august 12th 2001: wow........tool is the greatest band on earth.......bottom line.......i payed 150 for my ticket........4rth row lower balcony........i love maynard........he is a beautiful human being.........and the others in the band are so talented.....it just makes me cringe when i think of how many people dont even know who tool is........mental note birthday on august 19...im gonna be 21 .......yeah!!!!!!! when i got home around 12:30 i went to a party and drank all night....i am such a loser......sexual score....."0"........lol but some girl made me pancakes at 3:30 a.m.........oh yeah!!!!!!!
august 13th 2001: dammit i hate work......so fucking boring all i do is sit around and tell young punks to stop sitting down and do something...........i feel kind of bad about that....no not really....lol.........i gonna sit around and drink some of my dads beers tonight ......and bullshit on the computer.....woohoo......mental note....i love my friends.....as stupid as some of them are........just kidding.....(no im not)........lol
august 14th 2001: work blows goats.....i basicly walk around all day......my feet hurt.......well at least i make 10.50 an hour.........my birthday draws closer......i am scared...on another note i added new poem to my latest poem page...check it out please.....in fact check them all out or ill kill you.............well here i am sippin on a corona....im not a alcoholic i swear........lol..........here is my site of the day month whatever you wanna call it...... http://www.nascent.addr.com/.......great tool site check out all of the pics.......great shot of maynards tatoo........and if you dont know who bill hicks is i suggest you find out....ll be adding some pics to this page as soon as one of my friends shows me how..........
august 15th 2001: well im actualy doing this from work today cause im so fucking bored.....can you die of boredom?........i hope not i like being alive.......what the hell am i gonna do tonight?.....i have no fucking clue......god im such a loser.......new poem falling sensation
august 16th 2001: blaaaaahhhhhhh...........i had to work hard today....as rare as occurences of this phenomenon are i sure do hate them........i guess no matter what i am just not satisfied with work............by the way have you ever heard of a band called tool?.........i hear they are pretty good....i worked on my page again today added a page called "my face is blue like his" i added a poem to that page called blue rise and also a couple cool images...check it
august 17th 2001: today is my fathers birthday......i said happy birthday to him and i love you he seemed ok with that...he didnt want me to get him anything......but he always has my love i was just reminding him of it....you should try this as well....and plant the seed that smiles grow from....lol.........well im goin out and chillin with my friends hopefully i will return alive cause i wouldnt wanna die before my 21rst birthday(sunday)...well have a nice night wont be any more work on my site this evening...bye
august 19th 2001: had a party with my friends they gave me my birthday beat down......and i am sore and bruised......guys show there love in really weird ways...........them me and the few friends i have went to the bars at midnight.....i woke up this morning drunk off of my ass..........went home and slept until.........8:30......i missed the fucking simpsons............hope it was a re-run..........thank you for leaving me a happy birthday message steph..........all in all it was a good birthday.........
august 21rst 2001: well today i worked and spent the rest of the early evening throwing away all of my childhood things that were clogging up my room, except of course the ones with special memories behind them.....they all go in a drawer....lol..........why is my computer so fucked up?.....it drives me crazy..............well thats it, pretty layed back day.........hey if anybody cares my aim screen name is mourningstar6...thats a good way to communicate with me
august 23rd 2001: well its 11:00 am and i have been at work since ten and i am already extremely bored......today i have an extensive plan of...well to be quite honest nothing i think i am going to the bars later tonight with a couple of my friends...... who knows?....i sure dont...and i dont really care to be quite honest.........on a lighter note(sigh) i just did some work on one of my existing poems the one called "blue rise" on the poem page "his face is blue like mine" please let me know which one you like better....thanks
august 25th 2001: i saw jay and silent bob strike back last....and i must say that it kicked ass........but i hear its gonna be the last in the series........:-( which sucks.....and on the way home my friend got pulled over for squealing his tires around every turn....on a friday night in the down town area of my town....and then my other friend gave one of the cops a little attitude........i just shut my mouth up cause i dont like jail much it sucks ass......well anyway somehow he got his drunk ass out of going to jail and the driver somehow talked the cops out of giving him a ticket.......seems like magic to me......lol
august 26th 2001: went for a nice walk in the park with someone very special today and went to a wedding and got really drunk....yeah.......
