Minna:  Hi. I'm sorry it's been awhileÉ has it been a while?  I have no concept 
of time anymore.  Higher Learning is killing me.  I swear I'll get the next 
part of On a Wing and a Prayer outÉ somedayÉ then I'll probably take a nice 
long, 'let's focus on not failing chemistry and learning Japanese' break. ^_-
 Anyway, here it is, Cold part Two.
Listen, I think it's really slow.  I think this fic might be sort of slow, 
because like I said, I write it when I feel icky and depressed (OH boy did this 
get a lot added to it while I adjusted to college life!!)

***really quick note about hiragana use:  it's a running joke that Usagi can't 
use kanji. She always uses the corresponding hiragana characters.

THANK YOU to everyone who e-mailed me!  You made me very happy.  I'm sorry if 
this chapter doesn't live up to your expectations.  Please e-mail me anyway and 
let me know. Then maybe chapter three will be better.

Antigone@lunap.com
Antigone@lunap.com
Antigone@lunap.com

É got that? ^_^

Cold part two
	A thin, shimmering black mark cut across the soft blue lines of Usagi's 
notebook paper, dulling as it dried.  Just as quickly, another thin black mark 
crossed the first one, making a dark, crooked 'T' shape over the light, orderly 
blue lines.  
	For a moment her eyes blinked at the shape she had made, the imperfection 
of her hand-written black, the precision of the blue that vibrated back and 
forth in her tired eyes.  It was as if the blue factory-created lines were 
scolding her, for messing up their perfect alignment with her chaotic marks.
	'I need more sleep,' she thought to herself, leaning her head on her 
hand.  At the front of the classroom, her teacher talked endlessly about 
sinusoids, and Usagi thought endlessly about sleep.   But not just sleep, like 
the kind she could indulge in by napping right now, behind her notebook in 
class.   
	No, Usagi's blue eyes were dreamily drifting to the window, and she 
daydreamed about freedom.  To know her sleep would be free of demons, to know 
every laugh with her friends would be genuine, to know she had nothing to be 
afraid of.  Nothing to be guilty of.  Nothing to angry about.
	Blinking, she turned back to the 'T'.  A small frown settled over her 
lips, and she wrote in careful hiragana, 'dreams' over the top of one side of 
her 'T', which had become a chart for her.  On the other side she wrote 
'memories'.   Then she bit her lip, tracing again the center of the T, the line 
that separated the two words.
	The quiet unzipping of her pink pencil bag did not disturb even the kids 
sitting on either side of her, and Usagi silently tapped the item she retrieved 
against the paper, looking at her make-shift, crooked chart.
	Dreams. Memories.
	With one fluid motion, Usagi positioned her white-out dispenser and 
slowly pushed the white tape over the separating black line.
	The 'T' was gone.  The words connected into one incomprehensible jumble 
of hiragana and white-out.
	The blue lines were horrified at the mess that was created on their 
paper.
	And the white-out tape fell to the floor from Usagi's limp hand as the 
girl finally succumbed to sleep.
~~
	"Detention!" Rei's voice echoed through the temple, the girl's violet 
eyes alight with hope, "Usagi's in detention?"  How wonderfully normal.  "For 
what?"
	Makoto was quiet for a moment, "Sleeping in class," she said, finally, 
the look on her face cautious.  Ami and the brunette stood side by side, 
bringing the reason for Usagi's tardiness to the senshi meeting to the two 
other non-Juuban-attenting senshi.
	"Demo," Ami said, "I don't think this was the usual, snoring, drooling, 
lazy Usagi sleep-when-she's-bored-with-utter-disregard-to-any-person-around-her 
type of thing."
	Rei and Minako shared disappointed looks with Luna and Artemis, and 
Minako leaned her face against one beautiful, manicured hand.  "Okay, what was 
it then?"
	Makoto sat down next to her friend, studying her punching fist, for lack 
of anything better to look at, "Her teacher didn't even notice she was asleep 
until all the other students had left, and heÑwhen he first came to see if she 
was okay, he thought she was awake, that something was wrong-"
	"Where were you?" Rei interrupted, confused for a moment.
	Makoto blushed, "Ami and I were in our next classes already, but we 
heard-"
	"From Umino," Ami said, a blush staining her face as well.
	"Who," Makoto was quick to add, "overheard this while he was hanging 
around outside the teacher's lounge."
	"Uh-huh," Rei said, skeptically. 
	Minako elbowed her, "Why did Usagi's teacher think something was wrong?"
	"Well, her eyes were closed," Makoto said, "and Usagi insists she was 
sleeping at the time, but apparently she was crying.  A lot."
	There were a few moments of silence.
	"Quietly." Ami added, "And in her sleep. But her tears had completely 
blurred a page of notebook paper she had been doodling on.  The black ink was 
