To Please Her
Author: Patch
E-mail: patchkhan1@hotmail.com
Rating: PG-13

Hi hi everyone! First off, I just want to say
ONE thing, I am a girl. Yes, a girl. It
depresses me very much when people see
my pen name and think me a guy. >_<
No offense to any guy out there!
Welps, this is my latest 'creation'. It's a
storyline that I haven't seen before so I
gave it my best shot. This is a fic based
on the compilation of many personal
experiences. I enjoyed writing it, I
hope you all enjoy reading it.
Many thanks go to all those who write
to me. You guys make me feel all warm
and tingly inside ^_^.
Patch.

Insert Standard Disclaimer.

	Mamoru was in the kitchen mixing
batter for pancakes when he heard the first groan.
Instantly, he felt fear shoot through him but it was
tamped down when another groan followed the
first.
	Oh Kami, he thought placing the bowl
on the counter. He knew those sounds all too
well and it could only mean one thing...
	Beads of sweat formed on his forehead
as he walked into the bedroom where his wife
lay curled up on her side.
"Usako, daijabou?" he asked carefully, walking
around to Usagi's side.
	"No, you baka, I'm not okay!" she
closed her eyes tightly and clenched her teeth as
another wave of pain struck her. "I've got cramps,"
she bit out and then quietly she added, "and they
hurt."
	He swallowed slightly and paled
visibly. It was that time... that time of the month
that all husbands, boyfriends, fathers and any
other member of the male species with a female
in his life feared... greatly.
	He sat down next to her and brushed
back tendrils of her hair from her face. "Usako,
believe me, if I could, I would take all that pain
from you and put it upon myself just to make it
easier."
	"Flatterer, you would do no such
thing," she shot back, shooting him a glare. "I
would think you crazy if you did."
	"Crazy for you, hai," he said with a
smile.
	"Mamo-chan," she moaned, "your
cheesiness is not helping me." But he saw the
small smile forming as she spoke and jumped
on that.
	"If I keep talking like this, my
'cheesiness' as you call it, will help distract you
from the... other things going on."
	She hugged her arms around her
waist and peeked an eye open. "Please
Mamo-chan, your cheesiness will only further
serve to remind me as to why you're being so
cheesy in the first place!"
	He gave her a blank look and then
stood up, throwing his hands in the air. "Fine,
fine, if you don't want my help, that's just fine
with me. I'll just leave you now and get back
to making-"
	"No Mamo-chan, don't leave! I
need you, onegai."
	He grinned at her tone and turned
around from the doorway. "You need me?" he
asked teasingly. "You didn't seem to so much
as *want* my company just a few seconds
ago."
	"Yes Mamo-chan, I do need you...
very much so."
	His grin became wider and he came
back to the bed. "Ah, Usako, you know I love
you" he began, placing a kiss on her lips,
"and I'll always be there when you need-"
	"I need *them*."
	"Nani?" he asked, straightening
back quickly.
	"Mamo-chan," she began with an
air of patience fit for a child, "I need for you
to get me *them*. You always turn red when
I say the word, so this is the only way I can
say it without you getting uncomfortable."
	"Them? Them..." his mind
searched furiously for what she was
implying and when he hit upon the answer,
he wanted to fall to his knees and beg. Beg
so that he wouldn't have to go out and get
*them*.
	"Usako... You know I-"
	"You love me, I know and I love
you too Mamo-chan but I can't get out of this
bed never mind driving to the store so if you
could, onegai, get them for me?"
	He let out a frustrated sigh and got
down on the floor beside the bed so that he
could be at eye level with Usagi. "Why can't
you ever stock up on these things? I'm sure
you get them in family size and bulk pack."
he said.
	She looked at him squarely in the
face, her expression clearly telling him that
she thought he was mad. She then uncurled
her arm from her stomach and brushed
Mamoru's bangs away. "Love, we're not
talking about cereal here. These things do
*not* come in a family size."
	She closed her eyes and he saw
her bite her lower lip as another cramp
struck her.
	"Get some aspirin while you're
at it," she moaned as she rolled over,
facing away from him.
	Mamoru did not want to do this...
he couldn't be made to do this! It went
against every instinct of his male ego. Not
that he would have much left of it after this
trip, he thought, disgruntled. He gathered
up strength for one last argument.
	"Demo... maybe one of your
friends could do it." He quickly rushed on.
"Maybe Rei could go, or Makoto. I'm sure
neither would mind."
	She did not turn to face him but
he heard the menace in her voice. His
wife... sounding menacing... towards him!
	"Mamo-chan, I will not have
Rei-chan make a trip all the way from the
Hikawa Shrine just to go to the store that
is right around the corner from this
apartment complex! The same goes for
Mako-chan. Now go or you'll be sharing
my pain and I'll make sure of it," she
threatened.
	He looked at her back for a
moment and then got up, grumbling to
himself. "When I'm King, the first royal
decree will be to have those things come
in bulk and then I'm going to have the
palace stocked from floor to ceiling
with them."
	He left the room and didn't
see his wife's tender smile follow him out.