august 27th 2001: basically did nothing all day woke up at 2:30 and then went to dinner with my dad and brother and grandma....im trying to spend some more time with her cause she seems to think that i am ignoring her...i know she understands that i am a kid and dont do everything by the book but i dont wanna be sad someday cause i didnt spend time with her when shes not around...our elders are gems of knowledge...and we should all realize that.......then i went and watched some tv with my cousin doug.........and my brother......sleeptime now
august 28th 2001: work was long as usuall went and saw "the others" with someone special..........wrote new poem called BROKEN PATH....it on my face is blue like his.......coming soon love poems page.....thats right its for the ladies....lol
august 29th 2001: work: boring...surprise: none..........went and saw "ghosts of mars" pretty good for a body count movie....oh yeah and i added the ladies section to my main page....feel free to check it out and tell me what you think....ohh wait i added a poem called MY MIND to his face is blue like mine
august 31rst 2001: well today work sucked except for one thing i had a suprise visitor and that made the day not so bad.....pretty good actually ....and tonight im drinking at my friends dave and brians house......tommorow i leave for chico university...........hopefully i wont die ive been there like 4 times and everytime i come pretty close i mean ive been to jail ive woken up in strange peoples houses......gotten my blanket stolen when i was sleeping.........beat up a loaf of bread at a quicky mart....you know the usual...so tommorow adventure awaits....be back sunday night...bye bye
september 3rd 2001: yeah labor day..........got off work early to go hang out with a friend..........had a lot of fun..........things have been real bad lately.........i messed up real bad this weekend..........and i think i may have lost one of my best friends.......i hope i didnt.....its been eating at me...........i would rather be dead than lose a friend.........seriously............i hate to admit it.......but ive been crying myself to sleep about it....since sunday night...........its just so hard to realize how bad i fucked up...........i dont think i am gonna drink alcohol for a long time........i hate to blame my mistakes on it........but it just makes me a bad person..........i hope this all turns out ok
september 4th 2001: well its pretty early in the morning i havent been able to fall asleep tonight ....too many things on my mind........but i did mangage to type up a poem........its ok not the greatest thing i ever wrote......its called clear ocean......i put it on his face is blue like mine.........and warning......its not a very happy one....ok now its late at night on the same day....and i just worked on clear ocean its longer and doesnt have such a sad ending now
september 5th 2001: well i have good news......my good friend actualy talked to me today and didnt seem to hate me anymore...i am so happy....i think i will sleep well tonight.......i have plans to work on a poem tonight but who knows i might not but i am feeling inspired....
september 7th 2001: work was lomg and boring..........soon i start doing construction there and then the days go by faster.........on the way home i was involved in a car accident.......my car is fine the other ladies car is not........i smell an insurance hike......."sob"......but everyone was allright and that is all that matters.............im chilling with some of my friends later.....nothin major.....
september 8th 2001: goin to a party with my friend josh tonight.......it should be lots of fun..............
september 9th 2001: today was a slacking ass day as usual.....for a sunday anyway...i added a poem to for the ladies it is called remember...nothing fancy but it is a nice one......im so glad i am finally in a good mood sometimes....special thanks to a very special person...lol..............goodnight fellow people.......
september 11th 2001: well i think as an american i will remember this day forever.......i do not consider myself a patriotic person.....but as i hung the flag at my place of buiseness today(half mast).....i couldnt help but feel remorse for people who died for something they had nothing to do with..........somebody has to pay for this............i say lets turn the deserts to glass.............kill bin ladin and place his head upon our repective stick...........well other than that my day was cool the boss bought us lunch today from some good mexican returaunt.....that about as exciting as it got....lol bye bye
september 15th 2001: i have been talking about the war thing that is goin on right now and all i really have to say is i dont really feel like getting involved....i dont wanna fight for a country i dont think deserves my life....on another note i am hungover as fuck.........i am not drinking tonight for sure.........that means im gonna be designated driver.........wwwooooooo!!!!!!
september 16th 2001: well its 3:30 in the freaking morning and i cant sleep........i am sad and i ahve been writing a lot but its too personal to share....sorry.......you wouldnt like it anyway.....my friggin spacebar is broken on one side........im just listening to some good old tool to try and take my mind off of things........i do have one peice i would like to share it should probably go in my diary of a mad man....but i feellike putting it here where at least one person will read it...........keep in mind i am crazy....sometimes i use metaphors without explaining them...........and there is at least one metaphor in this one.........well here it goes.....its long ........all i have to say to the muslims who would destroy our way of life......we here in america are dancing in quicksand....we destroy that which keeps us all alive......... and it is quite a possibility that we cannot be stopped but the dancing is fun...i say come dance with us there is more room in the sand.......drink of your own ego.......maybe if we get drunk enough...we wont remember...... its really ok.....hopefully there isn't a heaven or hell........so we wont have to pay for this after all..........its actually quite like stealing....we destroy something as big and beautiful as our planet......and we pay no price........kinda just makes you want to run down to the grocery store and take some free beer doesn't it.....except here on earth unlike the afterlife.......we do pay consequences for our actions.....i find it very ironic that there are consequences here on earth.....but if there is no heaven.....what is it all for.......i think we all just enjoy the pain a little too much...we are a virus destroying our mother....she is very sick and there are no doctors to be found...........
