The Funniest Quotes of the Class of ‘02 and Their Teachers, 1998!
*The inspiration for this newsletter*
American Government 8F just took a current events quiz for the week. Most of us were stumped on the question concerning where Clinton had traveled the past week.
Jennah: I chose China. You can’t go anywhere without going through China. You know, that big country in Europe!
In morning ethics, Julia and Lindsay are filling out a questionnaire about who they are most afraid of confronting.
{Julia circles "friends"}
Lindsay: Why are you afraid of your friends?
Julia: I’m afraid of you!
Lindsay: Why are you afraid of me?
Julia: ‘Cause I’m afraid you’ll hit me.
{Lindsay smacks Julia}
Testing out the new e-mail system...
Subject: Hi
From: JESSICA L.
Date: 12/5/97 8:39 AM
Hey, can you read this?
Subject: Re: Hi
From: LINDSAY T.
Date: 12/5/97 8:38 AM
Yes. I am not dislecsic.
The best advice I can get.
Lindsay: CALL HIS BUTT!
Mr. Sahr asks the class if we know what Liberals are. Elisabeth wants to take a stab.
Elisabeth: Liberals are...not conservative!
With lack of words...
Emily G.: He’s such a...fuddy-duddy!
We are discussing a certain sentence in our grammar book. One is in reference to flat white paint; should there be a comma?
Mandy: You can’t have flat-comma-white; flat white is a color name. I learned that at Hechingers!
The one excuse we have never heard...
Tory: Mrs. Buchanan, I have a problem. I can’t type my essay because when I look at the computer too long, I get dizzy.
Ethics class at STA after lunch--it seems like Ted needs some protection.
Ms. Gould: What does your group propose to do about the shootings in America’s schools?
Ted D. Well, I’d make a law saying it’s illegal for people under the age of 18 not to have a gun. They need protection!
We have just been informed in science that the last factor you need for a cloud is a condensation nuclei. Well, we all got it wrong on our lab. Lizzie decides to push her answer a bit.
Lizzie: Is gas a solid particle?
Jennah has an idea about how to get into the Saddam’s palaces.
Jennah: ...we can send some women in their garments who speak Iraqi...
A problem no one else seems to have.
Jessica: My face hurts...
We tried to give Mrs. Doyle a hard time.
Mrs. Doyle: How does a union generally vote?
Kathryn: Umm...together!?
Another intelligent conversation in Science.
Sara: What if we run out of water on Earth? Could we melt Mars’ polar ice caps for water?
Lizzie: {holds up WWJD wrist band} What would Jesus do?
Caroline: Hey, Jesus turned water into wine! Maybe he could change wine into water, too!
How far could a word possibly circulate...?
Malkah: My dad is such a farsh!
Lindsay/Julia/Jess: Do you even know what a farsh is?
Malkah: No...
Mandy had previously asked Mrs. Buchanan when our grammar book was written. Now the term cool dude was found in a sentence--perhaps that phrase is a bit out-dated.
Mrs. Buchanan: Oh, is that why you asked when this book was written?
Mandy: No, I asked because the cover is bright orange. It’s tacky.
Subject: "Package"
From: JESSICA L.
Date: 11/22/97 1:33 PM
So, the "package" was in the doorway. Too bad I didn't sign, for last night the package fell from my doorstep into the street...and was crushed by a speeding car in the middle of the highway of my dreams.
Hmm, that's nice poetic sense, eh?
Okay, let me try to rephrase:
The "package" was in the doorway and this Sidwell girl came and stole it from off my doorstep. Do you comprehend?
Michael has a Sidwell GIRLFRIEND!?!??!?
Emily F.: Do you have a phone?
Mr. Calz: No.
Emily: Wait, so you don’t have a TV, computer, or telephone...
Lizzie: What would you do if you were getting robbed?
Mr. Calz: I shoot them.
Lizzie: So, you have a gun, but not a phone?
Mr. Calz: Yep.
Julia is putting up Luisa’s bangs and makes a suggestion.
Julia: You should shave your head!
Luisa: I’d look bald!
Julia: You would be bald!
Mr. Sahr: What’s a random sample poll? First of all, what’s a sample?
Jennah: Umm, it’s something I get in the mail!