	As he drove to the store, which
*was* really just around the corner (but he
wasn't going to be caught walking home
with a package of those *things*), his mind
drifted back to the last (and first) time he
was made to do this 'errand'.
	It was a while ago as he made
sure Usagi didn't make him do this often
and he could still remember... the *stares*.
	He, a first timer, had innocently
walked into the aisle, intent on just getting
the package and leaving when he had to
stop dead in his tracks at the sight before
him. At least 10 women of all ages were
in that aisle, and as he had gone to get that
one item, he remembered the feeling of
their eyes boring into him from all sides.
	Kami, it was those stares that
had nearly done him in that last time,
nearly forcing him to drop everything
and run out of the store with his head
inside his shirt.
	It hadn't helped when he had
reached the cashier, he received a few
smirks from the teenager behind the
register. And then to top it all off he had
to stand through a price check. A price
check! He could have sworn the boy had
done it on purpose to prolong the intense
torture of his trip.
	Mamoru shuddered as he
remembered the words that went over
the P.A. system, "Customer Service, we
need a price check for this guy's Always
Maxi pads, Overnight Protection."
	The snickers behind him that
had followed had nearly killed him and
he swore to never let his wife put him in
such a position.
	So here he was on this
lovely day, heading for the 'feminine
products' aisle, his hands clammy and
his legs quite unsteady.
	"Oh Kami," he mumbled
under his breath, "give me the strength,
please just give me the strength to-"
	"Konnichiwa! Can I help you
today?"
	He nearly jumped back into a
ceiling high stack of diapers at the cheery
voice that had interrupted his prayers. He
turned his head to see an elderly woman
smiling politely at him, wearing the
store's uniform.
	"Iie, I'm just looking for m-...
milk!"
	"Aisle 5, next to the frozen
food section."
	"Uh... Arigato," he walked off,
not realizing he was walking in the
opposite direction, confusing the poor
old woman completely.
	He found the aisle and knew
that *they*, those feminine items his wife
so dearly needed, were on the left side.
So, he deducted, if I just walk through
looking for something on the right side,
and then quickly grab something from
the left, no one will really see anything.
	So, with the confidence and
ease of a man who's sure of himself,
Mamoru walked into the aisle, mentally
patting himself on the back. When he got
near to his goal, he turned his head to
focus his gaze on the items on the right
side of the aisle trying to look
interested in those items... and nearly
keeled over in shock.
	His sexy blue eyes now beheld
the sight of women's razors, disposable
*and* non-disposable, shaving *and*
waxing creams and some fragrant body
lotions on the side. Good Lord, what had
he done to displease the Fates today?
	He groaned audibly yet quietly
and thrust his hand through his hair. The
creaking of shopping cart wheels caught
his attention and he turned his head to
see two young women coming down,
each pushing a shopping cart, chatting
amicably.
	Mamoru did what any normal
man in his tumultuous position would
do... he panicked. First he walked
quickly *towards* the women before he
realized that such a move would only
create more complications and lead to
humiliation. Wrong way, baka! He did
an about face just as quickly and
walked --nearly ran-- out of the aisle
and into the next one.
	He grabbed the nearest item,
saw that it was a bottle of shampoo and
flipped it around so that he could read
the back. Anything to keep his male ego
intact, you see.
	He heard the two women
turn into the aisle he was in and looked
up in time to see their flirtatious smiles.
If only Usagi was here, he thought,
those smiles would have been wiped
off so quickly... but she wasn't so he
did what was a common action to him.
He brought his hand up and scratched
the side of his head, clearly displaying
the golden wedding band on his finger.
	He saw the tiniest bit of
disappointment in their eyes as the
two moved away. He then allowed
himself a smug smile. Serves them
right, he thought.
	But, he could not forget the
mission at hand so he cautiously
walked back to his former destination,
looking around to make sure there
would be no further interruptions.
	Just as he had reached his
goal a hand clamped down on his
shoulder causing him to yelp and swivel
around.
	"Mamoru?" the man asked.
	"Motoki?" Mamoru asked.
	"What are you doing here?"
they both said at the same time and then
grinned.
	"Reika sent me to get her
those *things*," he confided pointing
slightly to the shelves in front of them.
	"You too? Thank Kami. I
don't have to do this alone then." He
reached out to grab one of the packages
when Motoki stopped him.
	"Wait, how do you know that's
the right one?"
	"Nani? What do you mean by
that?" Mamoru asked nervously, pulling
his hand back.
	"Don't you know what specific
*type* Usagi wants? Look at all of the
brands and types in front of you,
wouldn't Usagi want a particular kind?"
	And indeed, Mamoru did look
and see... so many kinds of *them*. The
urge to kill his best friend immediately
had never been so great.
	He groaned even louder than the