still slightly smudged on her cheek when I talked to her before detention."
	"She made us promise not to make this into a big deal," Makoto added, 
sweat-dropping.
	Yet, they talked of nothing else the entire time.
~~
	Osaka Naru drummed her nails on the glass case above glittering diamonds 
and shimmering gold rings, bracelets, and necklaces.   The moon was rising high 
above the window as she waited for her mother to finish closing up the jewelry 
store.   This always made her nervous, closing up so late, when their 
merchandise was so valuable.
	However, her mother insisted on more business hours, and constantly 
reassured Naru that Juuban was a very safe neighborhood.
	Safe from jewel thieves, anyway, her mother had added, noting that for 
some reason monsters and other strange creatures seemed more prone to this 
area.  Naru had sweat-dropped and agreed.  Yet, monsters never worried Naru 
anymore.  Only when one was right in front of her, did she feel fear.
	'After all, when your best friend is Sailormoon, you can always feel you 
were safe from silly things like hideous, murderous monsters,' she reflected,  
'And also, when your best friend is Tsukino Usagi, there aren't many secrets of 
hers you can't figure out.'
	Her hands curled around a handwritten message from her tall classmate, 
Kino Makoto.  'And there aren't many things you wouldn't do to help *her* in 
return.'
	Green eyes shot a nervous glance to the glass doors of Osa-P.  Sailormoon 
was little help against a quick bullet to the gut, and it was really lateÉ
	"Mom," she called nervously, "Could you please hurry?"
~~
	With soft pink hair falling all around her, matching perfectly the 
cotton-candy shade of her pajamas, ChibiUsa stood on her tip-toes and pressed 
little hands to the window in Mamoru's bedroom.  The city was quieting down, 
the sun was setting.  ChibiUsa stared toward the center of Tokyo, where she 
could almost imagine the huge crystal sphere rising above the rest of the 
buildings.  A beacon, a landmark, her home.
	Loneliness crept into her chest, mirroring the emotions fed to her every 
night she spent at home, every night she braved staying by her future mother's 
side.  Red eyes lowered, and ChibiUsa's bottom lip quivered. She wanted to call 
herself a coward, but would always stop that thought just in time:  Usagi 
wouldn't want ChibiUsa to sleep beside her while she cried and screamed, locked 
in nightmare after nightmare.  ChibiUsa didn't want herself there, while 
Usagi's emotions filtered into the young girl's heart.  
	ChibiUsa had enough loneliness in her life, she didn't need to feel it 
again.
	"ChibiUsa-chan?" a voice called to her, and the girl looked up, eyes 
automatically softening with love.  Her beloved Mamo-chanÉ he was so wonderful 
to let her stay with him so often.  He had felt loneliness, too, ChibiUsa 
thought, is that why Usagi will not open up to him?
	"Hai, Mamo-chan!" ChibiUsa did not have to force her smile and she ran to 
give him a hug, "Arigatou for letting me stay with you."
	Mamoru smiled and knelt down until he was eye-level with the little girl, 
"Anytime, ChibiUsa-chan, I'm glad to have your company.  But lately you've been 
coming to stay with me a lot, ne?"
	There was a look in his blue eyes that made ChibiUsa pause. It was the 
same attentive, searching look he had when she first came to Tokyo, when he 
asked round-about questions about her home and her family.
	He wanted to know something.  Probably about Usagi.  ChibiUsa suddenly 
wished she had a stuffed animal to cuddle, to hide away behind, because she 
didn't want to deal with this now.
	Shrugging, ChibiUsa pretended she had no clue what her future father was 
talking about.  "I just like staying with you!"  Lowering big eyes, "If that's 
a problem-"
	"Iie!" He was quick to say, patting her head, "I always love your 
company, little one.  I just was wondering why you seem to be avoiding the 
Tsukino's. Is everything okay there?"
	A mean little streak in ChibiUsa refused to give any information, 
flippantly she ignored Mamoru's hidden questions until he finally let the 
subject drop.  Crossing little arms over her chest, she watched him as he set 
up her bed for the night.   If he wanted to know about Usagi's well-being he 
should ask, she thought, and even then I might not tell him.
	Even as she kissed him goodnight and grinned at his promise of pancakes 
the next morning, the same thought was running through her mind.
	'This is Usagi's battle.  She'll fight it alone.'
	Alone.
	God, ChibiUsa hated that word.  She shut her eyes quickly and fell asleep 
the sound of Mamoru pacing his apartment.
~~
	Groaning, Usagi gave another tug at her pleated school skirt, which 
seemed to want to fall closer to her hips then snug at her waist, where it used 
to stay.
	'Am I losing weight?' she wondered, blanching.  Far from being overjoyed 