Lindsay’s trying to write a note to Jessica about how she doesn’t like Michael.
I don’t hate Michael...!
Actually, I hate you and Michael. He is such a dork!
I’m just kidding, you know I love him!
No, wait. I don’t love him, but I don’t hate him.
We are getting deep during lunch as we discuss the Iraq situation.
Luisa: "An eye for an eye will leave the world blind..."
[the lunch table is impressed]
Luisa: Wait. A tooth for a tooth will leave the world toothless. Plus the dentists would go bankrupt!
Jennah wants to make a comment about a summer reading book.
Jennah: It’s the most boring book alive!!
Something everyone should think about (or probably already does).
Lindsay: I think Mike Dirksen should be in a Calvin Klein underwear ad.
Jennah: I need sugar; it keeps me calm!
In reference to the word sanguine (meaning excess blood--excess blood was thought to bring happy temperaments).
Jennah: I’m happy, I’m cheerful, and I have bloody noses!
We are tallying up the responses for the movie type favorites.
Jennah: ...and she was a Horror [movie preference]...
Mr. Sahr/class: A what!? [mistaken to be "whore"]
Jennah: A Horror!!
Julia might get an infraction for bringing food into the middle school during school hours. Maybe she could disguise it as a calculator. Yeah, yeah. So, when Mr. Work asks to see if it works...
Hadley: ‘See, 2+2=Cinnamon’!
Lindsay is a l-i-a-r!
B@TC = boys at tennis class.
B@TC: <> Hey, you don’t go to St. Albans!
Lindsay: Hey, you’re quick!
B@TC: Where’d you get them?
Lindsay: Uhh, my boyfriend gave them to me!
B@TC: Your boyfriend goes to St. Albans?
Lindsay: Yeah.
B@TC: We know a boy who goes to St. Albans. His name is Will Skinner. Is he your boyfriend?
Lindsay: Uhh, yeah.
It’s the usual question, with a weird answer.
Jessica: What do we do in Science?
Lindsay: Umm...you have sex with Mr. Calzadilla
Later
Lindsay: Wasn’t Science fun?
Jessica: Hmm, a blast. The best!
Lauren T.: No, Science sucked!!
Does this need a caption?
Kate Z.: I see Will Skinner running every day...it’s not a pretty sight.
Ponder the question...
Jennah: Where in France is Belgium?
Sara: Do you enjoy teaching...?
Mr. Calz: ...you?
Sara was counted off on her lab because she didn’t include the purpose for the lab.
Sara: Of course I don’t have a purpose; I am only fourteen years-old!
Is that a legitimate excuse? (I think so)
Horny toad...
Lindsay: How far did he want to go [with her]?
Jessica: 4th
Lindsay: Fuck!
Jessica: Yes, that would be it.
One-track mind.
Lindsay: Should I give him a lollipop?
Jessica: Yeah, it’ll give him something to suck on while you’re sucking.
Good observation
Mr. Sahr: A meteorite hitting your planet--yep, that’d ruin your day.
A good idea, if I don’t say so myself.
Jessica: We can get Mike [Dirksen]’s Rice Krispies wrapper out of the trash when he’s done!
Lindsay: Hey, it’s Dirksen Trash!!
Some teachers have high expectations; this is why Mr. Sahr will never be able to talk to high, public officials in the government:
Mr. Sahr: ...I am some poor slob.
Others believe too highly in themselves.
Mr. Calzadilla: I am a J.Crew model!
The cheer for Algebra 8s
Lizzie: Pi five!!
Michael: What is the last question [that Jessica wants to ask me]? ‘Do you want to go out?’
Lindsay: No, I think it is more of a thinking question.
Michael: Oh, more like ‘Do you think you want to go out?’
Lindsay: You’re a dickhead.
Jessica: You know, you need a better comeback.
When one has good luck, in Lindsay’s eyes.
Lindsay: You are a dick.
Morgan: Hey!
Lindsay: You know, you’re lucky; you could have been a dickhead.
Mr. Calzadilla was trying to explain to some of us why it is important to teach the kids of America sex education in school.
Mr. Calz: If children don’t learn about sex, then you’ll have girls [all over America] wondering what’s going on with their bodies. ‘Oh, I’m getting fatter! What’s happening?’ {Calz rubs stomach}
Lindsay: ‘Wait, I see a head!’
