YOU AIN'T SEEN
NUTHIN' YET!

TAKING A BULLET FOR MY BABY.......by Terri

Instantly, Rose and John were in their own backyard. Rose was screaming, "WILLIAM! WILLIAM! PLEASE!"
William and Celeste came flying out the door. John lay on the ground, totally white.
Rose was still trying to stop the flow of blood with her hand. William took charge.
"Celeste, you and Rose help me get him in the house!"
Eleanor came flying out. "JOHN! JOHN! OMIGOD!" She frantically dialed Roger's number. "ROGER! Roger, please come quickly! John's been shot!...no, not a prowler, just someone who's going to pay....looks like a shoulder wound...lots of blood...OMIGOD....HURRY!"

Within two minutes Roger was there, medical bag in hand. Bethia was bringing up the rear, frantic. She grabbed Rosamond and hugged her fiercely. "Let them tend to him, Rose! Roger knows what he's doing. He'll be OK, sweetheart, he'll be OK." Together, William and Roger got John inside on the couch. Roger took surgical scissors and tore John's shirt open. Rose held John's head and wept. She whispered, oh, please, God, let him live! John was starting to lose consciousness. Roger said, "Stay with me, buddy!" He took out forceps and some other surgical tools and started to probe. John moaned. Rose said, "Don't you have any anesthesia? Something for the pain?" Roger took out a vial and a syringe. He injected something locally in John's shoulder. "That will take the edge off."
Rose motioned to El. She could hardly speak. "Please, El, get me some whiskey."
Eleanor poured a double shot of whiskey. Rose held it up to John's lips. She whispered, "Just a little thing I learned from Doc Carlton. Drink, John."
John managed to down some and started coughing. Rose continued to give him whiskey until he passed out. Roger probed and probed with instruments. John was unconscious by this time from shock and whiskey. Finally he pulled out a slug.
He said "Nasty thing but it didn't shatter and it didn't hit any organs. Just a lot of blood. Rose, darling, don't look so stricken. He's going to be OK."
Roger cleaned out the wound with Betadine, stitched it, and administered a tetanus shot and a high-powered antibiotic. He left some pain pills--Vicodan---the good stuff!
Rose stood up. She had on her red velvet dress, streaked and caked with blood. Blood smeared her face and her hands. She whispered, "Thank you, Roger. Thank you." Roger gave her a hug. "By law I am required to report a gunshot wound, Rose."
Rose whispered, "But you won't."
Roger smiled a small smile. "Who would believe me, Rose? Make sure he stays quiet. He's lost alot of blood, give him some red wine when he wakes up. But be careful with the Vicodan." He hugged Rose who wept copiously on his shoulder.
"How can I ever repay you?"
Roger said, "You introduced me to Beth. Let's call it even!" He and Bethia left for home.
Rosamond swayed a little. Before anyone could catch her, she sank to the ground.

El caught her on her way down. John was sleeping soundly on the couch. William took Rose upstairs to her bedroom."We don't dare move John. Let him sleep. I daresay he hasn't had any sleep in the last 48 hours." Celeste and Eleanor followed William as he laid Rose on the bed. He looked at her and took in the fancy dress. A small smile played on his lips. "Guaranteed there is a story behind that dress!"
Celeste shooed him out of the room and they woke Rosamond up long enough to get her out of her dress. Rose whispered, "Eleanor, there is no way I am leaving John. I am going downstairs and sleeping on the floor next to him if I have to."
Eleanor said, "OK--but I'll help you down the stairs." They walked downstairs and Eleanor said goodnight.
And when she came downstairs in the morning, Rose was sleeping on the couch with John, her arms wrapped tightly around him, never letting him go.


MORNING...........by Coralynn

Eleanor covers them with the afghan that has slid to the floor and pulls the drapes to darken the room, as the early morning sun is beginning to shine. There, that should help, she thinks, now I have to check on the others.
She goes to Celeste's room first. The door is ajar and she can see Celeste tossing on her bed. Slowly, quiety going in, she stares down at the mother she never had; the woman who is so dedicated to her new family that she would do anything for them. A wave of tenderness sweeps over Eleanor, who smiles when Celeste opens her eyes and says weakly, "Are they alright, El?"
"They're sleeping on the couch. I pulled the drapes so they can sleep without the sun making the room too bright. How are you doing, though?"
Celeste raises up on one elbow and Eleanor can see tears starting down her face. She hugs the other woman and croons, "You did well, my friend, you saved them."
"I found Rose, but Rose is the one who really saved them," Celeste says through her tears. "Before she nodded off last night she told me that she shot Matt Dillon in the knees so he couldn't finish off John."
"I thought Matt Dillion was one of the good guys!" Eleanor remarks, "Why would he try to kill John?"
"We'll find out when Rose is through sleeping, I'm sure. Is Roger coming back over to check on John?"
Eleanor looks at her watch, "In about an hour or so. He said he was clearing his morning appointments and to phone him when John woke up."
They hear others in the kitchen, so Eleanor goes out to inform them of the situation.
Marthy and Bess are in their robes, pouring coffee. "Why is it so dark in the living room?" Marthy asks.
Eleanor makes a shushing noise and whispers, "Rose and John got back late last night from that awful time travel thing. I'm surprised you slept through all the commotion. John seems to have been shot.."
"NO!" Bess exclaims.
"Ssshhhhh, he and Rose are sleeping on the couch. Roger came over and administered what medical procedures he could last night, and will be here again after John wakes up. John is not going to die from this wound, but he's not going to feel 100 per cent, either, for quite a while. He lost a lot of blood."
Bess and Martha have incredulous expressions, "He must have gone after her, then," Marthy whispers, "Last I knew he was here napping."
"Right. Celeste found her in 1849 San Francisco and once she got the exact date, John rushed off. Apparently he had a run-in with Matt Dillon, hence the gunshot wound."
"Who's Matt Dillion?" both young women ask.
"I'll lend you a book on it.....later," Eleanor whispers as she leaves the room and double-checks on Rose and John. Sleeping like babies, this is a good sign.

She quietly pads up the stairs to check on William.
Slowly turning the door handle, she looks in on him. He's dead asleep, snoring. Good, olde friend. The day will be here for you when you wake up.


AFTERMATH OF AN INFERNO.....by Terri

It was just about daybreak in San Francisco. The word had spread through the town like wildfire of the midnight gunfight and the strange disappearance of Miss Kitty McGuire and her husband.
Marshall Matt Dillon was taken to Doc Carlson's office where he had to be sedated with an opiate to dig the bullet out of his knee. It had taken a few hours to find the doctor.
"I don't know, Matt..this is a bullet like I've never seen before! Sure was a powerful revolver."
Dillon had sweat running down his face and he was grey with pain. He took another swig of whiskey. He lay back and grimaced when the doctor dug around for fragments. "How'd you happen to get hit?"
Dillon continued to drink the whiskey to kill the pain. "I asked Miss Kitty to marry me that afternoon. She avoided giving me an answer. Found out why. She was married. Don't know if she was running from him or what. Challenged him to a gunfight. Shot that guy square in the shoulder. Damn! I missed! I meant to nail him right in the gut, too. Gut-shot is always fatal. Happened so fast. I barely blew the smoke off my gun when that little bitch yelled my name. She grabbed his gun and whipped it out so fast I never saw it coming. She stood there and took a gunfighter's stance and before I knew it, she fired. Bitch knew where to aim, too. Nothing worse than a kneecap blown out. She'd been practicing somewhere. Learned real good, too. I swear, if I ever see her again, both of them, I'll kill them."
Doc Carlson threw the fragments into a tin plate. He spit tobacco juice into the spittoon. "Did some reforms around here. How long was she here, 48 hours? Made an impact on this town. Then disappeared into thin air. Damn! Was she ever really here?"

Lil Weston stood at the window of her room and looked out. A few of the girls were sitting there talking about the night's events. Monique said, "I for one will always be grateful to her. She made us better. We have...what did she say? Insurance. Health benefits. And more gold dust. I for one want to open a flower shop in town."
All the girls echoed her sentiments. Lil sweet-talked Rosamond's key from Hiram.
She went through Rosamond's belongings. She left behind her calico dresses. Bet they fit me...may be a little snug, though. She went through the closet and found Rosamond's leather coat. She put it on. Perfect fit! Don't think she'll be back for it. Shame to have it just sit her and go to waste. And I'm sure she would like me to have it. Lil took everything of Rosamond's that she could. Hey, what's this? A purse! She dumped it out on the bed. Those...crayons that she used on our faces! Maybe I can take them to the druggist and he can duplicate them! I could name it after my dad....Max. That's right! Max Factor! Good thing I took the alias of Lil Weston. Rose's wallet was there.
Hmmm...maybe some money left behind. Strange....one of these bills has a guy on here named....Grant? Now who is that? Keys. Weird ones, too. She saw something called a....what? A driver's license? There's a picture of Kitty....but wait! Her name really WAS Rosamond de Clifford Gwinnett! That guy really must have been her husband. She studied Rosamond's face. She looks...different, somehow. More...relaxed. Then Lil saw something that made her blood run cold. Date of birth. June 20, 1980. One hundred and thirty-one years into the future.

