I definitely feel better than last night, but that might be because a form of denial has set in. I'm in control of my feelings. I called Stephanie and told her and we talked for a bit. Her house had been broken into and hearing about my brother didn't help. I then called my mom. She was really upset from what I could tell, and that didn't make me feel better. My brother's really sick. He was on oxygen and he's in the cardiac unit with all the old men who have heart failure. He's seeing the infectious diseases doctor today and I'll find out more tonight. But Mom being upset was enough to freak me out. Mom is usually pretty calm, not one of those hen types of mother. So she didn't talk long since neither of us knew what to say. I called David because I didn't know what else to do and cried. It made me feel slightly better but even then... it wasn't what I needed. So I called Elizabeth, who was awesome and listened to everything and then got me talking about other things until I wasn't scared and tearful anymore. Then I called Neely because I haven't talked to her in ages. It was nice since she understands what's wrong without going into huge explanations because of her biology courses. And then I went to bed. And cried. And I got this morning, and cried. And I'm crying now because I'm thinking about it. I wish I could just resolve it, but it's my brother. He's the only one I have and since I saw the pamphlet about menopause in my mom's bathroom, the only one I'll ever have, unless my dad leaves my mom for a younger woman. But it's my dad. He's too lazy to do that.
I didn't sleep well last night. I dreamed that I was on a car trip with my grandfather (who's been dead for 6 and a half years) and the Barenaked Ladies. I don't know either, but it worries me. Maybe I'm being irrational. I think I might be allowed for a change.