september 17th 2001: well today was a good day in certain things....i have a lot going on inside of me right now.....i wonder if i am being to sensitive about things.......but in my heart i know i am right.....it hasnt betrayed me before.....like so many people have.............im just chillin on the comp listening to a perfect circle.........letting maynards sweet voice take me away for a while.......drifting away.......sweet oblivion.......even if it only lasts a short while....................sometimes i just feel like nothing i do makes a difference.......it makes me sad....very sad..................im gonna add a poem to for the ladies.....but its not about happy love its about sad love....its called BURDEN OF HOPE..........oh and dont take it too literally.......my words are my own secret puzzles....
september 24th 2001: well todays monday and i have spent a good part oif the first half of the day sleeping off this weekend.........i went to chico friday and got back sunday......it was awesome..........however i did spend a little too much time running down railroad tracks..........as weird as that sounds......it really wasnt that weird.......just stupid........lol........anyway im back now and all set to go to work tonight.........wrote a new poem at some point i dont really remember when it must have been thursday night.........its called MERKABA MOBILE.....it gonna be posted on his face is blue like mine..........but anyway..........does any body out there know what merkaba means?.......if you dont you should find out.......coming someday soon recomended reading list......oooooohhhhhh yeah baby!!!!!!!!!!
september 28th 2001: well i think thats the date anyway its early friday morning i just got back from a club.......it was ok.......i never have that much fun dancing i usually just search out people i already know....im not much for meeting new people.....its too hard to trust people with my thoughts and emotions.....i was at a country club(i hate country too ...for the most part but its like the only place you can go without there being violence) but anyway i usually dance when they play hip hop...if im sober i dance with my friends if i am drunk off of my ass.....ill dance with any girl who will have me......im such a loser.......i need to move or something this area is boring the hell out of me...well anyway goodnight...sleep tight.........yeah thats it....
september 29th 2001: its 8:56 in the goddamn morning......i just got home...i am hungover as fuck.....my head hurts my stomach aches.........so basically i am gonna try and go back to sleep.......on another note i dont think i have ever seen my friends brian and daves place so fucked up.........the whole place was trashed....thats why i left so early....i dont feel like cleaning........yeah im a bitch i know.........i dont really care...shit im stupid too.........but that never stops me...........
october 1rst 2001: today i decided that i am an idiot.......i am so impatient with people........so willing to jump to the wrong conclusion.....i know why though....because i have never been that lucky in life and the wrong conclusion is usually right...as sad as that may be.......ive been writing a lot but none of it has much structure yet.......its just like brain storming........i am listening to pink floyds record called "dark side of the moon" and i have decided that i like them a lot.....thank god my mom was a hippy and has all these cool cd's laying around....lol....allright im outta here
october 2nd 2001: i hate my life seriously......its so boring.....im thinking about taking out a bigloan and building a sick ass car.......so that at least i have something nice in my life.......i need a new job too i think i might go take some accounting classes at the j.c. cause my friend brian can hook up a very nice job if i have some experience.....and i dont need much.......i have been listening to this song by the cure for hours...its called chain of flowers.........it kind of just makes me wanna cry........but not in a bad way...if that makes any friggin sense...if anybody actually reads this.......(which i am beggining to doubt)...they should download it the cure is a weird band but i have found a couple of gems amongst their weirdness...like lovesong....which undoubtably will remain among my favorite songs forever...but anyway its late as fuck so once again im out
october 3rd 2001: i opened my page today to see what the hit count is and to see if anybody has has signed my guestbook....well the hit count was at 666 and not a goddamn person since my friend leanne has signed it...so fuck you all...your all a bunch of bitches........ok im not doing blogger anymore unless jesus christ himself returns to earth and become a satanist...fuck you....(please excuse the anger placed in this last entry i dont hate any of you i just think this freaking journal is stupid)
october 8th 2001: today was my grandma nelsons birthday...so i went shopping with her my aunt my cousin tiffany and ashley and my cousin doug so basically i was shopping for 4 hours and i was done after 2 hours ......makes me wish i had taken my car instead of going with my family.......aahhhhh!!!!!......tool november third...i cant fucking wait.........i guess i am gonna sort of rescind my "not posting anything anymore" statement......i could just erase it but i think it serves a better purpose where it is........the reason i am still writing these things is because somebody told me that they read them and liked them so....here they are....i probably wont update as often.....but hey its better than nothing.......i had a very deep conversation wth my mom tonight......about why she gave up on our family 4 years ago............there wasnt any yelling.....we just spoke our mind.........and i honestly see her point of view she was tired of working 6 and 7 day weeks of 10 plus hours a