Skip Cassidy and the Sundown Kid were saddled up and ready to move out. "Sure this will work, Skip?" "Sure as I'm sitting here, Kid. It's ripe for the pickings. You want to rustle cattle forever?"
"No, but bank robbing is something else, Skip."
Cassidy said, "I figure the bank in Virginia City will be safe enough. Silver mines nearby. Lots of revenue. I got it all planned out."
As they rode out, their voices faded. "...keep thinking, Skip. That's what you're good at...."
"Hell, I got 20/20 vision and the rest of the world wears spectacles...."

Shadow Skaggs woke up in his makeshift tent at the mining camp. His tongue felt like sandpaper. He couldn't believe the events of the night before. Did I really see Miss Kitty's husband shot almost in cold blood? Right good looking guy, too. Anyone could see she was crazy about him. Dillon had no right to mow him down. Guy didn't really have a chance. Hope he's OK. Wonder where they ran off to? Virginia City? Reno? Denver? She was a pretty little thing. Too bad she was already taken. We'd have made a good couple.
Shadow reached into his backpack and pulled out a tattered book. He smoothed the cover. Best two bucks I ever spent in that Sacramento book store. The cover read "How To Pick Up Women in a Mining Town: the Miner's Guide to Advanced Sparking." It was guaranteed to work. Damn hell, she had an answer for everything in this book! He rolled over and put on his jacket. Heavier than I am used to. He put it on. It drooped on one side. Something was in the pocket...he reached in. No, whatever it is is in the lining. He felt where it had been ripped. Shadow reached in and pulled something out. It was a cloth bag. Inside was gold dust. A lot of gold dust. Now where did that come from? Did I really win that much last night? A smile spread over his face like mustard on a bologna sandwich. He stood up, squared his shoulders. Mama, I'm coming home. Texas, here I come!

Deputy Winslow leaned over the mercantile counter and talked to Mrs. Milner.
"...so it looks like Marshall Dillon is going to be laid up for a few months. I'll be acting as marshall while he recuperates. But Doc Carlson said he'll always limp."
Mrs. Milner clucked in sympathy. "I thought she was a fast piece of baggage! Let me tell you what she did to her drawers...." Mrs. Milner leaned over the counter and whispered in Winslow's ear. "...and that's the God's honest truth! Teeny tiny little things by the time she got done!"
Winslow laughed and said, "Well....that will be our little secret, Victoria!"
He turned to go with a grin on his face. "Yep! I'm in charge for now! Maybe longer--depends how his knee holds up. But that limp...." Mrs. Milner smiled. "I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job, Chester!" His hand on the doorknob, he said, "I see the stagecoach is here. Got to go meet it!"

Chester stood there and shaded his eyes. The stagecoach dropped off one passenger. He hurried up to meet that person and help unload the trunk. As he helped the stagecoach driver get it off the rack, he jumped down. There stood a woman of immense proportions. She must have been at least seventy and was huffing and puffing, wiping the sweat off her face. Her flowered hat bounced. She carried a huge portmanteau with knitting needles sticking out.
Chester scratched his head in wonderment. But no one was really expected.
He said, "Pardon me, ma'am, did you get out at the right stop?"
She brandished her umbrella like a samurai warrior. "Certainly, I did, you whippersnapper! I was hired to help clean up this town by the Woman's Council for Decent Living! I'm Katherine McGuire!"

And this is the stuff legends are made of?


CELESTE ON A MISSION........by Coralynn

Bethia follows Roger into the big house. They see Rose sitting besides John, who is still prone on the couch, but has his eyes open.
"And how is our patient this morning?" Roger asks.
"I feel like I've been ridden hard and put away wet!" John groans.
"That's to be expected. Let me take a look at the wound," Roger removes the wrapping he put on the night before and concentrates, looking for any signs of infection. "So far so good, buddy. You were lucky the guy had a bad aim! Who was it anyway?"
"Matt Dillon," Rose volunteers, "He staked a claim on me while I was there alone, and I hoped to be out of there before he claimed his prize, then when John showed up and said he was my husband, Dillon went wild and shot him."
Bethia is amazed, "My God! How did you get away with your lives?"
"I shot Dillon in the knees, and while he was all bucked over, grabbed John's coin and we returned here before Dillon could get off another shot."
"Now I can see why you don't want this incident reported!" Roger shakes his head, "Who would believe it?" He puts antiseptic ointment on John's wound and a fresh dressing.
"I feel weak as a kitten!" John complains.
"That's from blood loss, and, since we'd have to report the incident if we took you to the hospital for a transfusion, you'll have to regain the blood more slowly. Be sure to eat a lot, drink a lot of tomato juice and rest."
Celeste has joined them, as has William, who is very attentive to everything Roger instructs them to do.
"I can make you some liver and onions!" he says.
Everyone makes a sour face at him.
"Now, now, William has a point," Roger counters, "Liver is rich in iron, and John needs that for his blood. Think you can get liver and onions down, John?"
"Actually, I like liver!" he says, grinning, "but since I'm the only one in the house who does, it's never served. Sure, William, make some up and I'll consume the whole thing!"
"Good man!" Roger pats the other shoulder, away from John's wound. "I'll check in on you this evening. I'd better get to the office; I have quite a backlog of patients."
"I'm going to stay here awhile," Bethia tells him, giving him a kiss and hug. He gathers up his equipment and leaves, waving at Marilyn, who has just come into the room.

"Hey, John! So glad to see you bright eyed and bushtailed!" she kids him.
"Ohhhh yeah, Marilyn, I'm feeling great......ready to lick my weight in wildcats!" he laughs.
Celeste motions to Bethia to join her in her room, which she does. Putting the 'do not disturb' sign on the doorknob, she closes it and asks Bethia to sit.
"I know that look, Celeste," Bethia says warily, "You have an idea, don't you?"
"I certainly do!" Celeste agrees, "And I don't dare tell anyone but you. Am I right about you being able to keep a secret even if someone tortures you to tell?"
"I keep secrets well, but I've never been tortured to tell, so that part is unproven, but yes, whatever you tell me will remain between the two of us."
"OK, then, here's my plan. I'm going to concoct a potion that makes a person disappear."
"Why?"
"To get back at Sally Jennings and her new sidekick, WandaSue!"
"Ohhhhh jeeez, Celeste, those two have found each other?"
"They have. Now, Sally has a time travel coin; that's how she got Rose zapped into the Gold Rush in San Francisco in retaliation for Rose having dumped her in the desert during the Exodus..."
Bethia laughs, "Leave it to Rose!"
"Yes. quite. So I'm not going to let Rose get her back by taking her to another time frame. Instead, I'M going to make Sally and WandaSue disappear."
"Disappear where?!"
"Oh they won't be taken anywhere different. They'll be in the here and now, but no one will be able to see or hear them."
"You can do that?"
Celeste goes to her work counter and explains, "I'm working on a potion now. My first attempt was no good, so I added two more ingredients, and I think I'm on the verge of a breakthrough."
"How do you know if it works as you go along? You can't experiement with real people, can you?"
"No, but these things work the same on inanimate objects as they do people, so I've been using this phone book as a test subject." she pours some of her potion on the book and it fades, but not totally.
"I see. You need it to be stronger, is that it?"
"That and I think another ingredient. Rose has the magic herb and potion book she brought back from the 12th Century, and I'd sure love to see what her old Granny wrote in that for a disappearing potion."
"If we ask her for it, though, she'll get wise to us."
Celeste ponders that, then gets an idea, "Not if we say we're looking for a healing potion for John. Yes! That's what I'll tell her. And I will look up healing potions while I'm at it, of course, and she'll never know what other things I looked at."
"It's a plan!" Bethiah stands and the two women go out into the living room.

"Rose, dear, can I have a look at your Granny's herb and potion book? She may have written down healing herbs and potions," Celeste aska.
Rose looks up and smiles, "You think of everything, Celeste! It's in the night stand by the bed upstairs. Why didn't I think of that?"
"You've been pretty busy here with our wounded boy," Celeste pats her and smiles, "If I find something useful, I'll make it up and we can try it, but only if I can see that it contains no harmful ingredients."
Celeste goes up to the room John and Rose share; looks in the night stand, picks up the book and returns to the first floor. She waves it overhead while she goes by the others, and quickly returns to her room, Bethia following.

As the door closes Bethia says, "Great! Part one: a success. Now about part two...."
"Here's what we'll do, Bethia. Join the others, act like nothing is going on, and when I think I have the potion just right, I'll give you the high sign. Right now I have to concentrate hard, real hard!"
"Mums the word!" Beth says conpiratorially as she leaves and joins Marilyn and Eleanor in the kitchen.
"That Celeste thinks of everything!" Marilyn says in awe.
Bethia thinks, How true. And just how true I am not about to tell you!