Later, Mr. Sahr explains to us why some immigrants come have their baby in the U.S. He likes it when we can imagine the situation.
Mr. Sahr: Imagine me a pregnant woman--no, a pregnant, Hispanic woman! {hits lower abdomen}
What Jessica is afraid of.
Jessica: ...death, Saddam, Michael,--oh--and spiders.
Let’s try some current events, shall we?
Mr. Sahr: Who knows who Jon Benet Ramsey is?
Katie H.: Didn’t she go to NCS?
While trying to decide which issues project to do for American Government, Jessica thinks of a lame reason why they should do gun control.
Jessica: Pick "L" or "R."
Lindsay: "L"
Jessica: That’s gun control.
Lindsay: I should have known that because control ends in an "L."
Jessica: That’s not how I associated "L" with gun control.
Lindsay: Then how?
Jessica: Because the "L" looks like a gun. Hey, the first letter in your name looks like a gun.
Grammar just doesn’t click sometimes.
Elisabeth: She got dead.
In science, there are some issues that someone will never be able to prove; you just have to assume theories (such as uniformitarianism). Then this should be true:
Sara: So, if I say I am God, you cannot prove me wrong!
Mr. Sahr: You have a lot of questions today, Jennah.
Jennah: Yeah. Do I get credit for them?
Good question...
Lindsay: Are you going to the Holton dance?
Michael: When?
Lindsay: Friday.
Michael: Where?
There is still something Jessica can do to get this secret out of Lindsay, but she must do a certain something first. No one has any idea, except Lizzie.
Lizzie: Do something dramatic, like get naked!
Once again, there’s confusion in the American Government class.
Kara: What? You [Jessica] got naked? With your brother?
{Sahr walks into the room which is filled with laughter}
Mr. Sahr: You’re all so jolly today.
Lindsay: Yep! We were just talking about you.
Jessica: Why do they call Great Britain "England"?
Julia: Because it is the land of Engs.
Later when Jessica recaps the joke at lunch
Jennah: What are "Engs"?
Mr. Sahr: You cannot insult the representatives in the House by calling them "butthead" or "jerk"; you must refer to them as "Mister" or "Mrs. Representative."
Lindsay: Or you could say, ‘All four hundred and thirty-four of you can suck my butt.’
Kathryn: ‘To make things easier, why don’t you all just suck your own butt.’
Lauren T.: I swear mathematicians don't have friends. They sit all day thinking up theories that people will be forced to uselessly memorize and be confused about--this way they can have their name on something and be remembered...I swear they don't have friends--
Ms. Cunningham: Then you are already making a good start!
What I know I live by.
Lindsay: Sidwell is from Satan.
We are talking about what homosexual means in American Government. Then Mr. Sahr asks us if we know what bi-sexual is. After someone answers, Katie asks:
Katie: What about tri-sexual?
Kim and Lindsay are in the lounge. Kim is drinking some Mountain Dew.
Emily G.: Hey, Kim. You know drinking Mountain Dew lowers your sperm count.
Kim N.: {shouts down the hall} I don’t have SPERMS!
And in other news...
Defne: You know, Lindsay, Mountain Dew shrinks a guy’s...
Lindsay: Yeah, I know.
Defne: Well, I saw Mr. Calzadialla drinking a Mountain Dew!
Lindsay: Well, he won’t be needing those sperms anytime soon, so I don’t think we need to worry.
When we know someone’s not a sports fan.
Malkah: Wait! The Bullets changed their names to the Wizards?!
Jessica: I think everyone should go stag [to the morp].
Lindsay: That’s because you’re lonely.
Shaps: Can we put in a ten-minute video during our [issue’s project] presentation?
Mr. Sahr: Yeah, but I don’t want you to pop in a 40-minute video and then go out into the hall and eat bon-bons.
Anyway, Lindsay, Lauren, and Jessica are fighting with Michael because he won’t give Lindsay her ribbon back. (Well, Lauren did have his hat.) He stuffed the ribbon in the pocket of his shorts. He seemed to be wandering with his hand a little too far into the center regions... I guess I was the only one to notice.
Jessica: Where’s your pocket!
