FIRST I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT I DID NOT WRITE THIS MY FREIND JEFF DID BUT I LIKED IT SO MUCH I HAD TO HAVE IT HERE.....IT IS POSTED WITH HIS BLESSINGS
also keep in mind that Jeff is what i commonly refer to as a "militant atheist" which difers from me only slightly
In My Previous Life I was God
1. Rise
In my previous life I was God.
If you do not think Gods walk the earth well your wrong. They do! But I wasn’t always God. I was born to an atheist family. They’ve never believed in God and why should they. Who is to believe that there is a higher power that looks over us and controls our lives? Well if you believe in God why not believe in aliens. There is the same amount of proof that aliens exist and more people have spotted aliens than God. Well back on the subject, when I was a little kid I always told my parents I would grow up to be God. After I graduated high school I went to God Medical School. I was first in my class and was voted most likely to be God. After four years of God Medical School I put in an application to be God but they were not hiring. My parents always taught me that I could be what ever I wanted if I just put my mind to it, even something that doesn’t exist. After being turned down I decided I had to meet God. I talked to Him for about five minutes and I came up with this brilliant plan. God was a Catholic God and the Catholics do not let their religious figures have sexual relations. I figured I could find a crooked priest, which there are a lot of these days, and I could set God up to have sex with the priest. I paid the priest an undisclosed amount of money and he did it. The story made the front page of the Religious Times and God was impeached. I was given an interview and hired on the spot. All the Catholics and republicans were kicked out of office and I brought in my college buddies. For my right hand man I brought in my college roommate Lucifer. A few years back he was impeached for challenging God. We had the same views on life, death, heaven, hell and sins, so I knew we would work well together. That was my great rise to power.
2. Swift Hand
The first thing I did as God was destroy the universe and build my own. It
only took me seven days and seven nights to create earth and everything on
it. My second duty was to send down messengers of God to spread the word of
the lord. I left this job to Lucifer’s department. Lucifer sent his angels
down to earth to spread the word. But they did it in a different way.
Every Sunday Lucifer’s priest would have a thing called mass which was used
to brainwash people to follow me blindly. Well it worked so well people
would come to mass every week even though they hated it and some would even
die for me. I thought that was funny because they were dying for someone
who didn’t even care.
After the priest had brainwashed the masses I decided to send someone to
earth to say he was my son. Since I did not have a son, Lucifer and I
decided to send his son to earth to play my son. We had been looking for a
way to kick Jesus out of heaven for thousands of years. This kid was kind
of full of himself. He was always bragging about how he could walk on water
and perform miracles but they were all just illusions. So this was the
worst thing we could do to Jesus, send him to earth. When Jesus had to many
followers and actually had people believing his lies I sent my nephew Judas
to betray Jesus and get him crucified.
Once Jesus had died for your sins I had people in the palm of my hand.
People would follow me blindly and not question anything the priest taught
them. This gave me the power to do what ever I wanted to the human race and
they would never feel forsaken.
The first great disaster I rained upon the human race was a black plague.
This plague would wipe out a quarter of the human race and still they would
follow me. Next I would start World Wars over world domination. I would
never let the evil forces win just because I would lose my blind followers.
Lucifer would be in charge of training angels to be sent to earth to lead
these wars. Most were failures except one angel named Adolph Hitler.
Hitler was the highest Fallen Angel which was the name given to Lucifer’s
army of darkness. Hitler was sent to earth to lead his own army of
destruction. After Hitler had killed millions of people I put an end to his
rein of terror.
That’s just two things I’ve done to the entire plant where millions of
people died and still they followed me. A lot of the time I would just kill
random people for no reason. Even people who thought they are totally
innocent. The thing is no one is innocent and everyone deserves to die in
my eyes. I put drugs on the plant so there is always a constant fight to
clean up the world but this is a fight that they will never win.
I’ve done a lot more but I do not have the time of day to tell you
everything. Just remember that everything in the world that is bad I put
there and it will never stop because I rule with a swift and violent hand.
3. Fall
“THINK FOR YOURSELF. QUESTION AUTHORITY.”
This is the phrase that started my downfall. For thousands of years people
had been following me blindly because they need someone in their lives to
show them how to live. The thing is you don’t! People started to notice
this and when they started to think for themselves they stopped worshipping
me. I was a God that religious figures told you exist but they had no
proof, they just told you to follow them blindly because they know the way.
They do not know the way because the only one who knows the way to live your
life is you! But the Catholic Church disproves of living his way. They
call it Satanism; to worship one’s self. Its not but they call it that to
scare you away. The name Satanism gives you the feeling that your going to
hell but THERE IS NO HEAVEN OR HELL so do not worry if you do not follow
their ways. When you die you will go where all living creates go, NO WHERE!
Your body will decompose into the ground and feed the grass and the
animals will feed off the grass and humans will feed off the animals. It’s
the circle of life.
Once you can realize this you will live a better life without people
telling you how to live. I’ve noticed that is does not matter how you live
your life or who you follow because we will all end up in the same place.
You’re going to be very disappointed when you wasted your whole life living
someone else’s values and you do not end up in heaven. THERE IS NO GOD so I
can say that I am God because I am not "Deaf and Blind and Dumb and Born to
Follow.”
THINK FOR YOURSELF
QUESTION AUTHORITY!
By: Jeff Tamblyn