BUBBLE, BUBBLE, TOIL & TROUBLE......by Coralynn

Celeste props up the book she got from Rose and adjust her glasses. A-ha, here it is! A vanishing potion. It says here it can be applied topically or taken internally.....YES! Now......it says here that for every drop consumed the person will remain invisible for one day. Good. If somehow I can get those two cretins to drink this with ohhhhh let' say ten or more drops per dose, that oughta keep them out of commission for awhile!
The recipe is the same as the one I have except for two more ingredients. Good, that's what I hoped. And I have those ingredients, as fate would have it! OK, now, let me add them ohhh so carefully. Too little and it's no good, too much and the whole thing could catch fire.
She puts the ingredients in with a medicine dropper and waits while it stops foaming. Stirring the concoction with a glass wand, she's ready to try it out on the phone book.
"Sorry, phone book, but you may have to be invisible for a while!" she laughs as she puts a few drops on it. It disappears totally. She wants to yell out her victory, but doesn't dare, so she casually goes out to where Bethia is chatting with Marilyn and El, and asks if she can be borrowed for a minute. "Sure," Eleanor says, "You two up to something?"
"Who, us?" Celeste laughs as she walks with Bethia back to her room. After the door closes she tells Bethia, "I got it! It works! Do you see the phone book on the counter?"
"No. What phone book?"
"Place your hand where the phone book used to be."
Bethia does and recoils, "I felt it!"
"Right. It's still solid, and a person would be as well. But the person would be invisible and no one could hear them speak, either. Talk about frustrating!!"
"Celeste! You're really going to give this to Sally and WandaSue?"
"Oh yes. Got to figure out how, though. How can I give it to them while maintaining that it's just an ordinary drink, like tea. A house-warming gift?"
"Well, you think Sally would be open to that? How much does she know about how we're 'on' to her?"
"I did yell at her over the phone. She might be suspicious. Now who could give this to her in a.....beautiful new pitcher or some other container all decorated up? JERRY!"
"Why Jerry?"
"He sold her the house, so it woudn't be out of place for him to take over a gift. But how are we going to convince Jerry to do it?"
"Is he in on what trouble you've had with Sally?"
"Not like the rest of you. I'd better phone him up and feel him out on it."
Being a woman of action, she goes to the phone and dials Jerry's office. No one answers, so she dials his house. He picks up.
"Hi Jerry! This is Celeste at the house on Winding Willow......oh fine, thank you, and you?.........good to hear it. Have you taken over a housewarming gift to Sally Jennings yet? Ohhh good, then could you swing by here on your way over and collect something I'd like her to have? She expressed a fondness for ornate pitchers, which I have, so I made a delicious tea, put it in the pitcher and I think it would be appropo..............oh no, it has an air-tight lid..........right........well, let bygones be bygones I say, but Jerry...........you might not want to tell her it's from me............." she laughs in response to something Jerry says, and finishes with, "Bye, then, see you in a few."
"He's going to do it?"
"Yes he is. Now, where do I keep those airtight lids? Ahhhh, here's one and it even has plastic daisies on the top. My, my, how cute. Now how can I warn Jerry not to drink any of this stuff?"
"You really can't," Bethia answers, "You can hope, though. She'll probably just put it in the fridge and have it later. How are we going to know when she's had some, though?"
"Her house is just a couple streets over from here. We'll have to take turns driving by to see if we spot an invisible woman coming out the door."
Beth howls with laughter, "Celeste! You're crazy! How can you spot an invisible woman?"
"With this! she holds up a gadget with something similar to a radio dial on it. "If a person is within 40 feet of this, whether invisible or not, this dial tips to the right."
"It could register you, though, if you're holding it."
"Not it you keep it in front of you."
Celeste wraps the pitcher in bright yellow wrapping paper and ties a bow on it, then, holding it out, declares, "Here's your housewarming gift, Sally! Skol!!"


EXPLANATIONS AND CLARIFICATIONS.....by Terri

"Honey, you look exhausted. Why don't you go upstairs and get some sleep?"
Rosamond said, "No--there's no way I am letting you out of my sight. Oh, John, I could just die thinking of how close I came to losing you!" "Rose, how did you ever get involved with Dillon anyways?" Marthy and Bess were sitting there on the floor. They were ever the romantics. Eleanor had given them a website to check out on Marshall Matt Dillon. Wow! What a guy, they thought!
Rosamond shuddered. "I don't even know how I got to the point I did."
Bess, ever putting her mouth in gear before her brain, said in front of John, "Rose, did you and he ever....you know...." Marthy was shocked and pinched her. "OW! Marthy, what was THAT for?" Marthy hissed, "Shut uppa you face, Bess!" Marthy yanked on Bess, pulling her to a standing position. "Come on, Bess, let's go to the mall."
Bess lit up because going to the mall was her favorite place. As they walked out of the room, Rosamond and John heard the Bess say, "..maybe we can go to the video store and see if they have Gunsmoke on DVD....."

Rosamond and John looked up. Quietly standing in the doorway with his finger in his mouth was Will. He looked fearfully at them. Rose broke out in a smile and held her arms out to him. Will rushed into them. She hugged him tightly and started to cry.
"Oh, Will, Will....my boy! My brave boy! I love you so much!" Will drew back and looked at John. "Uncle...Daddy! What happened?" John grimaced as he tried to get into a comfortable sitting position. Rose held her hand up. "John Gwinnett, you just lie there. I don't want you opening up that wound." He laid back on the pillow. "No problem, that was one new experience in pain!"
Rose turned to Will and said, "I went on a trip for a few days, Will. I didn't want to go but I had no way of getting back right away. Daddy came and got me but we had a little problem and Daddy got hurt. He'll be OK. But he needs to rest."
Will touched John. "Daddy--are you really alright?"
"Right as rain, son, and we'll be playing ball before you know it!" To Rose he said, "Have you not seen Julie yet?"
Rose exclaimed, "I sneaked up to her crib early this morning before anyone was awake. She's fine. Bethia offered to watch the children this morning."
John reached out and touched Rose's hand. He said softly, "Can a woman be anymore beautiful?" She whispered, "Oh, JOHN...!"
"&%**#@!! THAT'S MY SHOULDER!"

Celeste was humming to herself as she brought lunch in to John and Rosamond. Rose had taken a shower and washed her hair. Much better than cistern water!
William came in, too. The four of them sat down to talk.
William tried to be stern. "Rosamond, we know it was you who sent Sally Jennings to the Exodus." Rose started to protest. William held up his hand. "Won't do any good, Rose. But that is neither here nor there. I think you were paid back in spades. It could have turned out much worse than it did. Granted, Sally is a pain. And what she did to you was inexcusable. Well, it stops. Right now. No more paybacks. She has moved out and is living on the next block. Tut, tut!! Case closed!"

John took a few bites of his grilled cheese. "And you never did explain what you were doing in that red dress--dealing cards, no less! Rosamond, I am shocked!....and a little proud! What did you do for those 48 hours? And believe me, I'll know if you are lying!"
Rosamond went on to explain the mistaken identity, the offer of a job to reform the saloon and gambling club and what she had done for the girls. The other three looked at her in disbelief.
"John, I kept waiting and waiting for you! I never..NEVER!..gave Matt Dillon any encouragement. Not even when he burst into the bathhouse during the shootout!
But I DID meet someone interesting by the name of Shadow Skaggs. Aka James Wesley Skaggs."
John winced as he shifted his weight. "Not..not..."
"Yes, I'm pretty sure he was Slim's great great great grandfather. I--I am afraid I may have helped alter time a little." Rose walked over to the wallsafe in the living room and opened it. She withdrew a cloth bag. William said, "What's that, Rose?" Rose handed it to John. "This....Rose, this is genuine gold dust! Probably worth a fortune, now! How...?"
Rose smiled broadly. "Profits. 10% of the profits belonged to me. I introduced Happy Hour to the saloon. Mark...Mr. Hopkins..gave me two bags of dust. All the time we were talking, I had it held tight to my thigh with my garter. Darn near cut off the circulation of my leg, too!"
John said, "There's only one bag. Too bad you lost one."
Rose looked down. "I--I didn't exactly lose it. I saw Shadow Skaggs and he was so homesick and miserable. I could see it. Before I walked over to you, John, I saw his ratty old jacket and the lining was ripped. I slipped a bag of dust in the lining. He was so drunk he would have thought he won it. It gave him the money to go back to Texas and marry a nice little local girl and they could eventually have Slim. Of course, if I had thought about Wanda Sue, I may have shot him south of the border myself!" John smiled proudly. "What a girl!" Rose jumped up and hugged him.
"*&^$%^&^&**( * MY SHOULDER!!!"

Celeste cleared the lunch trays and William offered to help her load the dishwasher.
Rosamond waited until they were out of earshot and she whispered to John, "I think William has the hots for Celeste!" John was about to take a drink of his tomato juice when he started to choke on it. "ROSE! Where do come up with your ideas?"
He held his shoulder and moaned. "Don't do that again! *(&^$# my shoulder is killing me!" "John! I've never heard such language out of you before!"
John moaned again. "Yeah, well, I've never been shot before!" Rosamond looked in the direction of the kitchen and then said in a low voice. "Watch them! Don't they look like an old married couple? My parents should get along so well!" John tried not to laugh, then groaned and took as deep a breath as he could. Rose cuddled up next to John on the couch and snuggled up close. John put his good arm around her. She looked up at him and said, "I knew you would come for me, John. I never doubted it. Just when was another question. While I was there, I thought I may as well make some improvements."
John laughed and then started coughing. "Oooh, that really hurts. Pass me the Vicodan. I took a bullet for you, babe. Is that love or what?"
Rose looked up at him, hugged him fiercely and sighed. "From the moment I saw you, John, I went out of my mind. I've never believed in love at first sight but you've got a way to make me feel I can do anything. I feel like an angel that has just started to fly..."
John silenced her with a kiss that turned into a yawn. "Hold on and enjoy the ride. We can fly all night, babe..." and before Rosamond knew it, John was fast asleep.
She disentangled herself from him and covered him up with the afghan. She went out into the kitchen and sat down at the table. "Thank you for finding me, Celeste. I don't know what I would have done."
Celeste poured them both some tea. "You're a very resourceful young woman, Rose. Two years ago you would have crumbled. Now look at you! I have to ask you--how did you manage to handle a .357 Magnum? I mean...you! And you kept your cool and knew just where to hit him."

