So here we stand on another Valentines day, woo. The day that rubs in the faces of single people that they are alone! There are so many people that claim they hate valentines then they go off to spend a romantic evening with they're boy/girlfriends. Puhlease!! I think I’ve only had a Bf on one valentine, but im surprisingly ok with that, because the holiday is just a plot to go out and buy stuff. Ok so I shouldn't talk I sometimes in highschool, on this very day bought and sent out candy to crushes I had. But actually never got anything in return, which is ok cause its about giving right? pff I guess lol. I may be a little materialistic but receiving is awesome...Im not saying go out and get a diamond ring, although that would be nice!! I'm saying put some thought into this day, take away the money value of it. Remember in elementary school, when we use to make those cute paper bags covered in pinks and reds, and hung them on the front of our desks and everyone put sweet little valentines in them?

Well everything has changed since then, and now in my deep intoxication i realize even more how much i hate this day.... even when things go fairly well i seem to screw them up!! I’ve gone from being the most hopeful person to being the most hopeless person!! I could have so many things, i look in the mirror and now almost like what i see...i think to myself "what does she have that i don't?" I think what does he see in her that i can't project? People always tell to be myself but how am i suppose to do that when half the time i don't even know who i am? And how am i suppose to be me, cool, calm collective when every time i see him i draw a blank? Words choke up in my throat, anything that makes it past sounds like something out of a 2 year old.... usually im witty and cool, but around him im so the opposite!! As corny as it sounds my heart flutters and pulls all words i wish to speak down in a whirlpool effect...so im left with nothing! There are a few songs that kind of describe how i feel...i wish i could just know how he feels so that if necessary move on and such...instead of having to be stuck here too stubborn to give up!! I hate my life, its so lame...im on the verge of just quitting, i figure if he wanted anything he would totally make an effort, right? Call me...want to hang out or such, right? am i wrong or right...i wish i knew...how hard is it for people to just be honest?

Ok i gotta shut up before i hurt myself, im tired and although i could rant about this forever i wont....I know im just lost in a hopeless battle here, its like people with guns fighting people with sticks, and ' guess what? i have the sticks!! fakin eh!!

Ok so for now i bid you adeau!

G'luck and g'nite

Kasia