I was just driving along one day on my way to the bird farm. I just happen to glance over right in time to see my homie, Kristin, cut me off while changing lanes. "Yo K-Dawg!" I yell as I violently slam my car into the curb. I cause an atrocious traffic jam by doing this. Luckily, the police officer who took me in was a friend ofmine form way back. What was his name again?? They politely gave me some coffee, which was very hospitable, until I crushed the damned Syrofoam cup and it burned me in multiple areas. Owww. They told me to change into some striped jail-guy clothes. To 'dry off' they said. But I knew they were going to book me. Then, as I was about to be on my way, they said,"Why don't you sleep over?" This was a tempting proposal considering I'd missed the last couple of Boy Scout meetings. I graciously said,"No thank you," though and proceeded on my way. "Hold it right there," a loud vioce exclaimed. I figured someone had just gotten a little megaphone happy until they 'cuffed me. They put me in a small box-like room and gave me some water - in a SYROFOAM cup. Well you know what happened with that before long. Rather than bother my new friends, I just decided to disrobe and enjoy frolicking in the buff. At mealtime, a woman came to me and asked me if I'd like the roadkill or some cheese from a rattrap they found in the basement. I asked for the dairy product, afraid the half-dead animal would make me rabid. Before leaving, she looked my nakedness over and winked. I winked back. Except for her mustache, she was fairly attractive. When I got the cheddar, I discovered that there was a file hidden in it. I worked on the metal bars day, night, and between verses of "Country Boy" which is what we in Cell Block 9 used to get together and sing now and then. Ultimately on one fateful Sunday morning before Gumby, I'd filed the bars down enough to crawl my scrawny bare ass through. And then I ran away naked.