Rose smiled wryly. "I have Billy Bob Montgomery to thank for that. He had that Winchester in the barn and a Smith and Wesson in the night stand. He wanted me to learn how to shoot so he would take me out to Watson' s meadow and set cans up. I didn't want to learn but he thought it would be a good idea, since I liked to ride by myself. Snakes, both animal and human. So I would pack a gun. I hated it. But he made me shoot targets. And I heard that the best place to disable a man is shoot him in the kneecaps. No pain like it in the world, unless you zap him in the badoobies!"
Rosamond stood up. "John is sleeping like a baby--a drugged out baby. So I am going over to visit Bethia and pick up the children. I can't wait until she has her own baby. She's just glowing! I am so happy for her."
Rosamond looked around for her coat. "Aw, *&%^&! I left my coat in San Francisco!"
Celeste said, "ROSE! I"M SHOCKED!" Rose colored red. "I-I'm sorry, Celeste. I guess I have been hearing that language from John all day!"
Celeste grinned and said, "No, I'm shocked you left that coat behind!"
Rose laughed, put her denim jacket on and started humming, 'I Left my Heart in San Francisco'.

Ten minutes later, Celeste checked on John. Still sleeping. She brushed back the hair from his face. She smiled to herself. What a wonderful lad! She was so happy that John and Rosamond had finally gone through the fire for each other. Their love will be all the stronger for it. The phone rang. She went into the kitchen to answer it.
"Hello?"
A voice hesitated. "Uh..is this Celeste?"
"Yes, it is. Who's this?"
"This is uh, Billy Bob Montgomery."
It caught Celeste off-guard. But you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, she reasoned.
"Yes, Mr. Montgomery, what can I do for you?"
There was a moment of silence on the other end. Then he cleared his throat and blurted out, "Have you found Rosamond yet?" Celeste said, "Yes, she's back home and doing fine."
Billy Bob exhaled loudly and said, "Thank God!"
"I understand that you didn't have anything to do with her disappearance. For your sake, I am glad."
Billy Bob hesitated. "Mrs.--Celeste---for all that has happened, I would never wish any harm to come to Rosamond. Honest!"
Celeste said quietly, "I believe you."
He continued in a rush. "I--I love her. Still."
Celeste said, "I know."
More hestitation, "I-I'm sorry I called. But I figured if anyone would tell me, it would be you. Thank you."
"You're welcome, Mr. Montgomery. A word of advice. Watch that Wanda Sue. She's capable of almost anything. I think even you don't deserve a wife like that."
Celeste hung up the phone quietly. You never know!

Rosamond stopped at the fitness center. Bethia was in the middle of making clay figures with Will and Julie was sleeping so Rose thought she would have a talk with Daniel. As she walked into the gym, Moose threw himself at her feet. "Oh, Goddess of Abs and Gluts, you're back! You're back!"
Rose disentangled Moose from her legs. "Yes, Moose, I should be here tomorrow for the five o'clock class. I was called out of town suddenly. And John is under the weather and I have to stay home with him for a bit."
Daniel's eyebrows shot up. "Since when does John need a nursemaid?"
Rosamond motioned him into the office and shut the door. "Since he was shot."
Daniel dropped the papers he was carrying. "Shot? SHOT? How...? Where...? WHY?"
Rose sat down at the desk. "I was sent to SanFrancisco."
Daniel said, "What, on business? Or were you just shopping?"
Rose snapped, "It wasnt' my choice. I got bounced into 1849 from that awful Sally Jennings and Wanda Sue Skaggs! Gold Rush days! John came to rescue me but it took 48 hours to find me. And when he did, he was shot by Marshall Matt Dillon. He has a gunshot wound in the shoulder. Fortunately Roger was there to get the bullet out."
Rosamond proceeded to tell Daniel all about it. Daniel shook his head. "Angel, you are bad jiu-jiu to any man that loves you!"
Rose sighed. "I just want a normal life."
Daniel grinned. "Boring as hell, Ro' and you are not the kind of woman to put up with it. My offer to move to Rome or Paris with you still stands. I do have second thoughts about Iowa..."
Rose cut him off with a wave of her hand. "What I need are two things from you, Daniel. One--I need you to run this place until John is stronger. I am willing to up your percentage of ownership to 35%."
Daniel grinned. "Done deal!"
"Second--no one is to know about the gunshot wound. There would be legal ramifications not only for John and me, but also for Roger for not reporting it. I would be eternally grateful to you."
Daniel smiled, "Really, Rose?"
Rose sighed. "Don't start in, Daniel. I haven't had much sleep."
Daniel asked, "How's the baby?"
Rose's mouth tightened. "She's fine. And I'll tell her that her UNCLE DANIEL asked about her."
Daniel scowled and threw his pencil down.
As Rose turned to go, Slim came in the office. Rose did a quick study of his face and then asked him, "Slim, what is your real name?"
Slim said, "Huh? James Wesley Skaggs, Rose. Why?"
Rose asked, "Family ever settle in California, Slim? Reason I ask is that when John and I were in San Francisco during our honeymoon, we saw a guy that was a dead ringer for you! I just kept forgetting to ask you."
Slim broke out in a smile. "Yeah! Funny you should ask! I heard my great great great grandfather went out during the Gold Rush! He must not have done too well because he settled back in Texas. Literally married the girl next door! Family photos showed a strong resemblance to me. Funny, isn't it?"
Rose patted him on the back and said, "Blood will tell, Slim. Bet he was a fine gentleman. Just like you!"
She picked up her purse. "Gentlemen? I will leave you to your various chores. Daniel? I'll tell John of the new..arrangement. I'm sure he won't mind."
She left and Daniel said out loud, "Bored yet, Rose? Yeah, I give you one year..."


A NICE LITTLE HOUSEWARMING GIFT.........by Coralynn

Jerry parks in front of the house at 123 Sycamore and gathers up the pitcher of tea and the lovely brass name plate he always gives people who buy houses through him, and approaches the front door. He hears loud music and laughter, so he pushes the doorbell several times.
He sees a face look out the window, then the music turns off. Sally Jennings opens the door and asks, "Is there more I have to do? I thought I already bought the house! Don't tell me there's a problem!"
"No problem, Sally, just a couple housewarming gifts for you in your new home. May I come in?"
"You do this all the time, do you? Give people gifts when they buy a house?"
"Sure do! Now this is engraved with your name and can go right outside the door, perhaps by the doorbell. This other is a pitcher of tea." he decides to pretend it's from him, as Celeste wasn't too eager to have it be known she'd made it up.
Sally turns the plaque over and over, nodding her approval, then takes the lid off the pitcher and smells the contents. She smiles, "This stuff smells great! Want some?"
She's already pouring it into glasses and extends one to Jerry. "No, I really must be going, but I want to make sure you're happy in your new place, and, if you have any problems, don't hesitate to call on me."
They hear the toilet flush, and who should come out of the bathroom but WandaSue. "Hi," she says flippantly, then flops on the couch. Seeing the glass of tea on the coffee table, she lifts it to her lips and takes a long swig of it. "ahhhhhhhhhh!" she says, "This stuff is delicious! You make this?" she asks Jerry.
"I got it from a store that specializes," he says as he turns to leave, but......but......where is WandaSue? Did she go back into the bathroom? He looks around. Sally is here, about to drink her tea.
"Bottom's up!" she says loudly, and drains the large glass, "Ahhhhhhhh, that hit the spot!"
Now where did she go?? Jerry wonders if he's been working too hard; leaves and gets into his car. "Mission accomplished!" he says as he turns the wheel hard to turn around in the street and head back home. "Yes, another satisfied customer!" he laughs as he hears his cell phone ring. Pulling over to the curb, he answers it, "Hi, Jerry here!"
"Jerry, this is Celeste. Did Sally Jennings like the tea?"
"She sure did! So did that WandaSue person. They drank it like they'd just crawled across a dry desert on their hands and knees. Then, maybe it was my imagination, but I couldn't find them. Does that tea usually make people leave the room?"
"Well, no, not usually," Celeste lies, "thanks Jerry. Want to speak to Eleanor?"
"Sure, put her on!"
Celeste calls Eleanor to the phone, then walks down to Beth and Roger's house. When Bethia sees her approach the door, she quickly opens it and asks, "Did it work??"
"Like a charm!!!"


