity. Like I said, I was pissed... I still am...)
January 11, 2003: Hohohohohoho!! Yesterday, I put up a buuuunch of Japanese words on this dang site... um... today, I'm getting deaf from by brother blasting the radio in the bathroom (and everyone KNOWS how the sound amplifies there...) just right beside this room. Damn, I hate that... Oh well... I'll be adding more to whatever the heck I'll be adding to this site... *shrug* oh well... on with MY stupid day...
January 9, 2003: I'm happy! School's shit, but I'm happy. I'm fine and dandy, but see, my bro's playing Austin Powers: Goldmember (or whatever the hell it's called...). T_T''' SCARAAAAAYYY!!! Eeeeeh.... Totally forgot my combo for my locker this morn, felt like an idiot; was kinda pissed too. Yeeeeaaaahhh... And... uh... Oh yeah! No homework!!! Yay! (no, I'm NOT doing English, I don't wunna...) Yaaaaay!!!!
January 3, 2003: That bitch, Ashly I is imposter-ing Ash L on AIM and was bugging me today... Oy vay... Can I kill her? *looks around* No? Damn....
Well, whatever... Sunday, I've met a lot of my CCD (Sunday school) friends and um... let's see... What else... um... Well, on Monday, when at the dentist, when I came out, I saw the next "patient" in one of the chairs right by the door that led to the back where the dentists and hygienists work... and so on...
Well, anyway, that guy looked familiar and when i was walking to the front office to check myself out and etc, I kept my eye on him, as his one me. He just seemed so familiar... He reminded me of this guy I met over the summer, Kevin his name was. I don't remember his last name, but heck if he could even say mine and remember it!
Anyway, he looked like him, except this guy's hair was more brown then Kevin's. Kevin's was that dirty-blond look while this guy was pure brown. Hmm... That guy just got me thinking of the summer and Kevin and all that I did...
Oh geez... I hope I'm not boy crazy... @_@ That'd TOTALLY scare me... Eek!!! Bleh! But, I hafta admit, Kevin was fun to be around. Easy to talk to, but kinda mental at times... He even hit on me and Eva (another summer friend)! Ewww.... Especially "eww" on what he said to me this one time... ><''' I don't wunna replay those words, soo.... Yeaaaahhh.... But EWWWW!!!! Anwho, I think I'll reformat how I'll do this blog... maybe wipe it every week or something or if it gets too long... Yeah... I think that'll do... Yeaaaahh....
January 2, 2003: I totally wiped the blog area, as seen here...