last time and turned to Motoki. "Now why
did you have to tell me that? How am *I*
supposed to know what Usako wants?"
The sweat beads were back on his
forehead and he turned his gaze back on the
shelves. All those different brands... what
if he didn't get the right one? That was
something he did not want to look
forward to.
	"Well, which one do you get
for Reika?"
	"Depends." At Mamoru's blank
stare, Motoki sighed and went on to
further explain. "They need different ones
for different times and depending on
where they are, they'll need a specific
type. Where were you in health class,
Mamoru?"
	"Busy gagging," came the
quick answer.
	Motoki shook his blonde head
in exasperation. "So which one are you
going to get?" he finally asked. "There's
the 'light days', 'medium days', 'heavy
days', 'overnight protection,' 'wings,'
'without wings,' 'regul-'"
	He was abruptly stopped when
he found a hand clamped over his mouth
and a very red-faced Mamoru.
	"Can't you keep it down? Do
you want the whole world to know that
we're on a shopping expedition for these
things?"
	Motoki calmly removed
Mamoru's hand and then began chuckling.
"You're not very good at this are you?
You learn after a while to take it... like a
man."
	Mamoru shot him a glare and
then grabbed a package. "Usako loves me,"
he began, "and she won't care that I got her
the wrong brand or type. She'll appreciate
the effort I'm making for her and that's all
that matters."
	"Sure, you keep telling yourself
that..."
	"Can I help you two with
anything?"
	Mamoru caught himself before
he yelped again and then quickly shoved
the package he was holding into Motoki's
hands. He turned around and found
himself was facing the same old lady
from before.
	"No, not at all," he replied
with a charming grin and wink. "My
friend here was having trouble finding the
right kind for his wife. I was just helping
him."
	"My wif-?!"
	Mamoru discreetly stepped on
his friend's shoe, immediately shutting him
up. He flashed the woman another smile.
"Do you have any suggestions?"
	The woman immediately
launched into a lengthy description of
which kind would be suitable while
Mamoru nodded politely and smiled at the
appropriate times. By the time she was
done, *Motoki* not Mamoru, was holding
at least 4 different kinds of Maxi pads.
	When the lady at last left them,
Mamoru turned back to his now fuming
friend with an innocent look on his face.
	"I am *not* buying all of these,"
came the growl.
	"Of course not," came the
gracious reply, "I am going to buy them."
	"Nani?" Motoki asked, clearly
astounded. "Even I would not be crazy
enough to walk out of here with *all* of
them."
	"But see, I'm crazy for Usako
so-"
	Motoki's groan cut him short.
"Oh please, Mamoru, cut the cheesiness."
	"Demo, I'm not being-"
	"Are you done here? Yes?
Good, let's go." Motoki dumped the bundle
in Mamoru's arms, picked up another one
from the shelf for Reika and began
walking.
	Mamoru followed him but once
he left the safety of the aisle and walked
out into the open space next to the cashier
lines he stopped dead in his tracks. So
many people... they would all stare... at
his so many packages of... pads.
	His face lost all color and he
quickly strode to the cashier line in front
of him. Luckily there were only two
people in front of him with few items and
before he knew it the woman --thank
Kami it wasn't that teenager-- was
scanning his stuff. He exhaled in relief...
and stopped in mid-breath when she
spoke in a loud, nasal voice.
	"Sir, did you know that we
are having a special sale on the Stayfree
ones? It's buy one get one free week."
	"I just need that one, arigato,"
he replied curtly.
	But the woman was not to be
deterred because to her, any sale was a
good sale. "If you'd like, you can sign up
for a rebate and you'll receive the
Alway's Heavy Flow with Wings upon-"
	"No, I am not interested." Did
this woman not understand his pain?
Mamoru wondered. He so badly wanted
to sink into the Earth and being that he
was connected to it, the Earth would be
much obliged to do him such a favor...
	"Will you be paying by cash
or credit?"
	Mamoru gave his credit card
and with eager eyes watched as the
woman bagged everything for him. He
grabbed the bags and began walking
towards the doors.
	Freedom... it was finally in
sight...
	"Oh sir! You forgot the
Light Flow Panty Liners! I forgot to bag
them!"
	That voice would forever
hunt him in his nightmares. He knew it
in that instant. He turned back around
and tried to pretend that it was nothing.
Sure, men like him did this kind of
thing everyday. Sure, they were insane
enough like him to get four different
kinds of pads for their wives...
	The snickers from all around
were *not* helping. Wait, was that that
teenage boy again?
	Just you wait, Mamoru
thought. Just you wait until you fall for
a girl and find yourself giving an arm
and a leg to see her happy.
	Usagi owed him in more
ways than he could count...
	"Here you go! Have a nice
day!"
	Finally he was able to walk
out of the store in peace. Finally he was
able to get into his car and drive home.
He vaguely remembered saying good
bye to Motoki but that didn't matter
now. He had gone out, risked his now
deflated ego, and bought *them*. He
needed someone to pat him on the
back, he thought wryly.
	He had finally
accomplished his husbandly duty.