TEA FOR TWO.........by Coralynn

"Hey, any more of that tea left?" Wanda Sue asks.
"Some. We can split it," Sally says as she refills the tall glasses out of which they have been drinking. "Here's to it!"
"Ya know, Sally, we haven't made harrassing phone calls to the house on WW today."
"WW?"
"Yeah, code word for Winding Willow. Let's ring 'em up and see if they know where Rose is!"
Sally snickers, "Ya mean, as in San Fran - cisco!!"
WandaSue dials up the big house, and after several rings hears the voice of that woman who yelled at them yesterday, so she tries to disguise her voice even more, "I say there," she begins in an English accent, or what she takes to be an English accent, "Would Rosamond be at home?" she crooks out her little finger and makes a snooty face.
"Knock it off, WandaSue, you're not fooling anyone!" the voice says just before the phone goes dead.
WandaSue sighs in exasperation, "There's just no working with some people!"
"Which one?"
"You know, the older woman who thinks she runs that place."
"Ohhhh, yeah, Celeste! She's psychic!"
"That's how she knows it's me??"
"Yes! She can see through doors and one night I looked out and she was walking across the pond........in her bare feet! I also saw her call wolves out of the woods and they made a circle around her while she danced naked, howling."
"She was howling or the wolves were howling?"
Sally is on a roll, "Both!"
WandaSue shakes her head, "That sounds kinda fishy to me. Well, we'll try tomorrow. Maybe the witch will go out somewhere and we can talk to a real person! I've gotta get back to the Ranch now. Gotta drive Billy Bob even crazier than he is. Oh, Sally, let me tell 'ya, there is nothing sweeter than getting back at a man....."
"You don't have the hots for him, do you?" Sally makes a grim face.
"Are you kidding? I don't need men at all, not any of them. They're a lower life form is my opinion. That makes driving them around the bend ohhhh so much fun!" WandaSue realizes she has to sound like a man hater. After all, Sally is the one with the magic coin, not her, not anymore anyway since that simp 'Belle" lost it. The memory still rankles her. But Sally is another case altogether. Sally can be vicious, and at least she won't start drooling over some man, calling him her soul mate. Yuck!!
"I'll phone you up later......see how yer doin! Bye!"
"Bye, WandaSue! Give BB hell! I'm rooting for you!"
As WSue goes out and gets in her car, she sees a neighbor mowing her lawm. Being that WSue is in a particularly upbeat mood, she yells out, "Howdy neighbor! Your grass looks great!"
The lady doesn't look up. She ignores WSue altogether. "HEY!! YOU!! I THINK YOUR LAWN LOOKS GREAT!" Wanda Sue yells at her. Still the woman doesn't look up. The woman turns off the lawn mower and mopes her brow. Ohhhh sure, she couldn't hear me over the noise the lawnmower was making. One more time:
"Hello, neighbor! It looks like your lawn is coming nicely! How well tended it is!"
Still she is ignored. She hates that.
She marches right up and gets in the woman's face and yells, "HEY YOU!"
Nothing.
"Neighbors are highly over-rated anyway!" WSue says as she gives up and gets in her car and backs out. She's still looking at the neighbor lady, who, of all things, is looking at her with shock on her face.
I dunno, she thinks, that woman is weird. NOW she looks up. I'll have to warn Sally that a wacko lives next door. OK, here I go........BB Montgomery, yer honey is comin' home ta ya!!!"

As WandaSue drives by a convenience store she realizes she's out of beer and cigarettes, so she pulls into the parking lot and gets out. Someone is just going in, so she slips in before the door closes again.
She grabs a plastic basket and loops it over her arm. Walking to the cooler section, she grabs two six-packs of Bud, then sees that the door of the cigarette cabinet hasn't been properly locked, so she reaches in and grabs two cartons of Marlboros.
"That oughta get me through the night!" she says aloud to the customer beside her. He ignores her. Well, jeeez, what is it with people today? Is there a full Moon or what?!
She stands behind a woman whose items are being bagged, and places hers on the short belt of the checkout stand. They move forward. The woman working the checkout automatically scans them and puts them in a plastic bag.
"I want paper! WandaSue yells at her.
The woman continues to put them in plastic. Sheeeesh, has everyone gone deaf all of a sudden?
The cashier looks up to see the person purchasing the items, then looks around, scans the aisles to find her, while WandaSue stands there drumming her fingers on the counter.
The cashier comes back and looks startled when WandaSue hands her a credit card. Good grief, what a yokel! She's never seen a credit card before?
The cashier, looking very nervous, puts the print-out on the little shelf and watches in horror as a pen moves and a name is signed.
When the cashier also sees a couple plastic bags full of beer and cigarettes move by their own power out of the store, she sits down and begins to pray violently. I was told not to cheat on my husband or the devil would get me! I was warned! Now I'm being tortured! Oh please, I promise not to do it again! I'll reform! I'll make pot-roast for Kevin tonight, I promise! Only make it stop!!
WandaSue tosses the bags in the back seat, gets in the car, starts it up and drives away. The people who own that store really oughta screen their employees better than they do! That woman is about to have a breakdown! Ohhh well, see if I care.........I'm about to party with my baby!! Whether he wants to or not!!! she chuckles as the image of the store recedes in her rear-view mirror.


NOW YOU SEE HER...NOW YOU DON'T.....by Terri

Wanda Sue deftly pulled her Acura behind the barn. She saw Billy Bob working the horses. Yeah, he's a horse whisperer, alright. "Hey! Stud Muffin! Mama's home!"
She waved at him. Yeah, how do you like that! Ignoring me! She yelled out, "I think your tractor's sexy!" Huh! OK, so I don't sound like Kenny Chesney.
Wanda Sue hoisted her beer and cigarettes on her hip and slammed the door with her other hip. The cat crossed in front of Wanda Sue. His back went up and he hissed and spit. Yeah, up yours, too, cat. I hate him. Wish Billy Bob would go wrench that dog Jake out of Rosamond' s clutches. Wanda Sue chuckled. Wonder if she's remarried by now? Or is she a working girl? Poor Johnny boy hasn't a clue. If Rosetramp ever comes back, will she even tell him what she's been up to? Doubt it! I sure wouldn't! She threw her beer in the refridgerator and headed for the shower.

Billy Bob came in hot and sweaty from his horse-training. So Wanda Sue found a new friend to play with, huh? Good--I hope she moves in with her.
He went upstairs and stripped off his jeans. That's weird, the shower is running. He pulled back the shower doors and shut it off. Good thing I have money, can you imagine the water bill?
"HEY YOU &*%$@ WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? SHEESH!"
She turned the water back on.
Billy Bob had stripped his clothes off and grabbed a towel. Sure will be glad to get back in my own house. Can I handle Wanda Sue long enough to get that furniture back and then kick her out? 'What a pig!
He came into the bathroom. What, on again? I'd better get a wrench and shut it off after I take a shower. It's nice and hot...
He stepped in. Wanda Sue leered. "OH, loverboy, you've decided to join me!"
Billy Bob grabbed the soap. He bumped into something. What the hell is that?
This shower is a lot smaller than it looks on the outside.
Wanda Sue put her arms around him. Billy Bob jumped a mile. "What the hell...?"
This is weird--feels like something is pressing on my chest...must be stress. Unless I'm having a heart attack..
"Hey! Loverboy! How about I wash your back and you wash mine? Wait! You can't possibly be done so soon?"
By this time Billy Bob had stepped out and grabbed a towel. He reached over and turned the tap off.
"Oh, fine, ignore me! I was offering you a primo time in the shower! More fun than Rosetramp ever was, I'll bet! AND LEAVE THAT FAUCET ALONE! I'm not done!"
Billy Bob walked over to the sink and filled it up.
'YOW! TURN THE FAUCET OFF, &(*%^*%#!"
Billy Bob got his razor out and started to shave. Wanda Sue stuck her head out of the shower. "Oooh, I do love to watch a man shave---it's so masculine!"
By this time Billy Bob had shut the light off. "HEY! DO YOU MIND!"
Wanda Sue stepped out of the shower and dried off. Billy Bob was in his bedroom changing into clean clothes. Wanda Sue stood in the door starkers.
"Hey, bigboy, this do anything for you?" But Billy Bob pulled his shirt over his head. Wanda Sue yelled out, "Hey! I did you a favor by removing Supertramp from your sight! If you want, I'l bounce her boy toy in another time frame and let them try to work their way back to each other! How'd ya like THEM apples, sweetie?"
But Billy Bob had gone downstairs.

Billy Bob went to the refrigerator and opened a beer. He picked up the phone and dialed.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Bobby Joe! How are things going at the DDI?"
"Slow as all get-out. I'm getting out of here within the hour."
"Good, because I have to move these bales of hay before this weekend. It is forecast to turn cold and I don't want the frost getting on them and mildewing them. Can you help me?"
"Yeah, I'll see if Uncle Ned will let me off early."
Wanda Sue picked up the extension in the bedroom. Aw, nuts! It's only Bobby Joe.
Then the conversation took a turn that made Wanda Sue's ears perk up.
"Uh, Bobby Joe? I called...to see if she got back yet."
"Who'd you talk to?"
"The housekeeper. Celeste. She's been decent to me in the past. Not like the rest of them. I asked her if she's back yet. She said she was. Celeste sounded really guarded. Damn, Bobby Joe! Everyone over acts like I'm the enemy! I mean, she entered that marriage willingly. I didn't hold a gun to her head!"
Bobby Joe sighed. "I know. You two were dynamite when you got along."
BillyBob exhaled. "Don't I know it! Not like that dirtbag that claims to be my lawfully wedded wife. Thank the Lord she's not home! I can't stand her infernal sniffling and belching and scratching. And the cigarettes! Stinks up the place to high heaven! But that Celeste didn't give me a clue as to where she'd run off to. Or why. Rosamond's a restless soul. Wonder if Johnny-boy has bored her to death by now. Get this! Celeste told me to watch my back with Wanda Sue. Like I didn't now already!"
"YEAH, WELL, YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET!" Wanda Sue yelled. She slammed the phone down.
"BJ? You hear that?"
Bobby Joe said, "I'll see if I can come over now. I think you'll need my help getting that hay in before the rain. Thought I heard thunder!"
Click!