at the fact that her daily intake of sweets hadn't quite caught up with her 
yet, she could only frown at the fluttering of her heart when she saw the 
slight difference in her stature.
	"Great," she muttered out loud, aware that if she didn't start eating as 
much as her metabolism demanded soon, she'd be nothing but a stick.  Usagi 
shook her head rapidly to erase the morbid thought of how easily bones can 
break when one is underweight.
	Luckily, she had time for breakfast this morning, and was eating with her 
usual gusto when Luna joined her.
	"Usagi-chan," her cat murmured to Usagi as the girl's mother was busy in 
the kitchen.
	"Hai?" Usagi said, wondering if the few pounds she dropped would be 
noticeable to her friends at school. She hoped not.
	"There is a meeting today at the temple.  Try to be on time, ne?"
	"Hmm, hai," the blonde replied, then, "Where is ChibiUsa-chan?"
	Luna paused, "She spent the night at Mamoru's apartment again."
	The cat braced herself for an outburst, but was shocked when Usagi only 
slammed her cup down on the table, a look of muted concern in her blue eyes.
	"Baka," she muttered, although whether she meant herself, ChibiUsa, or 
even Mamoru, Luna didn't know.  ChibiUsa and Luna knew, merely from having the 
habit of sharing Usagi's bedroom, more then anyone else about the things 
haunting Usagi lately, and ChibiUsa was so perceptive to Usagi's feelings that 
she probably knew the most of anybody.  Which, Usagi thought with a mix of 
relief and isolation, still wasn't much.
	Not hungry anymore, Usagi dropped her plate loudly into the sink, not 
looking up at her mother's concerned gaze.  Usagi's hands were shaking even as 
she folding them into fists, her knuckles white.  Guilt overran her fear for a 
moment, sliding through her veins and settling deep in her stomach.  Now how 
much did Mamoru know? Was he pressing ChibiUsa for information?  If he asksÉ 
how can I tell himÉ?
	And minnaÉ  she was grateful all these people cared about herÉ but how 
could she tell them?  How could she explain?
	Dizzily, Usagi leaned on the counter for a moment, jumping and screaming 
with surprise when Tsukino Ikuko put a gentle hand on her daughter's shoulder.
	"What's wrong?" Ikuko asked, worriedly.  For a moment, all Usagi wanted 
to do was fall into her mother's arms and cry.  Yet, all her time as Sailormoon 
formed a mask she had to wear around her family, a lie that grew until an 
invisible wall lay between Usagi and the rest of the Tsukinos, one that could 
never be taken down.
	'I'm so scared, Mama, please, I'm so frightened, and guilty andÑandÑ'  
The words caught in Usagi's throat with every truth she had hidden from her 
family.
	Instead she just smiled, "Hai, Mama, I'm fine."
	Smiling back, Ikuko nodded, "Okay, sweetheart."
	Perhaps it's genetic, Usagi thought, on her way to school that day, that 
both she and her mother only saw what they wanted to.   But experience must 
have made Ikuko better at it, because it was getting harder and harder for 
Usagi not to see the horrors just beyond her eyesight.
~~
	ChibiUsa stood in the doorway of the living area, the pillow she clutched 
to her chest nearly covering her face as she watched Mamoru sit on the sofa, 
typing quickly on his laptop.  Her fists clentched, she knew she had to tell 
him something, at least, to ease the look of worry on his face.
	He looked up when she cleared her throat, and smiled at her.  "I thought 
you were going to get dressed and ready for school?"
	Dark red eyes lowered for a second, then raised up to meet blue ones.  "I 
am.  I justÉ have to say something."
	ChibiUsa knew there wasn't a lot she could say, there wasn't a lot she 
*knew* to tell him.  But he had to understand, he was a lonely child too, like 
she often was, back home so many years ahead.
	"When you are alone," she paused, "truly aloneÉ even if it's not for that 
long a time, it leaves it's mark on you."
	Silence settled over the two for a few seconds, then ChibiUsa added, 
"Forever.  And it never goes away."
	Mamoru blinked, looking almost weary of what the little girl was going to 
say next.
	"Usagi was alone once, ne?"
	He didn't answer.	
	"Ne?"  ChibiUsa was confused, seeking a reason for her explanation of 
Usagi's recent depression.  But quickly the heavy atmosphere weighed too 
heavily on the young princess and she shook it away by happily hugging Mamoru 
and thanking him for the pancakes before rushing back to change into her school 
clothes.
~~
	That day was unusually warm, school kids laughed and ran down the streets 
with their jackets fluttering from their fists, adults fanned themselves with 
papers and their hands, air conditioners around the city hummed to life as the 
sun climbed in the sky.
	Outside at lunch, Usagi stood in the sun, arms around her chest, 
shivering with cold.	

~~
That's Antigone@lunap.com
^^