day....that would make me wanna quit too.......but the fact that she did it combined with substance abuse and without a back up plan...drives me wild.....i mean we are her blood...how could she just give up...........i guess i could just blame it on society ....but i dont wanna do that because that is far to easy of a road to take......but she has given me a valuable lesson.......that i must find a woman who is able to deal with adversity....and all of the pit falls life hands us........my dad also taught me the lesson of not falling in love with the first pretty girl to come around...although i still do that sometimes i have been pretty good about it lately....i mean fun is fun......but in reality i am looking for somebody to spend the rest of my life with............hope either i find them or they find me...honestly i am tired of looking but my life seems to have no other purpose.........well im gonna bounce now........later
october 11th 2001: well today sucked ass i was hungover all day i might as well have been a vegtable with all the sleeping i did today ..jesus im lazy.....me and my boys had a rough night last night...at least thats what they tell me i dont really remember(yeah im a winner i know) but anyway i woke up this morning to find out that none of my friends are friends anymore......but hey none of them are mad at me.....shit probably cause i was asleep.......but i guess everything is ok now.....in the end its all just drunken madness..........i love my friends.........so much its crazy.....well this weekened it looks like im gonna be ...get this .....getting drunk....woooo!! big suprise ......i lead such an interesting life..........so anyway i work in the morning and then.....im veggin out until i get the urge to chill with my homies........and then at that point hopefully i dont end up in jail.......cause lets just be honest for a second...jails always an option..(knock on wood)......ok im going to sleep now.........i love all of you....even if i dont like you(yeah figure that one out)...lol......
october 15th 2001: so yeah i had a good wekend no problems at all.....went to some parties......did some 2 o'clock in the morning tractor driving.......thats always fun....called like every girl i know and none of them called me back(on the same day i called anyway)....but whatever my mommy loves me...(i think i have a complex)......i added a new poem to scream the secrets out loud its called SIREN...and like that he's gone
october 16th 2001:i have this recurring problem...i cant fall asleep and then when i finnaly do i cant wake up on time..........its driving me insane.........i watched a movie last night with my dad "memento" great fucking movie......i think yuo should lal watch it and by all i mean the one person who actually reads this you know who you are.....i have 700 hits now........well its one i will probably fall alseep at like 3 or 4 and wake up at 9 that isnt that bad i guess except for the fact that i am a zombie that early in the morning i swear i am gonna die in an early morning car accident.........i cant wait until like 20 years from now when theya re doing those greatest bands ever things on vh1 and tool wins...and im gonna be like big whoopty doo i was there at the beggining of it all........but seriously people give em a listen....open up your third eye..im out
october 22nd 2001: damn its been a while since i updated..sorry...but anyway......i had a good weekend only hit one person in the face......i didnt get hit at all...blah blah blah.....through a fat kegger at my friend josh's house...basically it was fat.......other than that i didnt do anything all that cool this weekend.....i guess thats just how life goes...cool things happen sometimes........but most of the time they arent that cool and we dont even notice or remember......aaahhh life what a breeze....on another note im gonna dress up as jesus for halloween i think me and a couple of my friends are gonna get really drunk and walk around and get candy...or maybe well just get drunk who knows.....my life isnt that predictable...or maybe ill get off of my lazy ass and go to chico for halloween......it doesnt really matter to me...shit....it wouldnt bother me if i slept through it...at least then i could enjoy a cool dream...hopefull about something involving drinking and girls... r......im gonna go to sleep....and have dreams where im always cool.......cause lets be honest im a friggin loser....aaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
october 24th 2001: hello all word on the street is i cant type well and make many typo's oh well im over it i fix them when i have time...on another note i think we are suposed to set our clocks back an hour either sunday or saturday night......why we do this i have no friggin idea......but if you dont do it your either gonna be really early to some places or really late.....so just do it...for christs sake....thats right i said christ...got a problem with it? email me and let me know ........but i still wont care....but on the other hand if your a hot girl email me................sometimes i get the feeling that i should just shut up.........i mean who reads this crap like my cousin and two other people who i have no idea who are? i dont even read it....i bought two new pairs of shoes today and got birthday presents for tiffany and ahsley.........o also got the new radio head cd........its pretty good i love the pyramid song........download it........now!.......tommorow night i am gonna go see my friends band play at some bar.....i dont remember the name of the band but i hear they might just have liquor at this bar so i am game........tonight i sat in the safeway parking lot for like 20 minutes waiting for some girls to fight ...but one of them didnt show...what am i in highschool or something?...somebody please shoot me...heres bob with the weather.........