Wanda Sue stomped down the stairs. HUH! My little studmuffin is out with those dang horses again! I see Bobby Joe just pulled up. Yeah, now they'll be out in the fields getting that hay put away. What the heck am I supposed to do? Rearrange furniture? I think I'll stop at that diner, the one Slim and Rosetramp rendezvoused at that morning. Still think something funny was going on with the two of them, although Slim denies it. He's been known to lie before.
She revved up her Acura. Those two yahoos are so busy with the hay they didn't even notice I left!

Wanda Sue plugged in her CD, Best of Smashmouth, and started singing Walking on the Sun.."I'd like to buy the world a toke...and sing in harmony.." She was off-key and AWFUL! Hmmm..an open road. Let's see what this baby can REALLY do!
She put the pedal to the metal and let 'er rip. The needle jumped...65...75...85...90!"
Guess those Japs knew what they were doing!
Suddenly she hears a siren. Flashing lights. Aw, heck, babydoll! Party's over!

She pulled over and got her lipstick out. She fluffed up her hair, unbuttone the top two buttons on her shirt and licked her lips seductively to wet them. She looked in her rearview mirror. Oh hey! There's someone I know! Trap-door Mc Goofus!
She rolled down her window and leaned what she perceived to be sexy out the window.
"Why, hello, Officer Mc Gee! Beautiful day, isn't it?"
McGee stopped dead in his tracks. He looked around the car. He looked inside the car. Wanda Sue purred, "I suppose you want my license and registration, don't you?"
Travis didn't answer her. Wanda Sue opened the car door. "Maybe we can work out a little deal, honey!" Travis walked around the car. He bounced the trunk up and down.
He scratched his head and broke out in a big grin. "OK--is this one of those cars that splits in half when it comes across a tree in the middle of the road?" He shaded his eyes and looked around. "I don't see any cameras around. You guys are GOOD!" He said to the air, "Let me know when the program is going to air. I'll get my mom to tape it!" Travis walked off whistling, 'Smile! You're on Candid Camera!'

Wanda Sue stood there dumb-founded. "WHAT? I'm not even TICKET-WORTHY?"
She jumped back in her car and roared down the highway.
She pulled into a drive-in restaurant. She leaned her head out the window and pressed the button. "I'll have a double-bacon cheeseburger, double fries and a large milkshake. And hurry up! I'm diabetic and can go into a coma if you don't bring it pronto!" Heh, heh, heh! That always works!
"'Allo? 'Allo? I canna heah you!" the voice over the speaker came. "Hey, Manuel!
Dis speaker, she no worka-you gotta fix it."
Manuel came over the intercom. "Seems to be a problem. Can you hear me?"
To Manuel, he said, "Must be a deaf-mute. If you can, write down your order!"
Jose said to Manuel, "Now how's dey gonna write down if dey canna heah you tell dem dat? I gonna see what da problemo is. Sheesh! Gotta do alla da t'inking heah!"
Wanda Sue heard the entire conversation. "What a bunch of lame-os! She scribbled her order down and when she pulled in the spot, she had to use the bathroom. She walked in, and while she was in the restroom, someone hung a tray on her car.
She placed the order down and waited. In a few minutes a car-hop on skates came rolling up and without a word, took the note. Real friendly place, yeah, this is gonna be reflected in your tip, you weinie! Wanda Sue laid a ten-spot on her tray and turned her radio up and closed her eyes. Within five minutes, her food was put on the tray and the ten was picked up. She ate her lunch with relish.
And waited for her change. And waited. And waited.
Finally she opened her door and the tray fell to the ground and debris went everywhere. She stood out in the middle of the mess and yelled, "That's what you get for the inefficiency here!" She kicked the mess around and stomped on the paper goods. The car-hop yelled at Jose. "Must be a pretty strong wind out here!"
Wanda Sue stood there with her mouth open. "What do you think I am?"
When the car-hop bent over to pick up the mess, Wanda Sue planted her foot right on her butt.
The car-hop fell over. "Ooof! That IS a strong wind!" Wanda Sue yanked on the car-hop's money bag and took her ten dollars back.
The car-hop yelled at Jose, "Watch your money! It's strong enough to rip it right out of your fannypack!"
Wanda Sue shook her head in amazement, pocketed the ten dollars and yelled, "Lunch is on YOU! It wasnt' that great anyways!" She jumped back in the car and roared back towards the ranch.

Travis walked smugly back into the police station. He walked up to Alan Carson.
"HA! You missed an opportunity to be on TV, Alan!"
Alan yawned, "What, did Captain Kangaroo come to town and Mr. BunnyRabbit give you a carrot?"
Travis folded his arms and leaned on Alan's desk. He bumped into Alan's In/Out basket and knocked all the papers on the floor. Travis braced himself and Alan's cup of pens fell over. Travis scurried to pick them up as Alan got up and looked over the desk. "Uh....Alan? Did you remember what was in and what was out?"
Alan fumed, "No, Mr. Butterfingers." As Travis just put them helter-skelter on the desk, he said proudly, "I'm going to be on Candid Camera!"
Alan looked at him dubiously. "You been smokin' what you've been confiscatiing, Junior?"
Travis said, "NO! Honest to goodness! It was one of those cars that was driverless! Some sort of remote! It was so cool! I guess they thought they could pull one over on me!"
Alan said absentmindedly, "Is that show still on?"
Travis said, "What is with you? Have you even heard a word I said?"
Alan threw his pencil down and said, "Rosamond de Clifford Montgomery Gwinnett is missing."
Travis said, "All of them?"
Alan frowned. "Don't be snide. I gave you all those names hoping it would ring a bell in that thick skull of yours."
Travis said, "By missing, do you mean she's run off or she's been misplaced, either voluntarily or involuntarily. Because from what I understand, she used to run off with Montgomery quite regularly. Old habits die hard, you know!"
Alan exploded. "Oh, for cryin' out loud! She just got married a month ago! John Gwinnett is one of my good friends and he is beside himself with worry! She left the kids behind."
Travis sat down, leaned back in the chair and said, "Want me to round up the usual suspects?" He tipped sideways over in the chair.
Alan sighed heavily. How did this guy ever make the academy? "This is NOT Casablanca and you are NOT Claude Raines. Usual suspects! AND GET YOUR FEET OFF MY DESK!" Alan cracked his feet with his gun butt. Alan proceeded to tell Travis reluctantly of his conversation with John. "...and so her car was found but not a trace of her. There's an APB out on her. But no news yet."
Travis' eyes gleamed. If I could be the one to rescue her....and visions of Rapunzel danced in his head.


HOW TO EXPLAIN............by Coralynn

"But I hate to lie!" William insists as the phone is thrust at him.
Celeste, Eleanor and Marilyn glare at him, "Just relax your impossibly high standards for a minute, will you, William?" Eleanor says impatiently, "We have to call off the APB on Rose now that she's back. If you tell Carson what really happened, we'll look like a bunch of freaks!"
Marilyn cracks up, "Well, aren't we?"
William grimly takes the phone and dials the Police Station.
"Hello, Alan Carson?...........may I please speak to him?............yes, hello, this is William at the house on Winding Willow.........right. It seems that Rose left a note saying where she was going, but the window was left open and it was blown under another piece of furniture..............yes, that can happen...........so sorry to have wasted your valuable time..............yes, please let the whole department know so they can devote their time to a real issue...........yeah, it sure did look like an abduction................as we say, all's well that ends well!..........thank you. Goodbye."
"Now that didn't hurt, did it, William?" Celeste chides him.
"How trite!" William frowns, "'All's well that ends well'......I could have at least come up with something more original!"
"You did fine," Eleanor pats him on the shoulder.
"I'd better not be expected to do any more lying for any of you! It just isn't in my character!"
"We know, we know," Marilyn says with a grin, "You are very upstanding. You are a Prince among men......you are the cream of the crop........you're the top, you're the Coliseum, you're the top, you're the Louvre Museum..." she sings as she goes into her room, kicking her leg back provocatively before she closes the door.
The phone rings. Celeste dives for it and gets it first.
She hears nothing, but senses the caller is Sally Jennings. Waving the others away, she takes the cordless back into her room and shuts the door.
"I know it's you, Sally. Having trouble being heard, are you?"
"I want to speak with Rose, and I want to speak with her right now!" Sally decides to sound tough. That oughta get results. What on earth is that witch woman saying about her having trouble being heard, anyway?
Celeste hangs up on her, and goes into the kitchen to fix a spot of tea.
She chuckles, remembering Jerry's phone call about Sally and WandaSue drinking the spiked tea, then leaving the room. That worked out perfectly! she congratulates herself as she hears the phone ring again.
Before she gets a chance to pick up the cordless, she hears a male voice in the living room. William.
"Who is this? I am getting very tired of your pranks, kids." He hangs up, then turns to the others and complains, "Halloween! I'll be glad when it's over!!"