{Michael sheepishly moves his hand back to the side}
Katy and Hadley are dragging Clare down the hall because they want to stuff her in the trash can. Emily G. notices their selection of bins. As Hadley and Katy motion towards the mixed paper bin, she says
Emily G.: She’s not mixed paper; she’s general trash!
Cassie: Caitlin, my goal is to score before the season is over., but I can only score against a bad team.
Caitlin: Well, when we play some crackhead school you can score.
Cassie: We don't play GDS, so maybe I won't accomplish my goal.
The question of the week--no, the year--for Mr. Calzadilla’s class:
Sara: Does he ever get to a point?
Two girls were seen making out in the hallway during the NCS dance. Katherine Swain gets all distressed after seeing the sight.
Katherine: {throwing up her arms} Oh great! Now NCS will be known as the school of lesbians!
Suddenly throughout the campsite at Chesapeake, we hear...
Sara: Urine. Where’s your mustache?
Jessica is in a daze after the dance. She randomly looks over towards Ben S. who was all over his girlfriend. Michael looks over his shoulder to see what she is looking at.
Michael: They are experimenting teenagers.
Jessica: [not knowing what he means] Who?
{Michael motions to Ben Shand and his girlfriend}
Jessica: [still not getting it] With what?
Michael: Umm...other body parts.
Hey! Did you all know that Peter R. saw Matthew McConaughey on a ski lift? Anyway, Lindsay was pretty interested in what he had to say about M.M. She forced Jessica to ask him what he thought of M.M. while online.
Jessica: Was he nice?
Peter: Yeah. I liked his accent.
{Lindsay tells Jessica to ask him what he thought about M.M’s looks}
Jessica: Was he good looking?
Peter: Umm, I really don’t judge guys on that.
At Chesapeake, a bunch of people decided to play some Twister. Kim is really getting into the action, but she needs some help.
Kim N.: Can someone pick my wedgie [for me]?
While walking out of Hearst, we all admire the nice weather. Some observe other things.
Jennah: I smell caterpillars...
Jennah: Letters, letters, letters... I’m sick of everyone writing letters for their [issues] project!
Julia: What’d you do?
Jennah: Wrote a letter.
Ms. Cunningham asks the class if we like the concept of advisors in middle school. We all express our gripes and groans, but then there are experiences.
Abby: I hate how the advisors have to call the parents if we do bad in a class. My parents had to come in and tell my advisor that it was just my baddest class--
Kate: It must have been English...
In morning ethics at NCS, the students were asked to share their patches.
Demitrice: I have kinte cloth from Africa on mine.
Miss Rizzo: Do you know what part of Africa it’s from?
{Brandon raises his hand}
Brandon: I believe the kinte cloth originated in Ghana. Maybe that’ll help you trace back your roots.
In another ethics class...
Nick B.: Here’s the scenario, guys: You come home from work early to surprise your wife, and you find her having sex with another man. What do you do?
Ted L.: Get a video-camera! VaVOOM!
Mr. Calzadilla is showing the faces for the contour map game and asking how many people got the right face. And, if you remember, he was making stupid comments about each model. Then he gets to Tory’s Abercrombie model, and he just disses the hot model. He’s rambling on until he gets interrupted.
Tory: You’re just jealous, Mr. Calzadilla.
{Calzadilla stops mid-sentence and makes a face}
We are discussing the word divine in English class. Mrs. Buchanan insists you can not describe a cheesecake as being divine. Why?
Mrs. Buchanan: You do not worship cheesecake!
Bob Dole spoke to STA recently. Anyway, there was a chance that other people could go. I brought it up to Lindsay.
Jessica: Are we going to see Bob Dole tomorrow?
Lindsay: Well, I’m not Republican.
Jessica: So...?
Lindsay: Oh, but I am a girl [going to STA].
Here is some advice Sara gave me.
Sara: You need to learn to be dumber. Let me be your mentor.
You remember the septic tank talks in science class? Science 8G got in a big talk about the "poop room" and how one could use their own poop for fertilizer some day.
Emily F.: You’re going to be planting tulips in your poop!
Mr. Calz: Mmm, try the tomatoes.
You will do foolish things, but
do them with enthusiasm. ~Colette