. october 28th 2001: well basically my computer blew the fuck up today so i lost all of the files i had saved on my comp.......i lent my dad 300 dollars to buy a new hard drive or whatever...i dont really care.......right now i am drunk as fuck i went to a party and dressed up as a priest it went over ok...no problems really..............i got in a huge fight with my mom tonight she is such a worthless human being...so selfish......i would rather die than ever treat my offspring like she does................................................................
october 28th 2001: well arent i a ray of sunshine......lol...well anyway i wanted to share this quote with everyone.....We all really need to be moving on our own accord, finding the messiah within ourselves that's going to lead us to the promised land, whatever the hell that may be. But I don't think that a lot of people are doing that. They're turning to other things when all they gotta do is turn toward themselves and realize that everything that they need to know is right in there [points toward head], and the more you listen to the voices outside your head, the farther you are from understanding who you really are, where you come from, and where you're going." -maynard james keenan....maynard is as close to an idol as i will ever have...mainly because i dont beleive in putting people i dont even know ahead of myself in those issuesi am also adding a new poem i wrote today called FADED CELL it wil be on his face is blue like mine....its really good you should check it out....bye
october 30th 2001: today i am just sitting around chillin waiting to go to work i typed up a poem i wrote before my comp crashed......luckily for once i wrote it out on paper so i still have it it is called BREATHE and it will be on his face is blue like mine.......im off to work...ok im back and stuff while i was at work i wrote a poem called AMNESIA ANONYMOUS...its cool check it out in scream the secrets out loud....im out
november 5th 2001: well i saw TOOL live on saturday and besides almost being crushed 50 times and having to fight just to see anything of the show...........it fucking ruled........on sunday i just sat around all day and chilled and i am actually writing this on monday morning 2:30 A.M. to be specific so i really havent done anything cool on monday yet.....but hey maybe i will....and maybe i wont....so blah.....ok its later on monday went to the mall with my friend michelle to eat lunch and help her get a job.......now im off to work....call me if you care.......
november 7th 2001: well today sucked ass i woke up too late to take a shower before i went to work so i just doused myself in cologne.....then work sucked i could barely stay awake..........on an good note i did write a new poem today...its called.......MASK OF COURAGE.....it isnt a very happy poem ist gonna be on scream the secrets out loud or whatever i call it..........i am getting back into my angry side.......it kind of sucks....i am not happy being like that...but then again i am never really happy....in a sense you wouldnt understand anyway.....ooo i just got an idea im gonna put up a list of the songs i am listening to right now....they all rock you should download all of them........."ashes to ashes"(david bowie cover) by a perfect circle........."god called in sick today" by afi(a fire inside)......."stare too long" by corrosion of conformity.........."me" by staind............"spasm(peach cover)" by TOOL...."a chain of flowers" by the cure........."demon cleaner(kyuss cover)" by TOOL......."home" by staind...........and "excess baggage" by staind.yeah so if you havent heard those download them right now i promise theya ll fucking rule...im off to my friends house its south park night...........new episode bitch.....peace
november 10th 2001: last night i did a little partying nothin major......just played some card game and argued about sports and things like that.............tonight i am going to a party at my friend daves house........he moves out on tuesday so this is his last party.should be a blast........i shoul;d be home later like 12 or one so if i know you and you know me...........or if you dont knwo me at all..........bluephoenix18 is my aim screen name.lets chat..........peace.......
november 16th 2001: so basically its 4:30 am i just got home from a party i am drunk and i dont really care.......today saturday november 16th is ramadan which basically means that americans are gonna die.........but the celestial alignment doesnt ocur until 4 pm whether or not this is pacific standard time i do not know........i do know that i am scared.......my freinds want to go to san fransisco tommorow...........you know big city likely target.......the weird side of me is scared and the other side of me is like dude chill out nobody is gonna nuke sanfransisco......but you know what?..........there are no promises in life......on the other hand its really time for me to go to sleep so to al of yuo who i know and care about i love you.to everyone else(assuming this ever gets read)peace be with you walk in beauty.as it would walk in you
november 22nd 2001: allright i did the century club last night for those of you who dont know what that is im very sorry..............maybe if you ask me ill tell you........but yeah and stuff........i have been partying a lot cause most of my friends are in town for the holiday........its been lots of fun i have to go to dinner right now but later i am gonna post some poesm so come back if you care....or even if you dont..................happy thanksgiving