HOTS versus SUPER-COP...........by Coralynn

The dinner dishes have been put away, and Rose looks in on John, who is now sleeping in their regular bedroom. He's out like a light. Good.
See sees Hotspur going down the stairs three at a time. What a character he is! Look at the scruffy way he's dressed, too. Wonder if he shows houses looking like that.
As she reaches the living room, Hots has a bag of Cheetos open, his feet up on the coffee table, and a beer within reach.
"Hotspur," she begins as she sits on the couch next to him, "Do you show houses in those clothes?"
"Sure! Why not?"
"They are a tad raggedy, Hots. When you sell real estate, it's important to look successful....."
"I am successful!" he brags.
"But think how much more success you'd have if you were dressed appropriately."
He extends one arm and looks at the threadbare long shirt sleeve and purses his lips, "Ya think this shirt looks inappropriate?"
"Welllll, yes, it does look like you dressed out of the ragbag."
"OH, well........OK. So what's your idea of how I should dress?"
"I think a suit would be smashing on you........let's go to the Mall right now and you can get one. John is out like a light and will be for hours yet. The Mall stays open another 3 hours, we have plenty of time."
"I'm game!" Hots stands up, belches, and grabs his ragged jacket.
"Celeste!" Rose makes sure to tell someone where she's going, "Hots and I are going to make a quick trip to the Mall. Be back in an hour!"
"OK, dear. Have fun, you two!"

When Rose and Hotspur arrive in the Mall parking lot it takes awhile to find a parking space, which surprises Hotspur.
"Why do so many people shop in the evening?"
"Because they work during the day, and evening is the only time they have. That and weekends, and weekends can be a madhouse! Oh, here's a space!" she parks and they get out.
It's quite a long walk into the Mall. Rose takes him to the Directory and they peruse the 'Clothing: Men' list.
"Hurry up, Rose! Let's just start walking. We'll find a store."
"But I want to see which ones they have so we don't miss out on a quality store."
She continues to match each stores name up with the location indicated, and Hots is getting impatient. He tugs on her, "Come on!"
Suddenly he finds himself on the floor. Rose looks up from the Directory and sees Travis McGee sitting on Hotspur's chest. But not for long, as Hots leaps up and grabs Travis around the waist, swinging him around like a rag doll, then throwing him violently down in a heap.
"POLICE!" Travis yells. "Ohhhhhh, I am the police!" he staggers to his feet and grabs Rose, tearing her away from Hotspur.
"Get your filthy hands off me!" she tells him, struggling and kicking him in the legs.
"I rescued you! That miscreant must have kidnapped you!"
Rose and Hots' mouths both drop open.
"You have the right to remain silent..." he begins to read Hotspur his Miranda right, but Hots is in the process grabbing Rose away from Travis.
"I found her!" Travis says petulantly, "And I get the credit! Back off buddy!"
"I am not kidnapped!" Rose yells. A crowd is beginning to gather, people whispering about what could be going on here.
"Yes you are!" Travis insists.
"I am NOT!" Rose wrenches free and stands behind Hotspur, who is in his crouching, attack posture.
"Oh good, a fight!" is heard from the onlookers.
She whispers to Hots, "No fighting, please. They lock people up for fighting with the police."
"Even that twerp?"
"Yeah, afraid so!"
"You both must accompany me down to the station!" Travis says authoritatively.
He whips out his cellphone and is soon speaking to Alan at the station, "Alan! I found her! She's at the Mall, and so is her abductor!...........what?!..............no no, you have it wrong, she was kidnapped...........this guy is mean looking............but she couldn't have been found, because I just found her!..................you're sure?..........listen, Alan, you're missing out on a golden opportunity to be a hero............no?............OK, then, but you're making a big mistake!" he puts away his phone and glowers, "I'm warning you two.........one false move and...........and......."
But Rose and Hotspur have walked away and are now in a men's clothing store, looking for suits in 44 long.


MY FAIR HOTSPUR........by Terri

Rosamond dragged Hotspur over to the suits.
"Harry, do you have your charge card?"
"Charge card?"
"Yes, it's that plastic square you give them and they let you pay for it later...and I can see by the blank look on your face that you don't. OK, we can use mine and when the bill comes in, you can pay me back." Rose held up a nice black suit. "You need one for dress. And here's a nice tweed jacket in shades of tan and olive. It looks so super with your tan skin and red hair.
My, Hotspur, you ARE a good looking specimen!"
"Huh?"
"Never mind. I have a knack for getting great looking guys to hang out with me. Oh! Here's some slacks...and some new jeans..."
She was loading Hotspur down with clothes. Then a thought occurred to her. "Harry? Come here!" She whispered in his ear. He shook his head no. Rose groaned.
"Wait right here." She went into the miscellaneous department and picked up a pack of jockeys. "I'd like to charge this. Size--" she looked over at Hotspur who stood there with his arms full and looking bewildered. "...34. Yeah. At least."
The salesclerk looked over at Hotspur and then back at Rose. "You sure?"
Rose smiled slightly. "Oh, yeah, I'm sure." She whispered to the clerk, "I've seen him naked and passed out on the lawn!"
The clerk stood there with her mouth open. She closed her mouth long enough to stammer, "Lucky you!" Rose just gave her a knowing wink. She took the bag and receipt and gave Hots the package. "A present from me to you."
Hotspur sighed and said, "OK--but it won't feel right."
"Trust me, Harry. If you don't want the jeans and put them back, the next person will appreciate it!"

"How's it going in there?"
"Fine," came the muffled reply.
"OK, Hotstud, let me see how it looks."
Hotspur came out, tags hanging all over him like Christmas decorations. Rose whistled. "Wow! I'd go out with you...yeah, definitely!"
Hotspur looked puzzled and pleased. "YOU WOULD? Why didn't you say so before you married John..then we could have gone back to Northumberland and wed and all that land would have been ours!"
Rose laughed. "Not on your life, Hotspur. I'd die in chidbirth because the babies you would have given me would have these humongous heads and it would be like pushing a piano through a transom! You'd either die of the plague or someone would have cut your head off and put it on a pike and then I'd have to look at you every day for the rest of my life, all shriveled up. This way, all we do here is have heart attacks from stress and die! NOW! On to the shirts. I am guessing....16 1/2 and 35 sleeve. Because your knuckles are about scraping the ground. Oh, don't look so stricken, I was just joking! I've just never shopped with a guy before. John refuses to shop with me. He said I take too long. And that's a joke because he's very particular and tries on about 20 suits to get the right one. OK--here."

She loaded him up. "Blue, yellow, yellow-striped, blue striped, white, white-on-white, burgundy--which is SO cool!...."
"OK--shoes! Let's get you some really cool shoes. And a pair of boots. They look great with jeans." She led him over to the shoe department. And the socks. And got him a nice 3/4 leather coat. "OH, yeah...Hotspur, you were MADE for leather!"
"Think so, Rose?"
"I KNOW so! The package pickup will have your stuff there in about a half hour. So let's stop off and have a beer or something while we wait."

Rosamond and Hotspur slid into a booth at a Microbrewery at the mall. They ordered two beers, some buffalo wings, and an order of onion rings. Rosamond dipped her wings in some ranch dressing. "I shouldn't be eating this so soon after dinner. John would kill me!"
Hotspur took an onion ring. "You really love him, don't you, Rosamond?"
"With every fiber of my being, Hotspur."
"Think we may have ended up together if the old dragon hadn't come in that loft that night?"

"Probably. Because I was naive and would have expected you to marry me. But then I wouldn't have been packed off to France and I wouldn't have been Henry's mistress and I wouldn't have Will and I wouldn't have been at that midsummer's eve feast. So many things fall like dominoes, Harry." Harry grabbed her hand. "You know, Rosamond? I think we make much better friends than lovers!"
Rose leaned over and gave him a kiss. "Me, too, Hotspur...me too!"
Hotspur took a deep drink of his beer. "Of course, it IS fun to fantasize..!"
Rosamond turned red and said, "Well, yes, Harry...there IS that!"
Then she leaned forward and whispered, "but don't tell John that!" They laughed. Hotspur said, "Ah, yes..England...home of the lusty lads and the bawdy wenches! And I for one don't want to go back!"
They clinked their glasses and Hotspur said, "Here's to us! A great romance that never made the sheets!"
Rose laughed, " And I am safe in assuming you mean the news sheets!"
They laughed again, and went to the package pickup to pick up Hotspur's packages.
A reverse Pygmalion. And Travis McGee was just a mosquito on their picnic.
They headed home, not knowing who was more satisfied with the shopping trip, Hotspur or Rose.


Rosamond and Hotspur came in loaded with all of his packages. Eleanor, Bethia, Celeste and Bethia were at the table playing poker. Rose's mouth dropped open.
"You girls shock me! And you're playing for money!" El said, "It's all in fun, Barbie! I see you have been playing with Ken!"
Rose laughed. "Yes, and what a Ken doll he is! Hots wears clothes very well...VERY well! John refuses to go shopping with me, he has his own taste and you know how I love to do make-overs! Go on, Hots! Model your leather coat for us!" Hotspur blushed but he put his coat on. All the girls hooted and whistled. Hotspur's face turned bright red but he was pleased.
"Bethia, where's Roger?"
"He's upstairs with John. He came over to change the bandage and keep an eye on that wound."
Rosamond ran up the stairs. John was sitting up in bed with his pillow behind his shoulder. He grimaced in pain. Rosamond hesitated. "Roger? You look perturbed."
Roger was looking at the wound. "I'm keeping an eye on it, Rose honey. It may get infected. If it does, we may have to concoct a story--maybe a hunting accident?" Rose bit her lip. "Daniel was right, I AM bad jujubes to any man who gets involved with me."
Roger and John looked at each other. "JUJUBES?" They dissolved in laughter until John started coughing. Roger picked up his medical bag and patted John on his good shoulder. "If the redness and feverishness doesn't go away by tomorrow, I may have to start you on some sort of IV anitbiotic, John. Let's hope not."
John gave him a thumbs-up. "Thanks, Rog--for everything."
Rosamond walked Roger out into the hall. "Is--is he OK, Roger?" Roger said, "I have to keep an eye on the wound, honey. It's feverish. It may indicate an infection. Make sure he takes these anitbiotics three times a day." Roger gave her a hug. "Oh, don't look so upset, sweetheart! John will be around for a long time...forever! Just take care of him!"
Rose said, "That's what I intend to do, Roger. Make sure he never has reason to regret marrying me!"
Roger went downstairs to see how much his wife was losing.
John patted the spot next to him. "I understand you have been shopping with your ex-would-be-lover, Rosamond." "Oh, John! It's nothing! Just Hotspur needing some guidance. Have you been up long?"
"Will was in here and we played Go Fish. Celeste brought Julie in here for a while. She crawled all over the bed."
John grew silent. "John? What's wrong?"
John turned to Rosamond. "Why did you go out with Hotspur?"
"What?"
"Rosamond, Hotspur is a big boy. He took on Scotland, surely he can take on Bloomingdales."
Rose tried to hide her smile. "Why, John Gwinnett! You're jealous!"
John scowled. "Don't be ridiculous."
Rose put her finger under his chin and turned his head towards her. She gave him a winning smile. "If it bothers you that much, I won't do it again. But Hots and I talked about it. He knows I love only you and that we are good friends. That's all! And now, my lover..."


THE HAUNTING OF WANDA SUE.....by Terri

Wanda Sue pulled her car behind the barn. What a drag! I didn't even get a ticket! And that drive-in treating me like a nobody! HA! Little do they know that I'm a millionaire! Yep, old Loverboy was sooo anxious to keep his little Rosetramp from finding out about his babydoll! Wonder if she's back yet..was that a stroke of luck, hitching my little red wagon to that Sally Jennings' star? Or would that be her travel coin? Yeah, that ho-bag deserved it! Sending that lovely lady to the desert and also befuddling my hubby's brains so much he won't even look twice at me! Not that I want him, I just don't want to see him so besotted with HER! She came in the house and slammed her purse down. "Hey, hunk o' burnin' love! Your babydoll's home!"
No answer. She looked up and stuck her tongue out and crossed her eyes at Chester the deer.

Billy Bob wiped the sweat off his face. "Hey, Bobby Joe, thanks for taking the time to help me with that hay. It's supposed to frost this weekend. I know it would mildew it.
Come on, let's grab a beer and watch the football game." They came in the house. Wanda Sue yelled out, "Oh! SO glad you came home,.lover!"
They didn't hear her. Wanda Sue thought they were ignoring her.
"I don't mind sharing the guest house with you, Billy Bob. After all, it's your house. Kind of like when we were roommates in college. But that Wanda Sue is getting to be a pain!"
"Yeah, tell me about it!"
Wanda Sue couldn't believe they were dissing her in front of her. "I actually prop a chair under the doorknob so she doesn't sneak into my room. I tell ya, Bobby Joe, it will be a cold day in hell before I ever..."
"What's that noise?"
Billy Bob jumped up. "Sounds like dishes flying out of the cabinet!"
"EARTHQUAKE!" They both yelled.
They looked at each other. The house wasn't swaying. What the hell...? Billy Bob looked out the window and saw Wanda Sue's Acura parked. "YOU SCUM! I GAVE YOU THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE! So what if it was only 2 weeks. I was faithful all that time! And was it my fault that my own husband wouldn't even take me to the junior prom? So what if I went with Jimmy Ray Beaudean! And you have to sit here and pine for that little tramp who doesn't even want you! Someone who scored her way across the centuries!" She continued to throw glasses. Finally a frying pan went sailing across the room. It hit the back door.
Bobby Joe and Billy Bob went running out of the kitchen as fast as they could.
They leaned on the kitchen door to keep it from swinging open. Dishes continued to fly.
Billy Bob, in his panic, turned to Bobby Joe. His face went white and he could barely get the words out. "Do--do you know what this means?"
Bobby Joe paled and shook his head no.
Billy Bob stood there unbelievingly. "Somone finally killed Wanda Sue and her ghost has come back to haunt us!"

Billy Bob cautiously opened the door and whispered, "Wanda Sue? If that's you, knock once. If not, knock twice."
She stopped her dish-throwing. "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK THIS IS? REBA MCINTYRE?" She threw a turkey platter down on the floor for emphasis. She stomped back upstairs. Billy Bob said, "Yep, that's her. She knocked once."
Bobby Joe said, "This isn't good, BB. Not at all."
They looked at each other and said in unison, "LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"
They ran out the door and jumped into Billy Bob's pickup truck and drove to the Dew Drop Inn.
Hank said, "Well! Haven't seen you in a long time, Billy Bob! Not since Tequ... er, uh..." he began to polish the bar in earnest.
Billy Bob said, "What...? What? Since I was in here last with my WIFE? Or should I say my UN-WIFE? Bring us a pitcher and keep 'em comin'. We'll be in the booth in the corner."
They slid over to the booth that was in the darkest corner. Billy Bob put his head down on the table and banged it a couple times. Bobby Joe just stared into space.
Billy Bob said in a low voice, "I noticed her Acura parked over by the barn. She never goes anywhere without it. Someone must have killed her somehow and dumped her body somewhere.

Bobby Joe wondered aloud, "What are we going to do? We can't go back there! I mean, Wanda Sue was an impossible dirtbag alive. Hell must not want her. Imagine what she's gonna be like as a ghost--I mean, no repercussions on anything that she does!"
Billy Bob ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm calling Jameson." He brought out his cellphone and dialed.
"Hello?"
"Jameson? It's me. Look, I got trouble!....Jameson?....Jameson? Are you still there?"
"Yeah, I'm here. I heard about the scene you made in Starbucks over that jacket. And then you had both your wives in jail."
"How'd you hear about Starbucks?"
"Manager and I play golf together."
"Yeah, well, the jacket isn't the problem. It's Wanda Sue. She---she's dead."
"WHAT? What did you do to her?"
Billy Bob exploded. "What makes you think I did anything to her? See? That's the first thing that people are going to think! That I did her in!"
"Well....didn't you?"
"You been eating too many of those puffer fish Japanese dishes, Jameson!"
"Oh, you mean fugu?"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?"
"I said, Fu----oh, never mind! What makes you think she's dead?"
Billy Bob said, "Look, I'm sitting in the Dew Drop Inn. Bobby Joe can verify it, he's been with me the whole time. Can we stay at your beach house until we figure something out?"
"Look, I'll meet you there tonight. Anastacia is in Milan shopping with her mother. We can have the whole beach house to ourselves and we'll brainstorm this one. You know where the key is, don't you?"
"Yep! Third hook inside the shed door. We're heading out now."
"See you there in about two hours."
CLICK!


Jameson pulled up into the drive of his beach house. Good--they are already there.
He walked in and there sat Billy Bob, staring at the fire in the fireplace. Bobby Joe was fixing them something to eat.
Jameson sat down. He gently clapped Billy Bob on the shoulder, suddenly moved with pity for his cousin. "Hey, dude--how's it going?"
Billy Bob leaned back in the chair, passed his hand over his eyes and said, "Not too good. Been a bad few months, Jameson."
Jameson commiserated, "I know, cuz..I know. I'm sorry."
Bobby Joe said, "I'm making spaghetti. I stopped at the store and got the fixings for salad and garlic bread. And some wine. I think he needs to keep his strength up. He's coming unglued."
Jameson said, "We'll talk after we eat. Things look better on a full stomach."
Bobby Joe, being a good cook, dished out the food. They sat there and ate in silence. After a while, Jameson said, "What makes you think she's dead, BB?"
Billy Bob went on to explain all the strange happenings around the house. Bobby Joe nodded his head in agreement.
"..and her car is still there. Wanda Dirtbag never went anywhere without her car. There were dishes being thrown and when we freaked out and asked her if it was Wanda Sue she acknowledged it with one big smash of the turkey platter!"
"Not Grandma Gwinnett's turkey platter!"
"Yep--that one they had in Southold. The real old one! Jameson--who do you think they will try to pin it on?"
Jameson and Bobby Joe both pointed their fingers at Billy Bob. "Cherchez le hubby!"
Billy Bob drank his wine in one gulp. "Right. How many times have I threatened to kill her?"
Both of them shrugged. Bobby Joe said, "You mean since you were 16 or just recently?"
Jameson said,"You were threatening to kill her even when you were at college and didn't see her all those years...then there was that time in 1989 when we were at that rodeo...you threatened to kill her in 1991 when we were at that redneck bar in Waco.. and in 1992 when we went to the horse auction in Richmond...in 1994..."
"OK, Jameson, I get the drift! I've threatened her through the years, OK?"
"...and then in 2002 when you married Rosamond, you said if Wanda Sue ever set foot in New York..."
"ALRIGHT, ALREADY!"
"Look, let's all get a good night's sleep here and formulate a plan on how to deal with this in the morning." They each took a bedroom but none of them slept very well.

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