	As Mamoru approached their
apartment he heard the faint sounds of
dance music. He frowned as he realized
it must have been one of their neighbors.
They really had no respect for everyone
else, he thought as the lyrics to "She's a
Maniac" rung in his ears.
	Imagine his shock and
surprise when he opened the door to
find himself blasted with the song.
	The bags dropped from his
hands when he took in the sight before
him.
	His wife was *dancing*
around the living room, a quart of
chocolate fudge ice cream in her hand.
She was still dressed in her nightclothes
which consisted of shorts and one of
*his* white shirt tucked in haphazardly.
	He knew he had left his wife,
moaning and curled up like a newborn in
their bed, so what was she doing...
dancing... like a... maniac?!
	Her back was to him as she
bounced and swayed to the music and he
grinned evilly as he crept up to her. Oh,
she had a lot of explaining to do.
	His hands clamped around her
waist and he was rewarded with a
squeal as he lifted her high and swung
her around.
	The ice cream and spoon went
flying but he didn't care about them very
much at the moment.  When he let Usagi's
feet touch the ground, she immediately
turned around and tried to swing a punch
at him.
	He easily caught her fist and
when she finally saw who it was, instead
of calming, she tried to hit him with her
other hand. He caught that fist also and
brought their hands down to behind her
back and pulled her towards him. He
captured her lips with his and gave her
a deep kiss.
	"Mamo-chan! Are you insane?"
she yelled after they broke apart. "You
nearly gave me a heart attack coming
up like that. I could have hurt you!"
	"You hurt me? Not in this
lifetime, Usako."
	"Don't forget, we have
another lifetime to look forward to
baka! I'll get you then for scaring me
like that!" She struggled a little but
quickly came to the conclusion that
he wasn't going to let her go.
	"And what about you?" he
said, giving in to her tempting lips and
giving her another quick kiss.
	"What about me?" she asked,
her eyes narrowed.
	"I leave you here moaning in
pain and come back to see you dancing
with ice cream! What happened in the
hour's time that I was gone?"
	"Oh, that. Well, a few minutes
after you left I became impatient and
called Hota-chan, you know, the woman
who lives a few doors from us and she
came over with an extra package of pads
and some Advil. She's such a sweetheart,"
Usagi finished, smiling.
	"She's such a sweetheart!" He
let go of her and gestured to himself.
"What about me? After all that I went
through, the horror, the torture, the
humiliation, the agony, the-"
	"Mamo-chan! You're sounding
like a soap opera. All I asked for was a
small package of pads and some Tylenol,
how hard was that?"
	"How hard?"
	Usagi heard the indignation in
his voice and backed up a step... only to
find him move forward one step. "Bad
question?" she meekly asked.
	"You ask me, your husband, a
man with a reputation to keep, how hard it
was to walk into the 'feminine aisle', be
confronted with a thousand feminine
products and then from a plethora of pads,
select *one* of them, praying that it was
the right one?! You dare to ask me such a
question?"
	"Mamo-chan... what's a
plethora?"
	It was all Usagi got out before
running for her life as Mamoru chased
after her. "Gomen, gomen!" she yelled,
desperately trying to evade Mamoru's
hands. She screamed when he finally
lunged, stopping her from getting away.
	He brought her up against his
chest and leaned down to nuzzle the side
of her neck. "You should be punished
for being so ignorant of my manly
psyche," he mumbled, nipping her skin
for added measure.
	She smiled happily and was
about to close her eyes when the bags
against the door caught her attention.
	"How many packages did
you get?" she asked, giggling.
	"Enough to please you and
that's all that matters," he replied,
bringing her backwards so that they
could sit on the sofa behind them.
	"Arigato Mamo-chan."
	"You're welcome. By the
way Usako, *you*, my love, will be
taking a trip to the store because
we've run out of..." and he whispered
the rest in her ear and smiled in
satisfaction to see her eyes go wide.

~*~*The End*~*~

*Giggle* I'm just thinking back to all
the things that led up to this fic. C'mon
people, how many of you have found
yourself in either Mamoru's or Usagi's
position? It's life... and that's the only
way I can explain it.
Write me and tell me what *you* thought.
Patch:-)(-: